Disclaimer-We (Sidney Loves Werewolves and Lucas McDrake, authors of this fanfic) do not own the Twilight Saga; it is rightfully owned by Stephenie Meyer. We only own this epic battle of the ages. Which is totally awesome, so you must review!!!!!!
Lucas: Originally, this was just an imaginary battle we were having between each other via PMs. After looking back through it, though, we thought that it would be cool to show this awesomeness to everyone else on here... So here it is!
Sidney: And you all know how much we can do when we beta each other(or at least he does) so this outta be good, both of us actually writing something together(which was a total accident).
This is set up as a roleplay. "R" will stand for Renesmee (originally Sidney), while "S" will stand for Seth (originally Lucas). Other characters will be renamed as the person who brought them in wishes.
Enjoy!
One spontaneous day in the Olympic Peninsula, as Seth and Renesmee IM each other, Seth decides to steal Renesmee's keyboard...
S: Renesmee steals the keyboard back with the vengeance of a samurai warrior!
R: SETH IS A NINJA!!! WE MUST HAVE A FIGHT! NINJA GUY VS. SAMURI GIRL!!! :O
S: Oh...okay... *puts hands up in a pathetic imitation of a ninja. Renesmee pulls her 10 foot sword out, and holds it out expertly. Seth gulps. Renesmee smirks, and motions with two of her fingers on her free hand to proceed.
Seth takes one step towards Renesmee. Renesmee immediately counters it by tripping him with her sword.
Then, Seth remembers that he forgot his ninja star things at...wait. He doesn't even have any.
While remembering this, Renesmee whacks Seth on the head, making him go unconscious.
Renesmee wins with ease.*
R: *As Renesmee does a victory dance, she falls under the weight of the sword. Seth wakes up to the racket and laughs his head off. Renesmee swings sword and trips him, then they get into a tug-o-war with the big strip of deadly metal. Both laugh at ridiculousness. Renesmee asks "Truce?" smiling like an angel (or so Seth THINKS).*
S: *Headless Seth, being without a mind to use logic, agrees. Close by head giggles, "Truce," and they shake hands.
Then, Renesmee does a single arm movement to bring the body of Seth down...then, head reconnects...and they continue playing tug of war... Seth gets really bloody fingers (because he's holding the sharp end), and passes out at the sight of his fingers.
Then, Renesmee wipes off the fake blood-truly ketchup-and laughs her head off*
R: *Renesmee grins and places her stiletto boot clad foot on Seth's chest as he wakes up. "Sorry, dude. Girl's gotta make a name." He looks scared as she grins larger, then scowls, before he knows it, she's running to another figure in the distance. "Jacob! Give me my Dr. Pepper!" Seth looks very confused...*
S: *Seth lets his fake confused look disappear, revealing malice as he reveals the actual Dr. Pepper. Relishing in the fact that he tricked the wickedly awesomely wicked awesome Renesmee (Jacob has a decoy), he runs in the opposite direction, undetected.*
R: *Renesmee, brandishing Dr. Pepper and dragging Jacob by the ear, catches up to Seth and slaps him. "YOU CAN NO LONGER CALL ME NESS!"
S: ^u^ I high-fived the equivalent of (Seth: Celebrity's name that Renesmee adores. Renesmee: Haha, not happening.) [last night]! *squeals*
*notices samurai Ness...ie standing close by, glaring openly at Seth. Seth literally shrivels up, and dies*
R: *Samurai Renesmee giggles and dumps left over Gatorade from dance practice on him to watch him grow back. Then, she ties him upside down by ankles over a fire to dry him out again. Seth struggles, but Renesmee calls her best friend to help, where they dance around him, wetting and drying him over and over.*
S: *screams* STALKER! *runs for dear...death...because Renesmee and her best friend...*
R: *Renesmee chases Seth, stumbling and falling, then gets an idea. She 'falls' again and cries out, clutching her foot. How will Seth react?*
S: *Seth, being a NICE GUY, turns around to help Renesmee. He doesn't notice the asterisks around her action of falling floating around until it's too late.*
R: *Renesmee acts hurt, and Seth stoops down to help her. She pouts, then knocks him down and gets up and runs away. Seth chases her, not very happy...*
S: *Seth...tricks Renesmee somehow (because he's smart, like that), and makes her fit into the tiniest manhole in the WORLD.*
R: *Renesmee uses her magical singing voice to call little woodland creatures to pull her out. Seth is suddenly faced with a very temperamental Renesmee...*
S: *Seth yells, "LOOK! THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK!" Renesmee glances back as Seth blocks his eyes with his hands, whispering, "I can't see you, you can't see me!"
Then, he actually DISAPPEARS!*
R: *Renesmee calls for Jacob to help her. She uses his slushy to find Seth by throwing it in the air. She sees a colorful outline and attacks him. Jacob runs away, knowing exactly what happens when Renesmee gets mad, and not needing to be in range of her...*
S: *Seth barely starts to uncover his eyes as Renesmee throws the slushie. Getting cold goodness in his eyes, he starts screaming in agony a full second before Sidney tackles him to the ground.*
R: *Renesmee pins Seth down and screams in his face, "You jerk! Never- Wait, why did we start fighting again?" Sits on ground next to him and rubs her head.*
S: *Seth, after a moment of deep breathing from both, asks, "Why am I a jerk? I'm not the one who started this controversy...wait...(I think I was)..." Smiles widely*
R: *Renesmee sighs and slumps over. "I'm exhausted. I don't even remember what we're fighting about..." Breaks into 'Battlefield' replacing the word 'love' with 'IMing'.*
S: *What the moly? What's 'Battlefield'? Replacing 'love' with 'IMing'? Magnesium oxide!*
R: *Battlefield is a song by Jordin Sparks. A SINGER, Seth. Renesmee rolls eyes. Let's have another battle. This time, Renesmee is a pirate!*
S: *NO!!!*
R: *No WHAT you loon?*
S: *NO to FIGHTIN'!*
R: *Renesmee sighs. "Fine. I guess I'll have to write a story about pirates then..."*
S: *"YAY!" Logan yells. "No violence!"*
R: *Renesmee rolls her eyes. "Wimp! You know you can't beat my southern belle-ness..."*
S: *...I can't...*
R: *Renesmee grins. "It takes a real man to admit he can get beat by a girl. Or wear pink. So... One out of two isn't so bad..."*
S: *Seth grins, then through his teeth states, "... I'm too smart for the likes of men... But okay!"*
R: *Renesmee smiles. "So what are you, exactly?"*
S: *Seth crosses his eyes in speculation. "I have no idea..."*
(After a few IM's in which Renesmee and Seth forget about non-existent battle...)
S: *shudders, twitches, and dies of death again*
(After another PM in which Renesmee doesn't acknowledge the fact that she forgot about this non-existent battle...)
S: *BLAM!*
R: *Renesmee looks around for the source of the BLAM.*
S: *Seth laughs, saying, "Lol! I made you look!" while Embry, Seth's evil twin brother, steals Renesmee's Christmas presents as she's looking back. Just as she turns to pursue Embry, Seth steals the other half of Renesmee's presents that Embry missed.
WHO WILL RENESMEE KILL?!!!?*
R: *Renesmee summons her imaginary triplet brothers Emmett and Quil. They get her gifts back to her then disappear, whilst Renesmee calls her pet werewolf to take bear from Embry AND Seth. HAHAHA!!!*
S: *"NONONONONONONONONONONONO!" screams Seth, running away. "JANIBELL!"*
(After Renesmee asks who Janibell is...)
S: *Janibell, Seth's psychopathic mental voice, materializes randomly into existence, and becomes angry.*
R: *Renesmee's eyes grow wide, then BingBopBananaPants, her imaginary friend, appears, ready for action.*
S: *Janibell infects BingBopBananaPants with her insanity, therefore winning the battle...or so she/Seth thinks!*
R: *Simple boy, BingBop is already insane!!! So Janibell simply ruined any chance of her's to be okay, Mwuahahahaha!!!!!*
S: *Janibell uses psychopathic powers to REVERSE BingBopBananaPants's insanity, therefore making him NORMAL!!*
(After Renesmee e-mails the first chapter of a story she's writing to Seth...)
R: *BingBop can fly! BingBop can dance! BingBop likes to throw FIREANTS!!! Mwahahahaha!!! You see, BBBP is a special kind of crazy... That CANNOT be cured. And he wants to know how my chapter's coming?*
S: *Janibell becomes REAL.*
R: *BingBop is shocked(sarcasm). Renesmee smiles and howls like a wolf, then a bunch of coyotes come out of the woods. "And you said I could be beat."
S: *Janibell ends the world, ending everyone's existence in reality.*
(After Seth finishes looking over the chapter, and sends it back...)
R: *BingBop and Renesmee's happiness over the new chapter are so great the world restarts, and Jannibell turns into a pig!*
S: *Janibell reveals that her guise of a pig was just a GUISE! Now, she's...*
R: *Janibell is starting to worry me...*
S: *You should be worried! Janibell is now...EVERYTHING!*
R: *Oh yeah? BingBop is nothing!!! Wait... CRAP!!!!!*
S: *YAY! I WIN! XD...because Janibell did something or other...WITHOUT TELLING ME! (therefore the reason why I don't know how she won, exactly...)*
A/N: Sidney: Also, if you think we should add more once we've accumulated enough random fighting from our PMs, tell us!
Lucas: And please excuse gramatical errors-I mean, we're talking IMs/PMs, here. Even us grammar freakazoids need some slack... ;D
So... Without further ado, review! Leave your mark on the Epic Battle of the Ages!