AN: so I'm back and guess what? Season 5 again! Ok this is a little tag, nothing more.
The episode is 5x04, not one of my favorites to be honest, but, I've always found the LaRoche-Jane-Lisbon convo in her office very interesting and inspiring. So, this happened.
She kept thinking about LaRoche's words, even in the security of her house;
even with the man of his dreams in front of her, busy with the tasting of the wine he had precisely chosen for their homey dinner.
"Your instincts to protect your team are admirable, and your biggest flaw."
She felt selfish somehow.
She knew she had protected Rigsby and that she would have done the same for every component of her team, but what if she had done all of this for herself though?
The happiness and the safety of her own team were everything to her and this made slip her job in a second place.
What about Jane? She knew Jane was another matter; yes because for Jane she would have ruined her career without even thinking about it.
It wasn't right, it wasn't professional but she felt it was necessary.
The fact that another person though, his boss in particular, had noticed this inclination, made her feel more vulnerable somehow and she didn't like it.
She didn't trust LaRoche, she didn't trust anyone except her team and that's why she needed to keep them safe.
A selfish thought again, maybe because she was scared to find herself alone, especially in the moment in which Jane would have finally faced his revenge.
Sometimes she felt like they were them against the world,
Lisbon and Jane.
The picture was quite romantic but scary though.
She knew how much she depended on him, how much every single thought of his brilliant brain made her reconsider every own action;
this tendency was weak, a little exaggerated maybe, but heartfelt, truly heartfelt.
She looked at him, a lazy smile playing on his lips, she loved his lightness and nonchalance even when the situation seemed heavy and unbearable.
She loved the dignity of his pain, always hidden in his heart and soul;
She loved also the rare moments in which he had showed that pain to her only, like she was someone different, a privileged one somehow.
Another selfish thought, wasn't it?
"Stop thinking about it." His voice interrupted her thoughts.
"About what, Jane?"
"Oh, come on, save me the details." He answered, sipping his wine slowly.
She was silent then, enjoying the homely sounds of their meal, she didn't know if she was too tired or too disappointed by herself to say something.
"Do you want to know what's my flaw, Lisbon?" Jane asked, sensing her pensive mood.
Your constant need of vengeance that is eating you alive, she thought absently, not daring to answer him.
"I don't know Jane, I have a long list to be honest." She replied, attempting a small joke that didn't convince even herself.
He chuckled. "You."
"Wh-What?" She asked confused.
"You are my biggest flaw." He answered, playing with the rim of his glass.
"God Jane, I don't know if I should be flattered or if I should smash this chair on your head."
He kept chuckling, "Lisbon, Lisbon, you're impossible!"
"Wait, are you telling me that this should be a compliment or a sort of positive thing? Because really Jane, it seems pretty bad to me."
"Meh, Lisbon, you would have been my flaw anyway, no need to be affected by me."
"Stop saying that, you jerk." She snapped back.
He considered her words for a little while, then she interrupted his train of thoughts,
"you know, sometimes, I wish you could see yourself the same way I use to see you."
She said, playing with her napkin, not able to meet his eyes.
"How? Like a great pain in the ass?" He tried, joking.
After a weak smile, Lisbon replied,
"No, like someone who's worth fighting for."
She met his gaze then and she saw something.. emotion, maybe fear... vulnerability, even if only for seconds.
"That's because you're a hopeless romantic, Lisbon!" He answered smiling.
She was grateful for the lightness of his answer, "me? Hopeless maybe, romantic no way."
They laughed together, enjoying their complicity once again, sometimes it seemed the only thing that made them keep going, like a breath of fresh air every time they were on the verge of drowning.
"I should probably go now." he said, and she noticed a hint of sadness that made her almost selfishly hopeful.
she led him to the door, observing him, his steps strangely slow, insecure in a sense.
She was so focused on his hesitant pace that she hadn't noticed how he had turned toward her, glassy eyes, accelerated breathe.
"I haven't been accurate before" he said, out of the blue.. "you're my flaw, that's true.. but I want you to know, that you're a beautiful one."
He looked in her eyes and found the need to keep going while his hand found her cheek with an audacity that didn't belong to him, especially not when Lisbon and his feelings were on the plate.
"One of those flaws that gives you the strength to open your eyes every single morning, one of those that you trust with your life, one who knows the worst parts of you but keeps thinking you're worth fighting for."
He saw how much his words had affected her, he saw the tears ready to flow down those beautiful eyes, but he perfectly knew that her stubbornness would have held back them until his leaving.
"I almost forgot, I'm pretty lucky because my flaw has two gorgeous emerald eyes that could make you forget every fear in the world."
She leaned in his touch and covered his hand on her cheek with her own.. then she kissed him on the corner of his mouth.
In that moment he knew that the only thing to do was leave.
"Sweet dreams Teresa." He said, kissing her forehead, lingering a little bit.
Then he left.
He had been quite sure of her tears the moment he would have left her house, he was surprised to find his own face wet though.
Tears were flowing down his face..
tears of tiredness?
Of eagerness?
Tears of hope, maybe?
Guess who was the hopeless romantic after all.
Ok that's it, I hope you liked it, let me know please, you know how much I love your thoughts.