I Willingly: Chapter One
Oh... FanFiction! O_O IT'S SO BRIGHT! I've been away too long!
Hello again. I'm still AWAL so you can carry on celebrating when I'm gone. I wrote this in a time of depression and pain, needing to express myself and it's feeling sorry for itself just sitting on my hard-drive so, by all means, enjoy. It was done a while back, but I don't think there are many errors. I'm my own editor so don't take my word for it :)
Pairings: Arthur/OC Lancelot/OC Merlin/Arthur Arthur/Morgana urm... maybe some others? I can't remember! Basically Camelot in the Kingdom of Love ;)
Angsty!everyone. Just a warning. Review if you feel like it, I'll reply. I don't really mind. This is for all my friends and fans (?) just as a promise I will return and I am still working. I miss you all and I hope to join you again soon. Goodbye.
The first time they met, there was a festival in Camelot. Celebrating the coming of a party of nobles from the farthest end of Mercia. King Beyard was among those, there to strengthen the treaty of trust between the neighboring Kingdoms, and he had spent all evening beside Uther, laughing and throwing back ale carelessly. Men could not be merrier.
Prince Arthur had spent far too long beside the men, listening to slurred chatter he took no interest in. Therefore, he took to wandering the ballroom, glancing at the dancing nobles - the twirling couples and smiling lovers – and taking very little interest in the musicians in the corner that gave a melody to the humble chatter.
His manservant's gaze never left him, watching his procession with tingling concern. Arthur never danced; it was something he scowled at and refused to take part in. He usually endured through these evening, drinking with his knights and laughing through the torment. But, tonight, something was different. Sighing, Merlin left his place at the side of the hall and fell into place beside his Prince, waiting for Arthur to notice him.
Glancing at movement, Arthur's gaze of cerulean locked on a pair of soothing sapphires, forcing that familiar warmth in the Prince's chest. Merlin. In that glance alone a thousand forbidden secrets giggled. If anyone saw them, they would recoil in shock. If anyone understood, both men would be put to death, or worse, Arthur would lose the throne.
But no one did. They never did.
A coy smile tugged at the Prince's lips, eyes gleaming, and he raised an eyebrow. Merlin grinned brilliantly, causing Arthur to falter mentally,
"Another drink, Arthur?" The Prince rolled his eyes at the improper title, but he still smiled. Face becoming one of mock annoyance, he replied,
"If you insist, Merlin. How kind of you to let this come out of your wage". Snorting, Merlin shook his head, and held out the full goblet. Their hands brushed at the metal cup passed between them, and they smiled, thinking the other wouldn't notice. That was all it could be. Brushing of flesh, smiled and glances. Nothing more. Never. It did not bother them, though, for they still had many a year before the true pain. Or so they thought.
With a final glance from under his eyelashes, Merlin retreated back to his position beside one of the pillars, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. Forbidden secrets, indeed. He still watched on as Arthur sipped his drink, stealing a final glance at his manservant, before continuing around the great hall. Feeling assured the Prince was well, Merlin settled into a false sense of security. Fate was so cruel.
Turning into the hall in an elegant dress that swept across the floor, her hair spilling down her back like a river of gold, and her violet eyes piercing everywhere, she forced a gasp of awe from everyone in the room. Her beauty was unmeasured, stealing the spotlight from Morgana, and causing the Lady to smile in pride. Stepping with the silence of an angel and with the grace of the greatest dancer; the Prince was unsure as to whether everyone saw this, or just himself.
Arthur froze, goblet in mid air, and stared at her. His eyes widened. She was so…beautiful. Glancing up at him, her eyes met with cerulean, and she cast a spell on him. Hypnotizing him; he fell mercilessly and helplessly under her control. The goblet fell to the floor, scarlet liquid speckling the marble. This was no magic that she could be executed for. For this was love. Love at first sight.
The space between them closed without them realizing, and soon they were in the middle of the hall, unaware that everyone's eyes were on them. He blinked, before smiling with such affection, such love, it was startling,
"Prince Arthur, my Lady," he greeted, taking her hand. As their skin touched, a surge of electricity passed between them, and the connection was made. She was warm and soft, like fresh rose petals, so delicate yet, unbeknown to any, beneath her tenderness she yielded more than one thorn. She smiled gently as he kissed her hand, replying,
"Yes," their eyes met again, "I know who you are".
"Yet, I do not know your name". The world around them blurred into nothingness and all strings that tied their hearts to anything else fell away, stripped of emotion for any others, even soul-mates...
"I am Lady Gwendolyn," she tipped her head in a courtesy, "Niece to King Bayard, my Lord". Pushing a finger under her chin, Arthur lifted her face up to his again. Without another thought, he kissed her.
Merlin didn't have the breath for a gasp, his breath caught in his throat. But his mouth still opened; his eyes wide with betrayal. Stepping back into the shadows, he felt his fingers curl into fists, and cross over his front, as his soul crumbled mercilessly, every fiber of his being falling away. Tearing up, he mentally cried in anguish. His tears were filled with the blood of his bleeding heart.
…………………………
The marriage was swift, little more then a few months later. Gwen stayed at the castle while her uncle returned home, for she could not bear to be parted from her lover. Bells rang throughout Camelot, singing of a love unrequited. All the people gathered, teary and blissful with the blessed union of young hearts. Gwen looked like an angel, truly. Her gown was elegant, more beautiful so then anything Morgana had ever worn. Everyone gasped in amazement as she stepped down those stairs. All except one.
Merlin should have been stood beside Arthur, his close friend and loyal servant. A front row seat to the momentous occasion. Could the torture have been worse? Nay, he doubted it could. That is why Merlin stood behind everyone, lurking in the shadows like a horrific creature of the night. He allowed himself to look like an outcast, for he never wanted to be a part of such a celebration. For him, this was no wedding. It was a funeral.
But he smiled and clapped, heart bleeding as he watched Arthur announce his undying love to the world. He laughed at the jokes and he drank with his Prince, congratulating him. When it came to the ceremony, he watched and smiled. When they announced that Prince Arthur and Princess Gwendolyn were bonded for eternity as husband and wife, Merlin bit back a choke, but still smiled.
When they kissed, Merlin broke. He could no longer act and pretend, so, instead, he turned his face away with tightly shut eyes. Wincing, he crossed his arms around his front again. He felt as though he would fall to the ground then and there, becoming one with the earth, as all do after death. Why wasn't the world ending? The great dragon had told him his future was entwined with Arthurs. Merlin had believed him. Falling prey to the demon of love, he truly believed Arthur was his destiny. Perhaps he'd misinterpreted the dragon's words. Perhaps his destiny was just to be Arthur's close friend and loyal servant. Nothing more.
He turned back when thousands of people clapped and cheered. Unexpectedly, the Prince looked to Merlin first out of all the people. Not his bride. Not his father. Not even his knights or people. No. He turned to the Warlock. And smiled. Merlin gasped against a sob, the tears spilling from his eyes. He saw pure happiness in Arthur's eyes. He saw that undying love and affection. But, he saw an apology. Arthur knew exactly what he was doing to Merlin, but he did it anyway. We don't control who we fall in love with.
Rolling his eyes, Arthur beamed at his manservant. Believing it was just Merlin being a girl and crying at weddings, he didn't realize and turned away. Now he looked to his bride. To his father. To his knights and people. Merlin was forgotten. Forgetting how to breathe, Merlin fell back against the tree behind him and sobbed. No more tears fell, but his body didn't understand that. He sobbed for his bleeding heart.
"Merlin?" A familiar, deep voice asked, making Merlin jump. Just as the Warlock went to turn around, he froze. There was magic in the air. It blossomed from a thought into existence, the greatest act of creation there ever could be. So natural. It grew vast in the air, it swirled and wove with the most elegant grace and nobility, becoming everything, lining Merlin's lungs as he breathed it in. Time froze - the purpose of the magic's existence. People were paralyzed. Water stopped flowing. The sun stopped descending, night held at bay. Somewhere, a woman paused as she gave birth and a new born child was forced to wait. Age became stagnant.
It was beautiful. But deadly. Just like her.
Merlin turned all the way, knowing exactly who would be there. Her hair was an extension of night, her most noticeable feature. Eyes pierced him with their brilliance. Smile poisonous and voice hypnotizing, she cupped his face and kissed his cheek where the tears still lingered, skin feeling lifeless and cold, like ice,
"Oh, Merlin," she greeted, while he just stared at her, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you feel I am a traitor because I joined my kin, but my powers were getting out of control. My sister is the only family I have left; Arthur and Uther are nothing but tyrants. They would have killed me. I had to leave. Gwen left with me willingly, despite what you think. I believe she couldn't bear the thought of Arthur never truly loving her, never being her eternal partner. She misses you, Merlin. But neither of us regrets our parting.
"I know about you, Merlin. I know you're a Warlock. The moment we met, although I didn't realize, I knew. And I'm so sorry. But I know your other secret. That is why I have come to warn you," Merlin began to shake as agony rippled through him, and he too saw, "He will return. And, as he always steals that which is not his, he will steal Gwendolyn's heart. Together, they will break Arthur's. With a broken heart comes a broken shield. You must protect him. For King and country. She will come. Very soon, she will come.
"The truth will come out before the end, Merlin. I have seen it. In my dreams".
Arthur was older now. Lines of age and heartbreak cracked his once youthful face, brittle around his cerulean eyes. He cupped the face of an equally broken man. Merlin. They looked at each other, and then Arthur was gone. Dancing around the fires of the world, Merlin's eyes were hollow and lost. Blood. He cried rivers of blood. She laughed, and she took his heart and she broke it. Screaming in anguish, the King fell to the ground, and he wept for Merlin. He wept and he wept until he would weep no more.
"Who is she?" Merlin asked, his voice a whisper. Her visions saw with such accuracy, it was terrifying. Tipping her head, she smiled sadly,
"My dear Merlin. Always wearing your heart on your sleeve. Protect him, Merlin. You are right. He is your destiny," was all she would say. Deep beryl eyes smiled at him, begging his forgiveness. She still cared for her friends of old. It was only Uther she truly hated. He was a dark King whose blindness would send a once glorious Kingdom into a barren future. She would not let that happen. Merlin nodded. He never hated the Lady, no matter what path she chose.
In that glance, the past swept before them. A time when friendship and love was greatest. A lost time.
"I am tired, Morgana. I do not wish to be here. I do not want to feel the pain and witness the destruction and enact the future I had no part in choosing. I only stay for him. If he were not here, my Suffering would burn this Kingdom to ashes, which would be washed away with my Misery. These people only live because of Arthur. I will not feel guilt over any blood spilt because I didn't stop it. Not anymore".
Morgana's eyes shined, but she didn't speak a word. With a final sigh, she let go of Merlin's face and stepped back into the shadows. Her eyes burned where her body did not.
Time slipped back into existence, and Merlin took a deep breath of traitorous air. The music started up with the chatter. The people could exist again. The water fell to the ground. And the children came to life, brought into a world of screams and blood. The sun blinded Merlin, smiting his skin where the powerful hands of the Seer had touched his cheek. Sighing, he mourned his loss of faith in the humanity around him.
"Merlin?" Snapping his head around, he came face to face with big, dark eyes. They smiled at him before bleaching over in concern. How long had it been… the Warlock couldn't recall the knowledge. Lancelot put a hand on Merlin's shoulder, dropping his bag, and questioned, "What's-" He trailed off, eyes caught, in a look of pure awe, on a creature standing not far from him. Merlin sighed mentally as he recognized the look for the one Arthur wore the first night he met Gwendolyn. Surely enough, Merlin turned to see the Prince's bride staring back at Lancelot, a dazed smile on his face as she took him in, "-wrong…" he finished in a distant voice.
"He will return. And he will steal Gwendolyn's heart. Together, they will break Arthur's".
…………………………………
Morgana's dreams always came true. Undoubtedly. Gwendolyn and Lancelot fell in love. Arthur was her husband and Prince, meaning she would never betray him. Gwen and Lancelot shared one night of passion in the heat of summer, but never again. When Lancelot told all the knights and Arthur he loved Gwendolyn, and Gwendolyn admitted she loved Lancelot, Arthur was furious. He ordered for Lancelot to be banished, whereas Uther demanded Lancelot be beheaded. Gwendolyn helped Lancelot escaped and both lovers ran in the dead of night.
Together, they broke Arthur's heart.
The very evening of their escape, Arthur locked himself in his room. No body could enter. He'd almost killed one of his knights when the said man tried, so Uther forbade anyone to disturb his son. The old king understood heartbreak all too well. Merlin, however, never obeyed the King. He stopped outside his master's door and closed his eyes sadly as he heard Arthur's raspy breathe through his loud shrieks of pain. Whispering the incarnation, Merlin unlocked the door and slipped inside.
Everything in the room had been destroyed. From the curtains to the seams of his clothes. Feathers, wood chips and dust littered the floor, the walls and even the air. There was gaping hole in the wall, how it was done, however, was a mystery.
Merlin froze as he stared on at the mess Gwendolyn and Lancelot had left behind. Arthur had curled into a ball in the middle of his bed, holding his sides tightly with white hands as he sobbed loudly. The tears fell thick and fast. His eyes were shut in fear that his soul would leak out of his open wounds. His felt as though he was torn, so very close to falling apart and bleeding to death. Feeling as though his heart had been shattered, Arthur held his sides in an attempt to keep himself in one piece.
Agony rippled through him.
Merlin closed the space between them in an instant, and took his place beside Arthur. The Prince didn't even flinch. Sighing against the pain the Warlock felt for Arthur, Merlin pulled the broken form to his chest and cradled his friend. The Prince buried his face in the crook of Merlin's arm. A silence burdened them heavily.
You would think Merlin may feel the tiniest bit of happiness in the back of his mind at the separation of Arthur and Gwendolyn. But he didn't. He wanted the Prince to be happy, and so, he never stopped Arthur from being with Gwendolyn by forcing the Prince to accept Merlin's feelings. The Warlock hated Gwendolyn for what she'd done to Arthur, not for the pain she'd put Merlin through.
Arthur broke the silence.
"Gwen was pregnant…" he whispered, "She didn't know, but I did. I could see the signs. You know how I knew? Because it wasn't my child. It was Lancelot's. I gave her my heart and she chose to bear Lancelot's child," he choked, "He gave her what I could not…"
The Prince had tried, but he could not give Gwendolyn the child she craved. Lancelot did it the first time. Was that not the sign of true destiny? More tears escaped the Prince, and Merlin hugged him tighter. He wanted to cocoon Arthur with himself. To shield him. Take Arthur's pain as his own, and to allow Arthur to be whole again. Could he heal a broken heart?
Kissing his forehead, Merlin closed his eyes and rocked Arthur.