Letting go
Shizuka groaned rolling over in the bed she shared with her fiancé Izaya. They had practically been living with each other since high school. Not that they loved each other - well she didn't love him but that didn't really matter. What mattered is they were soon to be married, a lovely double wedding with their friends Shinra and Celty. But that didn't matter either. It was all a sham, a desperate way to end the affection she felt for someone else. It was Celty's fault this was happening, she was the one who had run into Shinra's arms.
As soon as she had met her best friend it had been love at first sight. A freakish love for a freakish monster. It didn't faze him that Celty had no head, she was beautiful as she was with a heart to match. Shizuka loved everything about her and had even thought about confessing... That was until Celty had confessed excitedly about her crush on the bespectacled raven. Her love had ended before it had begun.
Her feelings didn't fade though, they remained growing unchanging inside her, consuming everything until she was filled with bitter jealousy. To escape she had run into her arch enemy's arms in a confused panic when her rage had found itself directed at the teen her friend had fallen for. Izaya hadn't said anything other than his usual teasing which she put up with. Eventually they went from fuck buddies to making things official pretty much after Celty and Shinra had gotten together.
Years later and she was due to marry a man she didn't love and watch the woman she loved marry someone else. Rubbing a hand over her face Shizuka glanced over seeing Izaya clutching the pillow. Her fiancé easily got cold and would reach for anything of warmth.
Slowly slipping from the bed the blonde smoothed down her baby pink satin night dress that Izaya teased her so much about, saying it wasn't the right colour for a monster. Shizuka would have got rid of him a long time ago if she had felt there was someone else to go. Her steps were light on the soft carpet that tickled the bottom of her feet. The hem of the night dress trailed behind her as she quietly left the room. Izaya's bedroom not really hers. The god complexed raven was quite possessive and selfish when it came to his things.
Humans for instance. The flea would spent all his time playing with them from his pent house apartment making more enemies than friends. The only real friend the raven had since she clearly didn't count was Shinra. Then again Shinra was weird and only made friends with the abnormal.
Shizuka walked to the desk flicking the top drawer open with ease to get her cigarettes. Unless completely exhausted, the nights were long and drawn out. Her dreams were anything but sweet and innocent. With a sigh the voluptuous blonde swiped up the blue translucent lighter stepping behind the desk, hands buried in the folds of the curtains before sweeping them back with a flourish.
The night scape stretched out in front of her, the sky a dark blanket with stars. The moon was illuminant and full hanging in full view. Shizuka preferred the night to the day. Reaching to flick the latch the blond paused instead typing in the security code on the small device on the wall.
Her fiancé was curious, god complexed, ambitious and a coward. Izaya feared death, he feared being attacked by anyone other than her and even though she was here the flea still insisted on putting in security measures. The windows, the doors and the less than discreet camera in the apartment that was focused on both the window and door.
When the light changed green Shizuka flicked he latch up opening the double doors to the balcony. As soon as the cold night air brushed against her skin the blonde shivered arms wrapping around herself. As she did most nights when Izaya had gone straight to bed, Shizuka stepped closer resting on the balcony rail. Bright lights twinkled up at her as she looked out across their home in Shinjuku. Izaya had wanted to stay close to his game pieces, it was she that had wanted to live in Shinjuku.
So close and yet so far from Ikebukuro. Not far enough though. Shizuka wasn't the only one that preferred the night. During the day she could pretend. Pretend that she actually cared about Izaya and go along with his little gifts and dates. Yet every night she heard it. The roaring neigh of her best friend's bike as it craved to be heard.
No matter where she was, she could always hear it like a sharp piercing through her soul. That noise alone made her choke up, because where Shooter was, Celty was racing away from the traffic cops. For a supernatural beauty, Celty was quite squeamish, shy, insecure and quirky. Shizuka loved everything about her, especially when someone mentioned the word alien and the dullahan would huddle against her chest.
With another long drawn sigh Shizuka opened the cigarette packet sliding one out. Placing it between her lips, thumb against the flint, she guided the small flame to the end of the cigarette. One was never just one. It wasn't that she was a chain smoker, Shizuka just needed something... Leaning forward her gaze looked down over the balcony trying to see the little people down on the streets partying and having fun. Maybe if she had been normal, she too could be down there. Though she had a feeling Izaya would ruin everything.
As if on cue that loud familiar sound rumbled across Shinjuku. Shizuka froze even though she had heard the sound and should have been ready for it. Celty. The cigarette pack and lighter clattered to the wooden decking. Shizuka blinked pressing her eyes against her forearm sniffling.
It was an unconditioned reaction. Shizuka cringed feeling a deep sadness well up inside her finding an outlet as her arm became damp. Love she decided was painful and bitter sweet just like the dark chocolate she occasionally ate because she had run out of everything else. There were times she had thought about ending things with Izaya. she was thinking about it again now holding her splayed hand up and watching the faint light reflect from the beautiful silver. Shizuka wasn't one for diamonds, her engagement ring was one of Izaya's original silver rings that he had worn.
Yes, she could confess her feelings to her best friend and the two of them could hop on he back of shooter zipping into the night. It was a nice dream but one that wouldn't come true. It was all in her head and one sided on her part. Raising her head the blonde watched a thick chunk of ash drop from the end of the cigarette where she hadn't touched it. Stubbing the rest out Shizuka flicked it wondering how far across the city it would fly.
Her teeth chattered from being out in the cold wearing such flimsy clothes, her skin was a mass of tiny goosebumps. Shizuka looked out in the direction of Ikebukuro closing her eyes as she listened out for Celty once more. Her nose twitched as if she was about to sneeze. Footsteps sounded softly behind her rustling. Shizuka smiled softly feeling thick black fabric placed over her shoulders. Reaching for the edges she held it close letting the fur edges tickle against her neck.
Another step and a warm hand rested on the balcony railing, the same silver ring glinting. Izaya didn't say anything leaning next to her. Shizuka hadn't noticed he was awake but of course the security system had been deactivated and her fiancé never fully succumbed to real sleep instead remaining between that thin line of waking and dreaming.
Izaya's coat was too small for her, still she flicked up the hood wearing the raven's signature parker as a cloak. "I didn't think monsters cried." Was the only words he spoke. Shizuka paled reaching up to brush the tear tracks away. Her hand didn't make it, Izaya's oddly soft thumb smoothing them away. "Shizu-chan, we both know idiots do catch cold. Come inside."
Shizuka didn't resist as she was guided back inside and gently lowered into the black leather computer chair. Her long bottle blonde locks fell like a curtain over her face. She listened faintly to the door being closed, four small beeps activating the security system.
"Unpredictable as usual." Izaya muttered hopping onto the desk. A small rip sounded tissue against card. Shizuka snatched the soft white tissue up scrubbing at her eyes. "I thought you would've given up by now."
The blonde paused slowly raising her gaze and peering through her bangs. "...what do you mean?" She asked softly. Had the informant found out about her feelings for her best friend?
"Your unrequited love for Celty. I've known since the beginning." Shizuka blinked eyes widening in shock.
"Y-you knew? Then what the hell was all this? Another of your games?" If Izaya knew then why were they still together? Why hadn't he teased her non stop? Used it to black mail her?
"Who knows." The raven shrugged leaning back against the large mahogany desk. "In the beginning it was fun watching you struggle. A monster loving a monster- a female one at that."
Shizuka clenched her fist head snapping up and glaring at Izaya. "Don't talk about Celty like that!" Sharp crimson stared back just as intense.
"Like I said..." Izaya spoke skipping around the desk. Shizuka watched him as he stopped at the bookcase running his slim fingers over the thick hardback books. "In the beginning it was fun. Now not so much. Shizu-chan, I can give you a piece of Celty."
The blonde sighed leaning against the desk. "She loves Shinra. I can't do that to her." No matter if the raven offered to tear the engaged couple apart. A loud thud drew her attention one of the books falling from the shelf.
"Isn't there something she's missing?" Shizuka watched mouth gaping as one by one Izaya knocked more books from the shelf. There was something behind it. "If you stay I'm giving it to you. Consider it your wedding present."
Shizuka sat up bolt right pressed back against the chair. "Wha-" her gaze fixed on the container being brought closer. Inside there was a floating head. The bottom scraped against the top of the desk sitting between her and Izaya. Her fingers trembled as she reached out gently touching the cool glass. "She's beautiful." Shizuka rolled the chair closer her palm resting where the dullahan's cheek was. She should be angry that Izaya had her friend's head all along. Yet she couldn't bring herself to do anything but stare at the enchanting beauty in front of her. The blonde shrieked when Izaya's hand dove into the container curling his hands in the mass of wavy hair.
Shizuka watched as the head was lifted from the container. "Here touch it." She quickly caught Celty's head before it fell into her lap. The one thing that had drawn her friend to Ikebukuro... Shizuka held the head in one hand, her other caressing the dullahan's cheek, thumb lightly smoothing against plump lips. Celty's hair was beautiful like the rest of her. "So this is what takes for you to be happy." Izaya mused.
"...I..." Shizuka found herself at a loss. Her thumb moved gently stroking Celty's eye lids wondering what colour her eyes were. Maybe a bright blue that looked like the reflection of the sky. Or an emerald green that would make even the most precious jewels look worthless in comparison. A light creamy coffee? A swirl of melted chocolate or perhaps smooth honey. "She's beautiful."
"Yes, you already said that protozoan. Don't you have anything else to say?" Shizuka thought about it voicing the question she so desperately wanted to know.
"What colour do you think her eyes are?"
"Shizu-chan, I am in possession of your crush's head. You aren't curious about how that came about?" Izaya's voice was clipped as he reached to take the head back. Shizuka growled low in warning.
"Not really, most things are your fault. Celty will be happy to have this back."
"Maybe." Shizuka finally looked up meeting her fiancé's gaze, though the head was brought closer to her in protection. "You never were interested in my stuff." The blonde nodded feeling guilty. She had used Izaya. She soon changed her mind when the flea stole the head from her lap. "Pay attention, Shizu-chan."
"What?" The blonde snapped.
"There is the possibility Celty will lose her memory. You'll have a chance to be together. Of course you might open up at gateway to Valhalla." Izaya smirked tossing Celty's head in one hand and catching it in the other. "Your choice."
x-x-x
Shizuka smiled taking Celty's hand as they walked down the aisle together. The dullahan looked amazing in her full length white dress. It showed her slim body perfectly. Celty's delicate hand squeezed her own, the two of them holding a bouquet. Her own dress was a thing of beauty, the smooth satin snug against her chest. The hem was a bloodied red slowly bleeding into the white that was the top half of the wedding gown. A pink sash around her waist blended the two colours together.
Shizuka found herself smiling guiltily as she slowly walked down the aisle. The organ playing didn't make her nervous at all. This was the way things were. Some things weren't meant to be and some were. She could see everything through her veil but no one could see her face.
Reaching the alter Shizuka stood still head lowered giving Celty's hand another squeeze their rings clinking as they scratched against each other. Taking a deep breath she gently tugged her hand free breaking the connection between them. With a sad smile and a blush that no one could see Shizuka turned to the side taking another hand held out to her.
"Beautiful dress." Shizuka raised a brow. Of course Izaya liked the dress he was the one who had chosen it. "The monster inside doesn't look too bad either." The raven whispered. Shizuka blushed averting her gaze. "Too bad this veil hides your face."
"Shut up." She hissed back. A light cough drew their attention to the priest waiting for them. Already the music had stopped all eyes on them. Standing side by side Shizuka and Celty gave their vows to the men they would spend the rest of their lives with.
x-x-x
"...you may kiss the bride." The priest finished up. Shizuka waited patiently as the veil was lifted over her head. Izaya smiled leaning forward their lips touching. There was still the feeling of wanting to turn around and see how Celty and Shinra would kiss without the dullahan's head.
"Pay attention, protozoan. Let it go." Taking Izaya's other hand the blonde closed her eyes letting the raven take control. An arm around her waist pulling her closer, one hand in her hair.
Taking a step back she could see Izaya's eyes twinkling with mirth. Still holding hands the pair walked behind the other married couple. Shizuka watched as puff after puff of heart shaped smoke surrounded her friend. "Good bye, Celty." She whispered quietly. The dullahan stopped slowly turning around.
"Shizu-chan?" Shizuka felt the tears trickle down her cheeks, Celty snug between her arms, slim arms hugging her. The blonde lightly rested her head on Celty's exposed shoulder. Delicate fingers smoothed through her hair so gently it was cruel.
Did Izaya upset you already? Shizuka read over the message shaking her head and backing away. A momentarily slip that was all it was. Celty was now happily married and so was she. "Sorry, it's nothing the flea has done. Congratulations." Content that she was okay Celty turned back around walking down the aisle with Shinra. "...so what now?" She asked quietly.
"Who knows." Izaya took her hand breaking into a run. "What should we do now, Shizu-chan?" Shizuka had no answer except that she had come to like Izaya a little and maybe one day she would love him as much as she did Celty. "Ne, Shizu-chan. I love you." The blond grabbed the bottom of her dress to stop herself stumbling in shock. Maybe loving Izaya would take less than she thought. Only time would tell.
End