Letting Go
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies
Pairing: Joel & Alex (or vice versa if you prefer)
Rating: T
Summary: The opening scene of 02x16: Breathless has always left me wanting more so…
Author's Note: Some snippets of dialogue taken from the actual episode. Also I don't speak Spanish, but I did the best I could. And I'm not a medical professional but I do work in a hospital so I do have some medical knowledge.
Joel Goran pulled his red Lexus into the dirt driveway of the junkyard. It was only then that Alex Reid looked up from the notes that she'd been copiously studying for days. She was scheduled to perform a bi-lateral sequential lung transplant and he knew she was nervous.
Even someone who didn't know her as well as Joel did would've been able to tell that she was nervous.
Hence their little field trip.
Joel stopped the car and cut the engine but neither he nor Alex removed their sunglasses. Joel pushed his up on his nose as he glanced over at Alex.
"Hey…Enough. You've studied that transplant inside and out." Joel said, adjusting his sunglasses.
Alex turned to Joel and replied, "I've never operated on a patient with CF before…" Her words trailed off as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings.
If it weren't for the sunglasses he would've been able to see the confused look on her face, "Hey, where are we? I thought we stopped for coffee."
Joel pushed his sunglasses further up on his nose and muttered under his breath, "Okay. You know what? Gimme this," as he grabbed her folders full of notes and got out of the car walking straight into the din of the salvage yard.
"Joel, I need those…" Alex exclaimed, letting out a frustrated sigh, as she got out of the car and followed him across the junkyard full of abandoned, broken down and wrecked vehicles.
"Joel, I need this surgery to be perfect. I can't kill the miracle orphan."
"Is that what he calls himself, 'the miracle orphan'? Joel asked, flipping the car keys around in one hand raising his voice so that Alex could hear him over the surrounding noise.
"He doesn't. Everyone else does." Alex answered following Joel and growing more and more exasperated by the second.
"And why am I imagining somebody in robes and sandals?" Joel asked as he kept walking.
Alex took a few steps forward until she was walking beside him, "He's an eighteen year-old with Cystic Fibrosis whose mother abandoned him at birth."
"Okay, now I feel really bad about the whole robes and sandals business," Joel said, finally standing still and clearly looking for someone specific.
Seconds later a young Hispanic man walked toward them and Joel smiled, "Carlos, Como estas?" He shouted, greeting him.
"Doctor G," Carlos replied, with his hand outstretched.
"How're you doing?" Joel asked, clasping Carlos's hand.
"I got something special for you today." Carlos said.
"Love it," Joel replied, letting Carlos lead the way to whatever surprise he had in store.
Alex stood between Joel and Carlos with her arms crossed impatiently and with a slight smile on her face as they chatted away conversationally.
"Listo?" Carlos asked.
Are you ready?
Joel nodded, "Si."
"Vamos."
Let's go.
Alex followed behind them her curiosity peaked as she realized that Carlos held an aluminum baseball bat in one hand.
"Check it out," Carlos said quickly switching to English as he, Joel, and Alex approached a wrecked car with the windshield cracked with dents in every visible surface. "It came in fresh this morning."
"Beautiful. Muchos gracias." Joel murmured as he surveyed the totaled vehicle, accepting the bat from Carlos and handing him some cash in exchange.
"Clear your boots, Papi." Carlos said chuckling as Joel took a few steps toward the car.
"Joel, I don't have time for this," Alex insisted with yet another frustrated sigh.
He knew that the transplant surgery wasn't the only thing that had her stressed. But he wasn't going to push.
He knew that she'd only confide in him on her own terms.
If she was ready.
When she was ready.
And not a second before.
"Alex you're wound up tight. I'm offering you a little release here." Joel said as he walked in a slow circle around the wrecked car and raised the bat and swung knocking the rear-view mirror to the ground.
Alex couldn't help but laugh as she watched the scene unfold before her.
At the sound of her laughter, Joel turned to her and smiled, "It's like therapy. Ya, know?"
She cocked her head to one side and Joel couldn't help but notice the way the sun shone against her creamy white skin. "If I hit this, can I go to work?" Alex asked.
If I release everything I'm feeling I might not be able to stop myself from falling apart.
Joel nodded, handing her the bat, "Just one shot. For the miracle orphan."
"Okay," Alex replied, taking a deep breath, as she accepted that bat from Joel.
What if I did let go?
Just this once?
She thought weighing the idea of letting herself feel all the frustration that she'd been suppressing.
After a few seconds, Alex swung the bat, grunting as she did so. The force of her swing struck the windshield raining bits of glass on the ground around them.
Her anxiety over the upcoming surgery.
Her failing relationship with Charlie.
Joel was about to reach for the bat again but he had to duck to avoid more pieces of glass as Alex hit the car a second time.
And then a third, until the windshield was completely shattered.
The powerful feelings that she didn't want to admit that she still had for Joel.
Suddenly everything but the weight of the bat in her hands and the wrecked car in front of her fell away.
Alex swung the bat over and over again until she lost track of how many swings she'd taken and her whole body shook from the exertion.
She had no idea how much time had passed when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Joel.
He watched with a smile at first as she took out her frustration on the wrecked car. But when he saw her body beginning to shake and noticed the tears streaming down her face hidden beneath her sunglasses, it broke his heart.
"Alex, hey, Alex. That's enough. Let go."
I had no idea that she was in so much pain.
He reached one arm around her until her the tension in her arm relaxed and the bat clattered to the ground. But he didn't let go of her hand.
"Look at me. Breathe." He said, softly reaching out to take off her sunglasses so he could look into her eyes.
After a few seconds she took a few steps away from Joel and took a deep breath.
"Joel, I told you I didn't want to do this. I can't let go like that."
Yes you can.
You can with me.
"But you feel better right?" He asked flashing her one of his trademark grins.
It was Alex's turn to smile as she put her sunglasses back on. "Let's go to work.