A/N: One day, I asked myself this question: What if my pets were Twilight characters? And so this silly story began. I don't own anything about Twilight...but I do own my pets (well, they live with me and I pay all their bills at least!). Please review! Don't be afraid to tell me how stupid the story is :)
Prologue: meet the cast
I'm sticking with the male characters right now, since all three of my animals are male. There are a few female pets in my extended family that could make an appearance later, if I continue the story.
Pycnic (aka Bark): Pycnic is my oldest cat, he is almost 10, traditional orange stripes. I adopted him from an animal shelter where I was living at the time during college. I lived alone and had no other pets then, so he and I have bonded quite a bit. He is very intuitive, and seems to always know what is going on. Of all the Twilight main characters, I think he is most like Edward. Sometimes, I swear he can read my mind.
Hedwig: Hedwig is my (male) rabbit, black and white lop. He is housetrained and is free to roam around the downstairs portion of my house. He was named after Harry Potter's owl in real life, but that isn't really relevant to this story. I just didn't want to confuse anyone. He is our own personal Emmett. He is big and strong, very pushy and not afraid to use his strength to get his way.
Squeaky: Squeaky is my baby kitten. We got him straight from a litter of two stray cats, but he looks like a purebred Siamese. He kind of gets an evil look in his eyes on occasion, but he has a heart of gold. He is young, so he is crazily enthusiastic with endless energy and curiosity. He also seems like he is going to keep growing forever, and thinks he is bigger than he really is. Obviously, he is Seth.
My husband and I – the pets refer to us as "the people" and Mister/Ma'am for the singular reference. We are very formal in our house…LOL!
Okay, now that you know who is who, let's get on with the story! I will use their Twilight names in the story to keep it real!
Edward stretched out his front paws, lounging in his heated bed. He heard the automatic feeder click on, and then heard Seth jump off the upstairs bed and start his sprint toward the food bowl in the kitchen. FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD GOODY GOODY GOODY GOODY! was on repeat through Seth's head as he ran down the stairs into the kitchen. Edward always waited for Seth's feeding frenzy to be over before he bothered to get up and stroll into the kitchen himself. Although, lately he's been getting faster and not adjusting his stopping distance, so the resulting crash was often entertaining.
Edward listened for signs of life from Emmett, out sleeping on the back porch. 'Wait until he sees I moved the feeder, he he he!' As that thought went through his mind, Emmett pictured Seth smashing right into the china cabinet that was behind the place the food bowl normally sat. He was always playing pranks on the cats, and the humans for that matter.
Confident that he'd get a good show for his effort, Edward sprang out of the bed and silently padded into the kitchen. He tipped his head toward Emmett as the huge rabbit peeked his head in through the door from the porch. "Nice touch leaving the door open, that is going to be quite a mess!" He shook his head at Emmett; the people were not going to be happy about that, but they'd probably think it was funny.
After a few moments, Seth flew across the kitchen floor, his eyes wide in terror as he realized two things:
The kitchen floor had just been waxed.
The food bowl was no longer in its rightful spot, and he was headed straight for the china cabinet with its doors wide open.
At that point, there was little Seth could do to prevent the upcoming crash. Into the cabinet he flew, amidst the plates and bowls of the people's "everyday" dishes. Luckily, he made it out in one piece, although the same couldn't be said for the pasta bowls.
Emmett started flipping in the air, he was laughing so hard. "Nice crash Seth! I should have gotten that on video!" Seth just rolled out of the cabinet, brushing off the dust from the cracked dishes. He padded over to the food bowls new location, ate his fill and stalked away. Hmph, I'm not going to let him get away with that. Stupid rabbit, tricks are for kids! He is so immature. Edward, will you help me get back at him? Seth was hoping that Edward would remember the millions of times Emmett had gotten him with a prank and would bond together with his fellow cat to plot against the rabbit.
In response, Edward rolled his eyes and whipped his tail back and forth. This was their secret cat talk for "Ok, I'm in!"
The cats headed upstairs, where they could communicate in private. While they did have some abilities to talk amongst themselves without Emmett understanding, Edward had lived with Emmett so long that he was pretty out of practice in Felish (the cat only language). Most of the time he just listened to everyone's thoughts, and when he needed to respond he used Animalish, the universally understood language of the animal world.
However, Emmett wasn't quite trusted enough by the people to be allowed upstairs. Maybe this distinction is what drove him to mess with the cats as much as he did, or maybe it was just his personality! Other than giving the cats a status to lord over Emmett, the exclusivity of the upstairs rooms afforded them areas to talk and plan out of earshot of the rabbit.
"Well, you got me here…what is your idea? Your reminders of Emmett's past indiscretions did two things: one – I really need to get that stupid rabbit back for all his pranks; two – I don't want to get him really made at me unless it is really worth it! So, I'm only in if it is a fantastic prank." Edward laid down the rules with Seth, making sure he thoroughly understood that ultimately he was going to take care of himself.
"I need to get him in more trouble with the people than I'm going to be in. Remember, if it is in the house, any of us could be found guilty. But if it is on the porch, that is strictly Emmett territory." Emmett only had the porch to be territorial over; since he couldn't go upstairs, he was fiercely protective over his small domain. "If we could get him to totally trash it, you Mister will totally flip out! He might even banish Emmett to the outside cage like he did that time he chewed through the freezer power cord. Mister was pissed when he realized all that meat was ruined."
"Well, my brother, that is plan definitely has some merit. Ma'am was pretty mad that time he chewed the power cord on her computer. He just wanted to see if he got more of a jolt out of that than the freezer. I think he should have waited until she was finished with the taxes though! I bet it was pretty cold out in the backyard that week in February…hahaha!" Edward was starting to come around to Seth's plan. "Oh, that is perfect!"
While Edward was reminiscing about Emmett's more painful exploits, Seth was mulling over ideas of how to instigate the demolition of the back porch. Edward caught his thought about stringing a bunch of kale up from one of the shelving units, just out of Emmett's reach.
"Yeah, I thought so too! Ma'am just bought a whole new bag of that crap he loves so much. I managed to get the fridge open twice last week, so I think I can get in there to get it out. If you distract Emmett out in the dining room for a while, I'll get the kale and string it up. "
"Make sure you get rid of all the rest of the edible things in the porch. He loves the kale, but he would last without it until the people came home as long as he still had that phonebook to chew on all day. I'll just compliment him on his work this morning…that should keep him occupied for a while. You know how much he likes to brag!" Edward was definitely thinking the plan was going to work well. Between Emmett's craziness not being able to get to the kale and the utter destruction that he would wreak on the back porch trying to get it would absolutely be worth whatever pain he'd inflict on them later.
Downstairs, they heard the sounds of Emmett rattling around in the china cabinet. It sounded like he was trying to make Seth's accident scene look worse than it already did. Seth hissed, pulling his ears back as his tail puffed out and laid low to the ground.
"That's it! That rodent is going DOWN! An added bonus with this is that by locking him on the porch I might stand a chance at cleaning up some of my mess before the people come home." Seth leapt off the bed, not waiting for Edward to get started. Edward shook his head, and followed his enthusiastic little brother downstairs, thinking over his plan to distract Emmett.
A/N: Okay, how did you like the story? Want to see if they can get Emmett to go crazy and wreck the porch? Please please please review and let me know if I should continue, or burn the manuscript!
On another note...check out my other stories on my profile. They are much better LOL! Thanks for putting up with me -- MK :)