Why Remus' Faith Wavered


Disclaimer

Just to briefly explain this piece: it is not the entire story. Nor is it the beginning or end of the story. It is merely a little ficlet – a nugget of what could be if I actually committed myself slightly more to one particular plotline! However, if you got this link from then you are probably reading this to get an idea of what my writing is like for the "big fan-fiction project". I hope this gives you a rough outline of my skills – whilst it isn't the cheeriest of ficlets, it doesn't mean I'm only an angst writer. I can write pretty much any genre, I just prefer interesting, emotional pieces -)

Of course, in case you didn't realise (which if you didn't, you should be slapped!), I don't own these lovely boys. Sadly. Very sadly. Wish I did. But I don't. JK Rowling is practically a deity in my books, so I would never want to steal anything from her… maybe just borrow instead ;-)

No one had ever asked Remus Lupin what he really liked to drink. Well, excluding the Marauders and Lily. But not the kind of drinking that involved his friends. The kind of drinking that one adopts at the end of a hard day, whilst reclining on one's favourite couch reading a good book. As he poured himself his drink, the werewolf reflected upon the day he had had. On a whole, and in comparison to the kinds of days other people tended to have, it was relatively quiet. In the life of Lupin, it had been filled with activity.

Lupin had once been related to Arista Ford, a well-meaning yet quite reclusive old woman who, on family occasions (which were few and far between) and Christmas (which only came once a year), professed to being his aunt. She was fond of the boy, that is to be certain, but she could never understand his fascination for books. Despite this, she had an extensive library that had once belonged to her husband, and, as is often the way with death, she had been too desolate to part with the dusty tomes after his parting. Therefore, when she died in late June of that year, Remus Lupin inherited her entire library.

Which is why, for the best part of the day, the man in his mid twenties had been cleaning, cataloguing and generally dipping in and out of the literally hundreds of books which had now come in to his possession. Although none were of much value, being old and tattered from much loving reference, Remus was still going to see if he could convince one of the smaller bookshops in Hogsmeade to pay a small sum for them. Whilst not living off bread and water, Remus had never been as rich as his friends and of course, as the saying goes, every little helps. With this in mind, Remus had devoted his spare time from early July to the present day simply skimming through each of the books and deciding whether or not they belonged in a bookshop, on his bookshelf, or with the gnomes at the bottom of the postage stamp his landlord liked to refer to as a garden. One or two belonged in the first group, about a quarter in the second and, what Remus considered sad, the majority in the latter. This was a combination of both a matter of choice and a matter of sheer bloody mindedness. Equally, there were some books that Remus would never give up. Titles including Hairy Snout, Human Heart, Hélas, j'ai transfiguré mes pieds and Saucy Tricks for Tricky Sorts were just too interesting to part with.

So, it was with both weariness and shock that Remus Lupin opened his door late that night to come face to face with one of his oldest friends – Sirius Black – with his wand at the ready and a look of sheer loathing on his face.

"YOU DID IT! YOU BASTARD!" Sirius screeched in the face of Remus. Without waiting for a reply, Sirius leaped over the threshold and had Remus pinned against a wall, his wand pressed against the middle of his chest. Remus could count the number of times he had been truly scared in his life on one hand. This could be classified as his left index finger.

"Sirius, friend, Padfoot," Remus tried desperately to communicate with his raging friend but to no avail.

"Why? WHY? What did he give you in return? Huh? What did you get? A free pass for the rest of your life from the torment of their lot? Why did it have to be them?" Sirius continued to scream, his eyes beginning to adopt the manner of eyes belonging to a man recently grief-stricken; they began to lose focus but continue to bore into the man held against the wall in front of him. As Remus listened to Sirius babble incoherently about how it shouldn't have been 'them' to have lost their lives, he suddenly realised who 'them' was. It was James and Lily. James and Lily were gone. Which meant that Voldemort had finally got to them. Which meant that Sirius had betrayed them all

"Sirius, listen to me. SIRIUS!" The harsh and abrupt tone of Remus' voice snapped his raving friend back to reality. "Sirius, I don't know what you're saying. Are Lily and James… are they dead?"

Sirius Black suddenly stopped. He stopped screaming. He stopped his immediate train of thought. He stopped holding Remus up against the wall of his own living room. He stopped and he evaluated the situation. He evaluated the situation as best a man can when he has just been told that one of his best friend's had just been betrayed and essentially murdered by another.

"Merlin. Oh fuck."

As Remus looked at him, unsure as to whether he would suddenly either spring upon him again or simply disappear in to thin air, Sirius raked his left hand through his chin length hair, muttering to himself.

"Where would I go? Where would I go to be safe?" Remus simply stared as Sirius continued to pull his fingers through his hair, one of his rings catching on a snag half way down and pulling out a clump without Sirius even realising. A thin trickle of blood oozed its way down Sirius' left temple and continued over his cheek. Suddenly observing his hand, Sirius ripped the straggle of hair from his ring and discarded it on the floor, watching it fall onto the rug. Whipping his head up, he met Remus' eyes.

"I know where no wizard would ever think of looking."

And with that, Sirius Black ran towards the open door, passed over the threshold and disapparated, leaving a shocked, weary, scared and mournful Remus Lupin to gather his thoughts and finish his drink.