Author's Note: No, this is not the fic that I've been working on. That will be up, like I said, after I get all of my Harry Potter things in order. This is... Well... After the miserable failure that was last year's attempt at a Valentine's Day Left Behind fic, I promised myself I wouldn't try this again, but... Forgive me, Fandom, for I am weak. Writing Nicolae as genuinely romantic never seems to work, though, so I didn't bother trying this year. This is still wildly out of sync with the type of fics that I normally do for this fandom, but it's something, at least. Also, I love Valentine's Day, for the record. I'm not venting through Nicolae here. Really. Finally, uncreative title is uncreative but, this fandom being the size that it is, I think I can get away with it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Nicolae and Leon and I do not make a dime off of writing about them. I also do not own Valentine's Day, but the copyright on that is long expired.

Contains: male/male fraternization of the quasi-romantic variety, mentions of thongs, the wasting of perfectly good candy, Nicolae being sulky, Leon being his flamboyant self, contractions, a non-possessed Great Tribulation Nicolae, and a distinct lack of the word 'love.'

Twelve million roses, from over three million people whom Nicolae hoped never to meet, had been thrown into the furnace by noon. Over a thousand boxes of chocolates had been tested for poison by the time Nicolae could sign a law banning their delivery to the palace. There hadn't been a long enough break in the influx of valentines for anyone to make a decent estimate of their number. Nicolae had ordered that the poorly-done ones that four-year-olds had made out of construction paper and stencils in school on Friday be put on display (preferably somewhere where he would never see them again), only because the people loved that sort of thing, but he otherwise hadn't glanced at them. The Hallmark cards had gone directly to the shredders. The hand-written love notes had been amusing enough for Nicolae to skim almost one-hundred of them, if only because a few dozen of the writers would have been (or were, for all Nicolae knew) very successful erotica writers, but after that first hundred they too went directly to the shredders.

Nicolae just wasn't feeling it. He would take a woman to dinner tonight, simply because it would look bad to spend the evening sulking in his apartment, but, unless Leon could provide a damn good reason why he should find a real date, that woman would be his aunt. He would let her talk incessantly about whatever the Hell she talked about these days, and he would pretend to be interested. He wouldn't enjoy a moment of it, on principle.

There was a knock on the door, and Nicolae almost didn't unlock it. The only people allowed to walk past his secretary were Leon and Nicolae's assistants. If the day's precedence were to be trusted, it was another assistant, here to tell him about another shipment of something, and Nicolae wasn't sure he wanted to know what. He'd lived through enough Valentine's Days to know that it was only a matter of time before the truckload of thongs arrived.

After a moment of careful deliberation, he pressed the button to open the door on the chance that it was Leon.

A tenth of a second after he'd done so, he realized that Leon was worse. Far worse.

Leon practically skipped into the room, dressed from his tie to his shoes entirely in red, white, and pink, and Nicolae considered a mad dash for the window. It was only eighteen stories. He'd survived higher falls. He'd survived one higher fall, anyway.

"Good afternoon, Excellency!"

Nicolae tried not to be annoyed with how very much Leon seemed to mean it.

"Hello, Leon," Nicolae sighed. "You look..." he recited all of Leon's lessons on compassion and decency in his head, and eventually settled on "...festive. You're not in love, are you?" He hadn't meant for the bite in his voice to come out when he asked the question, but it did.

For a moment, Leon laughed. Then his eyes met Nicolae's.

Nicolae watched the grin fade away and smirked.

"With love itself, maybe," Leon explained with a sigh. "Is that better?"

"No," Nicolae said coldly. "The opposite, actually. Stop it this instant."

"And what if I can't?" Leon asked with a small smirk, sliding into the chair across from Nicolae.

"You can consider your clothing budget halved for the next year."

"Halved?! I can't—" He stopped himself and took a deep breath. "Very well, then. Consider my holiday spirit as dead as..."

"Peter Matthews?" Nicolae offered.

Leon giggled. "Yes. In a more timely fashion, I promise."

"I would tolerate nothing else."

"You shouldn't have to," Leon agreed. He leaned back in his chair and studied Nicolae for a moment. "And what about you? Where's your holiday spirit?"

Nicolae rolled his eyes dramatically. "Bah! Humbug!"

"That's Christmas, Excellency."

Nicolae shrugged. "I hate that day too."

"Naturally," Leon nodded. "No one really celebrates it anymore anyway."

"If only this day would meet the same fate."

"Perhaps it will." Leon shrugged. "Perhaps they all will. Are there any holidays you don't hate?"

Nicolae considered it for a moment. "Halloween was nice twice: When I was a child and when there were no children. It will get dull again very soon."

Leon raised an eyebrow. "Really? So there isn't a single holiday you like?"

"Not really."

"The anniversary of Global Community's establishment?"

"You mean that day when I wake up at four in the morning to shake hands and take pictures with men that I can't stand?"

"The solstices?"

"Not serious enough."

"The Day of Mourning for the disappeared?"

"Too serious."

"Your birthday?"

"Is that a holiday?"

"The people celebrate it as though it is."

Nicolae shrugged. "There's nothing I want that I don't have. It's just another day."

Leon sighed. "You're hopeless, then."

"Thank you."

"Don't! It's terrible. You should celebrate something, at least."

"Why?" Nicolae looked at Leon critically. "What does it matter to you if I put every valentine I get through a shredder?"

Leon was quiet.

Nicolae glared. "Leonardo Fortunato, confess your undying love for me and I swear I will put you through a shredder."

Leon laughed dismissively. "I wouldn't dream of it, Excellency."

Nicolae relaxed. "Good. Someone should have at least that much respect for my boundaries."

"You have boundaries? Since when?"

"Since half the world decided for me that I didn't!" He sighed. He rested his elbows on his desk and rubbed his temples as he explained, "Romance is a game, Leon. An easy one, usually, but a game no less. I am not a prise."

Leon shrunk back into his chair and nodded stiffly. "I understand, Excellency."

Nicolae stared at him intently for a moment. "Good. Stand up."

Leon did without question.

Nicolae stood with him and strolled around his desk casually. He stopped in front of Leon and gazed into his eyes for a moment before leaning down and kissing him.

"Excellency—" Leon began the instant the kiss was broken.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Leon." Nicolae sighed. "Is that enough celebration for you?"

Leon just grinned.

That was enough for the Nicolae. Valentine's Day was the Playoff Game of romance, and he had won. One for Carpathia, nothing for the world.