A/N: I got a very helpful review suggesting I divide the story into more paragraphs to make it easier to read. So I deleted the original post, made some changes and posted this. More or less the exact same words, but with more paragraphs.

I took the liberty of breaking up Rory and Logan, just to get it out of the way. Hope you don't mind.

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls ain't mine and none of the characters are either.

Fuck Rationality

Jess leaned in. "I'm really glad you came."

"Me too." I answered.

Then before I knew what was happening Jess' lips were on mine softly kissing me. It had been so long. So long since I had felt what I felt in that moment. A mixture of feelings that needn't be defined, they just are. I kissed him back. I couldn't help it, it felt too right. It was right. So right that I deepened the kiss. A wave of new emotions swept over me as I felt him eagerly reciprocate. I wanted him closer. I needed him closer. I started to stand up taking him with me and never breaking the kiss. Breathing would have been an issue by now before, but not anymore. I was more experienced now. I knew how to breathe through my nose, and my was I grateful. Had I broken the kiss I might have started to think about what I was doing. Rationality would kick in. The pro and con lists were in the back of my mind threatening to be pushed into conscious thoughts. But I wouldn't let it. For once in my life. Fuck rationality.

We were standing now. Jess' left hand was on the small of my back holding me against him. His right hand tangled in my hair holding my head firmly in place as if I'd run if he let go. My arms were around his waist hugging him tighter by the second. God it felt good. Eventually we broke the kiss and I looked up into his eyes. There was a sparkle there I remembered having seen only a handful of times before. He looked beautiful. I leaned forward and buried my face in the crook of his neck, my arms still tightly around him. As I felt his arms go around me I sighed happily secretly praying he would never let go. We stood like that just holding each other. Really holding each other for the first time in three years. In that moment I knew I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me. To be there for me. Forever.

"I miss you." I whispered into his neck halfway hoping he would hear it and halfway hoping he wouldn't.

"I miss you too." He whispered in my ear and placed a swift kiss on my earlobe.

I smiled and kissed his neck softly. I felt his throat almost vibrate under my lips as he softly moaned. It was all the encouragement I needed. I trailed more kisses up his neck. Then his jaw line. Then his chin. Then my lips finally reached his and we were once again kissing. His tongue came into my mouth and the passion grew rapidly. My hands travelled over his chest touching, feeling and memorizing. In case this never happened again I knew I'd always remember. I would never forget. My right hand travelled down to his belt buckle and undid it before either of us could think. Then he broke away from me.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

A feeling that can only be described as pain, emotional and physical, hit me hard. I felt like I couldn't stand. I couldn't breathe. I was hurt. Badly. And I had to get out of there. I wouldn't cry. No way was I gonna let him see me cry over him. I have shed too many tears over Jess. And soon there will be more.

"I thought…I don't know I…We were kissing and you said…And I thought…" I was trying to explain myself, but I was hurt. And with hurt came anger. I don't owe him an explanation. I don't owe him anything. "You know what, Jess? I don't know what I thought. I'll just get out of your way!" And with that I spun around on my heel and all but ran out of there.

I sniffled and blinked rapidly desperately trying to hold back the tears that were already pouring down my face. Why had I come here? Did I really think something could happen with me and Jess? Did I really think we would actually be able to work something out? I did. That's how crazy I am. I actually thought Jess and I, the most dysfunctional couple in history, would be able to figure things out. Well tough.

I was digging in my pockets for my car keys as I heard footsteps behind me.

"Rory, wait!" I turned and saw Jess coming towards me. I didn't say anything just turned back to my car desperately fishing for my keys, but my hands were shaking so bad it wasn't easy. I felt a hand on my arm and wasn't able to resist as it forced me to turn around. I was face to face with Jess, but dropped my eyes so I was looking at the ground. "Rory, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away." I raised my head and met his eyes. He sighed and his face filled with concern. "And I really, really didn't mean to make you cry."

In my shaken up state I had forgotten about my tears. And I angrily wiped them away from my face. "Yeah, well you did." I sighed. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have kissed you and I shouldn't have come."

Jess frowned. "What are you talking about? I wanted you to kiss me. I kissed you first, remember?"

"Yeah, well it couldn't possibly have meant anything to you!"

Now Jess was losing his patience. "How the hell would you know that?"

"You turned down sex, Jess! I was all over you and you asked me what I was doing! But hey I get it. Now I know what it's like to be turned down. You got your payback. Now could you please let me get in my car, so I can get out of here?" A batch of new tears were gathering in my eyes.

Jess' voice was once again calm. Trying to calm me down. Trying to understand me. "Is that what you think happened in there?" I just nodded and felt the first tears slip into my mouth. "That's not it, Ror. I just don't think we should be doing that…this soon. I mean what are we even doing? Are we trying again or did we make a mistake kissing in there? Should we just go to our separate corners and forget the ugliness ever happened? Or should we deal with it?" Needless to say, he's a much bigger person than I am.

We were silent. Very silent. I knew he was waiting for me to reply. Or say anything at all. I knew what I wanted to say. For once in my life I was sure. And that without making a list. Without thinking it over for three months. I just knew. But I didn't know if I could say it. I didn't want him to turn me down. Feel that pain. It would be too much. He has broken my heart before. I knew how much it hurt. Fuck rationality.

"I wanna deal with it." My voice was barely above a whisper. I didn't even know if he'd heard me.

But he nodded. "Good. Me too."

I took a deep breath. To hell with it. "I was happy you kissed me, Jess. I wasn't lying when I said I miss you, because I do. So much. And I have tried to get over you. God knows I've tried, but I just can't. You're always there in the back of my mind. When I pass a bookstore, when I read, when I'm in class discussing books, when Almost Famous was on TV I almost cried! I mean, God! Even when I eat ice cream in freakin' cones I think of you! I've tried, but I can't!" By now I was full on crying again. I am the poster child for an emotional wreck. I felt Jess' arms around me, hugging me, stroking my back trying to soothe me.

"I wanna be with you, Jess. I know there's the distance and the baggage and stuff to work out, but I think it will be worth it."

Jess pulled away to look me in the eyes. He was smiling. "What about the blond dick at Yale?"

Despite everything I had to giggle. "I broke up with him. I told you I'd taken care of everything." I leaned in and kissed him. Soft and sweet.

"So we're doing this?" I asked him.

He smiled. "Yeah, we're doing this." We hugged and stood like that for a while just enjoying each other.

"I hate to be a buzz kill, but I should be heading back. I have class tomorrow morning at eight."

Jess sighed and pulled away. "Well then…" He leaned in and gave me a breathtaking kiss.

"I never wanna leave now." I said accusingly.

"That was the idea."

I smiled at him. And I mean really smiled. I kissed his cheek.

"Call me." He nodded.

I got in my car and embarked on the drive home. But I knew it wouldn't be long before I was back here. I was smiling from ear to ear and almost bouncing in my seat.

Ten minutes later my cell started ringing and I smiled as I answered. "It was about time you called me. I'm getting really bored here. There's nothing to see on the road from Philadelphia…"

I knew there were obstacles to overcome. Old happenings and problems to deal with. Issues to be discussed. But right now I wasn't thinking of any of that. I knew it would work out in the end if we stayed strong. Fuck rationality. This was love.