Shattered. Chapter 1.
Music: Sarah McLaughlin - Angel
Squall stood on the edge of the balcony looking out at the reflection of the moon rippling gently in the water and was holding back fifty emotions that could lead to fifty different outcomes if they would take control. His expression was the same. Emotionless, but with just a hint of pain on his brow. "What am I doing here?" he thought. His eyes felt deathly dry, but he didn't blink. His chest felt hollow but he showed nothing on the outside.
It had been a month now since they had broken up. Squall and Rinoa...the dramatic relationship where the softspoken princess softened the heart of the quiet storm and opened his heart to love... It had reflected all around the Garden and was actually a popular fairy tale. A modern day fairy tale anyways...in fact, in a couple months it would probably be forgotten. It was insignificant, as was he. This is what he kept telling himself over and over. Maybe it was his way of keeping himself from being disappointed with life: Always expect the worst. In any case, he was alone now, and strangely enough, that wasn't what was bothering him. Was it? Why was he so hard to read?
Quistis had once loved him...she still did, but she had changed the feeling. She forged it more into a feeling of brotherly love now than a feeling of passion. She knew in her heart that the passion could still be reignited one day if the right things happened. It had flared once. They had stood on that same balcony that she now looked down on from the office window she now watched him from. "I used to be able to read you like an open book, Squall. What happened to you? You were so predictable...'I'm more complex than you think', you once told me...I laughed and thought you were being dramatic...now I stand here watching you, and I don't know what you're thinking... I never know what you are going to say anymore...you never smile anymore...you barely speak, you always want solitude...What happened to you?" She said quietly to herself while continuing to watch him. She touched the curtain with her fingertips and absentmindedly tightened her fingers around the edge. She remembered him a month ago. He actually had become social. He smiled, he joked, and he laughed....that's what she remembered the most. It was the laughter. She thought back to the kiss the two of them had shared on the night he became a SeeD. He told her that if she needed someone to talk to so badly then he should go talk to a wall. She grabbed his arm, forced him to face her and then slapped him with all her strength. She had tears in her eyes and one fell down her cheek. He hand went to her face and she thought he was going to slap her back for a moment. He completely caught her off guard when he touched her cheek with his hand. He wiped the tear from her cheek and then kissed her lips. That was when she realized for the first time that she didn't have him as figured out as much as she thought she had.
Her thoughts bounced all over the place and her vision was blurred from the salty water building in front of her vision. She snapped back to the present and blinked the tears away before they could fall. She turned her attention back down to Squall who hadn't moved. "Please tell me..." she whispered to no one in particular. She remembered back to some of the hurtful things he had said to her...there had been a lot of them. She had loved him, hated him, loved him again, despised him, put up with him, and loved him again... it was a cycle that had repeated itself so many times. She didn't know what it was that she saw in him, but there was something about him...he was so strong. He seemed to hold so much in and would put the weight of the world on himself if he thought he could handle it. He wasn't smiling anymore and that was wrong. She knew it and she knew that he knew it. He was old Squall again. He's the scared and angry young man he was before he had ever met Rinoa Heartily...but colder. More distant. At one point he had been an instructor. He had his own homeroom and was teaching a squad of students to handle a gunblade. He genuinely seemed happy back then. But then that Rinoa bitch... Quistis tried to stop herself from thinking such things because it wasn't proper and it wasn't....oh to hell with it. "That bitch." she said outloud. No one heard her speak in her small office except her own reflection in the window and she knew the reflection agreed with her.
Rinoa had cheated on him. They all knew that Rinoa was a child and a spoiled brat on top of it, but she was so nice to everyone that no one would ever say anything to her about it. She chased Squall for a month during the whole fisco with the sorceress, and their whole relationship had seemed forced, but Squall had put his heart into it just because he felt like it was the right thing to do. She needed a hero, and she needed someone to take care of her. Why he chose her to open up to they never knew. Rinoa didn't seem as generous in her feelings as he did and without telling him she began to persue a relationship with a rebellious teen back home in Dollet. She didn't even seem to realize that her actions had hurt Squall and didn't seem to care much when Selphie had gotten in her face about it. Sweet little Selphie had cussed her out like you wouldn't imagine. He never said a word about it other than "Good riddance" when she walked out the door the last time. They all knew she was spoiled but they never expected this. Almost in an instant, his whole aura had become grey and he became the cold and cynical Squall he had been a year ago.
"What am I doing here?" he asked himself. "I don't want to be anyone's problem and I don't want to deal with anyone else's problems either...so why am I here? I'm a SeeD. A professional problem solver. I've made it my life's work to help people...WHY?" Fifty different emotions flooded his mind, and the one emotion that no one expected would ever escape him finally erupted from him. His heart suddenly felt colder and more hollow than ever before. His eyes went wide with realization, his hands started to tremble, his legs gave out and he collapsed on the ground beneath him and began to cry. Not a single tear...not a slight loss of emotion, but he had lost all control and was crying his heart out. He didn't care who saw him, and he didn't care what the consequences were. "Oh God..." he cried into his hands. "Why am I here?!" he yelled out through his tears.
"Squall?" Quistis whispered to him. She was on her knees next to him afraid to touch him. She knew he wouldn't tell her what was wrong, but he turned to her and wrapped his arms around her and held onto her tightly.
"God, I'm so ALONE!" He cried into her shoulder. He wasn't about to let go of her. His jacket was flung lifelessly on the ground and she could feel the warmth of his body through the thin white long sleeved shirt he wore. "I'm so alone...."
She was holding him like a child and running her fingers over his hair quietly whispering "Shh....it's ok...everything is going to be ok. Shhh..." She wasn't about to let go of him. This was more than she ever expected. This was more than the months of smiles, jokes and laughs. This was what he was hiding. This was Squall's secret. This was what he had been hiding his whole life. All the things he felt, all the things he feared and every single dream. It all had become so blindingly clear at that moment...
He leaned back and through his reddened puffy tear drenched eyes he looked into her soft gentle blue eyes that were holding back tears of their own and told her with a tremble in his voice, "I'm here because of you."
End Chapter 1
Music: Sarah McLaughlin - Angel
Squall stood on the edge of the balcony looking out at the reflection of the moon rippling gently in the water and was holding back fifty emotions that could lead to fifty different outcomes if they would take control. His expression was the same. Emotionless, but with just a hint of pain on his brow. "What am I doing here?" he thought. His eyes felt deathly dry, but he didn't blink. His chest felt hollow but he showed nothing on the outside.
It had been a month now since they had broken up. Squall and Rinoa...the dramatic relationship where the softspoken princess softened the heart of the quiet storm and opened his heart to love... It had reflected all around the Garden and was actually a popular fairy tale. A modern day fairy tale anyways...in fact, in a couple months it would probably be forgotten. It was insignificant, as was he. This is what he kept telling himself over and over. Maybe it was his way of keeping himself from being disappointed with life: Always expect the worst. In any case, he was alone now, and strangely enough, that wasn't what was bothering him. Was it? Why was he so hard to read?
Quistis had once loved him...she still did, but she had changed the feeling. She forged it more into a feeling of brotherly love now than a feeling of passion. She knew in her heart that the passion could still be reignited one day if the right things happened. It had flared once. They had stood on that same balcony that she now looked down on from the office window she now watched him from. "I used to be able to read you like an open book, Squall. What happened to you? You were so predictable...'I'm more complex than you think', you once told me...I laughed and thought you were being dramatic...now I stand here watching you, and I don't know what you're thinking... I never know what you are going to say anymore...you never smile anymore...you barely speak, you always want solitude...What happened to you?" She said quietly to herself while continuing to watch him. She touched the curtain with her fingertips and absentmindedly tightened her fingers around the edge. She remembered him a month ago. He actually had become social. He smiled, he joked, and he laughed....that's what she remembered the most. It was the laughter. She thought back to the kiss the two of them had shared on the night he became a SeeD. He told her that if she needed someone to talk to so badly then he should go talk to a wall. She grabbed his arm, forced him to face her and then slapped him with all her strength. She had tears in her eyes and one fell down her cheek. He hand went to her face and she thought he was going to slap her back for a moment. He completely caught her off guard when he touched her cheek with his hand. He wiped the tear from her cheek and then kissed her lips. That was when she realized for the first time that she didn't have him as figured out as much as she thought she had.
Her thoughts bounced all over the place and her vision was blurred from the salty water building in front of her vision. She snapped back to the present and blinked the tears away before they could fall. She turned her attention back down to Squall who hadn't moved. "Please tell me..." she whispered to no one in particular. She remembered back to some of the hurtful things he had said to her...there had been a lot of them. She had loved him, hated him, loved him again, despised him, put up with him, and loved him again... it was a cycle that had repeated itself so many times. She didn't know what it was that she saw in him, but there was something about him...he was so strong. He seemed to hold so much in and would put the weight of the world on himself if he thought he could handle it. He wasn't smiling anymore and that was wrong. She knew it and she knew that he knew it. He was old Squall again. He's the scared and angry young man he was before he had ever met Rinoa Heartily...but colder. More distant. At one point he had been an instructor. He had his own homeroom and was teaching a squad of students to handle a gunblade. He genuinely seemed happy back then. But then that Rinoa bitch... Quistis tried to stop herself from thinking such things because it wasn't proper and it wasn't....oh to hell with it. "That bitch." she said outloud. No one heard her speak in her small office except her own reflection in the window and she knew the reflection agreed with her.
Rinoa had cheated on him. They all knew that Rinoa was a child and a spoiled brat on top of it, but she was so nice to everyone that no one would ever say anything to her about it. She chased Squall for a month during the whole fisco with the sorceress, and their whole relationship had seemed forced, but Squall had put his heart into it just because he felt like it was the right thing to do. She needed a hero, and she needed someone to take care of her. Why he chose her to open up to they never knew. Rinoa didn't seem as generous in her feelings as he did and without telling him she began to persue a relationship with a rebellious teen back home in Dollet. She didn't even seem to realize that her actions had hurt Squall and didn't seem to care much when Selphie had gotten in her face about it. Sweet little Selphie had cussed her out like you wouldn't imagine. He never said a word about it other than "Good riddance" when she walked out the door the last time. They all knew she was spoiled but they never expected this. Almost in an instant, his whole aura had become grey and he became the cold and cynical Squall he had been a year ago.
"What am I doing here?" he asked himself. "I don't want to be anyone's problem and I don't want to deal with anyone else's problems either...so why am I here? I'm a SeeD. A professional problem solver. I've made it my life's work to help people...WHY?" Fifty different emotions flooded his mind, and the one emotion that no one expected would ever escape him finally erupted from him. His heart suddenly felt colder and more hollow than ever before. His eyes went wide with realization, his hands started to tremble, his legs gave out and he collapsed on the ground beneath him and began to cry. Not a single tear...not a slight loss of emotion, but he had lost all control and was crying his heart out. He didn't care who saw him, and he didn't care what the consequences were. "Oh God..." he cried into his hands. "Why am I here?!" he yelled out through his tears.
"Squall?" Quistis whispered to him. She was on her knees next to him afraid to touch him. She knew he wouldn't tell her what was wrong, but he turned to her and wrapped his arms around her and held onto her tightly.
"God, I'm so ALONE!" He cried into her shoulder. He wasn't about to let go of her. His jacket was flung lifelessly on the ground and she could feel the warmth of his body through the thin white long sleeved shirt he wore. "I'm so alone...."
She was holding him like a child and running her fingers over his hair quietly whispering "Shh....it's ok...everything is going to be ok. Shhh..." She wasn't about to let go of him. This was more than she ever expected. This was more than the months of smiles, jokes and laughs. This was what he was hiding. This was Squall's secret. This was what he had been hiding his whole life. All the things he felt, all the things he feared and every single dream. It all had become so blindingly clear at that moment...
He leaned back and through his reddened puffy tear drenched eyes he looked into her soft gentle blue eyes that were holding back tears of their own and told her with a tremble in his voice, "I'm here because of you."
End Chapter 1