We have been out here for five goddam years. five years of running out of essentials, scouting planets, shore leave. it is fifty fifty as to whether this shore leave is likely to be a paradise or hell. At least we have more food, and no leola root this time. B'E has a team working on supplies for engineering, so I guess this should count as paradise.
I am scouting a possibility to suggest to her. Somewhere she can have peace. We could picnic. She can come alone. It is a beach. Silver sands, gentle vegetation inland, no threatening fauna. Blue and azure sea. Again, no threats detected.
On a whim, I strip off to my boxers and stride into the sea. It is warm and inviting, swirling around me and soothing me. Rarely do I get to bathe. it is seductive. I relax, watching the double suns rays sparkle on the water, hearing the calling of unseen birds. mesmerising.
I swim back to shore and see that someone is sitting on the beach. A small someone with a large sunhat in a green sundress. I recognise the pose, and the picnic box she is sitting on. I grin as I heave myself out of the sea, water cascading off me, catching in the sunlight. I smooth back my hair and allow the sun to warm my back. I stride forwards through the waves. One day, I will recreate shore leave with you and not alongside you.
She is watching me, unabashed, as I walk up the beach towards the pile of clothes near her. I walk with pride, no shame to my semi-nakedness. I smile and join her, shaking excess water from me to splash her. She shouts in mock annoyance, but I remember how she would stare as I swam in our river, or would walk out of our shower. I see her bite her lower lip as her eyes caress me.
She will pretend tomorrow that she did not see me, did not enjoy the sight of me. but she did. We will be casually distant, re-establishing safety.
She has spread a blanket on the sands and motions for me to join her as she unpacks the replicated delicacies. We will laugh and enjoy the tranquility together. Pretend that we have no cares. I will tease and push towards the line, and she will tease and dance away. It reminds us both that maybe one day, someday, we will spend shore leave on a beach together and we will finally jump over that line, with no more protocols or parameters. In my eyes she can see the heat of that thought, it mirrors her own.
Happy Birthday, Kathryn.