A/N: Well, here's another one. But this one is very different, as I'm sure you'll see. I'm not sure how far I'll go on this, but expect chapters into the twenties, at least. Tell me what you think! Oh, and a beta reader would be greatly appreciated. Review and tell me if you're interested.
Rachel didn't know how she had ended up here, at an end of the year party with Noah of all people. She hadn't been at one of these parties since her swift fall from grace during her freshman year, and she obviously hadn't been missing much. She grimaced and shifted to the side to avoid the grasping hands of a jock, returning to her search for Noah so she could tell him she was leaving.
"Rach, babe, what's up?" Noah slurred, swinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her closer. She jumped in shock, twisting slightly to look at his face, frowning at the devastation under his drunken cheerfulness.
"Come on Noah," Rachel murmured, stepping out from under his arm and taking his hand. "My dads are gone again, so we'll be fine at my house. We shouldn't be here," she added, her lips trembling briefly. Figgins had told them that he had hired someone to make their Glee club successful. A little digging had her turning up a name that turned her stomach…Shelby Corcoran.
She grabbed a couple of beers on their way out, and they both drank as they walked back to her house, Rachel nodding to some thankful policemen who didn't want to have to arrest Puckerman for doing something stupid again. Rachel fumbled briefly with her keys before letting them into the house.
"It's been a while, hasn't it Berry?" Puck looked sad, and Rachel fought the urge to reach out to him, knowing he wouldn't appreciate it like he once would have.
"It has," she agreed quietly, wrapping her arms around herself gently. It had been a while since they had been able to speak to each other without hatred and anger. Their pathetic attempt at dating didn't really count, since they were both too focused on other people.
"Why'd Quinn have to give her away Rach? I would've been a good dad," he muttered, flopping down on the couch.
Rachel sat down gently, bringing her legs up. "She didn't give her away Noah, she gave her up. Beth needed a good, stable home, and two teenaged parents who can barely stand each other on their best days wouldn't have been able to give her that."
She rolled her eyes at his mulish look. "You would have been an amazing father Noah, but you're too focused on popularity, just like Quinn. You'll be a good man one day, but for now, enjoy the fact that you don't have the responsibility of a child."
Puck smirked slightly. "You're too fucking wise sometimes Berry. I wanna be pissed, not accepting all of this shit."
Rachel shrugged and stood, digging out the key to her father's liquor cabinet. "We have Jack Daniels, and Patron." She paused for a moment. "But the Patron is mine, so you get Jack Daniels."
Puck sniggered loudly, already slightly tipsy. "My man Jack," he laughed loudly. "The man who's gotten me through damn near everything." Rachel flashed him a quick grin and tossed him the bottle, keeping the Patron for herself, just like she'd said she would.
"We don't have a choice Noah, we have to accept this shit or start bitching and crying," Rachel slurred, half of the bottle of Patron already gone. Tears formed in her eyes and dripped down her face, and she didn't do anything to stop them.
Puck leaned into her, giving her a half-hearted hug, her silent tears tugging at his heart more than any of her dramatic sobs ever had. "Stupid fucking St. James," he muttered, taking a long swig of Jack. "Doesn't realize when he has the fucking best girl he'll ever get."
Rachel shook her head, stealing his bottle and taking a swig of Jack as well. "He wasn't the only one at fault Noah, you can't just blame him. I fucked shit up too." She let out a small sob, slapping her hand over her mouth to silence herself.
"Fuck that noise Berry! Sure, you messed up with that video, but that doesn't require egging someone he believes to be a vegan," Puck snapped sharply, knocking into her shoulder and making her spill some of her Patron. She glared and slapped at his shoulder.
"Noah, this shit is expensive, don't make me waste it." He rolled his eyes. "Rach, you remember freshman year?" He looked nostalgic, and Rachel nodded, a faint smile on her lips.
"Yeah Noah, I remember." And she did. It was before slushies and Quinn and Santana hating her. She had been on the Cheerios and top of the pyramid and the people in the halls had parted for her like the Red Sea. Her lips trembled briefly. "Trust me, I remember."
He looked excited as only someone who's completely drunk could. "Rach, why don't we get you back on the Cheerios? You get to be top of the food chain again, and we could date and be safe for the rest of high school."
Rachel laughed bitterly. "Like Sylvester would let me back on the squad after I almost ruined the chances for the squad to go to Nationals that year." She softened when she saw the sad realization in his eyes. "I've learned to live with it Noah. I'll be fine, and you'll go back to screwing every Cheerio on the squad, and we'll live until graduation." She smiled at him warmly, and he smiled back weakly.
"You're right Rach, but still…" he trailed off, and finished off the bottle of Jack, eyeing her Patron and deciding that the inch of liquid left in the bottle wasn't enough to fight her over. "You know what? I'm gonna call Quinn, and I'm gonna tell her what a fucking bitch she is," he declared, and Rachel nodded along with him. It seemed like a perfect idea. "And afterwards, you'll call Jesse and let him know how much a douchbag he is." Rachel still nodded.
"It's a wonderful idea," she declared firmly, latching onto him with a hug. He planted a large, wet kiss on her lips and she responded easily. His hands wandered up and down her body, and she pulled away. "Call Quinn," She breathed, "And I'll call Jesse, and then we can keep this up." Puck grunted his agreement and fumbled for his cell phone, squinting at the tiny buttons.
"Fuck Berry, I can't see the buttons." He squinted even harder. "Shit…I can read the phone number, but I can't see the buttons!" He raised his voice angrily, and Rachel stood unsteadily before stumbling over to her cordless phone, grabbing it after some fumbling, and tossing it to him.
The phone dropped to the floor with a loud smack and Puck grimaced before picking it up and dialing the number. "Hello?" He snarled when he heard Quinn's cool voice and the background noise of a party.
"You're a fucking bitch Quinn, you know that?" He was pissed, and he wanted her to know it. "You gave up my baby, and you wouldn't even let me try for an open adoption." His voice broke, and Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder.
"You're drunk." The disgust in Quinn's voice was obvious, and Puck sneered angrily, jerking his shoulder away from Rachel.
"Fuck yeah I am! That bitch is gonna be the fuckin' consultant for Glee next year you bitch." Rachel stiffened, her eyes wide and suddenly wet. "I'm gonna have to look at her every day and know that she has my baby girl, and that I can't see her!" Rachel had moved away by now, her eyes darker than he had ever seen them.
"Puck, I'm sorry." The honesty in Quinn's voice made him pause. "I was wrong with what I did, and I can admit that. So, I'm sorry. But I don't want you to forgive me, because I don't deserve it yet." He could almost hear her looking around at the party in shame. "I'll talk to Shelby about you seeing Beth, okay?"
He smiled, and it was almost beautiful. "Okay. Thanks Quinn. You have no clue how much this means to me."
"Oh, I think I do." Quinn's voice was soft and gentle, and he remembered why he had fallen in love with her in the first place. "Bye Puck." She hung up before he could say goodbye, but he didn't care. He knew he was smiling goofily as he handed the phone over to the now silent Rachel, but he didn't care.
Rachel was now furious in addition to being more drunk than she could ever remember being, and fuck Jesse, she didn't give a damn anymore. She pushed in Shelby's cell number, the one that she had gotten out of Jesse's phone when he hadn't been looking, and she let it rang, her lips in a thin white line. "Shelby Corcoran speaking."
"It wasn't enough that you had to ruin my life, but you had to disrespect me by adopting a baby after saying that I was too old for a mother." Her voice was flat and emotionless, hiding her fury admirably.
"Rachel…" Shelby trailed off, her voice soft in shock.
"I was fine without a mother Shelby, but then you made Jesse come and get my hopes up, and then you decided that you wanted a shiny new baby instead of the one that you had made." Her voice trembled, but she was the direct opposite of Puck. He had been loud and angry, but she was soft and broken, her voice slurring gently.
"Rachel, are you drinking?" Shelby's voice was strident, and Rachel laughed harshly.
"Shelby, I've just finished an entire bottle of Patron. I'm past just drinking, I'm officially drunk. Which is probably why I have enough courage to do this." She sounded thoughtful, and Shelby made a strangled sound.
"Rachel, surely you know how damaging alcohol can be to your vocal cords!" Shelby sounded equal parts concerned and angry, and Rachel laughed harshly.
"Shut the fuck up Shelby. It doesn't make me selfish to want a mother after you got my hopes up, and it was fucked up that you adopted a baby but wouldn't even agree to keep in contact with me. So fuck you. I love you and I hate you, and I can't keep it all straight in my head. How are we going to deal with this shit it the fall?" Rachel laughed harshly.
"You know what? Don't even worry about it. We'll pretend we're strangers. After all, that's what you wanted, right?"
Shelby let out a soft sob. "No Rachel, that's not what I wanted. Why did you call me?" She suddenly challenged, her voice becoming angry. "Why?"
Rachel leaned her head back and smiled bitterly, although she knew Shelby couldn't see it. "Because I have no verbal filter right now, and it's nice. Right now, I don't give a flying fuck what you think about me, and I don't care about the consequences." She paused for a moment. "But don't feel bad. You broke me a little, but Jesse fucking destroyed me, so you're not the only one I should call."
"But you won't call him." Shelby sounded supremely confident.
"No," Rachel agreed sadly. "I won't. I'm not nearly drunk enough to not be terrified of what he'll say. Don't worry though, let me drink another bottle of Patron and I'll get to him next." She now sounded supremely cheerful, standing up to go to the liquor cabinet and do exactly that. "Later Shelby," she laughed mockingly, hanging up on the woman that she nearly hated.
Rachel popped of the lid and took a large swig of the Patron, grabbing another bottle of Jack Daniels too. She slid it on the floor towards Puck, and he grabbed it with a nod of thanks, taking his own swig, his previously happy expression gone.
"You gonna call St. James too?" Puck questioned casually, leaning closer to her. She glanced up and their breath mingled, an overwhelming scent of alcohol burning her nose as he leaned in farther, kissing her firmly. Rachel tilted her head back and let him lean over her, covering her completely as his hands travelled her body again.
Rachel moaned into his mouth, before jerking when the phone rang. She swore softly when Puck pulled away, grabbing the phone irritably. "Hello?" She snapped, sounding just as pissed as she looked.
"Hey Rach," Jesse greeted quietly. "Shelby said you wanted to talk to me?" He sounded questioning, and rightfully so.
"Oh, fuck Shelby," Rachel barked angrily. "She should mind her own business."
"Rachel…" Jesse coughed gently. "Are you drunk?" He sounded disbelieving.
"Oh, bravo," she muttered cynically. "You know, you're the first person who's gotten that right. I'm not drinking, I'm drunk." She nodded to herself firmly.
"I figured," Jesse deadpanned. "You're not someone to do anything half-assed. But seriously Rach, don't you know how badly that can screw with your vocal cords?" He sounded concerned, and Rachel choked out a laugh.
"Jesse, you don't really have a right to act all concerned and shit. You egged me Jesse." She sounded so disbelieving and still shocked that his heart broke a little bit. "I know I fucked up, but it wasn't nearly that bad. I bruised your ego Jesse, but what you did could have ended with serious psychological harm."
Tears were dripping down Rachel's face now, but she couldn't stop. "I love you, you irritating asshole, but you damn near destroyed me. I fucking hate you," she snapped before breaking down and crying.
Puck plucked the phone out of her hand and moved away so she couldn't hear him. "St. James, I'm going to make her forget about you, at least for tonight. I'm going to fuck her, and it's going to be fucking amazing, and you're going to regret ever giving her up." He smirked when he heard Jesse swear.
"Puckerman, don't you dare fucking touch her," Jesse barked down the phone line as he sprinted out to his Range Rover, slamming the key into the ignition.
"Oh?" Puck was amused. "And why the fuck shouldn't I? Like I've told her a thousand times, we're two hot Jews. We fucking belong together." He paused. "If you wanna stop me, you better hurry St. James. She's drunk, and I am too. No one will be at fault this time."
"She's mine Puckerman, and you know it." Jesse was pissed. "She knows it, even fucking Hudson knew it."
"Oh really?" Puck snickered. "You'd better ask Berry about that when she's sober, 'cause I think you'll find that he didn't know it as much as you seem to think." He abruptly hung up the phone, and Jesse slammed his hand against the steering wheel and cursed angrily, getting out.
He didn't want Rachel's first time to be when she was drunk. Hell, if he was honest wit himself, he didn't want Rachel's first time to be with anyone but him. But he couldn't do anything about it. He knew he wouldn't be able to get there in time; Akron was a solid forty minutes away from Lima. So Jesse went back inside, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to understand.
Rachel looked up at Puck with red eyes when he came back. "I didn't think it would hurt so much to talk to him," she whispered, tears still gleaming in her eyes. "I thought it would feel as good as it did when I told Shelby off, but it didn't." She looked up at him desperately. "Why didn't it?"
Puck sighed and dropped down next to her. "Because you're still in love with the douche. I don't know why, but you are. So…go do something about it."
She shook her head slowly. "No. I want him to come to me Noah. He's the one who fucked us up so bad, so he has to come to me first. Then I can apologize for my part in everything." She nodded to herself, taking a swig of Patron.
"Yeah? Wanna make him jealous?" Puck suggested with a smirk, and Rachel looked up at him with bleary eyes.
"I don't know…kind of," she admitted, before frowning. "But I don't know if it would be good idea…"
He leaned into her personal space. "Trust me," he soothed, his voice slurring to almost ridiculous proportions.
Rachel nodded, and he kissed her for the third time that night, and before anything else could happen, their clothes were flying all over the room, and Rachel was crying out in pain and Puck was moaning.
"Hey, you okay?" Puck touched her shoulder gently the next morning when she shifted and whimpered, and she jerked, looking at him with wide, horrified eyes, the same eyes he had when he realized that they were naked.
"Shit…" Rachel breathed out, shaking her head in disbelief. "I can't believe this…" She sat up, ignoring the pain for a moment, and buried her face in her hands. "Noah, I need the morning after pill. I can't be another Quinn. I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it."
Puck nodded and got off of the couch, pulling on his jeans quickly. Before he left, he rested his hand on the top of her head for a moment. "Rach, I'm not sorry about this, but I'm sorry that I don't remember it." He said softly, making her smile into her hands and nod.
He left, and Rachel broke down and cried. She could barely remember anything after she had started on the second bottle of Patron, and she could barely remember finally telling Shelby off. "I don't regret it either," she said to the door softly before standing up and limping her way into the shower.