I still don't own Chase. Maybe for Christmas?
Why do I like him? It's a fair question. He is sarcastic on his best days, and a down right caustic, crude, sexist son of bitch on others. So what makes me like him? It makes me wonder, am I just as crazy as him?
Is he right? Do I only want him because he is a cripple? My track record says it might be true. I did marry a dying man when I was twenty-one after all. That is a time when most people are dating a different person every week, trying to figure out what they want and who they want to be with.
But I don't believe it's true. I am not that damaged. I am not drawn to people because they need me. Or at least because I think they need me. I love people for who they are, not what health problems they do or don't have.
If I was drawn to people because they needed me then I certainly wouldn't want House. He is perfectly content to be miserable and making others miserable all by himself. The only people he needs are Wilson to torment and write is Vicodin prescriptions and Cuddy to manipulate. Why would I want to change the status quo?
But I can't help it. It isn't just about me liking him. It is about wanting to earn his respect. I am a good doctor, and I got to this point by hard work. I didn't use my appearance to get anything. I want him to see that and recognize it. Not with an award but a day when he takes me as seriously as he takes Forman. He even respects Chase more than me, despite all his British jokes.
I still like him though. I know part of it is for his passionate pursuit of the truth in every case we take on. He stops at nothing to find the answer, and even if I don't agree with his methods I respect him for that.
And however ever bleak his outlook, sometimes he seems to understand the nature of humanity better than anyone else I have ever known, all summed up in his favorite expression and motto, "Everyone lies." As much as I hate to admit it, this has been proved over and over again in our cases, like when the father that slept with his model daughter, so forth and so on. Ugh. It makes me nauseous thinking about it.
And his eyes, my God, his eyes…they are the most amazing shade of blue I have ever seen. Sometimes they are the color of the Caribbean Sea, and other times they flash ice blue depending on his mood. When they are icy you had better watch out, he is on a war path and will take no mercy on anyone in his way. But when they are the calm, sea blue, you can see the passion for his patients he tries to keep hidden leaking through. House prides himself on being able to read everyone else's "tells" during poker games against Cuddy and Wilson but he gives off plenty of his own everyday. All you have to do look at his eyes. They tell you everything you need to know.
I am not sure where all this introspection has gotten me. So, I like House because he is a good doctor, understands the human race, and has nice eyes? Oh, and I want to earn his respect? That can't be it. But I don't know what else there is to it. Maybe it is some sort of Freudian subconscious thing. I just hope he doesn't ask me again, because I sure as heck don't have a good answer for him. And we all know how House tears apart bull-shit answers. He lives to tear that crap to pieces and the people who give those answers as well.
Hmmm…is what I feel for House like, lust, or love? I know I like him. But does it go as far as love? There days he makes me positively crazy, and his philosophy on being a doctor? How treating a patient is what makes physicians crazy? Nope, I don't agree, it is working with bosses like him that make us crazy. A boss with a drug addiction and who get off on other peoples misery. Please, someone tell me, why do I love him?
Love? Did I just think love? I guess I answered my own question. Damn it. I'm in love with my boss. More specifically Gregory House. Damn it. Damn it to Hell.
That's it on this one. Have a Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
3 2BlckBlt