Title: A Simple Twist of Fate (Or Love)
Author: Andréa.
E-mail: deiab_x@hotmail.com
Summary: What is changing about Jordan and Wood's relationship?
Rating: PG-13.
Category: Woody/Jordan.
Spoiler: Sheesh, everything I guess... Happens after second season finale.
Disclaimer: I own nothing… poor me.
Author's note: Ok people, this is my first Crossing Jordan fic, so please be gentle with your reviews. I'll be really glad to hear what you have to say. English isn't my first spoken language, really sorry the grammar mistakes. Jordan's POV.
One more thing, I didn't watch Don't Look Back... I'm so pissed off; my damned tv wasn't working the day it aired. There was a problem with the cable tv central and it wasn't working that day. Damn all of you cable tv people!!!!
~*~
"Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?"
~*~
Lisa's words kept haunting me since the day she told me them. They had touched me in such a way I had never thought it was possible. It made me think on how my life was actually empty. Could I ever have this kind of love? Would I, someday, fall in love with such strength you think you are able to move the earth? It was sad, really. I had met a lot of guys through my life, some who hurt me; some who made me happy for a while until I realized that they weren't who I was looking for.
Who was I looking for? The one? My one and only? The person who will fill my belly with powerful butterflies, who will make my eyes shine only by the mention of the one's name? I don't know. I wasn't really sure myself. But, strangely enough when I thought about Lisa's words Woody's name came to my mind. It was so... I don't know, weird; I quickly dismissed the thought away.
Love was always a hard issue, something really difficult to talk about and discuss. It shouldn't be; I know it shouldn't. Love is so simple, you know, either you love or you don't love. Just that, but people are used to make everything simple, complicated. Love was is no longer like that. You hide it, dismiss it, shut it away. Instead of loving you just... don't.
I went home that night instead of my dad's bar like I usually did. I had a lot in my mind and didn't need my father asking me what was up or pushing the issue. We would end up fighting and I really didn't need that. I went back to my empty apartment, just like it always was and I guess it was stupid because it only made me more depressed. Before I realized what I had done, I called Woody and asked him to come over just to talk or something; spend some quality time together.
And he did. He didn't question me as to why I was calling him, why I needed him to be with me; he just said yes and came to my place. It was great; we talked all night long, even if we both had to work early the next day. Woody didn't say anything; I knew he would be tired next morning to go to work but he didn't mention anything, he stayed with me all the time without any complains. We talked, we laughed, we joked, we got much more intimate than we ever could. I got to know a new whole side of him, a side I truly enjoyed. After that night we got much closer than we were before.
But it happened months ago. After that we had a lot of road ahead; a lot of things happened with us. I made some right decisions, some wrong like when we went to L.A. and after we kissed. I know I was the one who started it, what could I do? Why not? It was strange... we were there, looking at each other and then suddenly came that strange feeling inside me; something that pushed me to kiss him. I don't regret what I did, not at all. His kiss is... I don't know, wonderful? Amazing? Indescribable? Yeah, definitively indescribable. When our lips touched I felt fire running through my body; he kissed me with such care and gentleness that amazed me, he handled me with such softness I had never been before. He stood to all my crap, he knew about all my demons and still he stood with me.
You don't find friends like him often in your life; you barely find real friends. Maybe that's the reason I talked him into putting that wall after we had kissed; maybe I just didn't want to mess everything up, I didn't want to lose him and the friendship we have. I know I, sooner or later, would mess with everything; that's what's happening all my love life. I always hurt the person I was with; I always pushed them away. I didn't want that to happen with Woody; he's too important to me to lose him. I didn't want to hurt Woody; I didn't want to push him away so the best thing to do was put up the wall around me. I told him that and he understood.
"Jordan?"
She said bringing me away from my thoughts. I looked up, away from the telephone in my hand to meet Lily's worried eyes. I looked surprised at her; how long had I been staring at the phone? "Humm, yeah?"
"You OK?"
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked harsher than I intended to and caught the slight hurt on her face as she looked down ashamed. "Sorry Lily, I just have a lot in my mind." I said honestly sorry.
She looked again at me and smiled a little. I guess she was used the way I talked to everyone, but what could I do? That's the way I am. If I have something to say then I say it. I'm not one of gossiping behind someone's back. If I'm pissed at someone this person will know that. "I was going home and when I passed by I saw you. You were looking so intensely at the phone that I got worried. I just stopped to see if you were going home."
"I... Yeah, I was just gathering my things." I said as I ran a hand over my face, trying uselessly to wipe off the headache that was starting to kick my ass.
"I guess I'm going then." She smiled again and nodded as she said, "Bye."
"Bye." I smiled too and watched her going. My eyes fell to the object in my hand again and I wondered if I whether should call him or not, my thoughts once again on all my unresolved feelings. I knew I had feelings for him which ran deep, but I just didn't want to let it blind me to the harsh reality that was my life; I didn't want but at the same time I wanted him to fix this reality. To be part of it.
I sighed and massaged my head with two fingers on each side. Maybe calling him to have a drink wasn't going to be a good thing after all. But I wanted it so badly; I wanted to spend some time with him. Well, it was just a headache; it would be good in the morning. I could handle a headache for a few hours; I handled worst things before. Decided, I picked up the phone and put it on my ear dialing his cell number.
"Hoyt." He said professional. He sounded tired; suddenly I thought if it was a good idea calling him. After all day working he would want to rest, right?
"Hey, farmboy."
"Hey Jordan." He sounded much more enthusiastic after hearing my voice; maybe I was flattering myself but... Could I really do that to him?
"I was wondering, what if we meet at the Pogue today for a couple of drinks?"
"I can't." He sighed and my heart sank. Did he really say that? "I have loads of paperwork to do and I have to report half of it by tomorrow morning."
"Oh, well... good, fine... hum, so... it's goodnight, I guess." I swear, I didn't mean to stutter but it just came out this way. I was just so disappointed that I couldn't form an whole sentence.
"Maybe tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure." I practically rushed the words out without even letting my brain process completely what he had said. "Oh wait! I can't..." I think I sounded much more disappointed than I wanted to. I didn't want him to notice it though. "I promised Garret I'd do something for him tomorrow night."
"Well, then we have to leave it to another day."
"I guess." I sighed. "I call you then?"
"If we don't see each other before it."
"Yeah." I ran a hand over my face, realizing for the first time hoe much tired I was. "Bye" I said with a bit of disappointment and sorrow. I didn't really want to end the connection.
"Bye." He said back and I put the phone back on its place. I sighed again, unhappy by how my day had ended as I took my bag and left my office, turning the lights off before leaving.
~*~
"Shot guy on 4" Garret said practically throwing a folder at me. I grabbed it before it could fall to the floor and looked puzzled at him.
"Sorry. Busy day." He shrugged and resumed walking; I heard him mumbling under his breath 'and it barely started.'
I looked down at the folder in my hands and opened it to read the files as I walked to where the body was. He had been shot during an exchange of bullets between cops and robbers, the bullet had gone straight to his head, instantaneous death. Not much to do here and no need to involve the cops, which meant no need to involve Woody.
I shook my head. Where the hell did that thought come from? Since when did I started looking forward to see Woody? 'Well, how about that time you went to LA to make sure he would come back home?' I heard a small voice in the bottom of my head, which I was sure was my conscience. Was it true? It couldn't be. How come I didn't realize it? How I fucking didn't?? It meant nothing, really. I had just gone to LA because I was afraid he would like all the vibe in there and decided on staying forever; I was afraid of losing a best friend. Nothing else.
"Jordan?" I looked up startled and find Nige in front of me. "Are you feeling ok?"
I nodded; I didn't have all the strength to do anything else, really. What was happening? For the second time people had caught me out in space. And these two times I was thinking about Woody. But it was just coincidence, right? I mean, just when I had him in my mind was that someone decided on interrupting me. So, it wasn't my fault.... At all... Right?
"You sure?" He asked softly not wanting to push me but he had this weirded look on his face and I looked - or tried - to look at me and see what he was finding so weird.
I was there, just standing with files in one hand and the other flattened on the door, ready to open it. Nothing wrong with this vision right? But the thing is, it wasn't just that, no. I was probably standing like that for minutes musing over Woody and that would look really weird. I mean, me Jordan Cavanaugh, still for even a single moment is something that I really should be proud of, well, if I was five or six. To someone who knew me long enough knew that me being still for more than ten seconds was a deed.
"Yeah." I said not looking him in the eye and finally opened the door to get in, Nigel following me suit.
"Robert Collins, 32. Died from a bullet in his head." Nige said shaking his head slightly. He looked sad, I'm not really sure why. "You know," He turned and looked at me. "It's going to be a busy day. He's one of the ten people who got shot today."
"Garret told me. What happened with the cops?" Curiosity kicked in. Not really. Well, I always wanted to know everything. I shrugged mentally. Who cared?
"Three blokes tried to be Superman, Batman and Robin. They tried to steal a bank and it didn't end up well. Two of them were shot, one is dead the other is in the hospital and three or four cops got shot."
I frowned and looked even more curious at Nige. "How the hell do you know all that?"
He shrugged nonchalant as he looked at the dead body. "I heard around."
I had to smile at Nige. "That's what it looks."
"It seemed pretty bad." He looked back at me with this mysterious smile on his face, or what we could call Nigel's smile when he had a brilliant idea and I saw his mouth opening again. "If you call Woodrow we could know what happened."
Wow! What the hell was that? The simple mention of his name sent a tingle down my body and my spine shivered with thrill. Or dread, I don't really know. And Nige had called him by his name, the one no one used unless they wanted to make fun of it and I only could wonder what could have happened if Nige had said 'Woody'. Yeah, the nickname is not really good but way better than calling him Woodrow all the time. Haha, I feel a laugh form within and have to make a big effort to keep it from coming out of my mouth.
"Don't think so." I mumbled thinking only I could hear but I was wrong, for as soon as the words had left my mouth Nigel looked at me weirded again. What the hell...
"Why not? Don't tell me you two had an disagreement again." He put one gloved hand on his hip looking expectantly at me, thinking he was my mother. Psf. Not likely.
"Of course not." I smiled Cheshire-y kind of way. "He wouldn't dare to disagree with me."
He chuckled more to himself and his eyes went back to the body. "You're so right."
I joined him with my own chuckle and decided on putting my cute ass to work.
~*~
7:13 of the end of a busy day and I still was in the morgue. Why, do you ask? Simple... because I was stupidly staring at the phone in front of me. I was free for the night and wanted to let Woody know this little fact. I wasn't inviting myself to go out with him, just letting him know I was... available. But... what the hell was I supposed to say? 'Hi, Woody, it's me. You know that thing I had to do for Garret? Yeah, so, I don't need to do it anymore. Maybe we could go get a few drinks?' I couldn't say that. I would sound... demented.
But I wanted to call him. I actually wanted to go out with him. What the hell was wrong with me? A few days ago this possibility wouldn't even cross my mind... 'Liar' I hear my inner self saying. Yeah, ok fine! I'm lying! I always thought about that, well, from time to time I really did think. I thought, but I couldn't. I couldn't let myself get close enough, not this kind of intimacy. He would end up hurting like all the other men that crossed my path. But something happened because I was considering the possibility of a relationship with Woody. I seriously was.
I slowly reached for the phone, my hand was quivering and no matter how much I tried to stop it, it wouldn't listen to me. Right when I touched it, it rang. I jumped back, startled, and I hit my back against the chair. "What?" I barked on the phone, irritated at whoever was in the other end.
"Nice way of greeting me, Jordan."
"Woody?! Sorry..." Oah, what timing. "I was about to call you."
"Really? For...?" He asked curious.
"You know that thing I had to do? Well, I don't have to do it anymore, so, humm, maybe we could go get that drink." Yup... demented.
"Sure. That would be good."
"Good. Meet you at the Pogue in... say, twenty minutes?"
"Sounds good. See ya."
"Bye." I hung and stared at the phone for longer than I thought, thinking about what I had just done. And that Woody didn't say why he had called for.
~*~
"Hi, dad." I greeted him as I took my bag from around my body and set it on a tool.
Dad looked up from the glass he was cleaning, smiling a bit. "Hi, Jordan." He beckoned his chin to a corner near the jukebox making me turn curious to look as dad continued to speak. "Someone's waiting for you."
As soon as he had caught my eye, Woody lifted his beer on a greeting gesture. The way him eyes met mine, it was just... just indescribable. There was something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. It made me feel... especial. Funny, huh? The more I tried to push him away, the more I was attracted to him, like he was this magnet and I was the metal object that was attracting it and getting pulled in by its force. It was just too weird.
I gave him back a tiny smile I'm not sure he saw, then grabbed my bag and turned to dad. "Hey, dad? Can you bring a couple of beers over there?" I asked, leaving without waiting for an answer. I knew dad was wondering why Woody was there waiting for me and I knew that if I stayed a little longer with him dad would make too many questions, most of which I couldn't answer to myself.
I pulled out a chair and sat, my bag hanging on the back of it. "Hoyt." I said playfully seriously.
He took a quick sip of his beer and nodded his head slightly. "Dr. Cavanaugh."
I was about to say something back, my mouth already open, but dad showed right then, bringing with him a couple of beers. "Thanks, dad." I said instead and with a glance at me he left. I looked back at Woody just to see that cute smile on his lips. My heart fluttered at this sight and butterflies came inside of me. You know, I loved that smile. It was something so... his, it was always so radiant and illuminated; it was contagious. I smiled back at him as I lifted my beer. "Cheers."
He tilted his head and winked flirtatiously. "To us."
I closed my eyes for a brief moment to let his statement sink in, he never ever gave up - and probably never would - then I nodded faintly. "To us." We clinked our beers and took a sip. I closed my eyes again as the cold glass touched my lips, to feel better the even colder liquid as it ran down my throat. I don't know when why but I felt as thought this sip would somehow change our lives; and I was actually looking forward to this 'to us'.
I opened my eyes again to find Woody staring at me just the way he always did when he thought I wasn't looking, though this time he let me see it and what I saw in his eyes took me aback. It was all there, you know, all his feelings for me, each one of them; the worship, the affection, the adoration, the desire... the love. I shouldn't be so surprised, I knew already exactly how he felt about me, but it got me stunned anyway. Actually seeing it, right there, in front of me. And I couldn't even blame the beer for I hadn't drank even half of it yet.
"Tough day?" He asked softly, his eyes still on me and I think he noticed I was out in space.
I focused on him again and shrugged. "I had tougher." I said nonchalant and took another sip of my beer. He was looking at me again, staring at me again and it started to feel creepy. I shifted uncomfortable on my chair, avoiding his gaze at all costs, it was like he was trying to read my mind. I waited for him to stop staring at me, he had to eventually, but he didn't. "What??" I finally let my eyes meet his and found his cute smirk on.
"Nothing." He said, he almost chuckled and his smirk widened just before he brought the beer to his lips; or he brought the beer to his lips to stop his widening smirk.
I brought my eyes down at my beer, my finger sliding along its opening as I chuckled silently.
It was Woody's turn to ask, "What?"
I looked back at him and tilted my head to the side. "Nothing." I shrugged very slightly, an almost imperceptible move.
He tilted his head too and I swear I saw his eyes shine just before he made his comment, which took me by surprise. "You're just too cute."
I looked at him with an expression on my face that would be the same of he had grown a second head on his body. Well, he said I was cute... how did you want me to take it?
He shrugged and I saw him trying hard to keep a smile from creeping over his lips. "You are." I wanted to smack him on the head for that.
~*~
Two hours and a half later I found myself sitting much closer to Woody than I previously was, deep in conversation. I couldn't say for sure how this topic started, heel, I couldn't even say what exactly we were talking about, but I was laughing almost hysterically about something he had said. Could you believe that?
I looked up at him, our side-by-side chairs causing a proximity I wasn't very aware before because of the beet that was starting to work inside my body, its alcohol finally showing signs. Funny, I had only one beer. I think it was easier to blame the alcohol for my state.
I could feel his warmth radiating from his body, his breath tickling the skin on my neck, causing gooseflesh on my arms. I stopped laughing to look better at his eyes. He stopped laughing too and looked at me.
My body tingled, my eyes locked on his. I could see and feel emotions running in his eyes. I saw it all and I could feel my own feelings running through my body; too many to name. He leaned in; he was so close I felt his warm breath against my lips. I leaned in too and I would have kissed him if it wasn't for the discreet caught from the person standing in front of our table.
We both pulled away as if we had been electrocuted or something at the same time we looked up. I met my dad's curious gaze for a brief second and looked away, embarrassed; I could tell Woody hadn't even looked at dad and probably was thinking on a place to hide at how embarrassed he was feeling. Poor Woody, his cheeks were so red I thought he had burned them.
"Are you done with the beers? Can I take them away?"
"Yes... dad, we're done here."
Dad grabbed the empty bottles and took them away with him, not forgetting to give me a glare before he left.
I brought my eyes back to Woody only to see him looking at his watch. "It's getting late." He said and looked sympathetically at me.
"Yeah. We better go."
"Yeah." Wow! What a good answer...
There was an agreement, though neither of us moved from where we were. We were so close I didn't want to let it go just yet, but then he started to get up. "Come on." he stretched out a hand to me and I gladly accepted it. "I walk you to your car." He said as he pulled me up and I chuckled.
"Yes, sir."
We walked to the counter, hand in hand because I hadn't let his hand go and he made no attempt to do it either. With his free hand he took some money from his pocket and gave it to dad, but he didn't accepted it.
"It's on the house." He shook his head.
"Dad..." I groaned. I swear he'd end up broke; never let me pay. I know it was Woody but he was with me.
"You can't do that." Woody put the money over the counter. "I want to pay and you have to take it." He stepped back far enough so dad couldn't give the money back, bringing me with him since our hands were still locked.
"He's right dad." I scolded and pulled Woody to leave as I said, "bye."
Somehow his arm found its way around my shoulders, bringing me in and I put one of my arms around his waist as I leaned my head on his shoulder. We had been like that before. I had been in his arms before. It felt always so good, so right. He sent me chills as his hand ran up and down my arm, giving me a strange feeling of warmth.
We went up the stairs like that and stopped beside my car. "See you tomorrow?"
Woody looked at me and smiled as we pulled away. "If someone dies."
I chuckled, albeit sadly by his true statement. "Doesn't always?"
"Yeah."
And then a strange silence fell upon us. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was just... strange because, we, Woody and I equal silence? No way. We just stayed there, looking at each other. Woody was looking straight in my eyes and I found it hard to think correctly. I don't know what was it, but he had this affect on me.
He was unlike anyone I've ever known. He was so caring and gently. I knew I had feelings for him, which ran deep, but I couldn't let it get into the way. I couldn't. There was an undeniable chemistry between us and Woody had touched somewhere inside me no one had ever one before, but as for truly being in love with him, I couldn't say.
I mean, I think love even ran through my head, can you believe that? I'm not saying it's something bad, or sick, or unthinkable or whatever. I'm not. It's just that... I don't know... Love... kind of strong word don't you think?
When you love someone you want to spend every waking moment with this person - and a bit more. But what I did was completely different. I was always avoiding him, avoiding the topic I knew Woody was always thinking. I think I was afraid of losing him. Yeah, that's right. I lose everyone in my life I came to love. I didn't want to mess everything with Woody. I shouldn't be afraid. Love gives you strength to fight for this person. Love made you happy. Love wasn't bad.
And there it was, the word love again.
I brought one hand up, breaking this spell - or whatever you want to cal it - and pointed to his car. "Time to go, little boy." I raised one eyebrow and shooed him away. "Go away."
"You say that half hearted."
"I don't like you, go away." I said trying to sound serious but they way he looked at me made a smile slowly crept over my face.
"Oh yeah." He laughed seeing my smile - obviously. "You love me."
"Says who?"
"Your insides are twisting with want, you long for me. I saturate you."
"Oh yeah. You're like cold water in a hot and dry desert." I chuckled the words out, playing along with him.
"That's right, baby, you know exactly what you want."
He was really something, you know? He pushed so much, but not too much at once, he was always there, pushing a little all the time. One day I may even let him win. "Just go already."
He chuckled and opened his door. "Good night, Jordan." He said waving a hand.
"'Night." I said back and watched him leave. The joy I was feeling while he was with me, somehow went away with Woody. It was now gone and I couldn't even smell his sweet male scent anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So, what do you think, people? Should I continue? I wrote only this chapter because I needed to know if you guys would like it. If you like it and want me to write more leave a review telling me so. If you don't review I won't know if it's good nor if I should write more.
Till the next (Maybe).
Author: Andréa.
E-mail: deiab_x@hotmail.com
Summary: What is changing about Jordan and Wood's relationship?
Rating: PG-13.
Category: Woody/Jordan.
Spoiler: Sheesh, everything I guess... Happens after second season finale.
Disclaimer: I own nothing… poor me.
Author's note: Ok people, this is my first Crossing Jordan fic, so please be gentle with your reviews. I'll be really glad to hear what you have to say. English isn't my first spoken language, really sorry the grammar mistakes. Jordan's POV.
One more thing, I didn't watch Don't Look Back... I'm so pissed off; my damned tv wasn't working the day it aired. There was a problem with the cable tv central and it wasn't working that day. Damn all of you cable tv people!!!!
~*~
"Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?"
~*~
Lisa's words kept haunting me since the day she told me them. They had touched me in such a way I had never thought it was possible. It made me think on how my life was actually empty. Could I ever have this kind of love? Would I, someday, fall in love with such strength you think you are able to move the earth? It was sad, really. I had met a lot of guys through my life, some who hurt me; some who made me happy for a while until I realized that they weren't who I was looking for.
Who was I looking for? The one? My one and only? The person who will fill my belly with powerful butterflies, who will make my eyes shine only by the mention of the one's name? I don't know. I wasn't really sure myself. But, strangely enough when I thought about Lisa's words Woody's name came to my mind. It was so... I don't know, weird; I quickly dismissed the thought away.
Love was always a hard issue, something really difficult to talk about and discuss. It shouldn't be; I know it shouldn't. Love is so simple, you know, either you love or you don't love. Just that, but people are used to make everything simple, complicated. Love was is no longer like that. You hide it, dismiss it, shut it away. Instead of loving you just... don't.
I went home that night instead of my dad's bar like I usually did. I had a lot in my mind and didn't need my father asking me what was up or pushing the issue. We would end up fighting and I really didn't need that. I went back to my empty apartment, just like it always was and I guess it was stupid because it only made me more depressed. Before I realized what I had done, I called Woody and asked him to come over just to talk or something; spend some quality time together.
And he did. He didn't question me as to why I was calling him, why I needed him to be with me; he just said yes and came to my place. It was great; we talked all night long, even if we both had to work early the next day. Woody didn't say anything; I knew he would be tired next morning to go to work but he didn't mention anything, he stayed with me all the time without any complains. We talked, we laughed, we joked, we got much more intimate than we ever could. I got to know a new whole side of him, a side I truly enjoyed. After that night we got much closer than we were before.
But it happened months ago. After that we had a lot of road ahead; a lot of things happened with us. I made some right decisions, some wrong like when we went to L.A. and after we kissed. I know I was the one who started it, what could I do? Why not? It was strange... we were there, looking at each other and then suddenly came that strange feeling inside me; something that pushed me to kiss him. I don't regret what I did, not at all. His kiss is... I don't know, wonderful? Amazing? Indescribable? Yeah, definitively indescribable. When our lips touched I felt fire running through my body; he kissed me with such care and gentleness that amazed me, he handled me with such softness I had never been before. He stood to all my crap, he knew about all my demons and still he stood with me.
You don't find friends like him often in your life; you barely find real friends. Maybe that's the reason I talked him into putting that wall after we had kissed; maybe I just didn't want to mess everything up, I didn't want to lose him and the friendship we have. I know I, sooner or later, would mess with everything; that's what's happening all my love life. I always hurt the person I was with; I always pushed them away. I didn't want that to happen with Woody; he's too important to me to lose him. I didn't want to hurt Woody; I didn't want to push him away so the best thing to do was put up the wall around me. I told him that and he understood.
"Jordan?"
She said bringing me away from my thoughts. I looked up, away from the telephone in my hand to meet Lily's worried eyes. I looked surprised at her; how long had I been staring at the phone? "Humm, yeah?"
"You OK?"
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked harsher than I intended to and caught the slight hurt on her face as she looked down ashamed. "Sorry Lily, I just have a lot in my mind." I said honestly sorry.
She looked again at me and smiled a little. I guess she was used the way I talked to everyone, but what could I do? That's the way I am. If I have something to say then I say it. I'm not one of gossiping behind someone's back. If I'm pissed at someone this person will know that. "I was going home and when I passed by I saw you. You were looking so intensely at the phone that I got worried. I just stopped to see if you were going home."
"I... Yeah, I was just gathering my things." I said as I ran a hand over my face, trying uselessly to wipe off the headache that was starting to kick my ass.
"I guess I'm going then." She smiled again and nodded as she said, "Bye."
"Bye." I smiled too and watched her going. My eyes fell to the object in my hand again and I wondered if I whether should call him or not, my thoughts once again on all my unresolved feelings. I knew I had feelings for him which ran deep, but I just didn't want to let it blind me to the harsh reality that was my life; I didn't want but at the same time I wanted him to fix this reality. To be part of it.
I sighed and massaged my head with two fingers on each side. Maybe calling him to have a drink wasn't going to be a good thing after all. But I wanted it so badly; I wanted to spend some time with him. Well, it was just a headache; it would be good in the morning. I could handle a headache for a few hours; I handled worst things before. Decided, I picked up the phone and put it on my ear dialing his cell number.
"Hoyt." He said professional. He sounded tired; suddenly I thought if it was a good idea calling him. After all day working he would want to rest, right?
"Hey, farmboy."
"Hey Jordan." He sounded much more enthusiastic after hearing my voice; maybe I was flattering myself but... Could I really do that to him?
"I was wondering, what if we meet at the Pogue today for a couple of drinks?"
"I can't." He sighed and my heart sank. Did he really say that? "I have loads of paperwork to do and I have to report half of it by tomorrow morning."
"Oh, well... good, fine... hum, so... it's goodnight, I guess." I swear, I didn't mean to stutter but it just came out this way. I was just so disappointed that I couldn't form an whole sentence.
"Maybe tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure." I practically rushed the words out without even letting my brain process completely what he had said. "Oh wait! I can't..." I think I sounded much more disappointed than I wanted to. I didn't want him to notice it though. "I promised Garret I'd do something for him tomorrow night."
"Well, then we have to leave it to another day."
"I guess." I sighed. "I call you then?"
"If we don't see each other before it."
"Yeah." I ran a hand over my face, realizing for the first time hoe much tired I was. "Bye" I said with a bit of disappointment and sorrow. I didn't really want to end the connection.
"Bye." He said back and I put the phone back on its place. I sighed again, unhappy by how my day had ended as I took my bag and left my office, turning the lights off before leaving.
~*~
"Shot guy on 4" Garret said practically throwing a folder at me. I grabbed it before it could fall to the floor and looked puzzled at him.
"Sorry. Busy day." He shrugged and resumed walking; I heard him mumbling under his breath 'and it barely started.'
I looked down at the folder in my hands and opened it to read the files as I walked to where the body was. He had been shot during an exchange of bullets between cops and robbers, the bullet had gone straight to his head, instantaneous death. Not much to do here and no need to involve the cops, which meant no need to involve Woody.
I shook my head. Where the hell did that thought come from? Since when did I started looking forward to see Woody? 'Well, how about that time you went to LA to make sure he would come back home?' I heard a small voice in the bottom of my head, which I was sure was my conscience. Was it true? It couldn't be. How come I didn't realize it? How I fucking didn't?? It meant nothing, really. I had just gone to LA because I was afraid he would like all the vibe in there and decided on staying forever; I was afraid of losing a best friend. Nothing else.
"Jordan?" I looked up startled and find Nige in front of me. "Are you feeling ok?"
I nodded; I didn't have all the strength to do anything else, really. What was happening? For the second time people had caught me out in space. And these two times I was thinking about Woody. But it was just coincidence, right? I mean, just when I had him in my mind was that someone decided on interrupting me. So, it wasn't my fault.... At all... Right?
"You sure?" He asked softly not wanting to push me but he had this weirded look on his face and I looked - or tried - to look at me and see what he was finding so weird.
I was there, just standing with files in one hand and the other flattened on the door, ready to open it. Nothing wrong with this vision right? But the thing is, it wasn't just that, no. I was probably standing like that for minutes musing over Woody and that would look really weird. I mean, me Jordan Cavanaugh, still for even a single moment is something that I really should be proud of, well, if I was five or six. To someone who knew me long enough knew that me being still for more than ten seconds was a deed.
"Yeah." I said not looking him in the eye and finally opened the door to get in, Nigel following me suit.
"Robert Collins, 32. Died from a bullet in his head." Nige said shaking his head slightly. He looked sad, I'm not really sure why. "You know," He turned and looked at me. "It's going to be a busy day. He's one of the ten people who got shot today."
"Garret told me. What happened with the cops?" Curiosity kicked in. Not really. Well, I always wanted to know everything. I shrugged mentally. Who cared?
"Three blokes tried to be Superman, Batman and Robin. They tried to steal a bank and it didn't end up well. Two of them were shot, one is dead the other is in the hospital and three or four cops got shot."
I frowned and looked even more curious at Nige. "How the hell do you know all that?"
He shrugged nonchalant as he looked at the dead body. "I heard around."
I had to smile at Nige. "That's what it looks."
"It seemed pretty bad." He looked back at me with this mysterious smile on his face, or what we could call Nigel's smile when he had a brilliant idea and I saw his mouth opening again. "If you call Woodrow we could know what happened."
Wow! What the hell was that? The simple mention of his name sent a tingle down my body and my spine shivered with thrill. Or dread, I don't really know. And Nige had called him by his name, the one no one used unless they wanted to make fun of it and I only could wonder what could have happened if Nige had said 'Woody'. Yeah, the nickname is not really good but way better than calling him Woodrow all the time. Haha, I feel a laugh form within and have to make a big effort to keep it from coming out of my mouth.
"Don't think so." I mumbled thinking only I could hear but I was wrong, for as soon as the words had left my mouth Nigel looked at me weirded again. What the hell...
"Why not? Don't tell me you two had an disagreement again." He put one gloved hand on his hip looking expectantly at me, thinking he was my mother. Psf. Not likely.
"Of course not." I smiled Cheshire-y kind of way. "He wouldn't dare to disagree with me."
He chuckled more to himself and his eyes went back to the body. "You're so right."
I joined him with my own chuckle and decided on putting my cute ass to work.
~*~
7:13 of the end of a busy day and I still was in the morgue. Why, do you ask? Simple... because I was stupidly staring at the phone in front of me. I was free for the night and wanted to let Woody know this little fact. I wasn't inviting myself to go out with him, just letting him know I was... available. But... what the hell was I supposed to say? 'Hi, Woody, it's me. You know that thing I had to do for Garret? Yeah, so, I don't need to do it anymore. Maybe we could go get a few drinks?' I couldn't say that. I would sound... demented.
But I wanted to call him. I actually wanted to go out with him. What the hell was wrong with me? A few days ago this possibility wouldn't even cross my mind... 'Liar' I hear my inner self saying. Yeah, ok fine! I'm lying! I always thought about that, well, from time to time I really did think. I thought, but I couldn't. I couldn't let myself get close enough, not this kind of intimacy. He would end up hurting like all the other men that crossed my path. But something happened because I was considering the possibility of a relationship with Woody. I seriously was.
I slowly reached for the phone, my hand was quivering and no matter how much I tried to stop it, it wouldn't listen to me. Right when I touched it, it rang. I jumped back, startled, and I hit my back against the chair. "What?" I barked on the phone, irritated at whoever was in the other end.
"Nice way of greeting me, Jordan."
"Woody?! Sorry..." Oah, what timing. "I was about to call you."
"Really? For...?" He asked curious.
"You know that thing I had to do? Well, I don't have to do it anymore, so, humm, maybe we could go get that drink." Yup... demented.
"Sure. That would be good."
"Good. Meet you at the Pogue in... say, twenty minutes?"
"Sounds good. See ya."
"Bye." I hung and stared at the phone for longer than I thought, thinking about what I had just done. And that Woody didn't say why he had called for.
~*~
"Hi, dad." I greeted him as I took my bag from around my body and set it on a tool.
Dad looked up from the glass he was cleaning, smiling a bit. "Hi, Jordan." He beckoned his chin to a corner near the jukebox making me turn curious to look as dad continued to speak. "Someone's waiting for you."
As soon as he had caught my eye, Woody lifted his beer on a greeting gesture. The way him eyes met mine, it was just... just indescribable. There was something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. It made me feel... especial. Funny, huh? The more I tried to push him away, the more I was attracted to him, like he was this magnet and I was the metal object that was attracting it and getting pulled in by its force. It was just too weird.
I gave him back a tiny smile I'm not sure he saw, then grabbed my bag and turned to dad. "Hey, dad? Can you bring a couple of beers over there?" I asked, leaving without waiting for an answer. I knew dad was wondering why Woody was there waiting for me and I knew that if I stayed a little longer with him dad would make too many questions, most of which I couldn't answer to myself.
I pulled out a chair and sat, my bag hanging on the back of it. "Hoyt." I said playfully seriously.
He took a quick sip of his beer and nodded his head slightly. "Dr. Cavanaugh."
I was about to say something back, my mouth already open, but dad showed right then, bringing with him a couple of beers. "Thanks, dad." I said instead and with a glance at me he left. I looked back at Woody just to see that cute smile on his lips. My heart fluttered at this sight and butterflies came inside of me. You know, I loved that smile. It was something so... his, it was always so radiant and illuminated; it was contagious. I smiled back at him as I lifted my beer. "Cheers."
He tilted his head and winked flirtatiously. "To us."
I closed my eyes for a brief moment to let his statement sink in, he never ever gave up - and probably never would - then I nodded faintly. "To us." We clinked our beers and took a sip. I closed my eyes again as the cold glass touched my lips, to feel better the even colder liquid as it ran down my throat. I don't know when why but I felt as thought this sip would somehow change our lives; and I was actually looking forward to this 'to us'.
I opened my eyes again to find Woody staring at me just the way he always did when he thought I wasn't looking, though this time he let me see it and what I saw in his eyes took me aback. It was all there, you know, all his feelings for me, each one of them; the worship, the affection, the adoration, the desire... the love. I shouldn't be so surprised, I knew already exactly how he felt about me, but it got me stunned anyway. Actually seeing it, right there, in front of me. And I couldn't even blame the beer for I hadn't drank even half of it yet.
"Tough day?" He asked softly, his eyes still on me and I think he noticed I was out in space.
I focused on him again and shrugged. "I had tougher." I said nonchalant and took another sip of my beer. He was looking at me again, staring at me again and it started to feel creepy. I shifted uncomfortable on my chair, avoiding his gaze at all costs, it was like he was trying to read my mind. I waited for him to stop staring at me, he had to eventually, but he didn't. "What??" I finally let my eyes meet his and found his cute smirk on.
"Nothing." He said, he almost chuckled and his smirk widened just before he brought the beer to his lips; or he brought the beer to his lips to stop his widening smirk.
I brought my eyes down at my beer, my finger sliding along its opening as I chuckled silently.
It was Woody's turn to ask, "What?"
I looked back at him and tilted my head to the side. "Nothing." I shrugged very slightly, an almost imperceptible move.
He tilted his head too and I swear I saw his eyes shine just before he made his comment, which took me by surprise. "You're just too cute."
I looked at him with an expression on my face that would be the same of he had grown a second head on his body. Well, he said I was cute... how did you want me to take it?
He shrugged and I saw him trying hard to keep a smile from creeping over his lips. "You are." I wanted to smack him on the head for that.
~*~
Two hours and a half later I found myself sitting much closer to Woody than I previously was, deep in conversation. I couldn't say for sure how this topic started, heel, I couldn't even say what exactly we were talking about, but I was laughing almost hysterically about something he had said. Could you believe that?
I looked up at him, our side-by-side chairs causing a proximity I wasn't very aware before because of the beet that was starting to work inside my body, its alcohol finally showing signs. Funny, I had only one beer. I think it was easier to blame the alcohol for my state.
I could feel his warmth radiating from his body, his breath tickling the skin on my neck, causing gooseflesh on my arms. I stopped laughing to look better at his eyes. He stopped laughing too and looked at me.
My body tingled, my eyes locked on his. I could see and feel emotions running in his eyes. I saw it all and I could feel my own feelings running through my body; too many to name. He leaned in; he was so close I felt his warm breath against my lips. I leaned in too and I would have kissed him if it wasn't for the discreet caught from the person standing in front of our table.
We both pulled away as if we had been electrocuted or something at the same time we looked up. I met my dad's curious gaze for a brief second and looked away, embarrassed; I could tell Woody hadn't even looked at dad and probably was thinking on a place to hide at how embarrassed he was feeling. Poor Woody, his cheeks were so red I thought he had burned them.
"Are you done with the beers? Can I take them away?"
"Yes... dad, we're done here."
Dad grabbed the empty bottles and took them away with him, not forgetting to give me a glare before he left.
I brought my eyes back to Woody only to see him looking at his watch. "It's getting late." He said and looked sympathetically at me.
"Yeah. We better go."
"Yeah." Wow! What a good answer...
There was an agreement, though neither of us moved from where we were. We were so close I didn't want to let it go just yet, but then he started to get up. "Come on." he stretched out a hand to me and I gladly accepted it. "I walk you to your car." He said as he pulled me up and I chuckled.
"Yes, sir."
We walked to the counter, hand in hand because I hadn't let his hand go and he made no attempt to do it either. With his free hand he took some money from his pocket and gave it to dad, but he didn't accepted it.
"It's on the house." He shook his head.
"Dad..." I groaned. I swear he'd end up broke; never let me pay. I know it was Woody but he was with me.
"You can't do that." Woody put the money over the counter. "I want to pay and you have to take it." He stepped back far enough so dad couldn't give the money back, bringing me with him since our hands were still locked.
"He's right dad." I scolded and pulled Woody to leave as I said, "bye."
Somehow his arm found its way around my shoulders, bringing me in and I put one of my arms around his waist as I leaned my head on his shoulder. We had been like that before. I had been in his arms before. It felt always so good, so right. He sent me chills as his hand ran up and down my arm, giving me a strange feeling of warmth.
We went up the stairs like that and stopped beside my car. "See you tomorrow?"
Woody looked at me and smiled as we pulled away. "If someone dies."
I chuckled, albeit sadly by his true statement. "Doesn't always?"
"Yeah."
And then a strange silence fell upon us. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was just... strange because, we, Woody and I equal silence? No way. We just stayed there, looking at each other. Woody was looking straight in my eyes and I found it hard to think correctly. I don't know what was it, but he had this affect on me.
He was unlike anyone I've ever known. He was so caring and gently. I knew I had feelings for him, which ran deep, but I couldn't let it get into the way. I couldn't. There was an undeniable chemistry between us and Woody had touched somewhere inside me no one had ever one before, but as for truly being in love with him, I couldn't say.
I mean, I think love even ran through my head, can you believe that? I'm not saying it's something bad, or sick, or unthinkable or whatever. I'm not. It's just that... I don't know... Love... kind of strong word don't you think?
When you love someone you want to spend every waking moment with this person - and a bit more. But what I did was completely different. I was always avoiding him, avoiding the topic I knew Woody was always thinking. I think I was afraid of losing him. Yeah, that's right. I lose everyone in my life I came to love. I didn't want to mess everything with Woody. I shouldn't be afraid. Love gives you strength to fight for this person. Love made you happy. Love wasn't bad.
And there it was, the word love again.
I brought one hand up, breaking this spell - or whatever you want to cal it - and pointed to his car. "Time to go, little boy." I raised one eyebrow and shooed him away. "Go away."
"You say that half hearted."
"I don't like you, go away." I said trying to sound serious but they way he looked at me made a smile slowly crept over my face.
"Oh yeah." He laughed seeing my smile - obviously. "You love me."
"Says who?"
"Your insides are twisting with want, you long for me. I saturate you."
"Oh yeah. You're like cold water in a hot and dry desert." I chuckled the words out, playing along with him.
"That's right, baby, you know exactly what you want."
He was really something, you know? He pushed so much, but not too much at once, he was always there, pushing a little all the time. One day I may even let him win. "Just go already."
He chuckled and opened his door. "Good night, Jordan." He said waving a hand.
"'Night." I said back and watched him leave. The joy I was feeling while he was with me, somehow went away with Woody. It was now gone and I couldn't even smell his sweet male scent anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So, what do you think, people? Should I continue? I wrote only this chapter because I needed to know if you guys would like it. If you like it and want me to write more leave a review telling me so. If you don't review I won't know if it's good nor if I should write more.
Till the next (Maybe).