Underneath the Reputation
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece. All situations, plots, and other parts have been constructed by me and are my own creations
Summary: Ibiki wants to maintain his reputation and Iruka wants a date
Author's Note: Written for Kiterie; the prompt was to write Ibiki as not an asshole. Possible out-of characterness and un-beta'd.
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 18 February 2011
Rating: T
Ibiki knew the importance of maintaining a reputation. If his own village didn't fear him and believed he had a heart, no-one from any other village would take him seriously when he interrogated them. He needed to come off as a soulless, heartless monster so the rumours would make their enemies piss themselves when he arrived in the room.
He cultivated this image for personal as well as professional reasons. As the head of Kohona's T & I division, he had to remain impartial and do what was best for the village, even if that meant completely destroying people. He couldn't let emotions cloud his view, nor could he let himself be swayed by things softer than hard facts. He had to operate on cold, clear logic; nothing else could serve the village.
He also did not want to run the risk of having to interrogate someone he cared about or—worse—cared about him. The trauma that would result would probably destroy him and the mess that would be left for the person to clean up...
It really was for the best that the whole village thought he was a fearsome bastard. Things worked better that way.
Then he made a gigantic blunder.
He knew it was a mistake to go back and save that stupid teacher's life.
Umino Iruka had gotten delayed and nearly captured and Ibiki had to hide them both in a tiny cave—so small it was really more of an indentation under an outcrop of ground—for seven hours and thirty-six minutes before they could creep out to safety.
He didn't think that he had acted differently—the teacher had gotten shoved in first because he was smaller and Ibiki barely said more than fifteen words the entire time—but suddenly, Iruka was pursuing him, actively and with a vengeance because Iruka never did anything by halves.
Having a chunin romantically interested in him did not help Ibiki's reputation—or Iruka's, for that matter—so Ibiki told the chunin 'no' in the rudest way he could manage and carefully planted a few nasty rumours about himself to get the teacher to back off.
It wasn't because Iruka wasn't attractive—everyone who had gone through puberty had jacked off to that smile and tight, perky butt at least once and Ibiki was no exception to that—but he couldn't allow anyone to get close to him.
The rumours didn't help. Iruka would tell off—rather sharply—the people who were gossiping and he kept showing up on his way to the Mission Room from the Academy (if it was a school day) or bringing Ibiki meals (if it wasn't).
Ibiki usually didn't eat the meals; he'd dump them on whatever hapless underling that had been assigned to him—sometimes literally, depending on who was in the room. Mostly, he just grunted 'take care of this' and pretended not to see how they scarfed it down.
Once in a blue moon—when he was overtired, overworked, and no-one else was around—he'd eat what Iruka brought. Not, of course, because he wanted to encourage the man, but because Iruka was a good cook and it was better and easier than trying to figure out what to make for himself.
Finally, he decided enough was enough. Things were beginning to border on ridiculous. Iruka was simply not going away and people were starting to mutter about Iruka's metal state and how he must have masochistic tendencies (something Ibiki was starting to agree with).
That, and there were disturbing mutterings of some sort of 'fan club' to 'help Beauty win the Beast'.
He didn't want to know who was who and the fact that people thought that Iruka might be able to tame him or something was not something Ibiki was going to put up with.
So he put Iruka in an interrogation room and left him there for an hour or four before going in, face hard. He'd get that stupid club after he took care of the chunin.
Only to discover that the dratted chunin had smuggled in his grading and hadn't minded the irregular dripping pipe or the harsh lighting. In fact, he had the gall to thank Ibiki for giving him some quite, uninterrupted time to do it.
He smiled brightly at Ibiki. "Now, what can I do for you?"
Ibiki ignored the innuendo. "Chunin Umino Iruka, #011850. There have been numerous complaints filed against you in the past month—"
"Most of them by you, I imagine."
"—As well as numerous requests to have your mental state examined. Unless you are able to convince me otherwise in the upcoming moments, I am going to be forced to put you under observation and insist on a new evaluation to be given to you before you be allowed to return to work."
"A psych evaluation and danger watch?" Iruka's eyebrow rose. "I think all of this could have been avoided—and still could be avoided—if you would simply go on a date with me."
Ibiki made a note to not only see that Iruka got those two things, but a forced trip to the brothel as well; clearly, the lack of sex in the man's life was making him behave irrationally.
He gave the shorter man a long, level look. "You are not convincing me."
The teacher met his gaze. "So you're saying unless I pretend that I'm not interested in you that you'll put a black mark on my record and declare me unfit to be a ninja, much less a teacher. I hardly think that's fair."
"For the safety of the children and the village, on must submit to an evaluation—"
"'If a certain number of individuals have expressed their concern or a certain number of reports have been submitted containing unusual or harmful behaviours'," he recited. "I know the statutes. Since I'll bet most of those reports were submitted by you, this could be considered a violation of Section Three, Paragraph 27 F, which—in case you need a reminder—states that 'if an individual has more than 49% complaints filed against them by the same person, the filer will be filer will be investigated as well as the filee'. If I am to undergo a psych evaluation and danger watch, you'll have to go through them, too."
When had the chunin had time to memorise—mush less read—the T & I handbook? And he quoted the section better than most of Ibiki's workers. He made a mental note to terrorise his underlings about that later; it'd be good for them and his reputation as exacting asshole.
"You are still not convincing me."
Iruka sighed. "Is it really so hard to for you to imagine that someone might find you attractive and want to get to know you better? It won't be the end of the world if you do. I know I'm fun and I know you're not the evil bastard you want people to think you are.
Ibiki's face didn't move and he kept his gaze hard and on the troublesome chunin. He let the silence get heavy.
"And you're lonely."
Ibiki added 'delusional' to his growing list of problems that Iruka had.
"Let me guess...I'm not convincing you." The teacher sounded amused. "And now I'm getting recommended for some psychiatric care and a force leave of absences until I can be cleared again."
There was, Ibiki thought darkly, a problem when a school teacher—a pre-gennin school teacher, for that matter—knew the routes taken in the village to ensure mental safety better than rest of Ibiki's staff did. He was going to have to fix that.
In fact, in the lights of recent events, the entire department was going to get overhauled. He was going work those stupid little underlings until they got things right or quit (and in the case of some of them, Ibiki hoped they did quit).
And it would work overtime—all those idiots would talk about how evil and cold he was and at least some of the damage Iruka had caused would be undone.
"You are correct; you didn't convince me." Ibiki stood up. "I might even feel generous enough to recommend a cell with extra padding on the wall for you."
"I knew you had a sense of humour." Iruka looked a little too pleased with himself. "So you'll appreciate this." He pushed a mission scroll with the Hokage's seal on it towards Ibiki.
Ibiki looked at it suspiciously before he made Iruka open it and shove it towards him. He read swiftly, then slowed down and reread it. He looked up.
"She's ordering me. To go on a date. With you."
"Yes, very impressive that she's taking such an interest in your welfare and life, isn't it?"
What the hell was this chunin's problem? Going to Tsunade because he couldn't just go and pay for some nookie or find some in a bar? He wondered what he should write this down as in the chunin's file to get him confined to a special room for the rest of his life.
"So, does seven work for you?"
Ibiki gave the teacher another long, hard look. The little fucker might have out-manoeuvred him this time, but it just meant that Ibiki was going to have to think smarter in the future. Iruka had just been stupid enough to reveal that he was a slippery little bastard.
"No."
"Oh, right, you work until eight, don't you? How 'bout we go right after your shift?" When Ibiki didn't answer, Iruka wiggled the mission scroll, as if he needed reminding.
Well, short of getting a blemish on his spotless record—something that would hurt his standing as the Head of T & I, there wasn't much of a choice, was there?
Damn chunin.
"Fine."
Iruka's smile was beautiful and happy and a little too smug. "Great, I'll see you then, Ibiki-san!" He gathered up his grading and spent too long bent over, as if he was showing off his ass. He sauced out of the room, humming happily.
Ibiki didn't move for a moment. He wanted to rub the bridge of his nose, but since the cameras in the room were still on, he didn't. He was angry and annoyed and wanted nothing more than to throw that pert little chunin in a box somewhere so he could ship him far away and then not have to worry about crushes or breaking someone's heart or spirit.
He slowly picked up the mission scroll and got thoughtful. There was nothing in the mission that said that he couldn't give Iruka mandatory psych help.
Feeling better, he left the room. He had some paperwork to do.
xXxXxXxXxXx
Iruka smiled at him when he left his office that Friday night. "Ready?"
It looked like the chunin had gone through great lengths with his appearance and from the way he was standing, he wanted Ibiki to notice it.
So Ibiki purposely ignored it and acted as if it wasn't obvious that Iruka was dressed to the nines for him. He made sure to walk at different rates so the teacher constantly had to speed up or slow down. He grunted and did everything he could to make any conversation attempts uncomfortable and awkward.
The chunin, he had to admit, handled everything with great aplomb and if Ibiki didn't know that having a relationship with him would completely destroy Iruka, he would almost believe that it was worth it.
But he couldn't run the risk of that, for Iruka's sake more than any ones, and worked even harder to make the date terrible.
"Would either of you two gentlemen care to try some of our specialty chocolates tonight?" The waitress—who Ibiki had the nasty feeling was a part of that stupid fan club—asked brightly.
Ibiki grunted.
Iruka smiled at her. "I would love to try some, thank you very much."
She grinned and flounced off.
Iruka returned to the story he was telling about some snotty little child that would have been funny if it wasn't being told on a date with Iruka and Ibiki thought having a sense of humour was something useful.
The waitress bounced back and—with an overly happy smile—placed a plate of chocolate pieces in front of Iruka. She bowed and pranced off again, giggling behind her hand.
That did not sit well with Ibiki.
"Ooohh...these are delicious." Iruka shut his eyes and Ibiki wondered if the chunin remembered that they were in public; that noise sounded a little too sexual. He could see half the restaurant's pupils dilating.
Liquid eyes slowly opened. "Would you like to try one? They're amazing." The teacher held one out to him.
"No." Ibiki made sure to give the chunin the most distasteful and apathic look he could.
"Your loss, then."
Ibiki waited impatiently for the teacher to finish up with his gratuitous display. The sooner he could get away from this whole thing, the sooner he could go back to having his normal and life of freedom to not worry about hurting fellow villagers.
Finally, the teacher suggestively licked the last bit of chocolate from his fingers and waved for the cheque. At least Iruka was smart enough to automatically assume that he was the one paying.
Then Iruka insisted on walking Ibiki home in another misguided attempt to be romantic. The interrogator wished that the teacher would just stop; he wasn't worth the heartache and Iruka should be focusing his attentions on someone who didn't run the risk of destroying his psyche.
He ignored the chunin when he swayed and brushed against him the first time; by the third time, Ibiki sped up, just a little. He didn't want to give the man any wrong ideas, nor did he wish to be obliged to use force; Iruka was annoying and stubborn and too persistent, but he was a good person and didn't deserve that.
"Mission accomplished," Ibiki said the moment he reached his door. "Now go—"
Iruka lunged forwards and tried to pull Ibiki's head down.
Ibiki jerked back and it was a miracle that he didn't put a few sharp objects into Iruka's gut. He glared, but then realised that the brown eyes were nearly lost to dilated pupils, tan cheeks were flushed, and his heart and breathing was definitely elevated.
He looked closely at the younger man. "What was in those chocolates? An aphrodisiac?"
Iruka made a noncommittal noise and tried to kiss him again.
"Were you aware that they contained an aphrodisiac?"
"No, I didn't know," the chunin whined when Ibiki grabbed the firm shoulders and held the brown man at arm's length. "Can we have this conversation later? Say, tomorrow morning over breakfast?"
"No."
Iruka whined again and tried to press closer.
Ibiki continued to hold him at safe distance. "We should get you home."
"Okay." The chunin rubbed his face against hand that held his shoulder and shuddered. "You smell so good..."
"Umino-sensei—"
"Iruka, it's Iruka." The chunin ducked and flung his body against Ibiki's, groaning as they made contact.
Ibiki grabbed the teacher's shoulders and pushed him back to arm's length again, ignoring the pitiful whimper that the action elicited. "You don't know what you're doing and you'll regret it in the morning. Let me get you someone—"
"I won't regret it, I swear, I won't regret it. I swear on my ancestors, I won't regret it at all. I don't want you to get anyone else and I don't want people to see me like this, just...just let me...just can't we...please." The last word of the harried speech ended in almost a wail. "Don't leave me like this, oh please, just let me...I'll make it so good, so very good, I promise." Brown hands reached out and grabbed at his coat almost convulsively. "Please."
Ibiki sighed. "I don't think—"
The chunin pressed forwards again, making his need known. "It will be good, I'll make it so good, I promise." He managed to rub up against Ibiki as he nuzzled the scarred man's neck.
Ibiki mentally sighed. It was going to be a long night.
xXxXxXxXxXx
Iruka woke up slowly and tried to roll over.
He was too good of a ninja to let his eyes snap open when he discovered he couldn't, but it wasn't a good thing to find one unable to move.
What the hell did he do to end up this way?
He quickly took stock of the situation. It felt like he was strapped to a bed and the ropes were infused with chakra. And the chakra felt familiar—
"You already tried that trick once; it won't work again."
Iruka opened his eyes and blinked in confusion. "What trick—oh." A fragmented memory wafted into his brain; the aphrodisiac had been…very strong and he had gotten…creative in his attempts to convince Ibiki that sex was a great idea. If his hands weren't tied up, he would have buried his face in them. "I am so, so, so incredibly sorry. I didn't mean for our evening to end that way."
Ibiki grunted, but made no move to untie him. He looked haggard and frightening, with dark bags under his eyes and a dark scowl. It only reinforced Iruka's belief that he'd made the right choice and it doubled his determination.
"I swear that I had no idea that the waitress spiked the chocolates. I'd love to make it up to you. I make some fabulous chocolate-chip waffles," Iruka offered.
The lines on Ibiki's forehead darkened. "No."
"Would you untie me, please?"
"Still won't work."
"I'm not convincing you, am I?" The chunin said wryly. "I realise that I spend most of last night trying to jump you and then trying to convince you to untie me so I could jump you, but I promise you, the aphrodisiac is out of my system. What would you like me to do to prove it to you?"
"Nothing."
"You want me to do nothing or there's nothing I can do to show you that I'm not under the influence any more?"
"Yes."
Iruka sighed. "Well, if that's what you want. But you do know that leaving me here all day isn't going to look good for your Mr Badass reputation, especially if you plan to stay there."
He almost enjoyed watching Ibiki do that 'I'm not freezing in place from that comment' thing Ibiki did whenever something caught him off-guard.
"Explain."
"I know you think that your reputation is the most important thing you have—that whole 'lifetime to build, seconds to break' mindset you harbour—and that's why you've been avoiding dating me. If you leave me here—tied in your bed, no less—after some fannish waitress fed me extra-strong chocolates…well. You know what rumours will come from that."
From the dark look Ibiki gave him, he knew exactly what the rest of the village would say. They were going to be bad enough with Iruka going into Ibiki's place and not emerging all night long.
"And what do you suggest, then?"
"If you really want to mess with them, you could limp a little and act stiff when you sit down," the evil, prankster side of Iruka said. Ibiki blinked and Iruka felt his face get hot. "Um, I didn't mean it that way, but—"
"It would throw a wrench in the gossip mill." The big man looked almost thoughtful for a moment. "An interesting suggestion, but not one I think that I will use at this point in time."
"You can use it any time—I didn't know you had a cat."
A decidedly fluffy and scarred feline had leapt up on the bed before Ibiki could grab it. It gave Iruka a cursory sniff, a disdainful look, and flattened its ears.
"I…found him." Ibiki's words had a level of stiffness Iruka had never heard there before. "He was…caged at a missing nin's shack—"
"A rescue? You have a rescued cat?"
"…He won't go away."
Judging the fact that the cat was rubbing his face all over Ibiki's hand and purring loudly, Iruka had the feeling he had no reason to go away.
"What's his name?"
"Mister Morbidly Intelligent Tiny Terror Eater of Nasty Scum."
"Mr M.I.T.T.E.N.S. You named your cat Mr Mittens. I like it." Iruka only barely kept the humour out of his voice.
"His name," the T & I Head said even more stiffly than he had before, "is Mister Morbidly Intelligent Tiny—"
"I can't believe you named your cat Mr Mittens. Your rescued cat."
"I didn't rescue anything." Ibiki sounded slightly irritated. "And I most certainly did not name him 'Mister Mittens'."
Iruka smiled softly. "See? It things like that that keep me coming back. You're a good man. You do some unspeakable things, yes, but you're a good man."
Ibiki glared at him.
"Anyhow, don't you think that it would make your enemies—particularly the ones who tend to over-think things—pause to know that you feel strong and secure enough in your power and position to take on a lover?"
"No."
"But I do such a convincing nice and normal. You would drive them crazy."
Ibiki actually paused to mull that over, absently scratching the cat's back as it kneaded its paws and—subsequently—its claws into Iruka's leg. "No."
"It'd be good for your reputation." Iruka wasn't finished yet, not by a long shot. "Only someone truly insane would date me and you know it."
The big man almost rolled his eyes. "No, Iruka-sensei."
"Just 'Iruka' is fine, thanks."
Ibiki shut his eyes for a second and Iruka got the feeling the other man wanted to rub the bridge of his nose. "I think," he said a few moments later, "that your time would be better spent elsewhere."
"And not with you."
"I have not the patience—"
"Oh, give it up all ready. You have to like me, just a little bit, if you've put up with this much. It's your misguided sense of what will happen to your reputation that keeps you away. I like you, you like me, let's untie me and explore this!"
Ibiki gave him a Look. "You're not helping yourself."
"Well, I already tried that route. I didn't get very far. I decided that I'm going to be blunt about it now. It'll be faster."
"Iruka-sensei—"
"Iruka."
"Iruka-sensei—"
"Just Iruka."
Ibiki gave him a nasty look. "Perhaps I haven't made myself clear."
"If you try to tell me that you're not interested, I'll laugh at you."
Another dark glare. "I have neither the time nor the inclination to be in a relationship of any sort, much less with someone like you."
Iruka pondered things for a moment. "That would have hurt if I didn't know what a lie that was. I know you're completely fascinated with the idea of being in a relationship with me. You may not like the idea, but you'd love to try it out. You're just not letting yourself."
"Do you always act like you'll get your way?" Ibiki asked sourly.
Iruka tried not to grin too brightly. "Pretty much and I usually get it, too. I'm good at making things work out the way I want them to. It's why the Sandaime guided me towards teaching; it's much more of a challenge there."
Ibiki grunted. "Smart man."
"He was, but let's discuss him another time. I'd much rather get this annoying relationship conversation out of the way first. Then we can do better things. Like eat breakfast."
He got another long, level stare.
"I'm hungry." Iruka tried not to sound too plaintive. "If my memory serves me, I've had a busy night. I need sustenance. And you look you like you could use some caffeine."
"I'm still not convinced."
"We've been having a rational conversation for how long now and you can't tell if I'm still under the influence? I know you're better than that. Besides, did Mr Mittens—"
"His name is not Mister Mittens."
"—Refuse to come in when I was…feeling amorous, shall we say?"
"No."
"Well, then. You can trust your cat's judgement, can't you?"
"He's easily swayed by tuna and other fishy-smelling foods."
"What, are you saying that I store tuna in my pockets? I didn't even know that you had rescued a cat until you brought me in here."
"He's not a rescue and you've shown yourself to be the kind who will sink to all sorts of levels the past few weeks." Ibiki's face was set. "I wouldn't put it passed you."
"I noticed you didn't address the fact you brought me in here," the teacher observed. "Does this mean I get to stay?"
Ibiki's glare was withering.
"Too soon? Too soon. I'll wait. I'll be in here soon enough."
"No, you will not."
"Yes, I will," Iruka said cheerfully. "I'll wear you down eventually. You'll figure out that I'm right and you're wrong and then I'll be staying here; your flat is ever so much bigger and nicer than mine."
Ibiki shut his eyes for a moment and his cat head-butted him when he ceased petting it. "You did not," he spoke slowly, as if it would make things easier for Iruka to understand, "just reference living together. There will be no 'living together' as there will be no relationship. You have—on numerous occasions—proved to be in need of some serious help, and the delusions you have will have you placed in a secure facility for a very, very long time. That last one will guarantee no early release dates for you."
"Do you ever get tired of having to do all the dirty work? I imagine it gets boring after a while. Don't you think that having something a little different in your life would make it more exciting?"
"I am not looking for more excitement in my life."
"You have to be seeking some semblance of mental simulation; you're not the kind of man who likes to be stagnant." Iruka smiled sweetly. "I'll be the perfect puzzle; you'll spend so much of your time trying to figure me out, you'll never get bored."
"Do you lie awake nights coming up with things to silly things to say?"
"I lie awake nights figuring out how much longer it's going to take for you to see reason."
Ibiki gave him another long, nasty glare.
"You could save yourself all the hassle and just date me and it'd be much easier. Then you can tie me to the bed on a regular basis or—if you're so inclined—I could tie you to the bed."
"Umino-san—"
"It's Iruka, and you do know you're just making this harder on yourself by going this way, right? You could save yourself a lot of hassle if you went along with me on this."
Ibiki glared again, but Iruka felt victorious; it wasn't nearly as withering as the others had been; the combination of exhaustion and his persistence must have been taking a toll on Ibiki's resolution.
A little coaxing might be needed here. "I know I'm dying to see what you taste like and I'll bet you'd be interested in finding out exactly how flexible I am. It'll be fun."
"Umino-san, if you would like me to list the reasons why you're not only unsuitable for me to date but anyone else, I'd be happy to."
Iruka sighed. "No, you wouldn't. You dislike unnecessary cruelty and you especially dislike being the one to dole it out to your fellow ninjas when they've done nothing wrong. Go ahead, give me that 'I'm the bigger, badder ninja of the two of us' glare you like so much, get it over with; I'm sure you'll feel better once you do."
The large man narrowed his eyes darkly. "Do you think your little antics are amusing me?"
"Does everything have to be about you here? I mean, really. It does take two people and some compromise in every good relationship."
"We do not have a good relationship. We do not have a relationship of any sorts."
"Says the man who tied me to his bed and spent all night watching over me to make sure that I was okay, even though I was doped up on some serious aphrodisiacs."
Ibiki looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to rub the bridge of his nose in frustration or strangle Iruka.
"I think we'd be good together, just as soon as you stop fighting me on everything," Iruka said seriously. Maybe this route would get faster results.
"I think, perhaps, your brain has been addled."
"You need to come up with better reasons as to why I'm attracted to you other than insanity, chemicals, a blow to the head, or anything like that. Your continually insistence that I have some problem has us going in circles and I'm rather getting tired of circles. Why don't you end the cycle and agree to have another dinner with me? Say, at eight-thirty at my place. This time, we can leave the noisy old biddy out of our business."
"There's no hope for anyone to talk some sense into you, is there." Ibiki didn't quite sigh, but Iruka got the feeling that he wanted to.
"There's no hope for me before breakfast," the teacher agreed. "Can we discuss this more? After we eat?"
Ibiki flicked his wrist and Iruka felt the ropes loosen. Quickly, he wriggled out of them and off of the bed, earning himself a cross glare and a hiss from the cat. He shook out his limbs to loosen them up, and then followed the huge man out to his cramped kitchenette.
"If you want coffee, you have to make it yourself." Ibiki didn't turn around as he shuffled through some papers he had strewn around his counter. "I'm not making you anything."
"I can make it up to you."
"We're not going to end up in a relationship."
"If it makes you happy to say that, then go ahead and say that." Iruka poked around the leftover food containers for something edible. Clearly, Ibiki was in between shopping trips. "It'll only convince everyone that we are."
The large man grunted—probably in annoyance—but didn't tell Iruka that they weren't going to be in a relationship.
"So, we on for dinner tonight?" Iruka shook out some rice and tried to guess how much he had so he knew how much water to boil. He might as well go for broke with this one.
Ibiki didn't quite sigh. "Fine."
Iruka smiled to himself put the water on to boil. He knew if he kept at the underneath the underneath, he'd get to Ibiki.
x Fin x