Why am I writing Yullen?

Malls.
Enormous producers of dread and doom, but necessary after all. Where else can a guy prone to kicking at face level find jeans that won't rip treacherously at the crotch while enjoying such activities?
The promise of being able to beat up people/objects to his heart's content without having to worry about the preservation of his manly pride wins over the horrors of swimming through gazillions of rows of flashy, colorful clothes and the people inside them. God, how he despised having to go out into the world. Couldn't life be as in "I am Legend" ? But without the crazed mutants, as much as he'd like to take out an UZI (2) and start shooting people down in a frenzy. That'd cure cancer alright. (1)
So, slamming his motorbike against some poor old man's Ford Fiesta (3) and consecutively ripping the eardrums of every person within earshot in the parking lot, Kanda Yuu proceeded to make his way into the nightmare called mall.

The scowling young man decided to walk down the pavimented floors of the building to try and find the least gay shop available, all the while glaring menacingly once or twice every ten minutes or so at the closest passerbies. Who knows if someone would try to talk to him or hand him a flyer or... pace in the same direction as him? Better safe than sorry.
After scaring away a teenage girl selling ice-cream with a cart, Kanda found himself in front of some tough-looking mannequins (or as tough as plastic men can be) propped up behing a shop's window. " No tight-fitting jeans, no flowery shirts, no pointless summer scarfs. Alright; nothing to do with that damn rabbit's wardrobe ". Kanda Yuu's Internacional Textile Industry Homosexuality Test-PASSED.
Lifting his chin, he stomped through the doors and into his new kingdom. Only to find the store had glass doors. Closed glass doors. The sudden deafening bang and burst of profanities coming from the entrance alerted a young (read short) clerk who promptly rushed to his newest possible client.
- " Oh my! Are you alright? I've been meaning to tell the manager to put a sign on those doors or just... um...let them open. Excuse me, but why are you looking at me like that? Are you perhaps suffering from a concussion? ".
The nerve of the kid. Instead of bowing at his feet and asking for his forgiveness and mercy, the flea was smiling and crouching over him like Kanda was a fucking lost five-year-old.
- " Your shop. Attacked me. I demand a compensation for physical and psychological damage, or I shall give you a facial (4) that'll turn you pleasant to the view. Hell, no; that's kind of impossible ".
One of the clerk's eyebrows twitched and his smile became stiff. " No Allen, keep your cool. Anyone would be ticked off after such an embarrassing experience. If you're able to provide a satisfying service you may receive a generous tip! " He could already taste the lettuce of today's dinner "Lettuce. Lettuce!! When was the last time you had it? All green, and soft, and crunchy..." The boy was taken out of his reverie by the gentle nundging of a slap to the back of his head. Which sent him face-first into the marble floor.

(1)Just so you know, in the film SPOILER ALERT!!! everyone is turned into zombies by a vaccine destined to cure cancer.
(2) That gun is da sex.
(3) It's a crappy Ford sold here in Spain
(4) Novelist Pup's influence 8D

Well, this is probably going to be a two-shot because I fail miserablemente at multi-chaps. And ignore the "humor" category because I suck at that too; what's funny to me is not funny to the rest of the universe.

Oh,and about the short-ness;it's because I want to see first if there's people who'd read this.I'm tired of writing to be absolutely ignored(yeah I'm an attention whore).