Author's Note: this is the last instalment of the 'Horrors' series. It is the sequel to Horrors of Fan Videos and contains series 2 finale spoilers.
I Believe in Sherlock Holmes.
There had never been a day before this where John thought he'd be grateful to his fans. Seriously, they irritated and terrified him more than anything. But once Sherlock had...he shudders to himself as the memory of Sherlock's body on the pavement slid into his mind... the fans had been a big help after Sherlock's death.
They wrote supportive Fanfictions (though he would like to state right now that he will not commit suicide and if by some miracle Sherlock is alive he is not going to snog him), they went round the whole country spray painting his slogan in support of Sherlock, they held protests against the newspapers who wrote against Sherlock, and best of all they sent in tokens of support to John and Mrs Hudson (after Mycroft screened them, just in case, you never know) in fact they lived on cakes and biscuits for three weeks while the whole building reeked of flowers.
It was hard to stay miserable when you had such massive support behind you.
I Believe in Sherlock Holmes.
John went to Scotland Yard to sort out the last of his restraining orders. Despite how nice the support is John really doesn't need teenage girls with binoculars outside his house they were beginning to really upset Mrs Hudson as well.
Though in all fairness there was a lot less of them than there had been before perhaps he should pretend to move flats and they would leave him alone completely.
He bumps in to Sergeant Sally Donovan at the office. She looks exhausted, her hair looked much unwashed, large circles under her eyes, and there was egg yolk on her suit still, ah, he might have just discovered where some of his fan girls have disappeared to.
Two minutes later that irritating reporter Kitty something or the other comes in. She's just as much in a bad state as Sally.
He gives into the temptation of tripping her up with his cane adding to the long list of injuries and humiliations his fans have given her.
Has he ever told anyone how much he really likes fan girls?
I Believe in Sherlock Holmes.
Except when they write Fanfiction where Sherlock fakes his death and returns only for John to snog him.
It's not going to happen.
Sherlock's dead. The end.
And he's not gay for the last time!
He also doesn't like the fans who think they are frauds and that he was in it the whole time and they were laughing at everyone in some hot foreign country.
Never going to happen. He's a soldier and a doctor goddaminit! He wants to help people not con them!
I Believe in Sherlock Holmes.
"It's strange how accurate fan girls can be, don't you think John?"
The shopping bag John had been carrying suddenly dropped onto the floor. He stood there staring at the armchair in horror as the tin of baked beans rolled round on the living room floor. It couldn't be...it can't be...it just...
He must have gone mad or hit his head or maybe he's actually dead and just didn't realise because it was such a quick death.
"No, no, no," Sherlock said slowly as if John had voiced his thoughts, "honestly John for a soldier you have a terrible poker face I could read every thought from that expression."
It had to be real because John had forgotten what an arrogant, smug, little smirking git Sherlock can be.
"How?" he croaked.
"Oh that is a long story that I'll tell you later when I know you're actually listening and not gaping at me like a fish," Sherlock said dismissively. "Now then, I made a promise and I need you to keep it."
John's suspicions were raised. Not only was there a man who is supposed to be dead in his living room but there is something very odd about the room he couldn't put his finger on it.
"What?" he asked voicing the suspicion.
"I need you to punch me and then kiss me."
"What? Why?"
Sherlock cleared his throat and for the first time in probably ever he looked rather sheepish. "I...may have promised the fan girls you will if they helped me."
John suddenly realised why his living room seemed so out of place. There was probably about ten fan girls cleverly hiding behind the furniture or in the kitchen holding cameras.
"Why?" John wailed.
"You would be surprised how efficient and fast working the fan girl network is. Within three months I have completely disabled Moriarty's criminal network this is something that not even Mycroft could do."
Sherlock was impressed. He was rarely impressed. In fact last time he sounded this impressed was with Irene Adler.
"I see..." John muttered.
"So are you going to punch me, then kiss me, and then tell me how much you love and miss me?" Sherlock persisted. "I promised them this as payment."
John blinked. His eyes had fallen on a fan girl who was on her knees with a camera staring at them intently. She hadn't blinked at all since he glanced at her it was very disturbing. And then he noticed something...
"Is that fan girl wearing my favourite beige jumper?" he asked.
"Ah, yes, I had to buy the John Watson fan club with your jumpers they wouldn't do it otherwise and they're the ones with all the military connections."
"My favourite jumper!"
"It's the best one to them!"
I Believe Punching Sherlock Holmes is a Very Easy Thing to do.