[ Hi! *gins* I've finally realised how to keep all the formatting! So now everything is back up and running – and easy to read *grimaces* I did a terrible job last time! Oh well, Thanx everyone who's read/reading my fic. An especially huge thanx to Wiccan-one14 who brought the editing problem to my attention, and Reviewed heaps!! Bye – happy reading! HPgirl ]

Dreams Past and Present

Back in her own bed at home at last; it was good to be home. But there was something missing, some part of her that wasn't happy to be home. It sent a chill down her back as she snuggled down deeper in her bed, but no matter how warm she was she couldn't shake the feeling of being far from home – but she was at home! She shook her head to clear it, put it on her pillow and dropped into a dream filled sleep.

~ Corridors – long corridors with lots of doors. She was running, the doors were locked! She had to get out! ~ people rushed past, crashing into her, stepping on her feet, knocking her down but no one stopped to help her up. She cried out to them but she seemed to be invisible to them ~ the great hall, they were all laughing, laughing at her. She and fled but the doors slammed shut in front of her! ~ ' you don't belong here anymore...!' hordes of them advancing on her now... a knife... 'Carma..?!? Wait! Stop!'... ~

"NOOOOOOOOO...!!!!!" Lily screamed sitting bolt upright suddenly very awake. Sweat ran down her face mixed with tears. She shook with uncontrollable fear – they don't want me back! I can't go back! – Her mind was reeling.

"Lily! Honey what's wrong?" Lily's parents had materialised at her door, anxious looks dominating their faces. Her mum came closer wiping Lily's face and holding her close. 'It's alright honey – it was just a nightmare, don't worry, it's all gonna be alright.' She crooned softly as Lily's father came over with a cup of hot chocolate fresh from the kitchen in his hand. Lily froze when she saw what it was, H-Hot chocolate! That's what Dumbledore would prescribe. She sobbed harder edging away from the mug... "No. No I can – you can't make me!" Lily said sharply backing further away from her parents, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I won't go back! – I can't!

1 The Train Ride

Lily was sitting on the stationary Hogwarts Express at platform 9 ¾ on February 2nd with 8 other students all headed for Hogwarts and under the supervision of the short sighted Mr Kennerdy the deputy head master at the time. The train had only the engine and one carriage as the rest had been uncoupled as they weren't needed. Three second years sat in the first compartment playing a loud game of exploding snap, one forth year and two third years were opposite that compartment swapping wizard cards and  Lily and Matt the only other student left over were in the last compartment reading with Mr Kennerdy. Lily in the middle of fifth year and was frantically tearing through the first half of '5th year Witchery – a revision' while Matt attempted to comprehend '6th year Wizardry – an understanding' the silence was punctuated by page flipping and sighs all to often and Mr Kennerdy soon tired of their peacefulness and headed off to instruct the younger ones.

As he retreated Lily closed the thick volume with a clunk and set it next to her, she had reached the end of 'Majestic transfigurations' which was as far as Carma had written the class had done. Matt looked up at sound of the thick book slamming and smiled, he too had done all he could to recover the lost year he'd spent helping the ministry.  He'd gotten to know Lily well over the year and was almost sorry it was over but he'd been looking forward to seeing his friends again and Hogwarts halls and even his new timetable!

Lily also looked back on the time she had spent with them – it had all started with a letter in the middle of forth year from her mother.

* Last Year *

She had to help find Petunia and to do that she was going to have to go back to muggle London to help the Ministry – she wasn't quite sure why it had to be that way or how she could help but if Dumbledore (her Transfiguration teacher) said so then she trusted him to be right.

Petunia had got separated from her parents at a 'fun-fair' (Lily knew how much Petunia hated fun-fairs and at the time she had laughed when her mother had owled to say they had 'lost' Petunia at a fun-fair, but now it didn't seem quite so funny.) and now she had been pronounced 'Missing believed dead' as three weeks had turned into three months and there was still no sign of her. Usually Lily would rejoiced over such a small victory over her overbearing older sister but she had been gone for so long now and Mr Western the Mister of Magic thought she may be connected to the disappearance of muggle girls about Petunia's age and he was worried because only someone who was a blood relation could find them and as they were mostly muggles the families, they had no hope.

Lily was in the middle of her Forth year at Hogwarts and unsure of how much she could do to save her sister but she had to try.  Lilly wasn't short for her age, sitting comfortable between 5 foot 7` and 5 foot 8` her long dark red hair with a soft wave came halfway down her back, framing a perfect white face that looked like it was made of porcelain, ruby red lips and deep green eyes that seemed to see all and dance with life like none others. Lily's group of friends – Carma, Lotti and Bec were easy to pick out as they chattered and laughed constantly when they were out of the classroom, immune to the odd looks from those around them. Lilly and Carma worked hard and the grades they wanted unlike Lotti and Bec who scaped together enough to pass with the extra coaching their friends gave them, as they never listened in class, preferring to annoy their best friends instead.

When Lily announced that she was going to have to leave to find Petunia, Lotti and Bec laughed making some joke about Petunia being lost at a 'Fun-fair' unaware that it had been three months now. Lily burst into tears – she didn't know what else to do they just didn't get it! Turning their scoffing to comforting hugs the three girls fell back onto the couch in the muddle of a many armed hug. Carma knew well before the others that Lily had to leave and together they had been pooling their magical knowledge, gaining even more scoffing from the two other girls so completely unaware of the battle raging within Lily's heart. Lily loved her sister as only as sister can. No matter how many time Petunia bailed her up, ruined her things or showed her up in front of her friends, she still loved her deep down. But doing this would stir up her parent's grief again and that was soul destroying in its self.

Confused and weary she went up to pack and go to bed, the port-key was set for 10am the next morning and she still hadn't packed her trunk. She trudged up the dorm stairs and over to her bunk, ready to fling herself on her bed for a rest before she started packing but there was already some one sitting on it. A curtain of black silky hair fell perfectly into place as the girl turned to greet Lily, the striking blue eyes and red lips that made Carma known throughout the school smiled handing Lily her PJ's and a towel.

"I've run a bath for you and I'm nearly finished packing so you go have a soak." Carma said hustling Lily into the bathroom where a bubble bath sat waiting for her. Lily could have cried again, she was going to miss Carma so much, they knew what each other were thinking instinctively.

"Don't thank me Lil, you deserve it." Carma said giving Lily a squeeze before slipping out of the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

* * *

A year had passed and they had only just located Petunia, even Dumbledore was being to give up hope. But they hadn't only found Petunia – they had found a whole group of girls who'd been missing. They all had to have a memory charm put on them to blank out the horrors they had been put through as part of an experiment by a group of powerful wizards. Even though Petunia couldn't remember what had happened she had the idea that it had something to do with that 'freaky school' Lily went to and this made her hate Lily even more because of it.  Finally Lily could go back to school – or could she? She hadn't owled anyone but Carma in the year she'd been away because she couldn't reveal what she was doing or where she was. Would anyone remember who she was? Would she be able to catch up again? She sighed maybe she shouldn't go back after all it was all going to be too hard to explain and even if she did manage to explain it who would believe her?