MA SAISON PREFEREE
The sun is shining.
It's hot.
The green leaves rustle here in Smallville. As they did when I was a boy. Just a boy, happy and laughing and playing in the sun.
A boy...God...once, I actually thought I was a human. Funny to think about now.
It is summer.
And I watch over him, like always.
I have stopped watching over *them*. Those billions of others.
They must care for themselves now. It helps that there is a whole generation of fresh heroes.
It is 2060.
Smallville hasn't changed much. They got another LexMart on the bypass.
Corn futures are high.
Lana runs the Junior League.
I finally paid off my parents' fourth mortgage extension.
Not that I care much.
I don't live in the proverbial *world* anymore.
I walk the stones.
I polish the granite.
I hold him close.
Everyone I love is here.
I walk amongst the rows, placing the most colorful, beautiful flowers I can find at their feet. I used to fly all around the globe to find the most vibrant shades of pink for Ma, the strongest hue of gold for Pa....
I bring the brightest irises for my love...for my Lex...rich, dazzling, purple irises...bearded and bold...just for him...
I walk the prairie, after dark, reaching out for color in the dark.
I bring it back everyday.
Colors.
Seasons.
People.
I don't go into town much. No point.
Pete and Lana are around; they try to engage me...Come for dinner, Clark...Damn...you don't age, Clark...we are always here for you, Clark...He'll always be with you, Clark...
I love them for caring...
Still...
They have grandchildren and each other...I don't want to interfere...I don't want to be a burden. I am so terribly glad though that they have been able to spend their lives together. The look on their faces at Christmas...with the kids and grandkids opening presents and eating turkey and hugging and just being enthralled with togetherness...
Uncle Clark doesn't come around much.
I don't ever want them to think it's personal.
I am just not like them.
Maybe I never was.
I was always a burden...Ma & Pa tried too hard with me...tried to love me the best way they saw how...tried to make me feel as normal as any displaced Kryptonian could.
Too heavy a price, I see now...they wasted so much of their lives to protect me.
But they never complained, did they?
The Kents were honestly the best damned humans that ever existed.
They loved me...
He was the only one who truly could *feel* me...feel me from the inside...the intimate way, the way lovers do...
How I wish I could have purged the cancer from him. God knows I tried.
I criscrossed the galaxy trying to find hope, a method, a cure...
Diana couldn't help me. The Fortress was clueless. The holograms kept telling me to move on...
The same cold words I heard the day my parents died in that awful storm...
I was in China...saving flood victims...
I wasn't fast enough...
They were already dead when I rushed back...
I couldn't save them...
I couldn't save him.
The League and everyone chastised me for obsessing over Lex...not getting over him fast enough...
How could anyone ever *get over* Lex Luthor?
We had fifty-four wonderful years together.
Then, one night in summer....he fell asleep and just kept sleeping.
I still hope it was painless.
He never would tell me when he was hurting.
Always confident.
Always strong.
He died. My arms wrapped around him.
I haven't ever truly been alive since...
I stopped trying to save the world.
I said goodbye to Metropolis.
That city of dreams and steel and experience...
I brought him back here...where we first met...where the sun first kissed our intertwined hands; where the stars dazzled us as we made love in the barn...
I brought him back.
To be near them. Ma & Pa and the Manor and the tiny city that eventually learned to accept him, to cherish him.
Let history record that he was a good man. The man I loved.
Summer...
He slipped away from me. None of my amazing power could hold him in this life.
Fall...
The auburn pumpkin sunsets...I walk the lonely roads outside of town, using all my powers to try to recapture the sights, sounds, smells of the past...
When I was with him. Happy. Loved.
Cassandra was right.
Everyone will die and I must watch.
From what I have learned from those whispers of the past...wise Jor-El, beloved Lara...I might last a millenia or two...
Fucking great.
I must watch them all wilt.
I oft wonder if I will outlive humanity itself...
In a way I am glad Lex doesn't have to see how bloody the billions have become...
My poor Ma couldn't deal with the nightly news these days...
Pa would have just commented that people needed guidance...Someone to look up to...A hero...
I tried to be that for them Pa. I hope you were proud of me. I loved you.
I loved them all so much....They were my family...
Which is why, no matter the season, I bring the flowers to my loved ones. I no longer save the world, I only honor those who made my life such beauty.
Martha & Jonathan Kent. Chloe Sullivan.
Lex Luthor.
I know Lana & Pete will join them soon enough.
Their bodies are changing. Blood moves slower. Their eyes are getting cloudy...
Not long now...
Then I will have more graves to tend.
It doesn't rain as much as it used to.
The sun is warmer now.
Too bright, though.
Spring...
In spring I watch the world come alive again.
Little shoots struggling forth.
Birds singing hello. I always sing back.
But spring isn't my favorite season...
My favorite season is Winter.
I dig down close to him...next to him...I hold what remains and relive the past.
He is alone there. The wind blows so cold across this place...
The trees I planted as windbreaks don't help much.
I don't want him to ever feel cold.
For a time I thought about taking them...Lex...my parents...even Chloe...to the fortress...to keep them forever preserved, forever tended to by technology...
But these people were real...I decided to allow them to decay just as they thrived...
Every winter I try to keep him warm.
He was always so frail, really...
He was cold all the time.
I hold the blanched bones through the worst storms.
My mind spinning and reeling with memories of blankets and fireplaces and stolen kisses by the bonfire.
He will always live on for me. In Spring, in Summer, in Fall...
But especially on the snowy, dreamy days of December when I hold his soul in my arms under the frozen Kansas topsoil...
I wonder every year...should I stay here underground...
Allow my power to ebb...allow my body to rot like his...
Disconnect myself from my Sun, my life-giving Sun...
I wonder...should I?
Every winter the choice becomes easier. And I wait longer. November to February. October to April...
Waiting.
Waiting, perhaps, one year for the time when my mind goes black and I awake in a place where we will never be apart; where time has no meaning...where I kiss the nape of his neck and hold him and he grins at me and I smile and he plays with my hair and we stay up all night just watching the Moon...
Every year I wait longer.
Some year soon the wait will end.
END
The sun is shining.
It's hot.
The green leaves rustle here in Smallville. As they did when I was a boy. Just a boy, happy and laughing and playing in the sun.
A boy...God...once, I actually thought I was a human. Funny to think about now.
It is summer.
And I watch over him, like always.
I have stopped watching over *them*. Those billions of others.
They must care for themselves now. It helps that there is a whole generation of fresh heroes.
It is 2060.
Smallville hasn't changed much. They got another LexMart on the bypass.
Corn futures are high.
Lana runs the Junior League.
I finally paid off my parents' fourth mortgage extension.
Not that I care much.
I don't live in the proverbial *world* anymore.
I walk the stones.
I polish the granite.
I hold him close.
Everyone I love is here.
I walk amongst the rows, placing the most colorful, beautiful flowers I can find at their feet. I used to fly all around the globe to find the most vibrant shades of pink for Ma, the strongest hue of gold for Pa....
I bring the brightest irises for my love...for my Lex...rich, dazzling, purple irises...bearded and bold...just for him...
I walk the prairie, after dark, reaching out for color in the dark.
I bring it back everyday.
Colors.
Seasons.
People.
I don't go into town much. No point.
Pete and Lana are around; they try to engage me...Come for dinner, Clark...Damn...you don't age, Clark...we are always here for you, Clark...He'll always be with you, Clark...
I love them for caring...
Still...
They have grandchildren and each other...I don't want to interfere...I don't want to be a burden. I am so terribly glad though that they have been able to spend their lives together. The look on their faces at Christmas...with the kids and grandkids opening presents and eating turkey and hugging and just being enthralled with togetherness...
Uncle Clark doesn't come around much.
I don't ever want them to think it's personal.
I am just not like them.
Maybe I never was.
I was always a burden...Ma & Pa tried too hard with me...tried to love me the best way they saw how...tried to make me feel as normal as any displaced Kryptonian could.
Too heavy a price, I see now...they wasted so much of their lives to protect me.
But they never complained, did they?
The Kents were honestly the best damned humans that ever existed.
They loved me...
He was the only one who truly could *feel* me...feel me from the inside...the intimate way, the way lovers do...
How I wish I could have purged the cancer from him. God knows I tried.
I criscrossed the galaxy trying to find hope, a method, a cure...
Diana couldn't help me. The Fortress was clueless. The holograms kept telling me to move on...
The same cold words I heard the day my parents died in that awful storm...
I was in China...saving flood victims...
I wasn't fast enough...
They were already dead when I rushed back...
I couldn't save them...
I couldn't save him.
The League and everyone chastised me for obsessing over Lex...not getting over him fast enough...
How could anyone ever *get over* Lex Luthor?
We had fifty-four wonderful years together.
Then, one night in summer....he fell asleep and just kept sleeping.
I still hope it was painless.
He never would tell me when he was hurting.
Always confident.
Always strong.
He died. My arms wrapped around him.
I haven't ever truly been alive since...
I stopped trying to save the world.
I said goodbye to Metropolis.
That city of dreams and steel and experience...
I brought him back here...where we first met...where the sun first kissed our intertwined hands; where the stars dazzled us as we made love in the barn...
I brought him back.
To be near them. Ma & Pa and the Manor and the tiny city that eventually learned to accept him, to cherish him.
Let history record that he was a good man. The man I loved.
Summer...
He slipped away from me. None of my amazing power could hold him in this life.
Fall...
The auburn pumpkin sunsets...I walk the lonely roads outside of town, using all my powers to try to recapture the sights, sounds, smells of the past...
When I was with him. Happy. Loved.
Cassandra was right.
Everyone will die and I must watch.
From what I have learned from those whispers of the past...wise Jor-El, beloved Lara...I might last a millenia or two...
Fucking great.
I must watch them all wilt.
I oft wonder if I will outlive humanity itself...
In a way I am glad Lex doesn't have to see how bloody the billions have become...
My poor Ma couldn't deal with the nightly news these days...
Pa would have just commented that people needed guidance...Someone to look up to...A hero...
I tried to be that for them Pa. I hope you were proud of me. I loved you.
I loved them all so much....They were my family...
Which is why, no matter the season, I bring the flowers to my loved ones. I no longer save the world, I only honor those who made my life such beauty.
Martha & Jonathan Kent. Chloe Sullivan.
Lex Luthor.
I know Lana & Pete will join them soon enough.
Their bodies are changing. Blood moves slower. Their eyes are getting cloudy...
Not long now...
Then I will have more graves to tend.
It doesn't rain as much as it used to.
The sun is warmer now.
Too bright, though.
Spring...
In spring I watch the world come alive again.
Little shoots struggling forth.
Birds singing hello. I always sing back.
But spring isn't my favorite season...
My favorite season is Winter.
I dig down close to him...next to him...I hold what remains and relive the past.
He is alone there. The wind blows so cold across this place...
The trees I planted as windbreaks don't help much.
I don't want him to ever feel cold.
For a time I thought about taking them...Lex...my parents...even Chloe...to the fortress...to keep them forever preserved, forever tended to by technology...
But these people were real...I decided to allow them to decay just as they thrived...
Every winter I try to keep him warm.
He was always so frail, really...
He was cold all the time.
I hold the blanched bones through the worst storms.
My mind spinning and reeling with memories of blankets and fireplaces and stolen kisses by the bonfire.
He will always live on for me. In Spring, in Summer, in Fall...
But especially on the snowy, dreamy days of December when I hold his soul in my arms under the frozen Kansas topsoil...
I wonder every year...should I stay here underground...
Allow my power to ebb...allow my body to rot like his...
Disconnect myself from my Sun, my life-giving Sun...
I wonder...should I?
Every winter the choice becomes easier. And I wait longer. November to February. October to April...
Waiting.
Waiting, perhaps, one year for the time when my mind goes black and I awake in a place where we will never be apart; where time has no meaning...where I kiss the nape of his neck and hold him and he grins at me and I smile and he plays with my hair and we stay up all night just watching the Moon...
Every year I wait longer.
Some year soon the wait will end.
END