Hi everyone! So this is my first attempt at an Angel fic, hope you all like it. (: The title is inspired by one of my favorite songs, "Fix You" by Coldplay. So this is a take on how I imagine what it should have been like right after Cordelia's exit in "You're Welcome." I mean, if I could change it, I would have her alive. But i'm still gonna stick with the fact that she's...deceased. :( And this is kind of depressing, which isn't usually what I go for, but what can I say? I like some angst once and a while (:
And I Will Try To Fix You
He stood there. That's all he could do. He couldn't move, he was paralyzed. He couldn't think, he was heartbroken. He couldn't breathe, he was dead, in every way possible. The room was silent. No movement, no heartbeats, no life. He sat, reminiscing of what had just happened in the same room only moments ago.
"You'll win this in the end....I just wish I could be there to see it."
He couldn't tear his eyes away from the very spot she had been standing in. At least, he thought she had been standing in.
"We take what we can get, champ. And we do our best with it."
His heart sank as her words echoed through his mind. He hadn't understood what she meant. He hadn't grasped the fact that she was actually....
"I don't have to get that."
"That, you have to get....Oh, and you're welcome."
He fell to the floor now, tears streaming down his face. He didn't know how long he had had been in there. It could've been days for all he knew. To be honest, he didn't really care. Cordelia was gone now. Only her scent remained in the room, and even that was becoming faint as the minutes passed by. He had been so entranced in his sorrow to notice the door fly open. Wesley stood in the center of the doorway, mouth open as he took in the vision of the once nearly-indestructible vampire, now cringing on the floor with a waterfall of tears down his face.
"Angel, what-" His words ended abruptly as he noticed they were the only two in the room. "Where's Cordy?"
Angel only nested his face in his hands even more, and his muffled cries became louder. Wesley practically ran over to him and gripped him by the shoulders. "Angel? Angel! Where is Cordelia?" Angel finally glanced up, looking into the ex-Watcher's now worried gaze.
"She's gone, Wes. She's.....gone."
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The five of them stood motionless in the room. All collected in their thoughts. Their memories.
"I remember the first time I saw Cordy," Fred whispered, interrupting the silence. "She was...so brave. It was in Pylea, and she was being gagged and thrown around and...and she never gave up. She was the first one I met..."
Wesley opened his mouth, and closed it again, unsure of what to say. Gunn dropped his head, and Lorne took another gulp of his sea breeze. Angel remained cold, void, like he had been ever since Wesley told the others what happened. Gunn was the first to speak again.
"I remember when I first started liking Barbie. I mean, really liking her. Got to know who she was...she had a vision of me fighting my boys..." he stopped for a moment and chuckled slightly, "thought I was actually in real danger. Stepped in and started hittin' all over the place...it really meant a lot though. Showed what kind of a person she was."
Wesley smiled, despite the emotional state he was in. "Yes, indeed. She was truly something else."
"I remember when-" Lorne's sentence was suddenly cut off by Angel, who was fed up with all the reminiscing.
"What difference does it make? Really? Cordelia was...she was...words can't begin to describe how amazing she was. But talking about pointless memories and having a pity party for ourselves isn't going to bring her back."
Wesley started at Angel disbelievingly. "Angel. I hardly believe it's pointless. Cordelia was an extraordinary woman and deserves to be remembered! To be honored for everything she's had to put up with the past five years. I think we can manage to give her that much!"
Angel's head jerked up. "I know Wesley, I'm sor-," he stopped mid sentence. He wore a troubled look on his face, and finally looked up to Wesley and the others again.
"Angel?" Fred asked.
"I, I know what to do. I can fix this. I can bring her back. I can fix her."
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"And how exactly do you plan on contacting the Powers That Be?" Gunn asked, every hint of skepticism in his voice.
Angel continued moving frantically around the room, gathering small objects that seemed to be irregardless at the moment. "I, I don't know. I'll find a way."
Wesley took a step towards him. "Angel-"
"Okay, fine. That might not work out. Those bastards owe Cordelia more than her life, but I can find another way...I'll..go into the white room! Get the little girl to help me!"
Gunn moved next to Wesley, hoping to prevent Angel from doing anything crazy. "Whoa, whoa. Angel, stop for a second and think about what you're saying. It takes a lot for...it...to help you with anything. I doubt even if it wanted to, that it could bring Cordelia back. Plus, the little girl ain't no little girl anymore. Try big, dangerous leopard.
Angel sighed. "Fine...I'll do a spell."
"Angel, what spell could you possibly use to succeed this?" Wesley asked.
"I'll get Willow. She's brought Buffy back to life before, she can do the same for Cordelia."
They all stood dumbfounded. Lorne spoke up. "Angelcakes, do you really think that's a good idea? From what I hear, it took a lot out of her to bring our little slayer back. It almost killed her."
"Don't you think Cordelia's worth the risk?!" Angel snapped. Surprise and shock filled the room again, while Angel stopped moving around the room and dropped everything he was holding. "I just...I want her back."
"We do too Angel, but things happen. Life happens," Fred whispered.
Gunn started making his way toward Angel when Wesley stopped him. "No. He needs time to himself. Come on, let's leave him be for now." They all nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Angel to grieve alone.
The room was silent, but the screams of anguish and pain were deafening.
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Wesley, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne all stood outside Angel's office. No one knew what to say. No one wanted to say anything. Spike strolled in and stopped in his tracks when he felt the sudden change in emotion.
"Alright, what's the bloody poof done this time?" They all looked up, and lowered their heads back down again. Fred smiled slightly. Spike knew what was wrong, but she appreciated his attempt.
"Cordelia, huh? Shame it had to happen to a beauty such as her. Didn't know her all to well, but no one deserves that."
"No, she didn't deserve it at all," Fred softly spoke.
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Angel lye motionless on the floor as tears strode softly down his cheeks.
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse?
And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you loose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you."