Midterms, Pillows, and the Lorelais

By: Alyson Tierney

DISCLAIMER: All characters and related objects, places, and ideas are all solely the property of Amy Sherman-Palladino and the WB Network. The song is "Where you Lead" by Carole King. I'm simply borrowing them and will return them in a timely fashion.

NOTE: I wrote this story during midterms, so I was all stressed out, and it really helped with my stress. I hope that you guys got some writing done to release yours, and did well on your midterms! Enjoy this little piece of work, and please review!

Rory Gilmore snuggled into her pillow. It felt good to be at home for a few days, after midterms the previous week. Rory thought back, reflecting. She was pretty sure she'd done a really crappy job on every exam except for Philosophy. She just found herself wanting everything but school. She wanted to be with her mom, her friends, Dean, her grandparents. She wanted to be reading, watching movies, going to Luke's. Basically, she wanted to be in high school again. She had done so well in high school, and now she was struggling. Yes, there was work in high school, but college was so stressful it made her sick. Add that to her stress over breaking up Dean and Lindsay, losing her virginity, her grandparents' separation, and her mom was dating Luke. Rory wasn't so sure where she stood on that. She wanted to be happy for Lorelai but she'd seen how sad her mom felt after previous relationships had ended. Rory could tell her mom and Luke had wanted this for a long time and she knew how crushed they would both be if the relationship didn't work out. Rory now understood how high school and college dropouts felt. For the first time in her life, she didn't think they were acting stupidly at all. Take her mom for example. Lorelai hadn't finished high school, and now she owned her own inn.

Rory sighed and rolled over to look at the clock. 1:46 AM. She just wasn't tired. She would normally go and talk to her mom by now, but Lorelai had a long week herself, and Rory didn't want to bother her. Rory flipped on her bedside lamp, looking around the semi-lit room. It looked the same as it had her entire high school career. Rory smiled as she noticed small things that had been there for ten or so years. Her ladybug stapler, her gum wrapper necklace Lane had made her when they were eleven, and Colonel Clucker. She'd actually had the Colonel since she was four. The fat, feathery chicken had been through a lot with her. Turning back to her bedside table, Rory picked up the paperback book that was resting there, then snuggled back into her pillows, and began to read.

Lorelai had woken up to go to the bathroom, and now she couldn't fall back to sleep. She yawned, getting up to head downstairs for some cocoa. As she padded into the kitchen in her slippers, she noticed a light under her daughter's door. Lorelai went to the door and slowly eased it open a few inches. She smiled as she saw her daughter snuggled in bed reading. It was a picture perfect moment, and Lorelai forgot everything else as she just studied her baby.

Rory sensed someone in the doorway and looked up. She shrieked and her book fell out of her hands before she realized it was only her mom, "Geez! Heart attack!" Rory exclaimed, as Lorelai entered the room.

"Sorry, darling." Lorelai sat on her daughter's bed, "I was just enjoying watching my little girl all grown up."

"Not so grown up." Rory corrected, playing with the bed covers.

"You look mighty grown up to me." Lorelai observed, in a teasing tone.

"Well, I'm not!" Rory said, harsher than she meant.

Lorelai's face changed from playful to worried, "What's wrong, babe?" she asked her daughter, inching closer. Rory just shrugged, but her eyes were filled with tears. Lorelai's face pulled into a sympathetic pout as she shifted so she could sit next to her daughter on the bed. Rory instantly folded into her mother's embrace, snuggling into her shoulder, "Tell Mommy, sweetie."

Rory mumbled something unintelligible.

"What?" Lorelai prodded.

Rory shook her head, "It's too embarrassing."

"Honey, you used to like to color your fingers brown with markers and use them to go fishing in the pond by the potting shed. What could be more embarrassing than that?" Lorelai asked, trying to tease a smile out of her daughter.

It worked, too. Rory smiled, a chuckle escaping her lips. Then she frowned, "Failing when I always succeed is more embarrassing," she told her mom.

"You're failing?" Lorelai asked, sounding less surprised than Rory would have thought. At Rory's miserable nod, Lorelai continued, "Failing all your classes? One class? Failing as in a C-? An actual F?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes." Rory answered, grimacing pitifully.

"Oh, honey. Why? Is it the subject? The teachers?" Lorelai asked.

"No. It's me not caring." Rory sat up and faced her mom, "I just don't care anymore about anything. Everything I do is automatic right now. I eat, I sleep, I sneeze, I study, but I'm not caring what I'm studying, therefore I'm failing."

"And you're failing everything?" Lorelai asked, completely aghast.

"Well, no." Rory amended.

"Thank you." Lorelai smiled.

"It's looking pretty grim, but I wouldn't say I'm straight out failing everything. My philosophy grade's actually looking pretty nice." Rory smiled at the thought. She really liked her philosophy class.

"See? You do care about something then. Hey, I would care about that, philosophy sounds like a great course. You're taking history and statistics, which are about the two hardest general courses known to men. What are the other ones?" Lorelai asked.

"Psychology and creative writing," Rory reminded her mother, "But I love creative writing, and the good thing is that I have homework that I would normally do anyway—writing." Rory smiled.

"Okay, so two things you care about school-wise. And you care about other things too—your relationship with Dean, me, Lane, your grandparents. You still have a passion for writing. You haven't lost your wit. Sweetie, you're just in a tough time for anyone growing up. You're learning to be independent from me, and learning how to make a place for yourself in the world. It's normal for you to be scared and anxious and worried. Add that to the stress you've been under lately with Dean, and your grandparents separating, and it's amazing you haven't gone off the deep end. Rory, it's exactly that fact that you haven't that makes me positive you can do it. Let me tell you something though. I will help you. I will be there for you whenever you need me, but I will also be there to give you a little push when you need it. You just need faith in yourself that you can do it. And I know you can." Lorelai finished, smiling and taking her daughter's hands in hers, "You can do it." Lorelai repeated firmly.

Rory's lip quivered and she smiled, "Really?" she whispered brokenly.

"Really." Lorelai smiled broadly, "And I'm still here."

"Yeah." Rory said in a soft voice. She lay back down, sprawled over her mother's chest, "Thank you, Mommy."

"You're welcome, baby." Lorelai smiled down at her daughter and kissed her forehead. "Just call out my name, and I'll be there."

"On the next train." Rory supplied.

"Where you lead, I will follow..." Lorelai sang softly. Rory joined in, and they quietly sang until Lorelai was sure Rory had fallen asleep. Lorelai turned off the light, and just as she was about to drift off herself, she heard Rory's sleepy voice.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?" Lorelai asked, running her hands over her daughter's short hair.

"Um...you remember when you told me I could talk to you about anything I needed to?" Rory asked, "No matter how embarrassing?"

Lorelai smiled, "Yes, honey, and that still stands. Anything you need."

Rory squirmed a little, "Um...is...um..."

"What is it honey?" Lorelai urged her.

"I just...I never had anyone to talk to after my first time with Dean—after any of my times with Dean. I think I was afraid to bring it up to you, but I feel like I need to." Rory said, in a quiet voice.

Lorelai couldn't believe her ears. Her daughter was actually going to confide her private sex life to her. They were best friends, yes, but Rory had been keeping that to herself for over five months. She smiled supportively, "I'm listening, sweetheart."

Lorelai listened as Rory talked; spilling to her mom what exactly had happened that night, and the nights afterwards, too. She was still stunned and hurt that her baby had lost her virginity, but she was infinitely glad that Rory was talking to her about it, and told her so. Rory smiled and snuggled close to her mom, "Thanks. I love you." Rory whispered.

"I love you too." Lorelai answered, rubbing her baby's back, trying to soothe her to sleep. It was now nearly three in the morning, and they needed their rest. Pretty soon, both Lorelai and Rory were asleep, and the Gilmore house was quiet again.