THE REVENGE OF MARQUESS
The day started so well. A major drugs bust leading to five arrests at 10am, followed by a sudden death which turned out to be more intricately planned than sudden! Four chases, two on foot and the other in patrol cars, three gripping interviews incorporating a mixture of CID and uniform with DCI Morrell thrown in for good measure.
The station was on fire... not literally of course. Those days of bombings, bent coppers, relatives crawling out of the woodwork, illicit affairs and secrets were all well and truly in the past.
UNTIL... the dreaded phone call.
Trudie answered the call. As senior cast member she was always first in line for news - good or bad.
"Hi, it's Julie" said the programme co-ordinator. "It's bad news I'm afraid."
The green room went into a hush as all the cast gathered round to hear the news. Trudie, being a sensitive soul with the unique quality of tact and diplomacy, broke it as gently as she could. "Marquess is back... but before you all re-negotiate your contracts, I need to make it clear that he's only back for one episode."
"I still don't like it" said Alex raising his eyebrow.
"Oh I dunno." smiled Kim. "What harm can he do in one episode?" The silence was deafening as they all recalled the past few years of Marquess dominated TB.
The quiet was finally broken by the arrival of a runner brandishing reams of paper. "New scripts for old" the lad said chirpily in his best pantomime voice. He snatched scripts from actors' hands and replaced them with revised versions.
THREE MONTHS LATER
THURSDAY NIGHT 8pm
"Previously on The Bill" says the announcer.
Tony Stamp and Reg Hollis slowly walk down an alleyway to tackle a youth brandishing a tazar device. They flick their asps as they approach.
"Put it down son" says Tony in a fatherly manner. "There's no way out for you lad... you need to give yourself up."
...WAW WAW WAW WAW...Opening credits and music...
The lad holds up the tazar ready to strike. Tony and Reg move closer slowly. Suddenly there's a movement behind them. Reg turns round and a bright light almost blinds him. At first he thinks it's headlights but as he begins to focus he is stunned to see Marilyn Chambers before him.
"Marilyn?" Reg chokes.
Marilyn nods.. she then points up above Reg. He turns to look up to where she is pointing and sees the scaffolding plank topple off the top of the building above them. Instinctively Reg grabs Tony and pulls him backwards causing them both to fall to the ground. Seconds later the plank crashes to the ground right where they had been standing.
"Blimey!" says pre-watershed Tony. He dusts himself off and then sees the lad has gone and turns to Reg. "That kid has more lives than a..."
"It was Marilyn" Reg interrupts.
"What?" Tony looks at a shell shocked Reg"
"She saved me.. she saved us." Reg continues. "She was here Tony. Didn't you see her?"
"Erm no" Tony looks at Reg confused. "All I know is that if you hadn't pushed me out of the way.. well it doesn't bear thinking about... where did the plank come from anyway!" Reg and Tony look up at the building and what they see next sends them both reeling.
As they look up, a figure looks back down at them... his voice booms out.. "You all thought I was dead. You all thought I jumped off that building...ha ha ha..." David Kent was back.
Tony reaches for his radio and puts a call out for urgent assistance... Smithy happens to be in CAD when the call comes through.
Moments later Smithy stands shocked and dumbstruck.
"You okay Serg?" says Dean slowly.. quite aware that this might be his only line in this episode.
"He's still alive!" Smithy says bewildered. "The man who ruined my life. The man who made people think I was a date rapist when it was just a drunken knee trembler and nothing more. The man who raped Kerry. The man who killed the love of my life. The man who killed Andrea. The man who blackmailed Ruby and tried to blackmail Gina into putting him in for the advanced driving test. The man who had people beaten up on the Coal Lane estate. The man who pretended to be June's son, then actually tried to kill his adoptive brother. He's still alive!"
Smithy knows what he must do and turning on his heels he races out of CAD and heads for his car.
"Sergeant Smith where do you think you're going?" Gina snaps as Smithy races past her office.
"It's Gabriel.. David... he's still alive!" Smithy splutters.
"In here!" Gina nods to her office. Slowly she coaxes Smithy into the room and closes the door. "Now look... I know how you feel about him but..."
"But nothing!" Smithy snaps, his lower lip protruding, fists clenched and make up girl on standby with a tear stick. "He killed.." Smithy looks down slowly. Gina puts her arm round him comforting the officer who is like a son to her...maybe there is something in that...
Suddenly her phone rings. It's Jonathan Fox. "I can't see you now.. we'll meet later okay. ... oh alright... I'll be out the front in five... this had better be important." Gina puts the phone down and turns to Smithy.
"It's okay.. you go!" Smithy tries to summon a smile as the tears gently flow down the side of his face that is on camera.
As soon as Gina leaves the office, Smithy rushes out to his car, slamming the occasional door behind him and punching the coffee machine, without so much as a bruised knuckle.
Smithy appears to be one of many in a hurry to get out of the station. Maybe they sense that something is about to happen... maybe they worked out the pattern which would clearly lead them to the conclusion that a station explosion was due any episode now.
Terry is struggling to start his car. After three false starts he jumps out and yells to Smithy. "You couldn't give me a lift, could ya?"
Smithy sighs "Where you going?"
Terry sighs and rubs his head. "It's Lucy - she's been attacked by some geezer...and Bradley's gone missing again.. and my brother's been in a nasty fight in prison...I'm still stuggling to come to terms with my past and have an appointment with a counsellor which I probably won't keep cos I'm quite a private person .. oh and there's 30 paedophiles I'm supposed to call in on before midday."
Smithy nods to Terry to join him. David Kent would have to wait.
As Smithy starts up the car, Phil taps on the window. Smithy winds it down. "Couldn't fit one more in could ya?" Phil says hastily. "Only I got to be at IVF with Cindy about half hour ago...then I got to see Kate and my son off at the train station... after that I got to post this Christmas card to Madison... then I need to drop by a couple of houses to cop off with the women before their husband's get home, which will result in at least one more baby being born. A baby I'll hardly get to see before the mother takes it away to the Outer Hebrides or something like that!"
"Hop in" Smithy sighs.
Phil jumps in, followed by Mickey, who squeezes himself in. "Just drop me by my house would ya... Delaney's escaped again and I fink he's coming after me... I just need enough time to find him, call him some names, shout a bit about the past..fight him.. then nick him... I dunno, 5 minutes should do it.!"
Smithy starts the car up again... as they near the gates Ramani stops them. Terry winds down his window. "What's the matter Ram Arnie"
"Ram Man Ee" she sighs and tilts her head. "Margaret Barnes has been released from the secure unit and she's hunting me down...and...and"
Smithy snaps. "What Ramani's trying to say is that she fancies you Terry, but you're too wrapped up in solving crimes to see it. Oh and while I'm at it" he turns to Phil. "When are you and DS Nixon gonna stop faffing around and get together. We've all seen the looks and as cute as they are.. it's sickening!"
Mickey sniggers.
Smithy rounds on him. "I don't know why you're laughing. While you're busy flapping round with your shirt tails hanging out, your substitute dad, DCI Meadows to the rest of us, needs your help cos he's gonna get accused of corruption... but it shouldn't take too long to clear his name cos your ex copper fiancee is the one that's framed him!"
Everyone in the car is stunned.
Mickey breaks the ice "Bad day then Smithy?"
"Mustn't grumble" Smithy says sternly "I mean, at least I ain't been held hostage by some gun wielding maniac!"
"OI - SERGEANT SMITH!" bellows the tall figure by the driver's side window. "OUT THE CAR...NOW!!"
Smithy turns to look out the window and comes face to face with the barrel of a gun!
END OF PART ONE MUSIC
PARTS TWO & THREE
Smithy slowly gets out of his car and follows the gunman back into the station.
"What about Cindy?" Phil protests.
"What about Delaney?" Mickey shouts.
"What about Lucy!" Terry yells.
"and Margaret!" adds Ramani.
The gunman turns and waves his gun around a bit. "HE AIN'T BOVERRED!" he shouts.
Smithy tries to signal to the person on custody that he is in danger using the old secret wink. However, Honey hasn't attended that training course and puts a whole other meaning to Smithy's wink. She fluffs up her hair, perfects her pout, removes the black armband she's worn since Scott died, then removes Gary Best's arms from round her legs. "Gary – let me go!" she snaps.
"But Honey.. I only came back for you!" Gary sobs.
"You needn't have bothered Gary – we're history!" When Honey looks up again Smithy has gone.
Heading up to CID, Smithy and the gunman hear an almighty row.
"You're corrupt!"
"No you are!"
"Yeah but your wife left you!"
"So did yours!"
"but you had an affair!"
"As did you!
"Your father in law was bent!"
"Your son's in prison!!"
There was a slight pause.
"Fancy a coffee?"
"Yeah alright.. Two sugar's please."
Jack Meadows emerges from his office rubbing his head and sighing. As he passes Smithy and the gunman he mutters "Afternoon Sergeant Smith!" And walks out of CID.
The gunman signals Smithy to sit down – Smithy sits. "Now – to business" snaps the gunman.
Jack walks back in carrying two coffees from the fastest vending machine in the world. He sees Smithy and the man. "Sorry did you want one?" he mutters.
"Actually Guv I.." Smithy starts.
"Hold that thought Sergeant – I won't be long!" Jack re-enters his office closing the door.
The gunman turns to Smithy " As I was saying!"
Suddenly they are interrupted by raised voices.
"You're corrupt!" shouts Neil.
"No you are!" retorts Jack.
Outside on the streets of Sun Hill all appears quiet….no handbag snatches, no domestic violences, no mispers, just the occasional serial killing and a minimal number of sexually motivated race hate crimes… quite low for that time of the year.
Suddenly Sun Hill comes to life as the calls come in fast and furious to CAD.
"Jo Masters has been in a fatal accident..she was leaning over a high ledge but the weight was too much and she fell."
"Phil Hunter and Sam Nixon have been shot dead in lovers lane where they were on a stakeout in a car.. with steamed up windows and a reclining back seat!"
"Ramani De Costa and Terry Perkins have run away together to start afresh in Sri Lanka but Terry just wants to drop by in Thailand to sort out of the whole Glitter affair!"
"Yvonne and Tony have both collapsed from exhaustion after running after a 93 year old suspect. They've been medically declared unfit for the job and will be relocated in office jobs in a leafy village somewhere near St Mary's Mead."
"Sergeant Ackland has gone to the other side and joined Eastenders to be with Jim."
"Gina Gold has been poisoned while filming a bisto advert. Fowl play is suspected."
"Honey Harman, Roger and Reg have all been sectioned after all stating that they saw the ghost of Marilyn Chambers.!"
"Dan Casper and Will Fletcher have set up a hunks anonymous group and want to dedicate all their time to that and appearances at GAY nightclub"
"Mickey Webb has found Martin Delaney and killed him and has been sent down for life.. not for the killing but for the crimes against fashion.!"
Dean coughs.. "I think that about covers it!"
Smithy can't believe it. With all that is happening the only people left in Sun Hill are himself, Steve Hunter, Amber Johannsen, Suzie Sim, Adam Okaro, Dean McVerry, JT, Jack, Neil and Zain.
The radio cackles and Dean's voice rings out "Oh and DC Nadir has transferred to MIT, along with Suzie, Laura 'fast track' Bryant and all the TREVS"
Smithy thinks about his options and knows his only chance of rescue lies with the DCI and DI.
"Your father in law was bent!" roars Jack.
"Your son is in prison!" counters Neil.
Suddenly two gunshots ring out and Smithy sees two figures slump to the ground.
"The Super will resuce me" thinks Smithy.
At that precise moment Adam walks into CID. He nods to Smithy. "Sergeant Smith" and nods to the gunman "Afternoon!"
"I don't believe this!" Smithy stands shocked. Adam sees the gun in the gunman's hand.
"Taken hostage AGAIN Sergeant?" Adam sighs. "You really should be more careful."
"What!" Smithy says open mouthed.
"Not I'm sorry I can't stay but I've been made up to Borough Commander so I'm only required for occasional appearances and this afternoon is golf so…… Anyway, if you could leave your report on the new super's desk – of course that is if you survive this time.!"
Adam waltzes out of CID.
Smithy yells "Who's the new Super!!"
"I am" answers a voice in the shadows.
Slowly the speaker steps out of the shadows and there stands the new Super – Superintendent Gabriel David Whatever Kent.
Smithy stand up sharply and turns to the gunman "Please – shoot me.. SHOOT ME NOW!!"
Dum dum dad a dum da
NEXT TIME ON THE BILL
Amber is in the canteen polishing her nails…. Steve watches her from afar. JT gossips about this to Dean McVerry. The new Super is remarkable by his absence and Smithy embarks on yet another affair which is the focus of the episode because their isn't much else worth watching.