Title: The Store That Had No Sunflower Seeds
Author: sourfall biznitch@ crispytomato.net
Feedback: Ohhh, please review. I live for it.
Rating: G
Category: Humour, I suppose. And a mini-adventure.
Archive: Yeah, sure. Just as long as ALL headers remain attached and you email me. I wanna know if I'm gonna be famous.
My Noble Comments: HAHA. this was something that popped into my mind when I was eating sunflower seeds and drinking iced tea. ;) Ahhh, gotta love the ideas.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder and Scully, or even CSM, *sigh* but I will soon. When I take over Fox TV and all their shows. Mwahaha. I also don't own Spitz sunflower seeds, though that is Step Two.
Onto the good stuff.
-------------------------------------------------------
It was supposed to be a quick drive, but that word was obviously lost on Fox Mulder. Scully just sighed as he pulled up by a little corner store, promising to be fast.
Scully waited patiently, pretending to be annoyed though so he wouldn't do it very often. She knew his sunflower seeds were important to him, so she tried to be understanding. She would be more understanding if he didn't make such a mess with the shells in their office though.
Scully looked at the clock again. It had been another five minutes.
Maybe there's a long line, Scully reasoned, if he's in there contemplating whether to get seasoned or salted Spitz, he better hurry up.
Scully tried occupying herself by watching a man try to figure out how to use a newspaper vending machine across the street. It was quite amusing. She got bored after awhile, which she realized was twenty minutes, so she decided to go get Mulder.
~~ In The Store.
Scully spotted Mulder studying the snack aisle critically.
"Mulder," she said, coming up behind him, "Hurry up."
He turned to face her, "I can't, Scully, you know how important it is for me to get my Spitz."
"Yes Mulder, I know, but it doesn't take this long, just grab one!" Scully said. He was so delusional sometimes.
"I can't, Scully, they must call out to me like in the movie Toy Story where the little green aliens are all waiting to be picked." Mulder's eyes went all hazy and thoughtful.
"Mulder," Scully snapped him out of it, "They are a bag of sunflower seeds. They are not in a movie. They do not talk. Pick one."
"As soon as I find them," Mulder held up his hand, stopping her from saying anything else. She did anyway.
"You mean to tell me that you've been in here looking for them for over twenty minutes and you haven't even found them yet?!" Scully looked at him like he was nuts.
"No, I was not looking for them, I was listening, now I will look," Mulder said as if it were completely normal to listen to your food.
So they looked. They searched high and low but there were no Spitz to be found. Mulder was panicking more and more by the moment as he and Scully scanned every square inch of the store. Scully just walked behind him seriously questioning his sanity and his fondness for the seeds, asking herself if maybe he was an addict.
"Mulder, they're not here, or maybe we missed them, just go ask the owner if he has any," Scully indicated the owner at the cashier.
"Scully," he said, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her, "are you trying to say that there are stores without sunflower seeds? Have you seen them? Do they exist?"
"Mulder, I don't know. I don't really look for them-" she was cut off by Mulder.
"No, Scully! It's listen first, then look!" Mulder instructed firmly.
"Whatever, Mulder," Scully was seriously wondering if he should be institutionalized, "Just go ask the owner if he has any."
"Sure. Fine. Whatever," Mulder said, a little angered. Scully just watched him go up to the owner and followed him with a What-Was-That? Look.
"Excuse me, where are your sunflower seeds?" Mulder asked the owner.
"Oh, um, we don't carry any here," the owner replied.
"WHAT?!" Mulder's eyes went so big; they looked as if they would pop out.
Scully rolled her eyes, knowing Mulder's next reaction.
"How can you not have any sunflower seeds?!" Mulder looked as if he would start crying, "I need them. I need them."
"Sorry about this," Scully smiled weakly at the dumbstruck owner as Mulder collapsed on the floor.
"Now, Mulder, why don't we just go to another store and buy some, ok?" Scully talked to him as if he were a little child.
"How could this be, Scully? A store with no sunflower seeds." Mulder sobbed.
Scully pulled Mulder off the ground (not an easy feat) then half pushed, half dragged him out of the store and into the car. She got in the driver's seat and started driving back to his apartment.
~~ An hour later.
After going to a countless number of convenience stores, Scully was exhausted. She had promised Mulder some sunflower seeds but there were none. She would be paranoid to think it was a conspiracy, but being around Mulder for eight years could do that to a person.
"Scully, why aren't there any sunflower seeds anywhere?" Mulder whined.
"I don't know, but shut up, you're annoying," Scully paused, "OK, sorry, but I can't find any. I'll get you some though, I promised."
"No, there aren't any, Scully. I've communicated with the Mother Sunflower and all the stores don't have any sunflower seeds," Mulder explained.
Scully chose to ignore the part about the "Mother Sunflower" and to just. stop pressing the matter, although a little voice in her mind kept saying, "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!".
Stop it!, she commanded herself, I don't want to start hearing voices too.
"OK, fine Mulder, why don't I take you home then?" Scully asked.
"OK," Mulder mumbled. It was time for is just-got-over-the-injustice- and- now-I'm-mad mood.
Scully sighed, it's gonna be a long night.
~~ Mulder's Apartment
Scully had gone up with him to make sure he didn't start thinking about suicide. Just a minute after arriving, he went nuts again.
"Maybe I left a pack around somewhere. I'm sure I did. why are you just standing there, Scully? Help me look, I've done all the listening so far," Mulder made a face at her.
She rolled her eyes and complied half-heartedly.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!, Scully's brain went on and on.
~~ An Hour Later.
They had found nothing. Not even a shell to even prove the existence of such a wonderfully crunchy snack.
"Scully, it's a conspiracy!" Mulder shouted suddenly after not talking for half an hour.
"Right."
"No, really! I can prove it!" Mulder got all excited and started jumping.
"How?" Scully raised her eyebrows, very amused at his attempts to jump higher and higher then making a face when he couldn't go any higher.
"Because we have no proof! That is the proof, DUH!" Mulder explained slowly like it was obvious.
"I lost my keys the other day. Was that a conspiracy? No, Mulder, it wasn't, because I found them later that night under the couch," Scully pointed out.
"Oh, psh!" Mulder dismissed, "Those were just your keys. these are SUNFLOWER SEEDS, Scully!"
She stared at him blankly.
"Oh, geez. nevermind then. Don't believe me, you never do anyway, and look who's usually right? Huh? Psh." Mulder crossed his arms and turned his back to her, snubbing her.
Scully rolled her eyes (they were gonna get stuck like that one day).
"I believe that you believe yourself," Scully offered meekly.
"What a surprise," Mulder said sarcastically.
"It's just sunflower seeds, maybe there was an. accident or something with the delivery truck," Scully said.
"You think?" Mulder looked skeptical.
"Yes, I do, but since when do you believe me?" Scully turned away from him, snubbing him.
"Never," Mulder answered honestly.
"That's my point, stupid," Scully turned her nose up.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Be that way."
"No, you be that way, Scully."
"No, you be that way, Mulder."
"No, you-"
"SHUT UP!"
"Fine, be that way."
"I will, Mulder."
"I know you will, Scully."
They stood in snubby silence for awhile, until there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it!" they both burst out and rushed to the door.
When they got to the door, they banged heads and fell back onto the floor in opposite directions.
"Ow!" they said in unison.
"Mr. Mulder?" a familiar calm, measuring voice said behind the door.
"The smoking man?!" Mulder and Scully looked at each other shocked as they said the words again in unison.
Scully, who was closer, opened the door and peered up from the ground.
"Hello, Agent Scully," he said evilly.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I have a present here for Mr. Mulder," he held out a bag of seasoned Spitz.
Mulder gasped, "I love the seasoned kind."
"I will give you the last bag of sunflower seeds remaining on Earth if you both sell your souls to me," CSM chuckled evilly, waving the bag enticingly.
Mulder and Scully started drooling.
"OK," Mulder said non-chalantly and reached for the bag.
"HEY! It's my soul too," Scully cut him off.
"Well, Miss Scully?" CSM waved the bag again.
"Um. well. um well." she looked at CSM, Mulder, the bag then repeated this pattern at least five times, "Um. sure, I guess, yeah."
"Ooooooo, Scully, I love you, you are the best!" Mulder told her as he grabbed the bag of sunflower seeds.
"I know," she said snottily.
"Hey. where did he go?" Mulder asked.
"I don't know. I only turned my head for a second," Scully answered.
"Oh well, who cares, we got sunflower seeds!" Mulder hollered.
"Oh yeah.!" Scully looked as if she just remembered.
They raced to the couch and turned on the TV.
"You know, Scully, you're the only person in the world I would share the last bag of sunflower seeds on Earth with," Mulder was trying to be all sweet and cuddle-worthy.
"Do you have any beer?" Scully ignored his statement.
"In the fridge," he answered.
"Yay," she answered and crunched her way to the fridge over the spit out shells.
"Well, this was a conspiracy not to be forgotten," Mulder muttered to himself, shaking his head, the action making little shells fall out of his mouth and accumulate with the others on the ground.
~~ END
Author: sourfall biznitch@ crispytomato.net
Feedback: Ohhh, please review. I live for it.
Rating: G
Category: Humour, I suppose. And a mini-adventure.
Archive: Yeah, sure. Just as long as ALL headers remain attached and you email me. I wanna know if I'm gonna be famous.
My Noble Comments: HAHA. this was something that popped into my mind when I was eating sunflower seeds and drinking iced tea. ;) Ahhh, gotta love the ideas.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder and Scully, or even CSM, *sigh* but I will soon. When I take over Fox TV and all their shows. Mwahaha. I also don't own Spitz sunflower seeds, though that is Step Two.
Onto the good stuff.
-------------------------------------------------------
It was supposed to be a quick drive, but that word was obviously lost on Fox Mulder. Scully just sighed as he pulled up by a little corner store, promising to be fast.
Scully waited patiently, pretending to be annoyed though so he wouldn't do it very often. She knew his sunflower seeds were important to him, so she tried to be understanding. She would be more understanding if he didn't make such a mess with the shells in their office though.
Scully looked at the clock again. It had been another five minutes.
Maybe there's a long line, Scully reasoned, if he's in there contemplating whether to get seasoned or salted Spitz, he better hurry up.
Scully tried occupying herself by watching a man try to figure out how to use a newspaper vending machine across the street. It was quite amusing. She got bored after awhile, which she realized was twenty minutes, so she decided to go get Mulder.
~~ In The Store.
Scully spotted Mulder studying the snack aisle critically.
"Mulder," she said, coming up behind him, "Hurry up."
He turned to face her, "I can't, Scully, you know how important it is for me to get my Spitz."
"Yes Mulder, I know, but it doesn't take this long, just grab one!" Scully said. He was so delusional sometimes.
"I can't, Scully, they must call out to me like in the movie Toy Story where the little green aliens are all waiting to be picked." Mulder's eyes went all hazy and thoughtful.
"Mulder," Scully snapped him out of it, "They are a bag of sunflower seeds. They are not in a movie. They do not talk. Pick one."
"As soon as I find them," Mulder held up his hand, stopping her from saying anything else. She did anyway.
"You mean to tell me that you've been in here looking for them for over twenty minutes and you haven't even found them yet?!" Scully looked at him like he was nuts.
"No, I was not looking for them, I was listening, now I will look," Mulder said as if it were completely normal to listen to your food.
So they looked. They searched high and low but there were no Spitz to be found. Mulder was panicking more and more by the moment as he and Scully scanned every square inch of the store. Scully just walked behind him seriously questioning his sanity and his fondness for the seeds, asking herself if maybe he was an addict.
"Mulder, they're not here, or maybe we missed them, just go ask the owner if he has any," Scully indicated the owner at the cashier.
"Scully," he said, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her, "are you trying to say that there are stores without sunflower seeds? Have you seen them? Do they exist?"
"Mulder, I don't know. I don't really look for them-" she was cut off by Mulder.
"No, Scully! It's listen first, then look!" Mulder instructed firmly.
"Whatever, Mulder," Scully was seriously wondering if he should be institutionalized, "Just go ask the owner if he has any."
"Sure. Fine. Whatever," Mulder said, a little angered. Scully just watched him go up to the owner and followed him with a What-Was-That? Look.
"Excuse me, where are your sunflower seeds?" Mulder asked the owner.
"Oh, um, we don't carry any here," the owner replied.
"WHAT?!" Mulder's eyes went so big; they looked as if they would pop out.
Scully rolled her eyes, knowing Mulder's next reaction.
"How can you not have any sunflower seeds?!" Mulder looked as if he would start crying, "I need them. I need them."
"Sorry about this," Scully smiled weakly at the dumbstruck owner as Mulder collapsed on the floor.
"Now, Mulder, why don't we just go to another store and buy some, ok?" Scully talked to him as if he were a little child.
"How could this be, Scully? A store with no sunflower seeds." Mulder sobbed.
Scully pulled Mulder off the ground (not an easy feat) then half pushed, half dragged him out of the store and into the car. She got in the driver's seat and started driving back to his apartment.
~~ An hour later.
After going to a countless number of convenience stores, Scully was exhausted. She had promised Mulder some sunflower seeds but there were none. She would be paranoid to think it was a conspiracy, but being around Mulder for eight years could do that to a person.
"Scully, why aren't there any sunflower seeds anywhere?" Mulder whined.
"I don't know, but shut up, you're annoying," Scully paused, "OK, sorry, but I can't find any. I'll get you some though, I promised."
"No, there aren't any, Scully. I've communicated with the Mother Sunflower and all the stores don't have any sunflower seeds," Mulder explained.
Scully chose to ignore the part about the "Mother Sunflower" and to just. stop pressing the matter, although a little voice in her mind kept saying, "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!".
Stop it!, she commanded herself, I don't want to start hearing voices too.
"OK, fine Mulder, why don't I take you home then?" Scully asked.
"OK," Mulder mumbled. It was time for is just-got-over-the-injustice- and- now-I'm-mad mood.
Scully sighed, it's gonna be a long night.
~~ Mulder's Apartment
Scully had gone up with him to make sure he didn't start thinking about suicide. Just a minute after arriving, he went nuts again.
"Maybe I left a pack around somewhere. I'm sure I did. why are you just standing there, Scully? Help me look, I've done all the listening so far," Mulder made a face at her.
She rolled her eyes and complied half-heartedly.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!, Scully's brain went on and on.
~~ An Hour Later.
They had found nothing. Not even a shell to even prove the existence of such a wonderfully crunchy snack.
"Scully, it's a conspiracy!" Mulder shouted suddenly after not talking for half an hour.
"Right."
"No, really! I can prove it!" Mulder got all excited and started jumping.
"How?" Scully raised her eyebrows, very amused at his attempts to jump higher and higher then making a face when he couldn't go any higher.
"Because we have no proof! That is the proof, DUH!" Mulder explained slowly like it was obvious.
"I lost my keys the other day. Was that a conspiracy? No, Mulder, it wasn't, because I found them later that night under the couch," Scully pointed out.
"Oh, psh!" Mulder dismissed, "Those were just your keys. these are SUNFLOWER SEEDS, Scully!"
She stared at him blankly.
"Oh, geez. nevermind then. Don't believe me, you never do anyway, and look who's usually right? Huh? Psh." Mulder crossed his arms and turned his back to her, snubbing her.
Scully rolled her eyes (they were gonna get stuck like that one day).
"I believe that you believe yourself," Scully offered meekly.
"What a surprise," Mulder said sarcastically.
"It's just sunflower seeds, maybe there was an. accident or something with the delivery truck," Scully said.
"You think?" Mulder looked skeptical.
"Yes, I do, but since when do you believe me?" Scully turned away from him, snubbing him.
"Never," Mulder answered honestly.
"That's my point, stupid," Scully turned her nose up.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Be that way."
"No, you be that way, Scully."
"No, you be that way, Mulder."
"No, you-"
"SHUT UP!"
"Fine, be that way."
"I will, Mulder."
"I know you will, Scully."
They stood in snubby silence for awhile, until there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it!" they both burst out and rushed to the door.
When they got to the door, they banged heads and fell back onto the floor in opposite directions.
"Ow!" they said in unison.
"Mr. Mulder?" a familiar calm, measuring voice said behind the door.
"The smoking man?!" Mulder and Scully looked at each other shocked as they said the words again in unison.
Scully, who was closer, opened the door and peered up from the ground.
"Hello, Agent Scully," he said evilly.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I have a present here for Mr. Mulder," he held out a bag of seasoned Spitz.
Mulder gasped, "I love the seasoned kind."
"I will give you the last bag of sunflower seeds remaining on Earth if you both sell your souls to me," CSM chuckled evilly, waving the bag enticingly.
Mulder and Scully started drooling.
"OK," Mulder said non-chalantly and reached for the bag.
"HEY! It's my soul too," Scully cut him off.
"Well, Miss Scully?" CSM waved the bag again.
"Um. well. um well." she looked at CSM, Mulder, the bag then repeated this pattern at least five times, "Um. sure, I guess, yeah."
"Ooooooo, Scully, I love you, you are the best!" Mulder told her as he grabbed the bag of sunflower seeds.
"I know," she said snottily.
"Hey. where did he go?" Mulder asked.
"I don't know. I only turned my head for a second," Scully answered.
"Oh well, who cares, we got sunflower seeds!" Mulder hollered.
"Oh yeah.!" Scully looked as if she just remembered.
They raced to the couch and turned on the TV.
"You know, Scully, you're the only person in the world I would share the last bag of sunflower seeds on Earth with," Mulder was trying to be all sweet and cuddle-worthy.
"Do you have any beer?" Scully ignored his statement.
"In the fridge," he answered.
"Yay," she answered and crunched her way to the fridge over the spit out shells.
"Well, this was a conspiracy not to be forgotten," Mulder muttered to himself, shaking his head, the action making little shells fall out of his mouth and accumulate with the others on the ground.
~~ END