Prologue
High white-capped peaks, jagged as a carnivore's teeth, stand defiant in the face of the storm. From secret places far below come the sounds of battle.
The sounds of battle lost.
The leader of the fated expedition, sensing his own life now forfeit, cries out to his comrades to ensure the safety of that which he has fallen to protect. In answer, a single black helicopter rises into the tempest and speeds its precious cargo toward safety.
As is usual in situations like these, no one paused to wonder where the film footage came from. Square Enix had wanted to use the award-winning cinematography team from Peter Jackson's "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," as they seemed to know their way around epic films that start with doomed battles beneath ominous, snow-covered mountains.
But Squeenix couldn't afford them.
A second helicopter, this one bearing the logo of Junon Rent-All, struggled to keep up with the sleek ShinRa® chopper. Loud voices carried through the cheap Plexiglas as its tightly-packed occupants exchanged heated words.
"I don't care who you talked to, I am NOT going down there!"
"But we brought out the entire crew, Mike. And you gotta admit, it's a dirty job…"
"Screw that! Some things are just better left to the specialists! Ah, hell, why didn't anyone tell me Doug gets airsick? Man, I've seen that guy's breakfast too many times lately. Doug! Get a grip!"
"Look, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Mike. I wouldn't have set it up if I didn't think you'd be safe doing it. Pilot, can you get us into that crater?"
"Belay that order, captain! Barsky, I wouldn't go down there if my ass were on fire and Rufus Shinra owned the last working extinguisher!"
A third voice joined the first two, its tone pure misery. "Aw, man, Doug just yarked all over the sound equipment!"
"That's it! We are OUT of here!"
And so it began…
Final Fantasy VII – Advent Children
"Christmas Reunion"
A/N: Apologies to Mike Rowe and "Dirty Jobs" – he's right, some things are just better left to the Turks.