A note from the author: Not really the best story I've written, but hey, I just got really bored at school.
El Presidente
"You look after the ship while we're gone Edward," Jet said as he left the Bebop along with Spike and Faye.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Spike grumbled as they walked down a busy street just outside.
"Do you wanna baby sit her?" Faye snapped.
"Hmph," Spike replied.
With that, the trio entered a nearby bar to catch their late afternoon 'buzz'.
"Alright Ein! Ed is in charge! So we can't do whatever we want!" Ed happily screamed to the little dog while doing her patented 'I'm-a-happy-child-genius-hacker-on-crack' dance.
Ein barked excitedly, knowing that now he could jump up on the couch to take a nap. Normally, Spike would be there to yell at him and attempt to kick the dog as he ran away.
"Hmmm…" Ed's stomach made a strange gurgling noise. "Ed is hungry." Ed walked over to the fridge and peeked inside. "Nothing!"
She then spotted s shimmer from some unknown object on a shelf above the fridge. She tried to reach the shelf from the ground. "Ed is too short!" she whined. So, she climbed up on the fridge and successfully grabbed the object off the shelf. She jumped down and chanted "Ed got it! Ed got it!" as she pranced about.
Ein cocked his head as he watched the whole scene.
"Ah! What is it?" she asked turning the object in her hand. "Aww! El Presidente! It's soda, Ein! Yeah! Ed is thirsty!"
Ed got a cup out from one of the kitchen cabinets. She opened the bottle of El Presidente and poured some into the cup. "Here's some for you too Ein." She told him, filling his bowl.
Ein stared at it for a brief moment and then began to lap it up. Ed took a gulp from her glass. She almost gagged.
"The soda tastes like…" she felt a warmness in her stomach for a fleeting second. "It tastes funny. But Ed is thirsty!" She complained. She drank it anyway. She struggled a bit to swallow it at first. When she was done, she filled the glass again and continued to drink away.
Ein stumbled over to Ed.
"What's wrong Ein?" she questioned, a bit concerned for the welfare of her friend.
Ein plopped himself down on the floor. Ed shrugged.
Pretty soon almost the whole bottle of El Presidente had disappeared into the abyss that is Ed's stomach.
"Eets allmoost all gune bye bye." Ed confirmed as she shook the bottle. "I shuld pet it beck Ein." Ed attempted to climb on top of the fridge. She failed to get her foot completely on though and fell to the ground. The bottle of El Presidente followed and shattered as it hit the metal floor.
"Woo! Woo! Woo!" Ed started to shout as she lay, a bit dazed, on the floor.
Suddenly, she got the urge to do something that most people would consider extremely stupid. She was on a funny sort of high and low mixture though and nothing could stop her.
"Tippity tap tippity tap." Ed said as she typed away at her computer. "Code code, what's the code?"
Ein raised his head slightly to glance at her.
"There it is!" she squealed as she received the desired results from her computer.
"Access to Syndicate Archives granted," the computer informed her.
Ein whimpered at this and struggled to trot over to her.
"Eet's alrighty righty Ein," she assured him.
Ed scrolled through a list of Syndicate members, complete with background information.
"Ohohohohoh! He's a bady boy!" she would state occasionally, speech slurred slightly.
"Project Mars…" Ed read a link at the bottom of the screen. "This loooks intereeeessssting." She clicked on the link.
"Access code please."
"Codey code! What's the code!" Ed typed something in.
"Access denied. Proceeding to trace source of connection. Hacker protection program beginning."
"AHHH!" Ed screamed as she jumped up and began running around insanely. "What do I do?!?!" She pulled at her hair with both hands. Her vision blurred slightly, special thanks to El Presidente there, causing her to run into a wall.
"Ouch!" she exclaimed with her feet stuck up in the air.
"Location confirmed," the computer said.
Shortly thereafter, a knock on the door could be heard.
Seeing that Ed was still in shock from her visit with Mr. Wall, Ein decided he should answer the door, thinking it was Spike and the gang. He jumped up on a nearby ledge and pressed a hatch release with his muzzle.
The door opened, revealing a man dress in a trench coat holding a machine gun. Confuse as to who answered the door, he decided to invite himself in.
"Yous not Spikey," Ed said looking over from her spot on the floor. She quickly got up and skipped over to him. She began to look him over.
"Hey baby, what's your sign?" she asked.
The man looked a bit confused. Surely, the infamous Bebop could not be run by a little girl.
He pushed Ed out of the way and began to search the ship.
"There's no one else here…" he trailed off as he spotted the computer. "The little kid must have just gotten lost and confused on the web." He shrugged his shoulders.
He was halfway out the door when he felt something clenching his legs.
"Stay and plaaaayyy with meeee!" Ed gave him her best puppy eyes.
"Hit men for the Syndicate do not play with little girls. We do not play at all." (Kinda sounds like Dr. Suess.) He attempted to pry Ed from his legs with his machine gun.
She simply would not let go.
The man sighed, remembering vaguely what it was like to be a kid. "Fine."
"Weeeeee! You wait here!" Ed escorted him to the couch.
Ein jumped up next to him. He lifted his leg and peed all over the guy's trench coat.
"Why you-"
He felt somebody grab his hair all of a sudden.
"OWW! @#%$!" He cursed.
"Hold stillll." Ed tied pink ribbons in his hair. "There. You pretty pretty now."
Ed came out from behind him and sat on his lap. She rubbed his chest with her hand.
"Uhh…" the guy started. He then spotted a smashed bottle of El Presidente on the floor. "Oh boy… How old are you…uh…uh…"
"Edward!"
"…right… how old are you Edward?"
"As old as you want me to be baby."
"Thirteen," a mysterious voice replied.
The man looked around to find the source of the voice. "AHHHHH!! A talking dog!"
Ein winked at him.
"Alright. That's it!" The guy picked up Ed in one arm and carried her out the door.
"Why! Aren't you quite forward!" Ed noted.
Ein chased the guy, biting at his heels the while.
The guy carries Ed through the streets. He stops in front of a police station. "Here we are." They go inside.
"I'd like to report this child," he began, "for underage drinking." He set Ed down.
The police officer thanked him and, with that, the man left.
"We're gonna put you away for the night. You can make a phone call first though."
Ed made her call.
Ein barked as Jet, Spike, and Faye walked through the door. He bites at Jet's pant leg.
"Hey little fella, what's wrong?" He let Ein lead him to the living room table.
"You have one message," the computer that wants to be a TV said.
Jet clicked on a blue button and the message started.
"Hi!" A familiar voice said. "It's Edward! I'm in prison for hacking under the influence. Please come get me. The ladies here keep telling me how cute I am and pinching my butt."
Jet, Spike, and Faye all glared wide-eyed.
"The bail is 2000 woolongs."
They turned around to see who was speaking.
"AHHHH!" They all scream at once, running away from Ein.
The end.
Another note from the author: Children, please do not drink El Presidente. It does strange things to the mind. Leave the drinking to the professionals, like Jet and Spike.