So I've been meaning to write this for a while but didn't have the time and I got to the point where I'm like 'fuck it. I'm not doing homework. I'm writing instead.' So here you go.
This is bases off the song the Moment I Knew by Taylor Swift. Every time I hear the song I can't help but picture this. So sorry if I ruined the song for you now.
He should have been there. He should have burst through the door with that baby I'm right here smile. The one I've always known and loved. The one that would have made me so happy.
Christmas lights shined all around me as I walked through the crowd. Everyone's eyes on the man this whole party was about. I laughed and put on a pretty face as everyone asked me 'how's it's been going' or 'I'm so happy for you Castiel' and of course they didn't know I was dying on the inside. But that's means my dream of becoming an actor is high.
I watched the door all night long. Hoping and praying that you'd walk in. You said you would be here. Here like everyone else that I know and love, but they never mattered as much as you. It was like I was living in slow motion. Standing in my brand my new suit I bought to impress you, while everyone around is laughing and happy. And in that moment I knew.
As the hours pass by I knew. I knew you weren't coming and I wanted to be alone. I didn't need anyone to worry about me or how I was feeling, but somehow people always find out how you're feeling in the end. So there I was, in the bathroom, putting on a strong face for Sam and Gabriel. I tried not to fall apart. I tried all my might but the tears wouldn't stop pouring from my eyes as I sobbed out, "He said he'd be here." Over and over again.
And again I was living in slow motion. I had to put on my strong face and walk out like nothing happened as Sam and Gabriel watched me. I was there to impress but what was the point if you're not here to impress. Me in my suit and tie waiting for you to come around but I knew. I knew that you weren't. The worst part was when people asked about you. I had to lie and act like there was nothing wrong. If only you would have been here.
And what are you supposed to say when everyone you know is gathered around you singing happy birthday and you burst into tears and the room goes quite. What are you supposed to say when the only one that matters isn't here. The one who you love and wish were here to comfort you but is the one who caused you to be like this in the first place. What are you supposed to tell everyone.
It was like slow motion as Sam lifted me out of my chair and took me away. How Gabriel had to tell everyone to go because of me. How people left one by one with no explanation to why the birthday boy burst into tears. And still there was still one thing missing. You. You should have been here to make me happy and whole again.
I got the call later. The call of your voice slurred and drunken. The noises of the bar in the background. The one where you said, "I'm so sorry I missed it baby. I'll be home in half an hour and we can talk" And I said, "I'm sorry too Dean." Only I won't be there. I'm already on the highway with all my things headed to a new life. A new life where hopefully I'll never have to know that moment again.