Edward's POV
Tick tock
With every second the clock tolls, my mind seems to reel more and more. The blank wall in front of me has become my new best friend, my companion in this empty life.
Tick tock
The days slowly blend into months and as the sun rises mocking my fate I am reminded of the chains barred around me.
Tick tock
The painful scratches burn my throat once more, and lately I wonder if the feeling will ever go away. Slowly, as it taunts me, temps me for what I cannot have. But who is to say I cannot have it? Is is not natural for vampires to live off of that of which they were designed to have?
Human blood. Even those two simple words jolt my body awake from my false slumber. What it would taste like, surely better than the dull mediocre taste of animal blood. The thick river of red sliding down my throat like ice, satisfying the monster I hold within me.
And so the internal battle begins.
Yet, it all boils down to one man, Carlisle. The man who saved me, and yet cursed me all the same. Who cares for me yet puts me through such agony. The man who cages me, ensures me that in time it will get easier.
Easier.
It was hard to imagine that this life could ever be easy. As if one day I would wake up and the burning inside my esophagus would disappear. The ache and animalistic need for human blood would somehow vanish into thin air. But, how was I to wake to this dream world when sleep was now an impossibility for me.
I never regretted Carlisle changing me, I knew why he did it and for that I am grateful. But somehow I still wondered to myself, if I had the choice...knowing what I know now, would I have chosen to take this life? Live with these dire restrictions, yearning for more out of this pitiful lifesyle. What would I have done?
Click.
Carlisle was home. I sat up tearing my eyes away from the blank whiteness of the wall to look at his figure approaching me.
He was tall, and very slender with his blonde hair in disarray from the days events. He walked casually toward me, his face that of a twenty year olds, yet the lines sketched along his pale features were that of a knowledgeable man.
Edward? Carlisle thought to me gently, it almost pained me knowing I would be hurting him. He was so alone, so desperate for companionship, and now that he has finally found it in me, I have let him down.
"Carlisle. I'm leaving." I say looking down at the ground, I didn't dare look up into those eyes. I knew the desolation I would find there.
"I see." He whispered. The air turned uncontrollably awkward in the next few minutes of silence.
After a few moments, he spoke again, "May I ask why?"
Could I tell him? That I could not find sense in this lifestyle he has subjected me to? That I needed to fulfill my own hungers?
No. I couldn't tell him that. Carlisle was a strong man, with strong morals. I saw his reasoning; "just because we have been dealt a certain card does not mean we have to live by it", he would say.
I saw, I listened, I tried. But, understanding, that was something I could not fool myself into.
Every time my skin sparkled, my touch destroyed was a reminder of what I truly was. We were lifeless, there was no way around that simple fact. Our soul diminished when that final beat of our heart died.
And for that reason, I knew I had to leave. Maybe one day, when I was strong enough, when I figured out what to make of this life I would return.
However, I couldn't tell him that, so I simply responded "Thank you for everything, but I must be going."
And with that I swiftly stood up, and made my way to the door but not before Carlisle grabbed my arm.
"Edward" he pleaded, "please"
I knew if I had any chance to accept this life, I needed to leave. I needed to be free of rule. So I yanked my arm away and slammed the door behind me.
Carlisle thoughts flooded into my mind, the despair evident in his voice, trying to reason with himself. Wondering why I would leave in such a manner, pondering what he had done wrong. Grieving over a friend he had just lost, the only companion he had ever known. Believing he made the wrong choice in changing me.
And all of this, all of this pain made me stop in my tracks and look back at the house Carlisle had established as a home. All of this betrayal I felt for him built up in my body and for a second I almost went back, apologizing for my rude actions. Attempting his limited lifestyle again, convincing myself it only took time.
Almost. But instead my feet took me in another direction. Running as fast as nature would allow.
3 Years Later
I walked the streets alone, as I did every time I hunted. Watching, waiting for my prey. It had been hard, my conscience constantly getting in the way of my needs.
For this reason I only hunted the guilty. Those who I believed in my mind deserved to die. Rapists, robbers, felons.
Even then, however the guilt coursed through me with every savory swallow of their blood. Who was I to play God? But, the beast within me always won. It always chose blood over morals.
Fucking bitch doesn't even know what's coming to her.
That was his cue, he seemed to control my feet in these instances as he followed the man's voice to an ally way not far from where I was previously standing.
There the man stood, hovering over a woman who clutched her knees desperately on the ground, streams of tears pouring down her face.
"I would advise you to let her go" I said in a casual tone, stepping out of the shadows into the moonlight.
The man's head whipped around, "Oh yeah, and what are you going to do little boy, why you can't be more than seventeen."
If only he knew.
"Yes, well looks can be deceiving." I said slowly stepping closer to him, the venom creating a rapid pool behind my teeth.
The man pulled a knife out, and while I was not at all intimidated by the object the woman underneath him whimpered at the gleaming silver held out in front of her. The man grinned at me and put the knife to the woman's throat, slowly pressing it against her skin. I heard the blood pulsing though her body, the adrenaline making it almost impossible to retrain.
I knew if that blood surfaced the monster would kill her, without question, without doubt. So I ran at an inhuman speed and grabbed the man by the throat.
"GO!" I barked at the woman who was now staring at me with wide eyes, her thoughts hadn't betrayed her.
H-how did he get over here so fast? Oh god, I'm going to die. Go? He's saving me? He's so young, I don't know if he could take him, his eyes. They're black. I better go.
And with that she ran, and once she got far enough from view I turned my head back to the man suffocating under my hand's lethal hold and sank my teeth into his neck. Savoring every last drop of sweet blood, rejuvenating my body.
When I was finished I kneeled beside the lifeless corpse and simply stared at his body.
He deserved it, I would tell myself. He was a monster, he was going to kill her, rape her, mutilate her. But how was I any different? How was the monster within myself any better?
I don't know how long I sat there, but I knew it couldn't have been more than a few moments. And then I heard the sweetest voice I would ever know, a voice I would remember for eternity.
"How do you choose?" She said sadly. I turned my head toward her franticly, searching for the woman behind the voice.
She was quite possibly the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her hair was mahogany and cascaded passed her shoulders, mid-waist. She was incredibly thin, yet perfectly curved. Her face was pale, clearly that of a vampire. But the one feature that stood out most were her eyes.
Those eyes, a deep burgundy, shined though the darkness, lightning up the ally way. And as they connected with my own I couldn't help but feel as if she was looking inside of me.
"Excuse me?" I whispered.
She walked forward, her feet gliding along, I hadn't even realized I had stood up until she was standing mere inches away from me.
If possible, she was even more beautiful up close.
"It's always hard for me, choosing who lives or dies. I always find my self wondering if they had a family, friends, pets, all of which I had taken away from them for my own selfish reasons. So, I was wondering how you choose, how do you determine who gets to keep all of those things, and who loses them?" She said, throughout her entire speech she looked down at the body lying next to my feet, but as she finished her eyes flashed to my own.
"It's hard for me as well, but being a mind reader certainly does help" I said, looking into her glorious face "I try to kill those of which who have sinned, those who kill or harm others."
She nodded her head in agreement as I continued "Yet, often I find myself feeling guilty. They take lives because of the hatred and evil that has consumed them, and what is their punishment? Death."
She looked at me then, with a sympathetic look on her face. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, at least you don't take the innocent." She said, looking defeated.
"I used to not take people at all" I murmured, thinking back of Carlisle. Even after three years the guilt of my leaving was still fiercely running through me.
"What?" She asked, clearly not having heard my comment.
"Nothing" I lied.
"I'm sorry for intruding, that was quite rude of me. I'm Bella Swan, by the way" She said extending her hand out to me.
"Not at all" I smiled lopsidedly "Edward Masen" I replied lightly grasping her small hand in my own.
There was a sudden spark of electricity, I knew she felt it too for her eyes grew wide and a gentle smile appeared on her face. It was then I realized I could not read her mind, as hard as I concentrated she was a blank canvas. Never had I met someone I could not read, and with this she fascinated me even more. I was drawn to her, and as much as I tried to pull my hand out of her own I couldn't. Because I wanted to stay this way forever, even though I had just met her, even though I did not know her, within mere minutes was more important to me than I could ever imagine.
That was the moment I knew I had found the woman I had wanted to spend the rest of eternity with.
A/N: I hope everyone liked this first chapter!! I'm co-writing this story with another author, Twilight's-Biggest-Addict, so she will be writing the next chapter and it's going to be amazing!!! So keep a look out for us!!
To some Edward leaving Carlisle may seem a little too..intimate..it isn't. He knew Carlisle's thoughts, and he knew how much he wanted a friend. So when he left Carlisle felt as if he made the wrong choice in changing Edward, his first ever change into a vampire. And now he thought Edward hated him for it. How would you feel losing a friend and thinking it was all your fault? Not good lol.
Send some love smiles!