Bring Him Back: Chapter One
FanFiction! Long time, no see ;) You got real tall.
This is sadly not my return. But it is a promise that I will. I wrote this after season three, simply because I couldn't stop crying, and I needed to do this to assure myself that they would bring Ianto back :) They have to. And if they don't, then I have! It makes logical sense. I wrote this a while ago but it's been giving my puppy eyes from my hard-drive so, here, take it and give it some love. It's intensely angsty, but it gets the job done ;)
This is for my friends and fans (?) just to say I miss them and that I will be back eventually. Review is you feel like it, I still check my emails. I'll hopefully rejoin you soon. Goodbye.
The nebula burnt.
Great waves of bronze rippled out, igniting the whole galaxy, sending everyone of those blossoming planets up in flame, life and all. The pale orbs of pure white fire could be seen on the other side of the universe, just little dots in the sky.
But standing in the fire, it was truly beautiful.
The heat and the light and the destruction in perfect physical form took whatever breath there was left from his lungs. The universe whined as the loss grew greater and greater. A hole was pierced in those spiralling planets. It expanded, like termites were eating away at it, consuming it completely only there were no little nibbling creatures here. The once harmonious clump of wonder was turning to ash, melting away from solid form to mere dust that would float around forever.
The heat alone licked away any colour or any feeling left anywhere. Flames reached out, excruciating pearly hands desperate to grasp something else to light, letting the unstoppable force expand and consume. Then the heat turned to chill.
Once stunning with its impossible colours and almost eye-like form, the nebula was now cobalt. Deep, dead cobalt. Ever felt something so hot it was cold? So blazingly hot it was literally like bathing in ice rather than burning in flames? Doubt you have. Well. It hurts. Like freezing to death when not a single thing in the whole of existence can warm you up because you are so far beyond warmth, you're left in the dark, cold and oh so empty vastness of space. Not good, huh?
There was only one single man of flesh that could walk from the ash clouds and gas storms and forests of flames.
Breathing in what atmosphere was left, Jack sighed. The fire grew larger. The nebula began to scream.
He was waiting. He'd waited many long months, each second purely painful. It took him months just to get off that God forsaken planet. Earth was a death trap. Jack should know. The Captain knew he would have to wait, hell; he waited years just in Cardiff of all places just to find the Time Lord the first time, so here he was waiting again. Taking the long, exhausting and painful route while the Doctor took a cheating short cut. Jack waiting through time, moving with it while the Doctor surfed time, moving against it. He was naughty like that.
And Jack needed the Doctor. Oh, he needed the Doctor more than anything. So while Jack waited, he waited somewhere he knew the Doctor would be eventually. Jack floated there, eternally dying over and over, not even gasping when he came back, so numb he didn't feel the pain anymore. Jack was in the heart of the flames and when the Doctor came, because that Time Lord wouldn't be able to resist the nebula dying without a Goddamn beautiful bang. Then the Doctor would find Jack.
Until then, the immortal man just let himself burn. Suffocate. Freeze to death. Be pulled apart by the gravity forces of the various planets as they shook and moved out of the correct orbital pattern. Whichever got him first. And he died over and over.
Each time he saw the oh so elegant Darkness. It blinked, almost groggily and smiled at him. Greeting him with open arms everytime, so close to that comforting embrace in which Jack would be taken. He'd smile back, in a sad sort of way. You see, Jack knew the moment it hovered over his skin, so very close but so very far that another pair of arms would come in. Life's cold grip would clasp around him and Jack would be dragged back. It would force the air into his lungs and the light into his eyes and he would live again. Damn.
Jack often wondered when the Darkness would just shrug and not bother to reach out for him anymore. As the numbness suddenly fell off him, he smiled at the very Darkness. It was always just them, him and the Darkness, when he died. There was only one time it was different. Jack hated the memory but it came back anyway, scarred across his mind forever with so many other memories. So many…
…………………………………
Those sapphires used to gleam, they did. They were always so full of brilliant, charming smiles, or seductive 'come-hither's, or that deep, delicious fear or of those pregnant tears. And every single glance in Jack's direction was dripping in affection, sometimes literally. It was those times that shattered Jack as the old – so old – man looked down and watched the very essence of humanity, the last gleaming tear and the last wisp of life leave those sapphires.
They clouded over in a film, Ianto looking into a world far away that no one still breathing could see. Eyelids fluttered shut. A desperately fluttering heartbeat gave in and stopped. A final breath gave out in a silent whimper. The virus stopped pumping around his body. Jack could only gasp for the air that wouldn't come into his lungs. Only a single, traitorous tear had fallen down his face. His voice was begging, pleading, desperately demanding in a situation he couldn't control.
"Ianto. Stay with me". His voice broke and every onlooker felt their hearts break, "Don't leave me, please…"
How many times had Jack been in this situation before? How many times had Jack had to hold, had to cradle, had to feel and watch and hear people die in his arms? People he lo… He hadn't let himself. Promised himself he wouldn't. But Ianto had loved him. Damn it, that tea-boy had loved him knowing Jack couldn't love him back. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God!
And he was gone.
Ianto was gone...
Jack had to sit there and watch, the shock cracking his fragile form. The last, insignificant, beautiful piece of Ianto Jones left its empty shell of a body and grasped a hold of Freedom's hand. A soul so pure, so innocent, so Goddamn unreachable drifted into the raw, dirty air of the humans and it smiled at Jack. It smiled as it floated out on Ianto's last breath.
The immortal man felt the determination overtake his body. Not again. Not bloody again!
The virus was trying to rip apart a body that had been shredded far too many times to care. It grasped a firm hold on that rigid heart and it laughed in victory. Jack closed his eyes so willingly, leaning down and trapped Ianto's soul with his own as it fell from his mouth. The kiss captured the last bit of Ianto Jones and trapped it with the not-so-last bit of Jack Harkness. The Darkness was fully awake this time, clapping its hands together jollily and reached out for the two visitors. Jack died for what he wanted to be the last time on Ianto's lips, falling down, momentarily lifeless, still holding the permanently lifeless form of his once-lover. Still-lover. Always-lover.
Ianto turned around, still as beautiful as ever. He stared, unexpectedly content around at the Darkness, smiling back as Jack always did. The arms reached out for him. He went to embrace them so willing, and for the first time ever, Jack found he had a voice here.
"No!"
Whatever forms they took here, they didn't know. They couldn't see. They couldn't hear. They just… knew. Jack knew it was Ianto and Ianto knew it was Jack. The words weren't really said. Weren't really thought. There were no tones or facial expressions, just Darkness. But they knew. Somehow, in some way humanity will never understand, they just knew.
Ianto turned yet again, and this time his beaming smile became so magnificent, Jack was stunned. Ianto's soul was breath-taking. And Ianto simply stared, completely horrified at Jack's soul, but not letting a fragment of it show on his face. Jack grasped Ianto, pulling him close. Jack stood in front of Ianto and faced the Darkness head on. Ianto stared, curious as well as surprised as another pair of arms joined them, bleachingly, blindingly white. Ianto stood between the new arms and Jack.
Both the Darkness and Life froze, unable to get their victims. The Darkness couldn't take Jack; he couldn't die. Life couldn't take Ianto; he was dead.
And so both men had their last moments of freedom. Jack was the first to turn around and face Ianto, who turned around too. There was just a moment, a tiny, oh so brilliant moment in which they looked at one another. Our souls and bodies are so very different. Yet so very similar. It's actually quite confusing.
And then, in some strange way, in a way that they possibly couldn't have but still they did, they kissed. In was a breaking kiss in which they threw each and every single thought and emotion they'd felt for each other into. For that miniature period of time, if there is time there, they actually combined into a single soul. Everything about them was one. Love, passion, lust, affection, adoration, heartbreak, fury, jealousy, resentment, pity and ever single drop of hatred were pushed into that action. They kissed so gently it brought them to tears. They kissed so violently they bled. It was simply glorious.
And then they paused. Not for breath, since they couldn't. Just paused. Resting their foreheads together, they smiled and chuckled briefly even. It was one of those moments you want to last forever. Well. For at least a little longer than it does.
The two arms whined and creaked in anticipation.
Jack spoke first, rushed and desperate, full of unspoken things.
"I'll bring you back".
Their lips fell together again, oh so briefly.
Ianto smiled a weak and sad smile. He answered it like it answered everything.
"I love you". Voice cracking, Jack knew he should say it back. He just… couldn't.
Lips brushed together.
"This is my fault. I'll fix it. I'm bringing you back". Jack always was stubborn.
And again.
"I'll miss you".
This time shorter.
"I'll find him, Ianto. I'll find him and he'll bring you back".
This time longer.
"Don't forget me, though. Please, Jack".
This time angry, very angry. And at the same time, so accepting.
"Stop saying goodbye! I'm bringing you back!"
And then Ianto had this look. Full of regret, and of pity and of unbestowed adoration. It was a look of defeat. Jack may fight and Jack may shout and Jack may die a thousand times but the immortal warrior would never win a war against Life and Death. They were the very backbone of him. And backbones can break. Ianto had accepted it was time for him to leave and he pitied Jack for not.
Grasping him tightly, Jack pulled him in for a final, desperate kiss. Jack had accepted it too, but that wouldn't stop him fighting. This kiss was full of tears and whispered secrets and forbidden truths and everything. Jack pulled Ianto into his very soul, trying so hard to wrap himself around Ianto completely, making the Welsh tea-boy a part of the immortal man, unable to be taken away. But Jack just couldn't grasp hard enough.
The arms wriggled around one another, trading places. The Darkness sighed sadly and Life growled irritated. Jack was plucked up and pulled away; screaming and kicking like a toddler. The Darkness patted Ianto on the shoulder and offered him a hug of sympathy. Ianto ignored it for a moment, watching Jack with a look of pure grief.
"No! No, don't take me without him! Please, leave me!" Then, realising Life had a grip that no other force could mirror, Jack reached out to Ianto, not a single tear falling. "Ianto!"
The very person smiled despite everything, eyes glazed over beautifully as he grinned. He said one single word that broke Jack into thousands of pieces. It was a word that described everything and the only thing that mattered to Jack more than anything. The only thing Ianto would die for. And the only thing Ianto would live for. He said it so softly, it was silent.
"Jack".
And then Jack awoke with a short gasp desperate to not, yet knowing that the world was back, along with his body. And he sat up and saw the cold, blue, dead body of Ianto. And the world fell apart. The walls cracked. The air split. The very pieces of life crumbled. His whole body came apart in shudders of agony, ripping his patch-work heart to shreds of lost hope. Jack clung onto Gwen as though he would fall from reality without her as an anchor. The tears wouldn't stop.
He'd lusted after her and he'd made Ianto watch. But Ianto was gone now and Gwen still lived. How dare she...
……………………………………………
The Darkness looked fondly at Jack and reached out. Jack reached back, ready to jump that Goddamn monster if only to glimpse Ianto again. But just as it was about to touch him and his little, non-existent heart pounded, thinking that just by wishing for death would prevent life, he was snatched back. He came to, gasping in air. Air? And he felt a pair of arms around him, grasping him tightly, securing him. Where was the numbness? And a voice whispering in his ear. Words of comfort.
"It's okay, Jack. I got you". That voice… He knew that voice. He knew that voice!
Finally, Jack saw what he was looking at. Those deep, ancient, crippled eyes bore into him, full of sympathy. That brilliant, broad smile grinned down at him, cracked with concern. And that hair! Pinstripes, deep, living humming and the interior of a blue box. Finally, here he was. Finally, Jack had found him. Finally, Jack was naked?
"Doctor!" The very man beamed. Jack beamed back. Letting go of his protective grip, the Doctor rocked back on the balls of his feet and simply knelt there, looking at Jack with an arched eyebrow. Jack sat up fully, trying to gather some sense. The immortal certainly wasn't afraid of sitting there in his birthday suit. In fact, he didn't understand why humans in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries demanded clothes. They had a lot to learn.
"Well, Jack. This is a surprise. Aren't you meant to be in Cardiff?"
Jack frowned at the Time Lord. How had he gotten in the Tardis? He was in the fire, and everything was dying, and then there was screaming and then there was Darkness and memories and – Oh God, Doctor! About Goddamn time! I love you, I love you, I bloody love you! You're here and… and… okay. Calm down, Jack. Breathe. There we go.
Jack jumped up, pulling the Doctor to his feet and sending a jolt of fear through the Time Lord. Jack started bounding around the control room naked like Tigger on crack. His face alight in sudden excitement and joy, pointing to various objects and mumbling incoherent words. The Doctor stood there, watching him and feeling dizzy, officially scared. And then Jack's mind kicked in, calming the immortal man down.
The smile died.
Jack stared into nothingness and clutched his chest, hugging it, suddenly as if in pain. The man began to fall apart all over again. Jumping to help him, the Time Lord grabbed Jack and lowered him into the Captain's chair, as ironic as that was. Jack stared with wide, desperate eyes at the Doctor and said three words that terrified the Time Lord.
"Bring him back".