Disclaimer: Don't own Hary Potter, those characters/books belong to Rowling

Summary: Harry has been trying to keep a grip on denial, but it's slipping away day by day. What happens when he has to face the truth of what happened? Warnings: rape, not to strong (for now) Slash. Dont read this if your homophobic sweet and simple.

A/N: Im just trying this idea out...the poem is mine and yeah. I'm pretty new to writing fan fiction so I want to get reviews to see how im doing so far. (Flames are pointless and I laugh at the idiots who wasted their time to write them) Constructive Critism is welcomed,,actually probably needed. I really want to increase my writing skills. And if this has any resemblance to any other story, ohwell i didnt mean for it to.(It probably does but i dont care) Okay im done.

Harry walked into his dorm, tired and confused. He couldn't remember much right at the moment; his mind was going into overdrive with all the homework he had just finished. He wanted to sleep but found as he lay in bed curled up in his blankets it was impossible, IT was bugging him again.

'Oh no don't think of that now Harry, anything but that' He thought to himself as he closed his eyes, willing himself to banish the memories of that night from his mind. It didn't work. He got out of his bed, noticed it was only six o'clock and he was missing supper, but he wanted to miss supper, he never wanted to be seen again.

Harry picked up a quill and a piece of parchment and started to write what he felt, and instead it came out as a diary entry.

Force your way in,

Caused all this confusion and pain

Such a deadly sin,

He still lies there on your bed,

You know what to do

It was forbidden to touch,

But you loved it so much.

I keep seeing his face everywhere I can't run from him for much longer, he'll catch me again, why cant I hide? He keeps smirking at me, as if he knows that he'll catch me, that I'll be his again...I don't want to be his, never ever again. Hell I don't even know if I like guys!

Forced your way in

Make him break in half

Cracked him like a can of tin

Keep the pieces in a magical box

Away from others adorning touch

And refuse to sow the pieces up

Sure he cried in pain,

Moans and screams heard

Above the tears he cried

But his pleas were all in vain.

I still remember the nights after what happened...oh god the pain. It really did hurt to move sometimes. I had to tell everyone I hurt my tailbone, and they believed it. No one knows; no one could understand it. I mean it is wrong, isn't it?

Forced your way in

Bruised and battered, he wanted, needed

He called for you to stop

He should have known this time you would win

He may be lying there, sobbing, on the sheets

Bruised where skin and skin meets

I didn't want it to happen with him, how could he do that to me? What on this earth possessed that prick to even touch me like that? If I could I would go back in time and erase it from my life, but I can't. I really wish I could!

Let you force your way in? (Yeah right)

You love to force your way in anyways

Well already sanity's out into the bin...

Hold him tightly to warn off his fears,

Try to stop the flow of his tears.

I need to learn some hexes that will make sure he can never touch me again, I wont let it happen again, I wonder if Ron knows anything that could help, I'll just say Malfoy's been giving me trouble and I need to learn some really good ones in case he attempts anything, which could happen actually...

After all, you did force your way in

Harry Put down his quill and folded the piece of paper, making sure it was securely placed under his pillow. He didn't write what had happened, he couldn't face the truth. It was wrong, it was wrong to be like that, wrong to think like that, it was just plain wrong!

Other people didn't have that happen to them, and they certainly didn't start noticing the same sex after it! So Harry stayed in his denial, and made sure that no one could read his note to himself. Who else would listen to him anyways?

Harry finally fell asleep hours later, ignoring Ron as he tried to get an answer as to why Harry had skipped dinner. So what if his friends noticed something in his behavior? He hadn't changed that much, and they would just ask the wrong questions, and he would give them the wrong answers.

'Come on Harry, don't cry it wont hurt I promise' Harry whimpered as something poked into his ass, the hell this would not hurt! It did hurt, a lot, and the more the boy went into him deeper the more Harry screamed STOP. It never did stop though and it went on and on, until Harry felt something wet fill him up.
It was now reality sunk in; he had been raped, touched against his will, by a BOY! He had lost his virginity to a boy and Harry didn't know what was worse, the fact he somewhat liked it or the fact he knew he was bleeding from the lack of lubrication.

"NO I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!" Harry jolted up, suddenly aware of how vocal he had been. He looked around to make sure everyone was asleep, Ron was rolling over mumbling about flying toast and Seamus was snoring loudly and grunting, "No not right now baby." Harry smirked 'at least you guys are having a good nights sleep' He thought sadly

Harry stood up and walked around the room for a few seconds, getting cold and jumping right back into his bed, curling up into his blankets and thinking of school tomorrow and how horrible potions was going to be. 'Always is, but this time I'm even more inclined to fall asleep with the amount of sleep I have been getting'

Harry looked out the window up at the full moon, thinking of nothing more then how beautiful it really was and how much he had taken for granted. He wished he could erase time and have 'normal' back. Because he knew enough by now that he was no closer to being normal then Malfoy was to beating him to the snitch.

Review please, i really am curious to know how bad/good it was...