"How do you do it," I asked her as I attempted to rein in the internal torment.
"How do I do what," she asked as she continued to tempt me just by touching my face.
"Hold your mortal life with such reckless abandonment."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said as she flopped back on her bed against the head board.
I sat down on the very edge of the bed to get a better hold of my emotions. I felt raw and exposed when I was with Bella most days. The closer the wedding got, the harder it was to suppress her advances for a more physical relationship. This would be a normal part of our lives if we were any two other people. But we were far from being normal.
"I agreed to allow this crazy notion of the one human experience that you wanted before immortality. Bella, I don't understand how you want to embrace the monster that I am," I explained.
"I've told you a million times, Edward that I don't think you are a monster. What I see in you is a beautiful person, inside and out. I see someone that I want to spend all of eternity with. I see someone that I want to hold close and never let go," Bella said.
"But why not wait until you are like me before we even try to be intimate? I might kill you."
"But you won't."
"But I might."
Her brow went rigid. She was angry. We had been having the same tired argument for almost a month. The problem with this is both of us were positive that we were right. I was steadfast on my position of wanting to wait until after. But she was not. Bella was dead set against it.
"Are we really going to do this again? Edward, you promised me that if I agreed to marry you, you would give me this one thing. Are you going to sit there and go back on your word now," Bella asked angrily.
"No. I promised and I will fulfill that vow. I had hoped in these last few months you would want to marry for another reason besides sexual desires."
As soon as I said it I immediately regretted it. Where she had been angry with me before, now she was livid to the point where her face and neck were red. Something about it made me glad Charlie was not home tonight. Somehow I knew it was about to get very heated.
"Where do you get off saying something like that? It's like you don't know me at all! After all that we have been through, how could you even remotely think that the only reason I would marry you is so I can have sex? Is that what you really think? Because if it is then maybe we should rethink all of this before it is too late," Bella screamed.
"Bella, calm down. That is not what I meant. I mean that, that," but I really had no clue how to fix this.
"That what? That you think I am some hard up woman who thinks the only way a man would want her was by marrying him?!"
"No! That is not what I think at all!"
"Well, it is obvious to me that I don't make you feel the way you make me feel!"
"You don't know anything, Bella. You really don't."
I had said too much and it had once again not come out right. Bella did make me feel all the feeling that she had for me. I did want her with ever fiber in my being and it took all the strength I had not to cave in. I was worried what would happen if I let go. As I looked at Bella the look on her face made me wonder if I would ever get a chance to show her.
"Get out," she yelled as she shoved me with all her might.
"Why," I asked not moving.
"Because I don't want to be with you right now and I don't even know if I will want to see you tomorrow."
"But let me explain, Bella. Let me try," I pleaded.
"No. I'm through talking tonight. You need to go. Go home, Edward."
"If that's what you really want," I said as I got up to go, hoping she would change her mind.
"It is."
I nodded and jumped to her window. I turned to look at her once more before I jumped from her roof to the ground below. She stared through me; she would not look me in the eyes. If I could have cried I would. I wanted to turn around and hold her and beg her to forgive me, but it was her choice for me to go and I had to. I jumped down into the darkness and heard the window shut and lock once I was on the ground. Her light went out immediately after she locked the window. Bella even pulled the curtains. It was the first time since I had known her that she had locked me out. If I had wanted to be a bastard, her locking me out would not have stopped me but I would give her this because I knew she would not budge: stubborn to the bitter end. Part of me knew I deserved it. I had been horrible, worse than that I had been a coward. I ran into the night to try and drive the anger out: anger for hurting my Bella.
I arrived home a lot sooner than normal and Alice sat on the steps on the front porch. I knew she had seen what I was thinking and what had happened. She didn't look happy with me either.
"Why did you do that," she asked as I walked passed her through the door and into the house.
Esme was in the dining room playing chess with Carlisle. Jasper lounged in a chair rereading an old classic. Rosalie and Emmett were playing a football game on their PS3. They all looked at me as I entered the room.
"You're home early," Esme said.
"Yes," I replied about to head to my room. I saw a lecture in my future.
"Edward, why did you say those stupid things? Did you not think that would be Bella's response? If it had been me, I'd have done the same thing," Alice said.
"What did you do now," Rosalie asked now beside of Alice.
"Nothing," I replied as I pushed the two of them out of my way.
"You aren't going to solve anything by ignoring it," Alice added.
"Edward, son, what happened with Bella," Carlisle asked in a fatherly tone.
I was going to have to repeat the story to them and if I left anything out, Alice would be sure to fill them in. Sometimes her gift was a blessing and a curse at the same time.
"I made her mad and she threw me out. I let my tongue run away with me and said some things that I couldn't fix," I explained as I looked at Alice as she nodded in agreement to my words.
"What was going on that caused this," Esme asked.
I did not want to talk about this is front of my mother or the others. I wanted to talk to Carlisle alone about what I had done and how to fix this. I wanted to spare myself anymore embarrassment. Alice could see what I was thinking and nodded.
"Why don't we leave Edward alone with Carlisle? No sense in all of us ganging up on him," Alice said as she motioned for Jasper to follow.
"Where's the fun in not ragging him about all this," Emmett asked angrily as he turned off the game he was winning.
"Emmett, please. I can see this is hard on Edward. Let's try to be sympathetic. He's the only one of us who has ever dated a mortal. In fact, Edward is the first vampire I've known who has," Carlisle explained.
The others left us alone and Carlisle invited me to sit with him at the table. I really didn't even know where to begin. He must have sensed this.
"Edward, why don't you tell me what has caused all of this," he said.
"You are aware of the compromise she and I have made regarding the wedding and the honeymoon? Well, I have a very hard time with it. I am afraid I might kill her. But Bella is always trying to get more out of me, trying to get me to have a more intimate relationship. But I can't. I said to her that I thought that was why she was marrying me."
"I see. Why don't you explain every single detail so I can get a clearer picture of the situation," Carlisle said.
I took a deep breath and divulged all the information that he needed. He listened intently, not stopping me until I had finished. Carlisle took a few moments to figure out exactly how to help me.
"Are you just afraid of hurting Bella or is it something else?"
I stared at him and I knew he knew the truth.
"You may be over 90 years old with a life time worth of experiences that come with it but you are still a 17 year old boy with 17 year old virginal fears. Don't you think Bella feels exactly the same way," he asked.
"But she handles it better than I do," I replied.
"She's been human and has had suitors, or dates, before. Besides, Bella wants to show her love by giving you the most intimate thing she can: herself."
I started to get aggravated but I quickly calmed myself. I was not mad at Carlisle nor was I mad at Bella. I was furious with myself.
"Don't you think I want to? I do, very much so. I want nothing more than to make love to her."
"But," Carlisle questioned.
It was the same old fight I always had now mixed with the fear of not doing something right.
"She's fragile. What if I can't control myself? Worse than that what if I can't do it? What if I am so afraid I don't even work right? And then what if I am not what she wants? What if I disappoint her," I rambled endlessly.
Carlisle smiled at me in a paternal way. "Edward, I wouldn't worry about any of that. I would not let any of this be your deciding factor. But you seriously do not believe that Bella is marrying you only for sex?"
"No, I know that Bella loves me as much as I love her. She wants to spend forever with me and be my wife."
Carlisle sighed. "Then why did you say such a thing?"
I dropped my head in my hands. I wished I could cry. This felt like more than I could endure. In all of this, all I had succeeded in doing was to hurt Bella.
"It came out before I could even stop it. Now it's out there doing its vile damage."
"You can apologize to her, to start with."
"She doesn't want to talk to me, maybe not even tomorrow."
"Then send Alice, see if she can warm her up for you. Let Alice be the middle man, Bella loves and trust Alice. It may be the only way she will talk to you."
A thought of hopelessness washed over me. "What do I do if she won't talk to me ever again?"
Carlisle smiled. "Do something romantic, take her to some place that is special only to the two of you, make her dinner, bring her flowers – handpicked, and you could play her some music. And Edward, you may have to entertain the idea of caving in on this. If you want Bella to be happy, this may be the only way."
I sat there and absorbed everything he had said. At first I was quiet and then the questions began. I wanted to know what to expect if I do go ahead and do as she wanted. What would I need to do, how would I start? What should I expect from her, what would she expect from me? I talked for over an hour with no stop. What followed was a question and answer session for 3 hours. When it was over I felt much better. Part of me wanted to merely smile from getting it out in the open and part of me wanted to run to Bella's but I knew I didn't need to go back tonight. She would still be angry. Carlisle looked at me lovingly.
"Well, Edward, I don't think I'll be able to leave you tonight unless I knew I have done you a little bit of good," he said.
"Carlisle, I barely remember the father I used to have. I am glad that I have you as a father now," I said.
Carlisle stood up and patted me on the shoulder and walked out of the room to find Esme. It was too early to put anything to work concretely. I would have to wait until the morning. For now I would sit in our home, amongst the other three couples and wallow a bit in self pity. I sat at my piano as this is how it always had been, the loving duos off together alone and I with my music. It was my fault I had this problem tonight so I would use this time to put my self loathing into words.
It was still early morning but late enough to call Bella. I called the first time but when I did not get an answer I assumed that she was in the shower. I waited 30 minutes and called her three more times with no answer. I would have gotten depressed but I knew this was all part of the plan. Alice would be my next hope. As if on cue she was in front of me.
"Good morning, Edward. Tell me what I need to do for you," Alice said without even the slightest explanation of what was needed from her. No doubt, she had already seen it since it was all I could think about.
"I need for you to help me to get to Bella talk to me. I can't lose her and I have to find a way to get to her to forgive me. Can you do this for me," I asked.
"Sure I would be happy to. You want me to just go and feel her out?"
"Exactly. Once you do let me know and then I'll decide what to do."
"Okay, I'll get right on it. I'll call you in a bit."
"Thanks."
Alice nodded and walked out the door. All I could do now was wait.
It took two hours to hear anything from Alice. The torturous wait was maddening. Rosalie gave me looks of contempt for how I had acted. She may not have acted like she was overly fond of Bella but I knew deep down she loved her and this proved it. Jasper kept sending waves of peacefulness in my direction and I was ever so thankful for it. Esme and Carlisle had gone out hunting this morning and Emmett worked on his Jeep. They all were worried about me but gave me time. It was all I had. My phone buzzed during one of my many passes through the house and it was Alice texting me.
'Edward, Bella is not going to budge. She does not want to talk to you,' Alice's text read.
I already knew what I wanted to say. Those two hours have given me plenty of time to consider all my options.
'Tell Bella to meet me in our meadow. Tell her I will be waiting,' I replied.
I walked in the kitchen to get the food in the basket that I had prepared, along with a blanket, a big umbrella for sun or rain, and my guitar to play my new song I had written for her. My phone buzzed again.
'Okay, I will. But I don't think it will work.'
I took in a deep breath. 'Please,' my text replied.
'Okay,' her text answered.
I walked out the back door with all of the things I needed to make our romantic picnic in our meadow perfect.
I am not sure how long I had been there but it was dark and raining now. Lightening lit up everything and the thunder rolled between the two hills on either side of the meadow. Everything was soaked, the blanket, the picnic basket. Luckily my guitar case was waterproof. It was like I was suddenly aware that I was sitting in a puddle of water, getting soaked to the bone. It was then I saw her coming toward me carrying an umbrella.
"How long do you plan to wait out here, Edward? Bella isn't coming," Alice told me.
"I didn't want to give up hope. There has to be some way. Help me, Alice," I pleaded.
"First let's go inside. You're ruining your clothes and now mine."
Leave to Alice to always have fashion on her mind. But she helped me carry all of the wet things into the house. On the way back neither of us had anything to say so once we got back inside the dry house Alice turned to see what I had to say.
"Alice, I need to talk to Charlie," I explained.
"It won't do any good. She told Charlie that the two of you were doing a separation. She told him it was all about making the heart grow fonder," Alice explained.
"You're serious? She actually said that? But maybe he will listen to reason."
"Charlie has been told to not listen to you. This was something that you both wanted per Bella."
"But I don't want this."
"Edward, I don't mean to be ugly but maybe you should have thought about this before you opened your big mouth."
I knew she was right but I knew she could already see what the future would be once I saw a smile come across her face. Hope glimmered again.
"Okay, go do what you can. I don't know what good it will do you but you can at least try. You know I can only see your decisions not hers," she said.
"Will you tell the others where I am?"
"Oh I think they have a really good idea what you are doing."
I smirked at her and ran out the door. When I reached Bella's house, I knew that Alice had been right. No matter what I said to Charlie, he would not budge. It was not that he was being ugly to me it was that he was doing as he was asked to do. Bella was there but he would not let me see her. I could feel her presence and it was like a dark cloud threatening to come down on me. I told him thank you and left. But I did not go far. I waited in the woods and watched for all the lights to go off. Bella's room still had the curtains pulled and I was sure it was still locked. I jumped on the roof next to her window and tried to be quiet. I softly rapped on the window as I tried to gain her attention. I saw a figure come over but she did not attempt to open the barrier between us.
"Edward I told you I was not going to see you today. And I'm not. Go away before you wake up Charlie," Bella warned.
"Bella please let me talk to you. Let me make this right. Let me come in and do the right thing," I begged.
"No. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I have to come see Alice about wedding plans."
My heart felt elated. Bella would still marry me.
"We're still on for the wedding?"
"Yes. But that does not mean you're off the hook. We will talk tomorrow. Now go home," and with that she turned and switched off the light. And left me feeling empty.
When I arrived back home both Esme and Carlisle met me in the living room. I guess I would be getting a pep talk tonight. Funny thing, I didn't feel like being happy at the moment.
"Edward, Alice told us what happened. We're very sorry son. I can only hope she will come to her senses soon," Esme said as she hugged me to her. "You're soaked. You need to put on some dry clothes."
"Well, unfortunately it will not be the death of me," I sighed.
"I know Bella will forgive you, Edward. Bella needs time to sort through this. You may need to give it a little bit longer. Give it time," Carlisle suggested.
"I have no choice. Time is all I have. Where is everyone else," I asked.
"Hunting, which is something you might want to do," Carlisle explained.
Even though I did not feel like feeding I needed to do something besides sit here in this house. Food might be a good thing to distract me. I nodded and ran out the back door.
I met up with my brothers and sisters. They were about to head back but they saw my sorrow and ended up helping me hunt, even though I didn't need any assistance. It was nice to feel loved. I tried to get into my hunting mode but my heart wasn't in it so it was a very good thing that I had help today. I missed out on four huge mountain lions because I spooked them. Luckily I really wasn't hungry but I managed to catch 2 enormous elks and a black bear. I felt satiated but still empty. I knew what I needed to fill me was Bella. I was empty from the loss of the woman I loved. If I truly lost her I don't think I could bear to live with myself.
It was late once I came back home. I was dirty from being out in the storm all day and hunting in the rain tonight. I decided a shower was in order before I went to my room. Once I had finished that task, I put on my pajamas. They were a silk pair that Bella had found me once while she and Alice were shopping. She said she liked the feel of my cold body against the cool silk. Not that she would feel it tonight. My family had left me alone. They knew I was inconsolable and was not in the mood to talk anymore to anyone, not even Carlisle.
I found the song I was looking for on my I pod. My family was sick of this song because I played it all the time: Clair de Lune. Bella loved it too. I wanted to listen to it all night and think of what I had done. I wanted to picture Bella before she became angry with me. I know that I often leave so that I may hunt but this was very different. I had hurt her and it made the fact that she was not here that much more painful. I scooted against the headboard of our king size bed and stared out into the blackness beyond my window as I tried to find some comfort. I should have gotten it from her saying that we would still be wed. But I found none because the way she said that we would talk had me terrified.
The night sky lit up from time to time with lightening. The worst of the storm had passed hours ago but remnants of it fury still remained. It reminded me of the way Bella looked last night. If I truly had lost her, I knew what the only thing that I could do was. It would bring pain to my family and it was the easy way out but it was something that I would willingly want. I would incur the wrath of the Volturi. If I broke our one rule and exposed myself to anyone within my sight, I knew they would surely kill me. But that might send them back here and they might decided to eradicate the rest of the Cullen family and Bella by means of association with them. No, that would never do. I could always ask Jacob to do so. He would be only too happy to kill me. I knew that if I did not have Bella in my life that I would not want to live. But it was wrong of me to wish death as an escape. The worst thing I could possibly do is to have to live with the pain.
As the early morning made itself known with the chirping of the birds and a change ever so slightly in the light, I could see things more clearly. I had been a fool and a blind man. Bella was so aggravated with me because she did not know that I wanted her as bad as she wanted me. I had always kept myself reigned in pretty tight. Bella had never seen the lust in my eyes, all the thoughts I had when I saw her, the ungentlemanly ones: she never really knows what I want to do to her or how bad I want to show her how very much she is loved. How could I have expected her to know? I kept it hidden, out of fear. That fear was going to be the death of all I held dear if I was not careful.
I had never known love before. I did love my family-the old human ones and the new I had for 90 something years. But I had never fallen in love with a woman before, not even in my human life. I was 17 and I had had a few girls that I thought were pretty and interesting. To me it is more about their minds than the beauty you could see. Appearance can be so superficial. A person's intelligence was something that could not be faked. Most of the women in my time were looking for a husband and I was not interested. I was more focused on my future: I wanted to be a concert pianist. I had no time for love. Then after the change, none of the vampires that I had met ever made me feel loved. There again was nothing to them, nothing more than beauty. They were smart of course, but there was no spark of interest. No connection with my soul. Until Bella. She had entranced me the very first day that I saw her. Even if I had wanted to kill her and drink all of her life giving blood, the feeling that I had was more than just the need to satisfy an animal desire. I think I knew that very day that I was in love with her, like I had waited all my life for her to come to school that day. I fought it because she was human but I knew when I spoke to her that I could not deny myself the opportunity to spend all my time with her. I have been so stupid, always trying to protect her when she didn't need it. What Bella needed for me to do was love her like I was supposed to, like I wanted to.
There were noises in the house and I could hear them mixed in with my music that still played softly. Alice was up and so was Jasper. I felt a wave of calm wash over me. Esme and Carlisle were in the garden planting flowers and Rose and Emmett were gone for the rest of the weekend for a romantic getaway at a secluded cabin in the mountains above our house. They all went there a lot. But I also heard another sound: a heartbeat. It was beating fast, as it usually did and it was getting closer. I turned off the music and waited. She knocked.
"Edward," Bella called.
"Yes, Bella," I answered as I scooted to the end of the bed, feet planted firmly on the floor.
"Can I come in?"
"Of course, it's your room too."
Bella pushed the door open, slipped in, and shut it behind her. She stood next to the door and looked at me. I tried to read her face for her mood but I could not. What was she about to say? Could I do anything to stop anything bad that might possibly happen today? I had to try. I stood up and crossed over to her and put my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. She didn't back up from me. Bella looked up into my eyes and I let her see the thing she had been missing. I let her see that I wanted her. I wanted every last part of her and I would not leave this room until I had it all, even if it took all day. I don't think she recognized it at first because she continued to stare at me. I leaned over and placed my cold lips to hers and kissed her tenderly and then I let the passion go. I let the waves of those feelings that I had for her come out of me. I let them flood my body, my mind and my soul. Bella would know that I was serious today, that I would not pull back or make her stop. Today I would allow myself to want her, to really want her. It was more than a mere want, it was a need. Bella was vital to my existence.
Bella would soon realize that today was different. That the man she had seen yesterday and the day before was not the same as the one today. I was free, now and forever. I touched her face and ran my hand down her arm, across her back and back up into her hair. I leaned her back to have access to the soft skin of her neck. Her pulse beat wildly and I licked at it with my icy wet tongue.
"I, uh, I came to talk, Edward," she mumbled.
I stepped back from her even more quickly than I normally would.
"Forgive me, Bella. Of course you want to talk to me. I got carried away and I am very sorry," I pleaded.
I backed up to the bed and sat on the edge. Bella stood in front of me with a look of complete surprise on her face.
"Er, yes. We need to talk but don't apologize, Edward. I enjoyed it."
"So did I."
Bella gave me a wary look like maybe she did not believe me or that I had gotten possessed while she was gone. But she was not so freaked out that she wanted to run away from me.
"Look, I don't want this to be about your need to fulfill all my wishes because you want to make me happy by doing something that I want you to do. I don't want you to cave in just to please me," she explained.
"That is partially the truth," I added.
"I'm sorry but what do you mean?"
"I do want you to be happy; I want that above all things. But this is something that I want as well."
"Edward . . . ," Bella began obviously not believing me.
"No, I want to you to listen to me," I said as I pulled her to the bed with me. We sat in the middle where I held her hand in mine. "I realized something important while we were apart."
"Okay. Tell me. I'm all ears."
"I'm serious. First I know that I do not ever want to be without you. Ever again. I was a fool for ever saying the things I said to you. I don't know what I was thinking. I know I hunt and leave you but knowing I caused you pain and that was the reason we were apart made it so much worse."
"I have to say that these last few days have sucked. I was a bitch."
"But you have every right to be furious at me. I was detestable."
"You're right, you were but we're getting married and I should not have treated you badly. I felt horrible all day. So what is the second thing?"
"I realized in all the time I have known you, Bella, you have never known how much I want you. I mean really want you."
"Edward. I don't want to argue anymore. I don't want something to start and then all of a sudden you go all noble," she said as she flopped back on the bed.
I leaned over her body and stared at her. "No, I don't want to argue with you either. And I have no intentions of stopping you or myself."
Bella looked up at me shocked, almost like she was unsure of whether to believe me or not. I needed to make my intentions a little more obvious.
"You don't believe me do you," I asked as I leaned in close to her, my breath in her face intoxicating her.
"No, not completely," Bella said after a long sigh.
"I guess I need to work a little harder."
I thought about all the things that Carlisle and I had discussed about what to do and how to say things. Then I thought about things Jasper and Emmett had said. I even recalled things Jacob and Mike Newton had thought. But in the end the thing that I did was all because I wanted to. It was all about Bella and I, damn the world! She and I were the only two people who existed today.
I leaned ever so slowly in and placed my lips on hers and kissed her with as much passion as I could. I let the waves of desire flow from me into her. I let my hands explore her body and discovered everything I had not known about Bella Swann. I listened as her heart sped up, her breathing became labored, and the moans and sighs erupt from her lips. As much as I enjoyed touching Bella, it was more enjoyable for her to touch me. The reason why is because there was no fear in her touch. Because I was a vampire was not a valid reason for us not to be together. She saw me as a man and that was all. I was no more a threat to her life than walking out the door in the morning. Bella truly wanted every last part of me and I was happy to give it to her, today and for the rest of my life. I then sat up and brought her with me. We sit and faced one another. I wanted to marvel at her beauty for a few more seconds.
Bella looked at me and sighed. She was used to my staring at her and now took it as a sign of devotion rather than anything else. But she saw something else in me today: lust. Whereas before she could see the fear and pain when she attempted to get any further with me, that had been replaced with want. I wanted her and she could see it. Not only in my eyes but other places as well, my manhood was betraying me. Today I didn't care. I wanted her to know how bad this want I had for her was. I needed her to be aware of how serious I was about this. When she scooted closer to be, I knew she knew exactly how I felt. But I decide that I needed to make it all a little more concrete. Any thought of pulling away or stopping went right out the window when I allowed myself to do something I had never done before: I opened my lips to allow my tongue to tangle with Bella's. She let a soft moan escape her lips when my cold tongue touched her. By allowing myself to open up to her completely I had succeeded in tearing down all barriers that I had originally erected between us. I could see that Bella was eager to test me to see if I would truly surrender or pull back. She departed from my lips and her trembling hand on my chest and traced each and every line with her soft fingers. Her touch ignited fires deep within me and made the desire burn even hotter. Bella was bold in her exploration and when she grazed my most sensitive area it sent me over the edge of that metaphorical abyss.
At that instant things forever changed. Not just for me but for Bella as well. We had started an inferno that we could never put out. Whereas before I had known with every fiber in my being that was hopeless in love with Isabella Marie Swan and that I would have died without her, now it seemed so much more intense. She was in my nonexistent blood and I would forever hunger for more of her. The things that she and I experienced together were like nothing I had ever known. Nothing that anyone had said to me or thought about had prepared me for how I would actually feel. And the word I can use to describe it is human. I felt alive. Bella made me feel alive. When she touched me, I longed for the next touch. When she kissed me, I wanted more. When she moaned I had to do again whatever it was that I had done to elicit such a sound from her lips because it brought me such pleasure. From every single movement that she made, every sigh, every look, every touch, I could really understand and feel her love flowing in me. Now that love that we held so dear was tangible. It had been given body, more than that, it had been given life. It now existed outside of our hearts and we were each allowed to finally experience completely.
I wanted this to last the whole day and into the night. I actually wanted it to last forever, for all eternity. But it would not today as our time was drawing to a crescendo. Her hands in my hair, on my back, her lips on my neck, my hands in her hair, holding her hands above her head as I kissed along her jaw all aided into the completion of our lovemaking. I wanted her to feel it everywhere and she wanted me to feel it as well. It was like I could feel my control slipping and yet I knew exactly what I was doing. There was an excess of feelings washing over me that I quickly directed to a pillow beside her head. The feathers filled the room as our cries mingled together. I had never felt such euphoria and such bliss and from the content smile on Bella's face I knew she felt exactly the same way. As much as I would have rather have stayed connected with my Bella like this, in the most intimate of ways, I was afraid that I would crush her since I was so relaxed. I almost felt like I could have actually slept. Bella made an audible groan as I rolled to be at her side. It made me chuckle.
"Sorry, my love, but I am too relaxed to remain perched above you. I might actually slip and fall," I said with a satisfied smile.
"There you go, always worried about my safety. I take it that is why I am covered in feathers," she asked as she pulled one out of her hair.
"I'm going to have to replace that. Am I to assume that you are fine?"
"More than fine. I don't believe that I have ever felt so good. But what to know is how you are? Do you regret any of it? Do you wish we had waited," on and on she babbled until I kissed her.
"Better," I asked.
"Yes. But you still didn't answer me."
"No, I don't regret one minute of it. No, I don't think we could have waited even if I had really wanted to. And to the question of how I am, in my entire existence, I have never felt so wonderful. Did I answer all your questions? Or was there more that you wanted to talk about?"
Bella sat up so I followed. I could see that she was about to have a serious conversation with me. I needed to give her my undivided attention for whatever it was she was about to say.
"Well, we have told my parents, yours know, the siblings know, our friends know," she stated.
"Yes. That is all true," I added.
"My only question now is exactly how fast can Alice plan our wedding? Because I don't want to wait one more day to be your wife."
I pulled her to me and kissed her with all the passion I could. I crushed myself against her and kissed her hair. I was wrong. This was the happiest I had ever been.
"I do love you so much, Isabella Marie Swann."
"And I love you, Edward Masen Cullen."
I took her by the hand. We were ready.
"Let's go find Alice."
THE END!!