AN:
Edward left Bella just like in New Moon, now he's back to check on
her. But things turn for the worse…
Song-fiction: What If You? –
Joshua Radin
I got out of my Volvo slowly, emotions burning my throat like my thirst for blood. It choked me, giving me that stinging feeling in my eyes. I felt my eyes watering, as if I really could cry. Tears of joy, tears of anger, tears of sadness, that's what would be running down my face this moment, that's what I could have been. I walked towards the tree that stood in front of her house, remembering how I would do that same every night in that blissful era. A time where love ruled my world, when all I heard was Bella's beautiful voice twinkling in my ear, where all I smelled was her beautiful scent, not only of her blood, but simply her essence. Her beautiful blush and smile, filling my vision, the way she would love me with her little heart of hers.
I climbed the tree slowly, my pale silhouette a contrast in the dark sky of Forks. Moving slowly I made my way to her bedroom window, just like I had done those times before. A time where she'd leave her widow open, waiting. I was surprised to find it open still, on this cold winter's day. I smelled that familiar smell of freesia, and I heard her steady breathing from within the walls of her home. I sat in the tree for a while; just listening to her heartbeat so steadily beating in my ear, the sound of her slurred words.
I crawled through the window silently, and stood at the edge of her bed, my throat now burning with emotion not from the thirst. I fought the urge to sob as she tossed and turned in her bed sheets, just as beautiful as I remembered. Her brown hair was longer than before, ending just at her waist, in the same baggy shirt and sweats, my same old Bella. But she's no longer mine, I have to remember that. I let her go a very long time ago, I have no rights anymore.
I sat at the edge of her bed, staring at the girl who captured my dead heart. Wondering what kind of life she was living today, what course she was taking in college, what job she must have. She must be in the middle of her third year of college I believe, has it really been that long? Have I left her for all those years?
She sighed and rolled over, her chest moving up and down with her laboured breathing. The way her heart pounded in my ear filled me up with that same feeling I lost long ago. I felt myself complete for the first time, for the first time I was happy.
As I sat there I wondered if she missed me, if she still felt the same feeling I feel every moment of my life. If she remembers me as the boy who broke her heart, just another memory that will eventually fade away, or will she be the stubborn Bella I remember her as, and hold on to it. I didn't want to leave her, how could I ever want that? This perfect, gentle, loving girl, how could I possibly ever not want her? Her lips parted slightly and she breathed out loudly, a strand of hair falling in her face.
With shaking hands I brushed the hair out of her face, feeling the softness of her skin. I cupped her cheek gently, my thumb grazing her chin. I choked on a sob and bit my lip, stopping the noises from escaping me.
"Jacob," She laughed and I felt my insides scream in pain as I remembered when she used to say my name as she slept. But I forfeited that right; I gave away everything all too willingly. I held her face in both my hands and watched her dream of this Jacob. Suddenly her joyous face twisted in sadness, and she trembled under my hands, her eyebrows scrunched together, her hands tightening.
"Come back." She breathed, her eyelids flickering slightly. "Please."
She rolled over again, her feet falling off the bed so she leaned into me. I lifted her limp body gently and sat against her headboard, pulling her to me so she rested perfectly on my chest, just like I remembered. She snuggled into me and clutched my shirt, breathing in deeply. I stroked her beautiful hair gently. I've spent four years without this beautiful girl in my hands, and all I have is this one night. But I'd give just about anything, to make this night last forever.
I'd stay with her, just for this night, just for this one night. I need this, I just need it. I kissed her head gently, wanting so desperately to kiss her again, to have the feeling of her lips against mine. But I knew I couldn't push it, I knew I was already breaking all laws here. I'll be gone by daytime, by the time the sun comes up; I'll be home, in Antarctica. With the pretty little penguins, oh just peachy.
I wondered what it would be like if I were human. What it would be like if I belonged in her world. What would happen of us if I could give her the wonders I can't give her now. Like children, age, so many things she won't be able to do because she loves me. Because I'm holding her back. If I were human, I could give her those things. I imagined bronze haired angels with chocolate eyes like their mother's, a child's voice filling our ears as we would embrace our child. A child is the very heart of your life; by giving a birth to a child you must forever have your heart walk outside of your body. Children are you, a combination of us both, and a new life that we created to together.
But I can't. The thought of it killed me inside, because I want nothing more than to have a child in our arms, a family in our lives. I want us to grow old, until one day when we're gray haired and wrinkle eyed, we can look back at our lives and realized we did good. That we succeeded; succeeded together. We could have looked at our children, watch them grow and eventually find love like we did with each other, and realize that our lives would soon be ending. Then, once the end comes, we'll go to heaven together. And live our life there. But now, I have no chance at the paradise, I have no chance with Bella.
Suddenly something came to me, something new. And then, I finally had words to fit the things I want to say to her. Words that suddenly seemed to come to life, words that made sense. I heard this song only once before, but this moment, it felt so perfect, as if it was made for me. Has that ever happened to you? A song you so happened to stumble upon, that just about summed up your very life, and it gives you hope. It makes me wonder of how many others in this world would listen to the same song, and relate to it, as I do now, if someone could possible understand the pain I'm in. I know there are people who understand, people who, like I, hear this song and instantly shut their eyes and sing along. So I began to sing to my beautiful angel, sing the song of my heart.
"What if you could wish me away?" I sang quietly in her ear, making her shiver. "What if you spoke those words today?" What if she woke and told me she didn't want me? Screamed at me to get out of her room, of course I had no right to be here. I left her, I ended it, I can't be here. But I also can't seem to get away.
"I wonder if you'd miss me, when I'm gone." I sang, my voice cracking with emotion, and I heard Bella sigh in her sleep, snuggling closer to me. "It's come to this, release me. I'll leave before the dawn." I sobbed quietly into her hair and hugged her to me closely, making sure I didn't wake her. "But for tonight, I'll stay here with you. Yes, for tonight, I'll lay here with you."
Just one night. Just this night, that's all I can give, and that's all I can take. I just had to check…I just had to see her again, hold her like this, and have her warmth against me again.
"But when the sun, hits your eyes through your window, there'll be nothing you can do." She can't do anything. I have to leave, I can't be here when she wakes up, I can't let her go through that pain again. If she knows I'm here, I don't know what it will lead to, where things will go. But I know I don't have much strength, I can't deny her if she begs me, how could one possibly say no to an angel?
"What if you could hear this song?" I sang, praying that she could actually hear me. "What if I felt like I belong?" The words couldn't be truer, that simple statement could sum up my entire life. If I did belong in this world, my life would be a lot less complicated, a lot less pain. "I might not be leaving, oh so soon." The emotion was too much now, and I sobbed freely into her hair, breathing in that luscious scent. I cried because it was all too hard to manage, that the fact that I could not be enough for Bella tortured me. That because I have no human heartbeat and no human blood in my veins, I can't be with the girl I love. The girl who so perfectly stumbled into my life, and suddenly gave me a reason to live.
"Began the night believing I loved you in the moonlight." Actually, it should be, began my life, rather than night, because my life only first started when I met Bella, my years before that, I cannot call it a life. You can only call what you have now a life, if there is meaning. If there's something that makes you get out of bed every morning, someone who you want to please, someone you want to be with. I hugged her closer and buried my head in her hair, choking on the words. I felt as if though my world was crashing around me, as I held her in my arms. How I missed the times where I could do this freely, where I didn't have to worry about her waking up, where I could just love her. I remember our first dance together, how I led her because she was too clumsy to do it on her own. I'd lead her for my whole life if I had to, I'd do anything for her, even if it means I have to leave her.
"So, for tonight I'll stay here with you. Yes, for tonight – " I couldn't finished the rest, I felt as if I was choking, though I didn't need air, like a knife was being plunged into me, though I knew it couldn't, like my heart was breaking, though I didn't have one. It hurt all so badly.
"Yes for tonight I'll lay here with you." Bella's sweet voice sang suddenly and I looked down at her wide brown eyes. And as soon as my eyes met hers, I lost myself, I lost myself in her chocolate eyes, the way they were sparkle, the way they would suck you in. "But when the sun," She sang quietly, her hand shaking as she brought it to my face, urging me to sing with her so I complied. "Hits your eyes, through your window."
I saw tears form in her eyes and I brushed them away as I sang. "There'll be nothing, you can do."
Tears cascading down her cheeks and sob escaping from her frail lips. "Edward?" She breathed and choked on the words.
I sobbed loudly into her and pulled her closer so her head was buried in the crook off my neck. "Bella!" I cried joyously, and my hands wound into her hair. I felt so right, so at peace, that I knew I just couldn't leave. How could I? The way her brown eye would look at me, I'm trapped. I sobbed as her tears stained my shirt. When someone you love has this much power over you, you can't just leave. I cannot just come back and turn my back on her beautiful face.
Both our frames were shaking as we cried together, something I never did around her. She pressed herself closer against me, and her hands clutched my shirt. "Edward," She mumbled. "Edward."
"How long have you been awake?" I whispered and shut my eyes tightly, kissing her forehead.
"Since you started singing." She whispered in reply, pulled my face down to hers. "Please." She begged; her eyes filled with pain. "Please."
I understood what she wanted, and without a second thought I crushed my lips against hers, kissing her with just as much passion as she kissed me. I felt whole as our lips moved together, kissing her furiously. I pulled away slowly when I realized she needed air and she cried joyously.
"Bella." I breathed and kissed her again. "My Bella."
I stared into her chocolate, bottomless eyes, all the way down to her beautiful soul. I knew I couldn't leave again, I knew I was too weak to move an inch away from this bed. We're linked together, tied with an unbreakable bond; a love like ours is something that can't just fade with a few words.
I've finally returned.
She gasped suddenly, and clutched her chest, her face paled. She cried out loudly in pain, filling me with terror. She clutched her chest harder, screaming. "NO!" She yelled at no one in particular and I heard her heartbeat faster, and faster, an uneven abnormal beat. "Not now!"
"Bella?" I asked quickly, making her sit up and she cried out again. "Bella what's wrong?"
"It's happening!" She moaned, gasping for air. "It can't! It can't!"
"What can't!?" I yelled and she just replied with another splitting scream. Tears streaming down her face angrily.
"Bella!" Charlie boomed and pushed the door opened, his face turning bright red when he saw me with my arms around his daughter. His fist clenched as his eyes met mine his mind screaming angry thoughts at me. But he ignored me and ran to his daughter, tears filling his eyes. "Oh Bella. Please, not so soon." He sobbed sadly and quickly picked up her frail body from out of my arms. Running down the stairs quickly, pulling out his phone.
"Dr. Frost?" He gasped into the phone. "It's happened. Bella's collapsed."
"I'll send an ambulance." The voice replied quickly and the line clicked off. I ran after them as Charlie grabbed her coat and wrapped it around her shaking shoulders, she was gasping for air and her eyes were clouded. "Bella," Charlie whispered to his daughter as I watched wide-eyed as Bella's breathing became more and more difficult. "Bella, please hold on."
"Charlie," I whispered, my voice couldn't go any higher, I felt a new pang in my chest as I watched Bella twitch in pain. "Charlie what's happening to her?"
Charlie reddened. "I don't have time for you! I'd arrest you if it weren't for Bella, get out of my sight."
"Edward!" Bella screamed, gasping, her eyes flashing around as she screamed again in pain. Her breathing was drastically laboured and it looked as if she was choking. "Don't leave me!"
Sirens filled our ears and blue and red flashing filled the house, Charlie wrenched the door opened and Bella reached out to me weakly, her eyes pleading me. I took her hand gently, and Charlie didn't protest. His eyes were glued to the daughter in his arms, the daughter he so dearly loved. Two men took Bella and placed her in a stretcher, instantly attaching an IV into her arm, another one with a mask in his hands. I heard her heart instantly slow down as the man put an injection into the IV line, her breathing gradually slowing.
"We can only take one other person in the car." One person said to Charlie and I, and Charlie glared at me angrily.
"Get out of here Edwin." He ordered; his tone deadly. "Get out."
"Edward!" Bella gasped again then they taped the mask her face, and her eyes instantly fell shut, her jaw slacked. My face twisted in pain as they shut one door of the ambulance, a man holding one arm out to Charlie.
"Edward, Edward, Edward." Bella muttered quietly, but I heard her.
"Charlie." I whispered quickly. "Do whatever you'd like to me, but please, I need to be with her. Please."
Charlie looked at me for a moment, his eyes searching my face, his ears read with anger. "There not much time!" A man yelled, motioning for us to move faster.
Charlie yelled and huffed towards his police car. "Go!" He yelled at me and slammed the door to his car shut, starting it quickly. I hopped into the ambulance where Bella was laying, my mind reeling. I reached out to take her hand gently, rubbing circles on it.
Her chest heaved, her hands twitching. I left so weak, so helpless. I had no idea what was happening, I had no idea what's causing her pain. I just know I'm not going to leave. I won't ever again.
"What's happening to her?" I asked my voice cracking. Years of medical school suddenly disappearing behind me
"Are you the boyfriend?" The man asked. And I nodded. They attached electrodes to her chest which was hooked to a heart machine. A dark green squiggly line filling the screen, indicating that her heart was screaming, her heart too weak. "I haven't seen you before."
"I just got back into town." I explained quickly. "Please, what's happening to her?"
"Her heart." He whispered. "It's too weak."
"Bella's been in and out of the hospital for maybe four years now." The other one explained his mind showing me an image of Bella in a hospital bed; her heartbeats numbered on a monitor.
"She got lost in the forest one day, a few days after her birthday." I tensed, as I realized what day that was. The day I had left her, the day I said all those lies. "We didn't find her until the next day, but by then she was terribly sick, and the muscle weakened from the virus and there was no medical science that could change that. Her heart is too weak that when she gets attacks it usually fails, and she's sent back to the hospital. She's been having anxiety attacks a lot, which doesn't do any good for her heart, it's like paper now; it could shatter at any moment. She's been on the beep for a heart transplant, but what are the chances getting one here in Forks?"
My body was shaking furiously as I absorbed their information. My life whirling around me as I sobbed into my hand, a horrible pain formed deep within me and exploded throughout my body.
"She couldn't go to college." The other one said quietly. "They needed the money for the medical bills, also she couldn't handle being around people, it would give her another of her attacks, and she can only afford so many."
I sobbed loudly at what has happened to my innocent little Bella. Her eyes shut so peacefully, her lips parted slightly. I heard her heart thumping loudly in her chest. Suddenly we jerked to a stop and the doors flew open and they instantly went into action, reeling Bella and the machines into a room, a man put his hand on my shoulder as I tried to follow after them.
"You have to wait here." He said, "We'll call you when there's news."
I nodded and sank into a chair, putting my head in my hands, faintly hearing Charlie sit across from me. I sobbed loudly for both Bella's and my own pain that so kindly tortured me. I had killed her; I had left her in the forest which led to this world of darkness for her.
"Why are you here Edwin?" Charlie whispered across from me, and I didn't bother to correct him, because I knew he knew my name, he just couldn't say it. Of course, the boy who broke his daughters heart and condemned her into this hell, of course he has every right to hate me. I hate me.
"I needed to see her." I whispered pitifully, shutting my eyes tightly, the aching in my chest getting more and more agonizing. "I just had to."
"Do you have any idea of the hell you left behind?" He snapped his face red again. "Do you have any idea what you did to my daughter?"
I choked on a sob and my eyes stung. "I'm sorry Charlie. I swear I am. I never wanted to leave Bella, I love her deeply. I had no idea what I was leaving behind. But I never stop loving her, that much I can promise you, sir."
"You love is the reason why she's in the hospital." He said sourly, his voice breaking. "Your love is the very reason why she's suffering so badly."
I took a shaking breath, my eyes stinging again, and my pain worsening. "I'm sorry. I don't know what more I can say."
"Leave." He ordered. "Leave like you did four years ago; leave so you can hurt my daughter again. Leave her so she can suffer alone. If you've never had left in the first place, she wouldn't have gotten lost, and she wouldn't have gotten sick. If she hadn't gotten sick I wouldn't be sitting her waiting for the news if my daughter is dead or not!" He yelled at me, his face furious, and I stared up at him, my face twisting in pain.
"Charlie –"
"Chief Swan."
"Chief Swan, I never wanted this to happen. Honestly, I wanted Bella to move on just as much as you do. I wanted her to be happy, be happy even if it wasn't with me. I just wanted her to have a life, even if it meant I couldn't be in it. But I'm back now, and as long as she needs me, I'll be here." I told him, my eyes burning with love and pain at the same time.
Somewhere in this building was lying my Bella, tubes attached to her, her heartbeat slowly fading, her breaths numbered. You would have thought...that the thirst would get to me, that the blood of the multiple humans would have gotten to me by now. But it didn't matter, nothing on this earth mattered to me right now except for the girl whose heart is paper. The girl who's heart I so cruelly broke and shattered.
Charlie stared at me for a moment, his eyes searching mine, his face twisting into an emotion I didn't understand. He gave me a tiny smile despite of himself.
"You remind me of the time Renee walked out my door." He whispered sadly. "My face looked exactly like yours, because I thought she was never going to enter through that door again, that I lost her forever, that I was going to lose Bella too. I loved Renee with my whole heart, but I wasn't good enough for her, I knew she wasn't happy here, but I couldn't do anything, the police station is all I got. I wanted better for her, as much as I loved her, I knew that she deserved better."
He stared at me again, and continued. "So I let her go. I let her walk out that door and find some other man, take my daughter away from me. I have a feeling that's what you did too." He paused, his eyebrows scrunching together. "You love my daughter. That much I cannot deny of you, but I'm not saying what you did was right, but at least your intentions were in the right place. I can't say I accept you. I can't say that I approve of you whatsoever. But what I can say, is that Bella has been nothing since you left, yet for some reason she still loves you, even now as she's hooked up to some machines. She would cry for you in her sleep. She'd have nightmares, and I wouldn't know what to do. My daughter was slowly fading away from me."
My throat clenched together, and it took all my power to hold myself together, to keep myself from falling apart. My Bella. What have I don't to her? I left her to broken, so shattered. I damned her to the deepest pits of Hell, and I wasn't here to save her. I thought she could have a life, college, kids, a husband. But I took those things away from her, just like I took her heart.
"Mr. Swan?" A nursed asked, and Charlie and I stood up together. Her face was flushed when she met my gaze, but she ignored me and went straight to business.
"Is my baby girl okay?" He asked immediately, tears streaming down his cheek, his heart rate picking up speed. "Please, let her be okay."
The nurse looked him in the eye, her eyes holding pain and pity, and I knew the words that would escape her mouth before she even said it.
"We can't do anything anymore." She said, her hands shaking. My vision blackened for a moment, and I felt the pain in my chest explode violently.
"She has pneumonia in her left lung, which is making her heart work too much, and we know it can't afford to." She bit her lip for a moment, and then said. "Added to that, she had an anxiety attack while we were reeling her in, which made her heart work even harder, and it's just too weak to do anything now. Her heart can barely keep her breathing, we already attached an oxygen tank, but that can't keep her holding on for too long. I'm sorry."
Charlie chocked on a sob, his hand covering his mouth. "Can I see her?"
"Yes, of course." She nodded quickly, and then turned to me. "Are you Edward?"
"Yes." I mumbled.
"She's been asking for you." She replied.
Charlie huffed next to me and crossed his arms. I sent a pleading glance at Charlie, ready to run in there at vampire speed if I had to. I'd do anything, just to see her. Just to tell her I'm sorry. Sorry for all the damaged I've cause, sorry for ever existing, for taking her life away from her.
"Come along, Edward." Charlie said finally, and the nursed nodded, leading us down the hallway, and into a room where my Bella laid.
I froze in the doorway and Charlie stumbled pass me, taking Bella limp hand in his. She looked so weak, so innocent, and so sad. Her skin was paler than usual, almost translucent, and her lips blue. She had a tube connected to her wrist, wires attached to her chest, and another at her nose, which I knew, was the only thing keeping her alive. But even that wasn't enough.
Bella's dying.
I sobbed into my hand, running my hand through my hair. Bella is dying. The love of my life is dying. My point of reason, my very soul, is dying. And I've killed her. I've left her, then I've come back, just so I can watch her die slowly before my eyes. So I can slowly watch the life being sucked out of her.
"Edward?" She breathed, her eyes flickering to me weakly, and I flinched as I saw the life slowly draining out of them. She tried to smile, that heart breaker smile of hers, but failed. I walked towards her slowly on the opposite side of the bed as Charlie, taking her other hand. It was so cold, even from a vampire's perspective; I could tell her skin was much colder than usual.
"You have to hold on, Bells." Charlie begged, tears streaming down his eyes. And for once in my life, I wish I was able to cry. So I could show my emotions to the girl who lay in her sickbed, so I could show her father how much I love her, how much I need her.
She smiled sadly. "I can't Dad." She whispered; her voice so weak. "I'm so sorry."
"I love you Bella." He choked, and stroked her cheek. "With my whole heart."
"I love you too, Dad." She whispered in reply. "So very much."
"The best part of my life Bells." He whispered, tears streaming faster down his cheeks.
"Thank you for taking care of me, Dad." She said. "Thank you so much."
Her eyes flicked to mine, and the sting in my eyes worsened. "Edward."
"I'm going to call Renee." Charlie told us, and I could tell her wanted to give us alone time. His very last gift to his baby girl. "I love you, so very much Bella. You'll always be my baby girl, okay?"
She nodded sadly, and squeezed his hand with us much strength as she could manage. I looked at the heart monitor, though I didn't need to, and I saw her heart rate slowing, step by step she was approaching death too quickly. Charlie kissed her cheek and with one last glance at her beautiful face, he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Bella turned her head towards me, tears stinging in my eyes.
She laughed weakly. "Out of all the days to die." She whispered; her voice cracking. "It's the day you finally come back."
I sobbed quietly into her hand, and she ran her fingers through my hair. "Please don't talk like that." I begged her.
"I have to accept it." She said; her voice faintly softer. "I'm sorry I can't hold on Edward."
She sobbed quietly, because I knew she couldn't manage to cry any harder, tears streaming down her face. "Bella." I moaned. "Please don't, especially now, think this is your fault."
"I love you, Edward." She choked, her fingers gripping mine. "I love you."
"I love you too. Forever." I whispered; my facing twisting in pain. "I've loved you ever since I've met you."
She smiled sadly, and kissed my finger. "Tell your family I love them too." She said quietly.
I sobbed into her shoulder loudly, clinging on to her as I heard her heartbeat slow again. So strained, so weak. "I'm sorry." I sobbed, "I'm so, so sorry."
"Even though you left Edward," She gasped. "I'll never leave you. Even now." She lifted her hand feebly and placed it over the place where my heart was supposed to be. "Here."
"I don't have a heart, Bella." I whispered, touching her face.
"Yes," She replied softly. "Now you have me."
Invisible tears streamed down my face and I nodded. "I love you."
Her hands gripped my shirt and she cried out in pain, her heart suddenly exhilarating. The monitor went crazy as her heart overloaded, picking up speed. I cried out with her and watched her gasp in pain. "Sing." She ordered. "Finish…the song." She gasped, tears running down her face faster.
I cupped her face in my hand and opened my mouth. "I could've treated you better. Better than this." I sang, my voice cracking and she gripped my shirt harder, her heartbeat picking up more speed. "Well, I'm gone; this song's your letter. Can't stay in one place." I felt myself break apart slowly as her heartbeat stopped abruptly. Her little fingers loosening in my shirt.
"I'll wait for you in Heaven, Edward." She breathed, her eyes flickering closed, and the monitor's flat, monotone, scream indicated that my Bella was gone. I cried out in pain and held her limp hand to my chest. I continued to sing.
"So, for tonight, I'll stay here with you." I sang, my voice shaking. I sobbed into her chest that was no longer moving. I felt a piece of me clutch up and evaporate as her life left her body, I felt empty again. "Yes, for tonight, I'll lay here with you." I didn't care that she couldn't hear me singing anymore. I didn't care that her ears would never hear again, that my Bella's body is empty. She's still alive though, she's still alive, just her body isn't. I sobbed louder and held her motionless body closer to me. "But when the sun, hits your eyes through your window." I whispered, kissing her forehead ever so gently. My body shaking her lifeless one as my painful sobs grew more and more intense.
"There'll be nothing I can do." Her beautiful voice rang in my ear though her lips never moved. I held her tighter, begging for her to embrace me back, to regain her life.
"Bella!" I cried into her hair. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry."
I sobbed for a while longer before I put her empty body down on the bed slowly, committing her face to memory, even though I already had her memorized, every move she ever made, every word ever spoken; all embedded deep within my thoughts. I smoothed her hair out of her forehead and kissed her ever so tenderly.
"I'll always love you Bella Swan." I whispered. With that I walked out of the room slowly, passing a Doctor who came rushing in, passing Charlie who sobbed into his phone, and faintly hearing Renee's heartbroken sobs.
"Thank you, Chief Swan." I whispered as I passed him, his tear filled eyes meeting mine. "For allowing me to love your daughter."
Thank you for killing her. I heard him think, and I felt myself break down further. "Thank you for loving her." He whispered instead, and nodded at me. I left without a second word, my world slowly crumbling around me as I left the hospital, I didn't bother running; I walked at human speed.
Cold winds blasted against me, and I cried loudly, heart breaking, agonizing cries.
"Bella!" I yelled into the wind, my voice carried throughout the town. "Bella!"
I'll wait for you in Heaven. Her words echoing through my head, I fell to the ground and sobbed for the lost life of my love. I cried for the very moment I met her, that was the start to it all, the very day that her fate was decided for her, that she'd die young. I've killed her, just like Charlie said. I killed his baby girl, my Bella.
I shook with pain, and cried out as it paraded through me victoriously. I'd never get to hold her again, never see her blush again. I'd never hear her beautiful laugh again, never ever be able to kiss her. She lost it all when she met me, but I can't say I regret meeting her. I can never say that. She is the very meaning in my life, the very center of my world. We'd never get to continue on together. I'd never get to marry her, to call her Bella Cullen. I'll never get to tell her I love her again.
I yelled in frustration at the lack of sunlight, because if there was even the slightest glimpse of sun, I'd throw myself into it. I'd start a riot; I'd start killing people, innocent people. But I'll never do that, I know now, what it's like to have a life taken away from you. I'll never do that to someone else; I don't want anyone to suffer the pain I feel now. Then I remembered something, an idea came to mind. Somewhere in La Push are Sam Uley, and his pack, waiting for a vampire to kill. I'll gladly comply. I knew what must be done so I ran off in the direction of the boundary, the first Cullen to do so in years.
I can't live in a word in which Bella does not exist. I can't. She's dead. She's gone, never to walk this earth again. My eyes stung again but I fought it down, at least for now. I'm not going to live like this, I honestly can't. I don't know if I'll go to Heaven, just like Bella wants me to. I don't know where I'll go. Maybe our love will save me, all I know for sure, is that this will be my last time running this earth. So as I approached the treaty line now, I didn't find myself fearing death, I found myself longing for it. To return to Bella, to wrap my arms around her again, and in Heaven is where we will spend our eternity. After all, she's waiting for me. So as I stepped over the invisible line, I repeated the last line of the song, the song that so perfectly fit into my soul.
"But when the sun, hits your eyes, through the window. There'll be nothing, you can do."
AN: Awwww! That had me tearing what about you? When I heard this song I just had to write a one shot on it. This is a one shot, and a one shot only. There will be no sequel. REVIEW PLEASE
Here the link to the song, I suggest you listen to it and imagine Edward singing it, haha. .com/watch?v=aXu3WafBt6I