Summary:
"It was actually more fun than it sounds," I told him.
Eric smiled. "I wish I had been there then."
"No you don't," I shook my head. "There are far better ways for you to spend your evenings than to be with boring little me."
"You're wrong Ana. Everything about you intrigues me. The problem is that you still won't let me in."
And he was right. After a failed engagement, JoyAnna Summers aka Ana knew that she had to start a fresh new life for herself. She was left in Dauntless with no job, no home, and no money. She reminds herself throughout her struggles that a man had put her in this position. She had to get out of it. In the middle of it getting back on her feet she meets Eric Coulter, a man who reminds her similarly of the one she left. She doesn't want to get involved with him, not after what she went through.
Eric Coulter also has a past, a past littered with crime. But now that he's turned everything around, he wants something normal, something good. And being with Ana, things are more than just 'good', they're awesome. The only problem is that she keeps pushing him away. Eric is not one to give up so easily. He knows that there is something between them and he knows that she can feel it too.
Will she find out Eric's secrets? Will he find out what's gotten Ana so scared?
Can a relationship with Eric contrast to the one she just got out of?
Warning: The rating has changed to M due to language, violence and sexual scenes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.
There are also various television shows, movies and books that I borrow quotes from. Credit goes to those writers/producers.
Prologue
"I decided that we should do blue instead of green. What do you think," I asked.
"For what," Cain questioned.
I turned to him with a small smile. Quickly the smile dropped. Cain was on his phone again. He always gave me his full attention when we were talking about something before, the key word being 'before'. I shook my head and slowly made my way to the table. He must have had a busy day. He has been busy lately.
"Hey," I touched his arm making Cain jump a little. "Sorry. I know you've been working hard lately. We can talk about this later. Come on," I pulled him off the couch, "Dinner is going to get cold."
Cain sat down at our small table by the window. I looked over at him as he continued to type away at his phone. His job was taking its toll on him. I had met his boss numerous times and he had told me that Cain was exceptional young man. It made me proud of him and I told Cain that regularly. Knowing he was overworked I made his favorite for dinner. It wasn't like how his grandmother made it but it was the closest to it. Apparently not even his mother's cooking was this close. I smiled again as he ate, waiting for a thank you but it never came. And just as he finished he got up to leave.
"I'm going to my friend's house tonight," Cain put the plate in the sink.
"Okay," I nodded. "Don't stay up too late playing games with X. We're meeting your parents early tomorrow."
"X," Cain turned to look just as he slipped on his jacket.
"Yes, that's where you're going right?"
Cain smiled. "I have more friends than just X."
"I know but you always go to his house at this time of the night to play that Duty Calls game."
"Call of Duty," Cain corrected still with a smile.
I shrugged as Cain walked back and kissed my forehead.
"I won't be back late," he whispered and then quickly made his way out.
"I love you," I mumbled with that stupid dreamy look on my face when the door locked behind him.
Cain and I have been together since our junior year in high school. My parents didn't want me dating so young, especially since one of my older brothers had gotten a girl pregnant while they were in high school. That ruined it for me and the rest of my siblings. Our parents' trust in us went down extremely. They had to know everything that we were doing, why we were doing it, who we were with and when we were going to be done. It had seemed a bit over bearing but now that I think about it, they were trying to protect us. I didn't mind it. When Cain had shown interest in taking me Junior Prom, he had done everything to my parents to show that he was a responsible young man.
And that's what he was. Cain had already started working part time. He got good grades and had awesome friends who rarely ever got in trouble. In time, my parents came to love him and we were allowed to go prom together and eventually date. Of course, I fell for him hard and fast. He always made me smile and because of that, I always wanted to make sure that he smiled too.
I went to sleep that night with a small smile on my face. Soon I was going to be Mrs. Cain Banner. We were going to have our little family, drive those silly minivans with our kids in them and read to one another in our old age. I went to sleep that night with dreams of our future together.
That morning, I woke up and noticed that the bed was empty. I shrugged it off thinking that maybe he had just stayed at X's and would be by soon. I looked at my phone and noticed there were no missed calls or text messages to let me know. He usually did but he must have been too wrapped up in their games. I decided to shower and get dressed, that way I could be ready and when we came home we could just go to his parents' home. But when I came out, he still wasn't there.
Cain's phone rang but he didn't pick it up. Maybe it was on silent again. I walked out to the kitchen and made me something small to eat. I didn't want it to be heavy since we were having dinner with his family.
My phone rang and quickly I answered it.
"Ana?"
"Beth," I smiled. It was Cain's sister. "Hey, what's up?"
"What's up is that you two are late," she replied. "Where are you?"
"I'm still at home. Cain is at X's house. He knows about breakfast though, he said he'd be here soon," I lied. Cain's family was strict when it came to time. I had covered for him on multiple occasions.
"Okay, well tell him to hurry!"
"I will," I replied before the line went dead.
I called Cain's phone again and still no answer. We really were late. I had not noticed but I had been waiting here for Cain now for almost an hour. His mother was not going to be pleased. I tried and third time and it went straight to voicemail.
"Cain, I'm just wondering when you're coming home. Your sister call and we're kind of late," I left a message. "Hurry home okay," I said softly, "love you."
My feet took me back to the room and decided to get Cain out some clothes too just in case he and X fell off to sleep and I had to drive over there. I paused and thought for a second that I better call X.
"Hello," he answered groggily.
X and Cain had been friends since elementary school. When Cain and his family moved to Amity they still remained friends. Now that they were back together again they were inseparable.
"Hey, X," I greeted him. "It's Ana. I'm sorry that I'm waking you up. But I'm trying to get in touch with Cain. Is he still there?"
"Cain," X asked in a sleepy voice. "I haven't seen him since the day before."
"Oh," I stopped and looked around. "He must be with Blaze and Diesel then. I'm sorry again to have woken you up."
"Yeah, no," he shook his head. "It's okay. I had to get up anyways. If he calls I'll let him know you're looking for him."
"Thanks X."
"Yup, later Ana," he said before hanging up.
Where could Cain be? I went through the closet and pulled out his clothes. I waited for perhaps another half hour until I finally heard the front door open.
"Hey," I smiled and jumped up. "Good Morning there my sweet fiancé," I went to kiss him but he titled his head.
"We're late," Cain said.
"Of course," I nodded. "I laid out your clothes for you."
"Good," he mumbled before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.
Another three minutes past and he was out, dressed in the clothes I picked out and combing his hair.
"Alright, I'm ready. Your sister called. She was wondering…"
"Did you call X," he asked abruptly.
"Yes," I answered slowly. "Like I said Beth called. We were running late and you weren't answering your phone."
"It was on silent," he nodded.
I smiled shyly. "That's what I thought so I figured I call X and see if he could wake you."
"Oh yeah," Cain nodded. "Well I wasn't with X though."
"Yeah that is what he told me. I figured you were probably with Blaze or Diesel," I smiled.
"You really are the best," he kissed my forehead, took my hand and walked us outside to the parking garage.
The ride was quiet but I didn't mind. Cain turned on the radio and we were soon singing to whatever was playing. Sometimes he didn't like it when I sang. We'd tease each other like that often. Soon we were at his parents' house and I took a deep breath and turned to him with a smile. He smiled over too and unbuckled his seatbelt. I had moved to grab my bag when I noticed something sticking to the bottom of my shoes. Almost immediately I started to laugh.
"What's so funny," Cain asked with that same smile on his face.
"There's a condom here. I stepped on it with my heels," I stopped laughing but still smiled. "It must be from the last time you and I," I paused looking over at him to see he was no longer smiling. In fact he looked scared.
"What," he asked.
"You know," I leaned forward and kissed him softly. "That time we were in here," I whispered.
Cain chuckled. "Of course, how could I forget? What I did forget though was picking it up," he reached over and grabbed it off my heels. "I must have just thrown it on the ground."
"But we did pick it up," I shook my head. "I gave you a blow job right after," I whispered as if it was something scandalous. "I was the one who took it off of you and," I smiled shaking my head again. "Remember that was the first time we did things backwards. I mean usually we do the foreplay first and then have sex. But we had sex first," I said, "and then."
"Right, right," he nodded. "I'm just stressed with everything."
"Of course," I leaned in for another soft kiss. "Perhaps we can have a quickie before we go in," I hinted.
"It's alright Ana," he pulled back. "We're already late and besides I rather clean my car before you and I go another round in here."
I shook my head. "You and I clean out your car every Sunday after church. We just cleaned it, it should be fine." It was then that my smiled dropped. "We just cleaned it," I repeated.
"Cleaned what?"
"Your car, we just cleaned it."
"And your point is?"
"The last time you and I fooled around in your car was almost a month ago. We would have come across it by then, at least three times now."
"Maybe we forgot to vacuum over there."
"It was right here, Cain," I looked down and then back at him.
I gasped and shook my head because why else would there be a condom in my boyfriend's car. It couldn't be, I thought in shock.
"Why is there a condom in your car? I know it wasn't from us."
Cain let out a deep sigh. "It wasn't."
"Who is it from, Cain? Did someone break into your car?"
"No one broke into my car, Ana," he shook his head, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the headrest.
"Then," I paused and couldn't help the tear that fell down my cheek. "Was there," another pause and a choke to hold back my sob. "Was there someone in here with you?"
Cain's eyes opened and he looked over.
"Where were you last night? Why didn't you come back home? Who did you have in your car," I couldn't help but breakdown in tears.
"Ana," he shook his head. "Nothing happened okay."
"Who did you have in your car," I cried.
"Some girl," he shook his head again and faced the front. "She's just a friend that I've been talking to."
"What was the condom for, Cain?"
There was no reply.
"There has to be a condom on the floor for a reason."
Still he said nothing.
"Did you two have sex?"
"No," he finally responded. "We kissed. That's all that happened Ana."
"Why did you even kiss her? Cain we're engaged."
"I know we're engaged, alright. You constantly tell me that."
"I say it because I'm happy that we are," I wiped my face and then turned away. "Do you like her is that why you kissed her?"
"She's just a friend," he enunciated. "And I've been so stressed lately with work that it was nice to have someone to talk to."
"To talk to," I stated. "How long have you been talking to her?"
"A few months," he shrugged, "I don't really know."
"A few months ago we got engaged," I responded. "I don't understand. I thought we were happy. I thought everything was good."
"Everything is good, Ana. I just needed someone to talk to."
"Why didn't you talk to me? You always tell me everything."
"She's my friend, Ana. You're my fiancé and I didn't want you to be worried about anything. Besides you're so busy you're your wedding plans," he rolled his eyes. "You barely have any time to notice me."
"Notice you," I questioned. "Cain we haven't," I shook my head and looked out the window. "You didn't want to sleep with me," I murmured.
"What?"
"A couple nights ago, I crawled into your lap and you just wanted to watch TV. I knew you were stressed. I wanted to be there for you. I even went to your work place for lunch and perhaps a little extra something and you weren't even interested in seeing me. I dropped off your lunch with the girl at the front."
"I just wasn't in the mood on those days."
"What about after we went out to watch that movie and had dinner. Everything was romantic but you kept saying that you were tired and later on that night when we got home you ended up going to," I let out a slight laugh, "you said that you went to X's house."
"Are you saying now that I didn't?"
"No," I replied. "It's just that now I'm starting to think that…"
"So now you don't trust me," he asked.
"I do. I always have. It's just that. There's a condom in your car and I know it's not from me and you. And you have this friend who you talk to and kiss."
"Oh God," he almost yelled causing me to wince. "It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything. Look you're my fiancé. Aren't you happy enough with that? Aren't you happy that you're having your wedding in a few days?"
"Our wedding," I corrected. "That's the second time you've referred to it as being 'my' wedding. Cain it's our wedding. You and I are the ones getting married therefore it's 'our' wedding."
"Right," he scoffed, "our wedding."
"Cain, what's wrong? Are you getting cold feet?"
"No, Ana I'm not. I really do want to get married. I mean I proposed to you already. Its only days away," he nodded. "Let's just do it."
"Do you want to?"
"What?"
"Do you want to," I repeated. "It seems like you don't want to."
"We've been going out forever and it seems only right that we do," he said like it was just something that we were going to do and he couldn't change it.
"Wait," I shook my head. "Why did you propose to me in the first place?"
"Because I know that you wanted me to," was all he said.
"But you wanted to right," I asked quietly. "I mean you wanted to marry me right?"
"Yeah sure, of course," he answered. "I didn't want to break up with you so that's the next step we take is marriage."
"But if you didn't want to…"
"I never said that."
"No but most people marry someone because they want to or because they're madly in love and can't stand to be apart from one another," I replied. "That's how I feel and I swear I thought you felt the same."
"Are you telling how to feel now," he looked at me a way that I had never seen before.
I let my jaw drop in shock. Cain had never spoken to me like that before. Again there was that key word 'before'. I turned back to look out the front window and stare at the driveway in front of us. In the house were his parents along with some family members who had just come in. They have come to meet me, meet the girl that their Cain Banner was going to be getting married to. Cain asked me one more question and it made me feel betrayed.
"Is this what I'm to expect now that we're going to be married?"
"What did I do wrong," I said quietly as I sat there. "Cain, I did everything for you."
"Like what," he questioned.
I never held anything against him before. I never felt regret or resented him for the sacrifices I made. Cain had always been the loving boyfriend towards me so it more than made up for everything that I gave up but now that he asked like there was nothing, I couldn't help but bring it up.
"I moved to Dauntless because you wanted me to. I gave up my scholarship to go to Amity College. I knew no one when I came here and I came here because we were going to be together," I started to cry. "I quit my job working for Mrs. Reyes at the diner. She had no one to help her and you knew how much I loved it there. But I left all of that without a second look back because I was going to be there for you. Cain, I don't even work now because you told me to just focus on school and that you would take care of me."
"And I am doing my best, Ana. You don't need to throw it all in my face," he yelled.
"I'm not throwing it all in your face. I've never bought this up before. I've never held any of this against you! I have been the perfect girlfriend. I want to be your wife, Cain and yet," the tears continued to roll.
Cain shook his head. "You know what, we're both tired. It's been a rough week. Let's just get this dinner over with and we can talk about it later."
Cain threw the door open, slammed it shut and walked towards his parent's house. He didn't come over to open my door like he used to. He didn't even look back when I didn't come out right away. And later on that night, he dropped me off at our apartment and never came back home.
As the days that led up to our wedding drew close, Cain attempted to make small talk with me. None of the conversations were around our argument, the girl he kissed or our wedding. He treated it as though it never happened. It wasn't until the day before that was he bought it up.
"Are you mad at me for kissing Tasha," he questioned walking down the hallway.
"What are you talking about," I walked out of the bathroom to meet him.
"You didn't make breakfast. You always make me breakfast. Are you going to act like a child now just because I've been kissing Tasha?"
"Wait who is Tasha?"
"The girl that was in my car," he shouted.
"You're still talking to her?"
"Am I not supposed to?"
"Cain," I shook my head. "We're getting married in two days," I smiled. "I thought you would know better than that than to be talking to a girl that you kissed."
"Slept with," he interrupted.
"What," I took a step back. "I thought you told me that you didn't. That it was just a kiss. Why did you lie to me?"
"Ana," he shook his head and let out a small chuckle. "Look I've been stressed and you were always busy with wedding plans."
"That I included you in."
"Honestly," he chuckled again. "I just wanted some attention and I get it. I shouldn't have slept with her but I did and," another chuckle, "if you're going to be getting mad and holding back lunch from me just because I made a small mistake…"
"How long," I questioned.
"What?"
"How long have you been sleeping with her?"
"It was just once."
"Don't lie to me again Cain."
Cain looked down. "Fine," Cain sighed. "It's been a month, ever since you and I stopped sleeping together."
I had already been crying when I saw him reach an arm out to wipe away my tears.
"It's only sex, Ana. She means nothing to me. Look we're getting married tomorrow and from then on, it won't happen. I just felt alone and you weren't there for me."
I shook my head and wanted to argue but the pain was overwhelming. I had never thought that Cain would ever do anything like this. He and I were like the cutest couple, ever. My parents adored him. My brothers treated him like a brother. His parents were delighted with me. I always thought that we were happy together. That we were going to marry and have this wonderful life.
"I'm going to go," he replied. "I'll see you tonight for rehearsal."
And just like that he was gone. That night at the rehearsal, we practiced everything and looked happy together. Cain smiled at me like he did 'before'. Yes I used that word like that. Things went nicely and he even held me and kissed me deeply after it was all said and done. Things were just like 'before'. It wasn't until his phone beeped that I realized why there was a need for that word: before.
I couldn't help but stand beside the car as he spoke to this Tasha person on the phone. He didn't apologize to her for sleeping with her, instead what he said just hurt me further.
"Yeah, I decided to go through with it," Cain said.
I could only assume he was talking about our marriage. So that must have meant that she knew he was engaged. I couldn't help but wonder why would there were some women do that sort of thing.
"What can I say, she's a trusting individual. I think that's why it didn't bother me. She never looks at me as though I committed something wrong. Even just now, she looked happy," Cain stated.
They talked about me. Did they tease my trust in him? That was the thing. I trusted him! I never second guessed him. I never thought that he would lie to me. And did he just say that it didn't bother him?
"I know," he smiled.
And how did I know that he smiled because it was the tone of his voice. I missed that tone, I thought as my eyes closed.
"It was," he chuckled again. "And I mean it. Everything was fun."
I closed my eyes and let another tear fall.
"Yeah, I'm going miss you too," he said with a slight softness in his voice
He'll miss her?
"Really," he asked with some cheer.
I saw him reach over and open the dash compartment.
"I found it," he pulled out a pair of lacey underwear.
I pushed myself away from the car door. What was that? Was that something to remember their nights of 'fun' together? I couldn't take it anymore and hurried towards Beth's car. I asked her to drive me to her parents' place. My parents weren't coming in until the morning and I needed a mother right now. Mrs. Banner always liked me and I knew she would give me encouraging words of wisdom at this moment. But instead, I had gotten none.
"It happens," his mother waved her hand as if to dismiss me. "It happened with me and Cain's father."
"And you weren't the least bit upset about it?"
"I had just given birth to Beth and had been busy with her and Cain. I had no time for my husband so it was understandable," she smiled before she sipped her coffee while we sat in her dining room.
"But you just gave birth to his second child, he should have been…"
"Ana, a man has needs. I forgave my husband," she set the cup down. "Like I said these things they happen in marriages. They're a part of life."
"He made a vow to you," I shook my head.
"Ana, this is reality," Cain's mother stared at me seriously. "Kings always took a mistress. It's not uncommon. But the one that he married was Queen and got to rule by his side."
"We're not living in those days though."
"But that is to be expected. Do you think that every husband is faithful? Do you believe the fairytale wedding and the marriage without problems?"
"I know there will be problems but I also know that the husband will always look to the wife for support. Maybe not every husband is faithful. But I know a few who adore their wives with every fiber of their being," I started to cry. "My father is like that. My grandfather married my grandmother after they graduated and they've been together for close to sixty years now. They've never looked away from their wives!"
Cain's mother let out a sigh as if doubting everything I had said to her. "I spoke with Cain."
"And," I asked hopeful.
"And he said that he forgives you and still wants to marry you."
"Forgives me," I questioned trying not to laugh. "He's the one who cheated on me. He is the one who has been having an affair. I've…"
"JoyAnna," she said in a tone that made me stop. "You are the one who will make his house, have his children, and be there for him when he needs you. You will be the perfect wife and have the perfect home. But none of that will happen if you continue to hold this bitter resentment for him."
I shook my head and looked away.
"He may have the side flings here and there but know that he will always come home to you. You will put on a smile in front of his clients, make them dinner and endure your problems tolerably because that it was a good wife does," she stated firmly. "Now enough of this nonsense before someone sees you. I will call Cain to let him know you're here and will see him tomorrow at the Church," Cain's mother smiled before she patted my knee and then disappeared up the stairs.
When the morning came, my parents and all my family had arrived. We weren't as rich and traveling costed a lot of money. My mother smiled at me when I met them at the airport and immediately drove me back to the hotel room to get me ready. My brothers and father were crammed in another room for the time being.
"What's wrong, my Wildflower?"
I looked up from the mirror as my mother smiled at me.
"Cain had an affair," I swallowed as my mother's face looked at me with shock.
"You're certain? Cain, as in your Cain," she questioned.
I nodded. "He admitted to it."
"And yet you're here?"
"He said that we're getting married anyways," I shrugged.
"He apologized, came begging for you back," my mother smiled encouragingly. "There must be a reason why my Wildflower is still going through besides the fact that Cain said so."
"He didn't apologize," I shook my head.
"Then, Wildflower what's going on," she said down on the bench next to me as I turned to her.
"We're going to get married and I'm going to move past this," I smiled. "In fact I already am," I sat straighter. "Today I will become his wife and he's going to finish College and we're going to be happy together."
"He's going to finish College," my mother corrected. I looked away. "I know you called your father and told him that you decided to quit. Is that something Cain told you to do also?"
I shook my head.
"Do not lie to me JoyAnna."
"He said we were spending too much time apart."
"It's obvious where he was spending his time."
"Mother," I turned to her.
She waved it off. "Wildflower, I honestly don't…"
A knock came at the door and my father walked in.
He smiled. "There is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Well," he corrected and walked over to my mother, "second most beautiful," he smiled at her.
My mother smiled back and was pulled into his arms as they shared a small kiss.
"And now," my father turned to me. "I have the privilege of walking that second most beautiful girl down the aisle." His smile faltered. "Oh no, are we getting a little nervous," he teased and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
"Cain cheated on me," I blurted out causing my father to pull back and look between me and my mother
"Wildflower?"
"He admitted it, Papa."
"When was this?"
"It's been happening for the past couple weeks. He said he was lonely and I had been ignoring him and," I looked down and shook my head.
My father pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back gently.
"I'm assuming you made him beg on his knees to take you back," he said.
"That's the same thing I told her," my mother stated.
"I would expect nothing less from my Wildflower," my father pulled me back.
"I didn't make him do anything."
"He didn't even apologize to her Jonah," mother shook her head.
"JoyAnna Summers!"
"This kind of thing happens right," I shrugged.
"It may happen but it does not make it right," my father said in a serious tone. "And you," he touched my cheek. "After all that you did for the boy, you're going to sell yourself short like this?"
"I don't want to hold anything against him. Besides I did those things out of love and…"
"And is this something he did out of love," father questioned. "He sleeps with another woman and that is how he shows he loves you? That is being selfish JoyAnna."
"No, Papa," I shook my head. "I realized that I am being selfish. He's been stressed lately and perhaps I wasn't paying him enough attention."
"He has asked everything of you and you get nothing in return," my father stood taller. "I've seen it."
"I've gotten a wonderful home and he takes care of me."
"You have given that boy everything, JoyAnna. That is what you deserve in return. You deserve someone who can give you everything." My father took a step back. "I am a little disappointed that you allowed him to come back without a fight. You're worth that fight, JoyAnna. Now if you still want this, I'll walk you out this door and we'll head down to the Church. And your mother and I will love you for being strong."
They looked at one another and nodded.
"But," my father began. "If you are the Wildflower I know you are and you know that you worth putting up a fight for then know that I can call your brothers right now and we can have the biggest runaway bride moment. And we'll love you and support you for being an even stronger young woman for choosing to love and respect yourself. Either way the decision is yours."
I nodded and hugged them both.
Needless to say I wish I had been there when my mother walked down the aisle to inform Cain that I was nowhere to be found. Instead I was with four of my brothers and two of my cousins, packing up my stuff from the apartment and trashing Cain's.