Paradise Lost

Disclaimer: I do not own DS9 or any of its character, although I sometimes wish I did! Please take note, this is a fan fiction. These characters were never developed thoroughly in the actual show because they served as back story to another character and were only ever mentioned in reference. So we know what happens to them in the end, but there is no telling of the tale in between and that is what I attempted to do here.

Chapter One: A Promise Broken

"You think you know a story, but you only know how it ends. To get to the heart of the story you must go back to the beginning."

Year 2285

Makenna Park, Trillius Prime

The Trill Homeworld

The sun in the Trillian sky was shrouded by great clouds. It was a cold and rainy day in the city of Trillius Prime. The drops had stopped falling, but it was misting still. People all clad in black were gathered in Makenna Park, grouped together to mourn the death of a loved one. The light blue flag of the Federation of Planets was reverently picked up by two officers in dress uniforms and folded into a three cornered triangle and the casket of the felled man was paced in its grave. The federation officers present, saluted and stood tall at attention as their captain passed by. Captain Solan, a decorated officer garbed in the red and black dress uniform, walked forward and stood before one of the mourners present.

The woman was slight of frame and her honey colored hair and pale complexion were shielded from view by a black veil that was worn over her head to accompany her black gown. The captain seemed grieved to approach her, but restrained most of what he was feeling behind a cool mask, though his words were sincere enough to convey what he wished to say and how he wanted it to be interpreted.

Captain Solan placed his hand on the slight woman's shoulder to comfort her as one silver tear left her eye and she cleared her throat to keep the tightening that was threatening her ability to speak properly away. He rubbed her shoulder gently as she tried in vain to hide her coming tears.

"Nilani." Solan began, but found that he had to clear his throat to keep the emotion there from overwhelming his voice. "I am sorry."

"Don't be…it…it wasn't your fault." Nilani wiped her green eyes free of tears and took a deep breath. "You didn't know it was going to happen like this."

Solan only nodded and stepped to stand beside her, his comforting hand never leaving her shoulder.

A federation pilot came forward in his dress uniform and stood before the group, he cleared his throat and began.

"Torias Dax was my co-pilot for many years and we have always worked together it seems. Even so, it is hard to find what words to say, because no one is ever really prepared to face an event like this when it happens." Commander Vos bowed his blonde head for one moment as he tried to stifle a silent sob and cleared his throat. "Torias was like a brother to me and I never imagined that he would not outlive me. That I would be called upon to speak at his funeral one day. You know, Torias and I met when we were children at school and since then we have been inseparable companions. He…he was the most lighthearted and kind individual that I have ever met and my…very best friend." The commander had to bend his head and wipe some emerging tears from his eyes for a moment, but continued, "You know, I was always scared when I went out to test a shuttle. Afraid that I would not return to my family or to my wife, but Torias was always there to give me the courage to go out there every time, no matter what. He always had a phrase that he would use whenever he went out. He would say, 'Life is what you make it and it is better to have lived a little, than to have never lived at all'. He believed that and he would always say it to me every time he went out on a shuttle run." He tried to maintain his voice but it was becoming strained with pent up emotion. "Torias Dax was a great man…and when judgment is passed…let no one say that he never lived, because he did…he lived life to its fullest."

The group of mourners applauded the young Commander as he stepped back and allowed another to come forward. Commander Belair, a tall, lithe form of a blonde haired Bajorian came to stand in the spot Commander Vos had vacated. His face was hard set, as an officer's should be, and stern, but the blue eyes that peaked out from the bushels if his brows were compassionate and more than a bit understanding.

"Commander Torias Dax was a friend to many…a rival to some." The last few words he mumbled under his breath and then cleared his throat louder before continuing in a steady voice. "He was a brother, a son, and a caring husband," to this he nodded towards Nilani and then returned to staring straight ahead of him, "but most of all he was a brave pilot and a courageous soul…."

Nilani remained silent as Belair continued to speak, never saying a word. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't. It was too soon. What could she say about her husband? About the carefree, happy federation pilot who had been her breath of fresh air? About the man she had and would lover her whole life? What could she say? Nothing that would befit what he was to her. There weren't enough words to describe what he meant to her. Never enough.

No pastor was present. The Trill are a scientific people, with no national religion or set system of beliefs in any afterlife or known deity. Funerals were always simple and so would this one be. Commander Belair finished his speech to a round of applause and stepped back into line. An ensign respectfully took the folded flag into his hands and walked over to where Nilani stood. She swallowed hard as every emotion within her threatened to come bursting out to the surface if she so much as attempted to move one muscle in her body. Afraid that if she took that flag he would be really dead…there would be no bringing him back. Never coming home…not anymore.

Nilani took a steadying breath and reached her trembling hands out to hold the flag as it was passed to her by the ensign. Hot tears welled up behind her eyelids, but she held fast and pushed them back. The Ensign saluted, turned on his heel, and went back to his line. Captain Solan stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"The procession is over." Solan stated what everyone else knew, but were too fearful of upsetting the balance and introducing awkwardness to act upon, "But tonight we will be hosting a wake at my house in remembrance of this brave pilot who was lost in the line of duty." He turned to his officers. "Dismissed."

The federation officers turned and marched away in two lines while the mourners filed out, each one at their own pace. The captain turned to Nilani who was doing her best to suppress the heart wrenching sobs and growing constriction in her chest.

"I am very sorry, my dear. I know how you feel. Torias was not just another one of my senior staff, he was like a son to me." Solan said again, this time embracing the slight woman in a comforting hug. "He was a brave man. A man who gave his life up to duty. A truly resilient heart."

Nilani nodded into his uniformed shoulder, "Thank you."

The captain let go of the embrace as Commander Beliar stepped up beside him. "Excuse me, sir, but the Science Council has requested your presence in confidence."

Solan faced Nilani one last time, "I must answer to the council's whim."

Nilani nodded solemnly as the captain walked away, while Belair was briefing him on what to expect in the meeting. Everyone who had been left lingering soon departed and Nilani was left alone, a stiff statue under the shade of the bare trees. Alone with her grief and without the will to hold back the tide any longer, she sank to her knees and cried, a steady torrent of quaking sobs which seemed to crash through her as if propelled by some distant storm and anguished tears which stung as if they were drops of burning venom.

It had not always been like this, no they had been happy together. They had been together for over seven years, Torias and her. Two being years of courtship and acquaintance and the other five being a time of marriage and bliss. Oh, they had their fights, arguments that mostly concerned Torias's job and the worry his wife felt for him in taking it's risks so lightly. Most of the time, it had seemed to him that she was overreacting over nothing, but on this particular occasion she had been right. The shuttle had not been ready for a full impulse test and she knew it, but all of her warnings were brushed off by him as another panic attack about nothing. But she had been right and nothing could take the sting of that righteousness away. She wished on every star in the galaxy that she had not been right, that it really was just worrying over nothing, but no; she had been right. A curse from fate, she had to be right.

She lay on her side on the ground, sobbing as the clouds over head crackled and were lit by slashes of light. She did not care that it was a violent storm. She did not care that there was a slim margin that she could be struck by lightening at any moment. If the fates were kind, that is what she would hope would happen to her. All she could hope for. She did not try to seek shelter as the rain began to pour down. She did nothing, not one thing but lay there and hope to die. Hope desperately for an absolute and merciful end…one that never came.

Author's Note: Hey! I know this is sad, but it gets better! For some odd reason, I felt like I had to show Torias's funeral, though all Dax fans know how his story ends. I wanted to put my own spin on the story because it is not explained all that much in the series. I also like to work with writing the Trill, because in cannon they are a race shrouded in mystery. I mean we know more about the Romulans than we know about them! Criticisms? Hates? Likes? Tell me, "Me, Myself & I want to Know!!"