D/C: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters and I'm not making a profit off this recreational story.
Note: On my RP account, I received a drabble prompt: "Your muse (Riza) is terminally ill and must have their life support turned off. I will write how my muse (Roy) reacts." So I'm sharing here as well as tumblr.
The colonel had woken up late one morning – now noon – when he arrived at headquarters with a yawn. For once, he had actually been working late in the night to have slept in, instead of gallivanting around town. Nonetheless, he groaned quietly to himself, "The Lieutenant is going to have my head." It wasn't literal, but he knew that she surely would have dragged him out of bed herself if she wasn't dedicated to her work as well…and more often than not, his work.
However, when he pushed open the door to his office, he donned a confused look as his eyes scanned the room slowly. Something was off. Usually it was a field day every day. Chattering, eating, bickering, and anything but working. But everyone was sitting at their desks quietly working. Well, all except one. "Where is Lieutenant Hawkeye?" he asked the select other of subordinates as his eyes focused on her vacant desk.
Roy began to get frustrated when no one answered him. He didn't like being uninformed, especially when it came to his soldiers. Even more so when it came to her. He took a step further into the room and his eyes narrowed a bit at the men. "I asked a question." He didn't have to raise his voice. The firmness of his tone held superiority and a wanting demand. It was only then that the smoker of the bunch stood up from his desk slowly.
The chair scrapping against the ground and the sound of his slow, heavy footsteps made him anxious. He wasn't positive why exactly. Perhaps it was the weird vibe in the room; everyone's heads lowered in – what? Defeat? Grief? Perhaps it was simply because of all the mysterious incidents that were happening around here. Or that the last time he lost touch with someone close to him, it was for good.
The blonde male, still quiet, merely held out his hand with a letter in it. Roy eyed it for a moment, eyebrows furrowing together slightly, before reaching out to retrieve it. It didn't take him long to skim through it and it didn't take him long to react. Hands clutched roughly at the paper and his body trembled. His breath got caught in his throat and his chest tightened. He could have sworn the room was spinning in the few seconds he took to return the paper to his lieutenant before bolting right back out the door.
He didn't stop to think about what he had just read nor did he stop to ask questions. He just ran and couldn't ever remember running faster in his life. Not even his contests back in the military academy with his now departed friend were comparable. Because he wasn't running for his pride or his life. He was running for her life. She who was hanging on by a thread.
'How could this have happened?' was the only thought that kept repeating in his head the entire run to the nearby hospital. If he didn't keep replaying that in his head, he would have thought about not making it in time. And he physically and mentally couldn't have that on his mind. He had to get to her even if it would be for the last time.
"Lieutenant!" he called out instinctively as he swung open the door roughly. It caused the doctor standing before the bed to quickly glance over his shoulder and for some reason the look the doctor gave him made him freeze on the spot, panting heavily yet quietly from the sprint over. Being a soldier, it was a look he was familiar with when people in his battalion were wounded, but more specifically, weren't going to make it home. And that's when he heard it:
"She doesn't have much time." Dark eyes widened in disbelief and he felt a lump in his throat that wouldn't disappear no matter how many times he tried to swallow it back. He wasn't ready to hear this. He wasn't ready to lose another person so close to him. "I'll give you a few moments alone…" the doctor whispered, slipping his way past Roy's still very motionless frame.
The door shut quietly behind him and his eyes focus on the woman lying in bed, eyes closed, and chest slowly rising and falling. "Lieutenant," he repeated, this time much softer, almost inaudible. Each syllable rasped as if daring to crack, daring to break him. His footsteps were slow, almost hesitant. Almost as if he took his time, he'd gain more with her…that or prolonging the unwanted inevitable.
He looked down at her face for a moment, expression becoming more pained by the seconds. His jaw tightened and he took a deep breath through his nose, only to exhale it unevenly. "You were supposed to follow me everywhere," he whispered to the unresponsive woman. He paused again as a million other things rushed to his mind. Each thought more painful than the next and he sighed heavily as he collapsed into the chair next to the bed. "How am I supposed to lead you like this?"
Hands dropped carefully to her side where they found her own. "I'm supposed to protect you! I'm an alchemist and your commanding officer, and yet, I can't even save your life now," he stammered voice hardly being able to hold itself together. He was angry with himself. He would do anything to save her life, but he knew that he couldn't. It wouldn't do him any good. He learned that the first time when he contemplated such a thing.
He placed one of his hands on top of her own, delicately running his thumb along the smooth skin there. "You'd probably come back just to shoot me for doing something like that." He let out a forced, breathy chuckle while tears gathered in his eyes. As he looked at her, he bit down on his lower lip as his jaw began to tremble lightly. "Damn it," he cursed under his breath, lowering his head to rest gingerly against her arm as tears began to cascade down his cheeks.
"If there is a God…he must be really cruel to take you before me," he whispered with a small shake of his head. It wasn't right. She was always so strong; strong enough to hide any suffering that she was going through up until now. Strong enough to keep a steady hand in all circumstances. She always impressed him time and time again. "I'm sorry," he apologized, as if apologizing for this damned God's will, or fate, or whatever the hell it was called.
"I need you…more than you know." He raised his head to look back at her, unable to contain the tears that flowed down his face. "And I should have…I should have told you more. Not like this." He then gave the slightest of smiles that he could muster and added, "But you know how important you are to me, don't you?" He paused, desperately wanting a response when he knew it wouldn't happen, and his free hand tenderly reaching up to tuck a loose blonde strand behind her ear.
"I trust you with my life…my entire life. I always have and I always will." His hand lingered there, finger tracing over her earing before cupping over her cheek lightly. "And I can depend on you even in death, right?" he asked as his thumb skimmed lightly over pale skin, the words causing him to break all over again. "You've always had my back…you'll watch over me."
He nodded his head, confident with those words, and even though he was still crying, there was a soft smile on his face. However, a knock on the door signaled the doctor's return. "It's time…" Roy swallowed and stood up with his hand still tenderly holding on to hers. He leaned in and pressed his forehead gently against hers as he closed his eyes.
"I have to let you go," he whispered slowly as he regained control of his tears. He couldn't bear to let her go, but he also couldn't imagine her suffering any more than she possibly has already. "This time, I'll be the one to follow you…so wait for me, Lieutenant. That's your last order," he breathed, lifting his head as he caressed her cheek before releasing her hand and stepping back. The doctor took his place at her bedside and Roy closed his eyes, turning away. He didn't want to see the life slipping away from her, it would truly be agonizing.
This, out of everything that has happened and will happen, will be his most challenging obstacle to get over. And he'd never truly get over it. But he'd have to live through it. He had to fulfill the promises he has made. He wouldn't disappoint her. Keeping the thought of seeing her again one day or another, would be enough to pull him through.