Disclaimer: I wish I owned everything, but i dont.
The Beautiful Letdown
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Ever notice sometimes, how when you wake up in the morning and the sun is shining down on you and it a completely gorgeous day out, you still have that inexplicable empty feeling inside? Because that's how I feel now.
That inexplicable empty feeling. Who'd have thought? That I would actually ENJOY that feeling? Well, enjoy it I do. I enjoy it like I need it. I enjoy it like I have nothing else to enjoy. And I enjoy it because it's something for me to love, if nothing else. Does that seem hopeless? Maybe it does. But maybe that's also the strongest thing I've felt in a long time. But then again, when did I really ever feel anything at all?
It's a beautiful way of saying, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing left I can do." And on your face is that soft and gentle grin that lets everyone around you know that it's the truth. There really is nothing else that you can do.
It's not as if you could ever just walk up to me and put your arms around me and tell me that you love me, because it simply isn't true. And I know you hate to tell me something that isn't true. You may have done it once before, and you may feel that you let yourself go to far (even though we went nowhere at all) because I'm who I am and you're...well, YOU. You're you and there's no way to make that any different. But I still feel that in a way you love me. It was only that once and you respected me but let yourself into me in that way that forced me to put down my walls just that once and let you in. only to have it destroy me. Or save me, depending on what way you look at it. I should probably think you and all, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Not when your face lights up every time you see me. But that's probably because I'm still so young and you just want to make sure that I learn how to smile.
Did you know that I can still smell you? And how much I love it when you're nearby and close enough for me to touch? Or that I cry every time? Probably not. But that's why I'm writing this, isn't it? To tell you. To ramble and rant, too I suppose.
Remember that silly little conversation we had last week? Probably not. You have more important things in your life. Yes, well that conversation stuck with me all day, simply because it was with you. And I KNOW that I would do anything for you. Not that you would ever let me. You'd probably try and protect me yet let me loose all at once, every single time. But that's another thing I love about you. I love that feeling of being safe and warm, and protected, yet wild and insane and open all at once, when I'm around you. Not much you can do about that, can you? Nope! Oh well.
Do you want to know WHY I should be thanking you? Because after really meeting you for the first real time (not including the time met in passing) I've been a much nicer person. And a ton of guys I know are starting to get this look. And I think I might like one of them, his name's Harry. He's really sweet. And I'm sorry that Ron doesn't like you. He's a jackass. But walking away from him and me was a good thing I guess. It was one hell of a beautiful letdown.
Love always,
Hermione