Today had the potential to start out as a wonderful day. Every day had that possibility. However, a great day had not made itself known in over seven years. Seven years ago he left. Seven years ago he no longer said 'I do', rather he replaced it with 'I don't have to anymore.' Seven years ago Brock Hart had said goodbye to her.
She tried her hardest to keep him out of her mind. The children were practically grown, which made things easier. She could go on with her life without thinking of him.
And yet she couldn't.
She would never be over him. The fake smiles, the happiness, it was all a pretty little lie that was slowly covering her heart. Everything around her, the floor, the books on the shelf, the dishes in the sink, all reminded her of him. She could count on one hand the number of nights she had not spent crying. He had treated her terribly, cheated on her, and yet, somehow, she would never stop loving him.
Yes, he still lived only three doors down the street, but amazingly, she managed to avoid him.
Reba poked her head out the door to find the weather pleasurable. A light breeze blew her curly locks away from her face as she moseyed down to the mailbox. She opened the box, finding only a few letters inside.
As she flipped through the stark, white envelopes, the wind caught one, taking it down the street. She bent down to pick it up, turning around quickly to retreat back inside. To her surprise, however she had run into a passerby who had been taking advantage of the weather and jogging.
"I'm sorry sir." She apologized for bumping into the man. Her breath got caught in her throat when she looked up to see who stood before her.
Brock.
"It's okay…how are you?" he stumbled over his words awkwardly. It had been over a year since he had last seen her face. She was still as beautiful as ever. Time had not changed a thing.
Reba could feel the world spinning around her. She couldn't handle this. The pain in her heart got stronger with each second that passed. "I'm doing okay." She smiled weakly knowing he would catch every lie that passed through her. "Time sure has been kind to you." She looked to the ground, embarrassed that she had let him see the smallest glimmer of her love.
Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
She talked a mile a minute about the dates she had had recently, about her life, about how great she had been doing since they parted ways. She knew he wasn't the least bit sad about their departure, so she was determined to show him that she wasn't either.
I'm doin' fine now-I've finally moved on
It's not so bad-I'm not that sad
Brock wasn't shocked. He knew she would get along better if he wasn't around. She didn't need him; it was obvious she was doing quite well on her own. He looked down, feeling his breaths deepen. Why did they have to meet like this? She was okay, but he could have lived forever without this familiar pain arising within him.
I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain-I'm free again
"Well, I better go…" Reba turned toward her house, hoping she could end the encounter. She had been doing well, forgetting him, or at least fooling the world… then she saw his face again.
Brock's heart quickened. He couldn't let her go until he told her how he really felt. He knew he could never get her back, but he had to loosen the noose that was choking him every day.
"Reba."
"Brock."
They smiled, hearing each other call their name. Reba motioned for Brock to continue talking. She smiled uneasily as she watched the man in front of her stumble over the thoughts running through his mind. He looked into Reba's deep blue eyes and knew he had to tell her how he felt.
"Reba," He began. "I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I only thought of how our situations would affect me, I never once thought you could be suffering as well. I just want you to know that my feelings for you have never changed. I will love you until my dying day. "
She held her breath. Why was he saying this? It had been seven years without him, and she was able to go on with her life just recently. His confessions made all her strenuous work turn to dust. Maybe, just maybe, if she held her breath just a bit longer, she would be able to forget his words.
Yes, she would forget. She had to forget his words. She knew that if he spoke any more she would betray her mind and run back to him.
But she wouldn't…She couldn't.
She reminded herself off all the broken promises, and broken dreams. Each day was a struggle to get over her heart. She had to remind herself of the pain for the purpose of moving on. She would move forward, and never look back.
Just a little longer, hold your breath just a little bit longer.
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath-to forget
Reba closed her eyes, fighting the hardest she ever had to be strong. She couldn't break down. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she refocused her attention to Brock. "I know you are sorry." She grabbed his hand, squeezing it to reassure herself. "I have forgiven you through."
Brock felt as if a weight had been lifted off of him. She was no longer angry with him, though he would be angry with himself forever. He caught her eyes as she began to speak again. "I have moved on though. Know that there will be a place in my heart for you forever, too. We have three beautiful children together. I will always love you because of that, but I'm going forward, and I can't turn around." She dropped his hand, turning to go inside.
Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back-as a matter of fact
Brock watched as his love walked slowly in the other direction, abandoning him. His heart was lying on the street; hopefully it would get run over, making this less painful. Reba too, had similar feelings. She had left her heart with Brock 20 years ago. He had promised to keep it safe and sound, but somewhere along the way he had let a bullet through, and shattered it. She still didn't have the broken pieces put back together, and much to her displeasure, Brock had stolen several.
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath-to forget
It only hurts when I breatheMmm, no, I've never looked back-
as a matter fact
Reba walked slowly away from the street, dreading each step. With one foot in front of the other, it became harder to contain the dam of hot tears that swelled in her eyes. Feeling the cold door handle beneath her palm, she stared at the oak door before her. She wanted so desperately to look back to Brock, but she couldn't, she couldn't let him know that she regretted their choices.
Before her heart could sway her, she hurried inside, where the dam broke. She felt herself sliding down the door to the floor. Why did this happen? She had built up an army for seven years to protect her heart, and today, they had all failed her. Her head hung limply as she sobbed incoherent pleas for his love.
If only he knew.
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath-to forget
Brock sighed as he watched from the street as the front door of his former house shut coldly. Just like that, it was over. There was no hope of him ever winning her heart again. He had kept his feelings bottled up for seven years, and today they had come bubbling out like champagne on New Year's Eve.
He stared back at the house sadly. "I guess this is how she felt." he closed his eyes holding his breath for what seemed like a lifetime. Somehow, when he held his breath, everything became more bearable. He had found a way to cope with his heartache until the pain slowly overtook him.
Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe
For Reba, though, the pain had already overwhelmed her. It was only so long she could hold her breath, before her heartbreak consumed her.
Hey everyone ! so, I know I haven't updated for a while. I am still working on Hold On, but this next chapter is taking a little bit longer than expected. I have a whole file of songfics that I have been writing here and there, so I thought I would upload those as a peace offering (;