I've never been drunk and done something I've regretted.
I've done lots of things.
Author's Note: This story takes place after the majority of the events between Beth and Daryl in "Alone" (4.13), but Beth disappearing in the car never happens. Instead, they continue on their way together, resulting in my story. Everything else that happens in Season 4 prior to this episode is still valid. Everything that happens to other characters in the remaining episodes of Season 4 is also still valid. This is just an alternate route for the characters of Beth and Daryl.
"Daryl?"
I am greeted by the standard noncommittal grunt I have grown accustomed to. It has been weeks since we'd been on the run, since things went really bad, since The Governor came and killed my father, killed my friends, killed my home. Weeks of surviving in the wilds with Daryl, BECAUSE of Daryl. Without him, I know I would be dead. And undead. Several times over. But recently, I've come to realize that I've kept him alive just as much as he had me. He'd been retreating further and further into himself since the attack on the prison. But I refused to let him fall too far.
"What did you want to be? Before all this?" I asked. Often, in the quiet, still dark of the night, I tried to get Daryl to open up. Sometimes, it worked.
"The fuck you talkin' 'bout?" was the reply I got.
Most times, it didn't. But that didn't stop me. I know more often than not, my incessant questions and chatter annoyed Daryl. But I didn't care. I talked because I needed to, because he needed me to. Being annoyed was better than him feeling nothing at all. Besides, I lived for the few moments he did actually engage, for the few rare details he did share.
"You know, like, as a profession? I wanted to be a school teacher. I always loved learning and children and thought I could do some real good, make a difference..." I trail off, unsure if he's even still listening to me, or if he's perfected the art of ignoring me. "So yeah, you know: what did you want to be?"
For the first time all evening, since we set up camp here and made dinner [the taste of snake is starting to grow on me...], Daryl turns and looks at me. "Thought you were supposed to be so smart." he says. "Wantin' to be a teacher and shit. Looks like you don't listen too good. So lemme lay it straight for you: I didn't want to be nothing. I was nothing, I had nothing, and I was going to be nothing! Just being alive was good enough for me. 's 'bout all that could be 'spected of me." And with that, Daryl threw a bit of snake skin into the fire.
The silence between us was only broken by the sounds of the wood popping and cracking as our fire burned.
"Didn't you ever dream... or hope...?"
With a disgusted look, Daryl got up. "No, I didn't. I leave all the dreaming and the hoping to you," he sneers. "Why don't you go back your dreaming and hoping? I gotta piss; I'll take first watch."
He leaves me alone with the fire. As I roll over and try to settle in for the evening, I say a quick prayer for Maggie and the others, and for my father up in Heaven, and lastly for Daryl. Then I close my eyes and don't dream at all.