Wounds of the Heart
Nothing is wrong with my life, I have everything to make me happy: my mother and father aren't divorced, none of them are dead, I have a three story house and plenty of money. My cousins are all nice and I have no brothers or sisters to share anything with. I go to a great public school, I am the prettiest girl in school, and people compete to be my friends; there is nothing to complain about. Yet, my life is empty. It seems as though I am capable of no emotion. I can't laugh, my temper never flares, and I will not allow myself to cry. Yet, somehow my life is dark, and not metaphorically. I like being alone in the dark and, more than often, the school lights are out or dimmed. But that is not the only thing lacking light in my life. I'm not entirely sure what I'm missing, but I'm sure it's something important.
The pink haired girl walked down the dimly lit halls of her school. To everyone she appeared cold and distraught, but then, that was normal. If she had been perky and talkative, people would've said she was ill. If she decided to say 'yes' to any of the boys who asked her on dates, everyone would've thought that a miracle occurred. They expected her to be as she was, cold hearted, unloving, expressionless, and emotionless. But then, everyone enjoyed a good challenge. The boy (or girl) who could make Ichigo love or give her emotions would be revered as the savior of the school. Ichigo didn't count on that happening anytime soon.
Ichigo walked down the hall to her classroom and sat down near the center of class. Minto walked in and sat behind her and Retasu sat next to Ichigo. Those two were really the only ones she ever said more than one sentence to in one day. This was because she knew they wouldn't gossip about what she said. This morning the teacher set up her things as usual and sat down in her desk at the head of the class. Then, after all the tardy people had walked in, a new boy walked in. He had lush dark hair and enchanting brown eyes. His skin was tan from being outside and he was dressed in a white shirt and a pair of slacks. He walked up to the teacher's desk and Ichigo expected him to place an apple on it or something.
Instead, the teacher stood and said, "This is Aoyama Masaya, a transfer student from the coast. Who would like to show him around the school?" Many hands went up, most of them being girls, but the teacher didn't even glance at them and Ichigo inwardly sighed. This particular teacher thought that Ichigo needed more of a social life to cheer her up and was always volunteering Ichigo for work like this. "Momomiya Ichigo will show you around," The teacher said. "Now please take a seat," the teacher nicely said. Masaya nodded and sat down next to Ichigo.
Throughout the next few weeks Ichigo felt a strange feeling in her heart. She put a mask of indifference on over it, but it was still there and she was trying to puzzle it out. The winter dance was coming up and Ichigo finally decided to ask Minto about the feeling.
"Do you know what it means?" Ichigo asked after explaining the feeling to Minto. The blue haired girl looked at Ichigo and quietly chuckled. Retasu joined them at the table and asked, "What is it, Minto?"
"It appears our little Ichigo has a crush," Minto said quietly when no one was walking by. A small smile spread across Retasu's face.
"That's wonderful! Who is it?" Retasu asked.
"It has to be that new kid," Minto quickly decided.
"What? How could you decide that?" Ichigo asked.
"Because you've been around all the other boys for eight years and you haven't felt a thing," Minto explained. Ichigo nodded.
"I suppose that's true," she commented.
"Yes, Minto is an expert in other people's love," Retasu commented. Then a group of giggling girls walked by and the trio shut up.
Once they were gone, Minto said, "You have to tell him your feelings, Ichigo."
"Why?" Ichigo asked defensively.
"Because he needs to know you like him," Minto answered and rolled her eyes.
"But couldn't you find out if he likes me first?" Ichigo asked.
"Every guy in the school, except possibly Shirogane, is head over heels in love with you," Minto replied, sounding exasperated.
"Fine, fine. I'll tell him at the winter dance," Ichigo surrendered.
"You're actually going to the dance this year?" Retasu asked. Ichigo nodded.
"I suppose I have to, or else Miss Park Avenue is going to badger me about my love affairs until it happens," Ichigo referred to Minto.
That day Masaya asked me out to the dance. My heart did a little fluttering thing and to his surprise I said 'yes'. It was rather funny, the look on his face, and I told him so as I walked off. I raided my closet and found the perfect dress. I now know what I was missing. I was missing the fire in my heart, love. It seems as though everyone has love in them, although it takes them a while to find it. For me, this thing called love is a wonderful thing. But I can't let anyone in the school know, there would be rumors and assumptions and I can't bear those. But maybe my care of rumors will leave as love truly settles in my heart. Tonight is the night of the dance, when I will tell Masaya I love him. Minto says he will be surprised and pleased to say the least. I don't know what he will think, and I don't quite know why I care. I think it has to do with this thing called love.
Ichigo looked at herself one last time in the school's bathroom mirror and walked to the door. Masaya was out front waiting for her. He looked ravishing in his tux as he presented a single red rose to Ichigo. Ichigo smiled and blushed, taking the red flower and tucking it in her hair. Masaya smiled and led her in. A horde of eighth graders and seventh graders watched the monumental event. The school held its breath as Ichigo entered on the arm of Masaya. She wore a long black gown with pink lace, dyed long ago to match the color of her hair. Her magenta-red hair was done up in bao (which to my understanding are the double buns Minto always has her hair in) and Masaya's red rose stood out from the black roses twisted around Ichigo's hair. Long elegant black gloves with pink lace ran down her arms and her pink shoes wore black roses on the toes. Everyone stared at the ravishing couple.
Not only was Ichigo Momomiya attending a school function (even if it was a dance), but she had willingly come with a boy. Naturally, everyone assumed Masaya was blackmailing Ichigo, why else would she attend? And Ichigo's smiling only caused the rumor to spread. Ichigo Momomiya never smiled for anyone or anything. It had to be blackmail, although a small group of the romantics attending figured that Ichigo was actually in love, but they were quickly shunned.
They danced for a while before Masaya led Ichigo toward the back door and out into the nighttime air. Dark clouds blotted out the moon and tender snowflakes gentle trundled down around them.
"Masaya, there's something I have to tell you," Ichigo started. Her heart was jumping in her throat. Masaya raised his eyebrows and smiled.
"I have something to tell you also, but you can go first," he said. Ichigo shook her head.
"No, you, mine can wait," Ichigo explained. Masaya smiled.
"Okay, I have to leave in a ten minutes," Masaya dropped the news. Ichigo nodded.
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I'm meeting someone for dinner," Masaya explained. Ichigo nodded.
"Who're you meeting?" She asked.
"Haruna Tiichiko, my girlfriend," He answered. Ichigo lowered her eyes and felt as though her heart would burst.
"I see," Ichigo quietly said.
"Ichigo, are you all right?" He asked.
"No, I'm not 'all right'. But, there's nothing you can do about it," Ichigo answered. A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Ichigo, why are you crying?" Masaya asked. Ichigo leaned against the wall of the school.
"I came here to tell you something important, but you don't need to know about it now," Ichigo sighed. Masaya lifted her chin with the crook of his finger. "Ichigo . . ."
Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Ichigo kissed him back and let her arms curl around his neck. His hand held her back and pulled her closer. Tears stream down Ichigo's cheeks. If he had a girlfriend, then Ichigo was going to make him regret it. Ichigo ended the kiss and Masaya stumbled back. "Wow . . ."
A car rolled up the snowy road and honked the horn. Masaya looked over his shoulder and Ichigo leaned over to see who it was. A girl with long black hair and a low cut dress leaned out the window.
"Come on, Masaya-kun!" She shouted. Masaya nodded and waved.
"That's here isn't it?" Ichigo asked. Masaya nodded and left. Tears streamed down Ichigo's cheeks for what she couldn't have.
"Masaya, wait!" She called. Masaya paused and looked back at her.
"I came here to tell you that I was in love with you. Head. Over. Heels. In. love. With. you!" Ichigo punctuated the last part. "I'm sorry, Ichigo," Masaya said and smiled before hurrying to the car. Ichigo's pink eyes filled with tears and she ran out behind the school and sobbed freely amidst the swirling snowflakes.
I now regret having loved. I broke my heart and now I'm worse than I was before. Sure, I'm crying, but is that progress? I was better off before, hiding my emotions. I will never, ever love again. There is nothing anyone can do to make me love again. So why am I crying harder? Why do I find that I cannot stop my tears? I want so badly to dry them and walk away from this dreadful place, but I can't. I don't have the strength to. Is this what love does? Does it make other people weak, like it has made me? Does it make them cry and feel obscene pain? I don't know if it's like this every time, and I don't want to try again. The fire in my heart was extinguished with on sentence. How long will it take for the next shattering event to happen? Whatever I do has a consequence. This dreadful emotion called love has had a terrible price. I will never love again. I will never give my heart to any boy ever again, never. They say that when the snowflakes fall, the snow princess is crying for the sins of man. I guess she cries for me now. I was never meant to love, and I never will again.