'Parallel'

A note of explanation – I wrote this Stella-centric ficlet in between series 5 and 6; Spence had been shot and we didn't know which was it was going to go. I wanted to write a story in parallel, a story that reflected both possible outcomes. Originally this was presented as two columns, the idea being you read them in tandem – some bits were the same, others diverged. It was quite innovative and imaginative if I do say so myself. Here I've had to separate them, but they should be read holistically. I wasn't sure whether to put the 'nice' or the 'nasty' first. I flipped a coin. Enjoy.

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"I don't quite know what I'm doing here Spence, or what I'm going to say. Boyd's asleep – he's been at your side whenever he could for so long now... I don't know how long it's been, I haven't been paying much attention to be honest. I feel like shit, if that's any consolation."

Stella laughed, her eyes struggling to keep back the tears that were welling up, sending the room into a watery blur.

Boyd was asleep in the chair, just inches from Spence's side. She didn't want to wake him. She would just... say what she had to say. And then she'd go.

Now, what to say... this was ridiculous – now she felt shy.

She sat down on an empty chair, the other side of the bed to Boyd. He was snoring – he wouldn't wake up. Spence wasn't snoring... Was he dreaming, perhaps? Was it was going to be easier to talk to him this way...

Not knowing what to say, Stella opened her mouth and let the words fall out. Tentatively at first, her voice gathering rhythm as she felt the words falling into their natural places.

"...It's late afternoon, the sun is low in the sky. You'd love it Spence, it's making you look all glowy and soft. The room's quiet, it's a lovely room they've found for you, and you should see how many cards, flowers... you're a much loved man Spence. Honestly, you really are."

She stopped for breath. The next bit was harder.

"I am... so sorry. I know, I know, it sounds like the last thing you want or need to hear. I mean what's the point – I can be as sorry as I like and it won't make a difference. But I am, and I wanted you to know it. There, I've said it now. I kept telling myself it would make me feel better, coming and having it out face to face... well, I suppose it's not quite face to face... but you know,"

She smiled.

"It'll do."

Stella paused, looking out of the window.

"The sun's setting now. The sky, it's fantastic. Red, purple, orange... it's beautiful. I wish you could see it Spence... maybe you can, I don't know, maybe you're in a heaven right now. And you're watching a beautiful sunset, and you don't want to come down from there but please Spence, come back. We all miss you... so much..."

Hurriedly, she stood up. Leaning over, she gently kissed Spence's forehead. One last look, and letting the tears fall freely down her face, she left the room.

Boyd opened one eye. Peeked out. He hadn't been asleep, and worried that his snoring had sounded too fake. But Stella had needed her moment. He just hoped she hadn't caught sight of the tear that had slipped out his eyes, gathering speed down his cheek.

He heard the soft bang of the doors at the end of the corridor. She was gone.

He look back at Spence.

"Alright... sir?"

Boyd's mouth hung open.

Spence just smiled at him. Boyd couldn't speak. So Spence just kept on smiling.