AN: So this is a quick little one-shot I wrote earlier and it's pretty much inspired by the rumors that Selena and Justin spent their New Years vacation in the same city in Mexico as Demi. The title comes from Selena's tweet on New Years.. If any of you follow my other stories, I want to issue an apology for not having posted in months. I'll try to get those updated soon. This just a one-shot and it's more for inspiration for my other stories than anything else. Enjoy and leave reviews, that's appreciated :)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot, I guess.
Months have passed since I last saw her. Months have passed since we last spoke. But years have passed since I last kissed her… held her… loved her. Selena was my world, she was my everything, but now she's become my distant memory. Sometimes her scent still lingers and I hear her laugh playback in my mind. But every single day that she's not with me, I feel those memories fade.
"Dem, what's wrong?" My thoughts are interrupted by Marissa, my best friend. We're both laid out by the pool, tanning and enjoying the warm weather that Mexico has to offer. She pulls down her Ray Bans and looks me dead in the eye. I can feel myself growing nervous as she continues to stare. I'm no stranger to that look, it means concern.
"Nothing." I lied. I couldn't bear to tell her the truth; I couldn't admit that I was still thinking about Selena.
"Clearly something is wrong," She was laying flat on her back but quickly sat up to get a better look. "I know you, Demi."
"Nothing is wrong." I lied again.
"Demi…" Her voice sounded shaky. "It's her isn't it?"
It always amazes me how easily Marissa could figure me out. I guess that's why she's my best friend. "What? No." I lied. I'm not even sure how long I can pretend anymore.
"We're on vacation in one of the most beautiful places on earth and you're laying there with the most depressing look I have ever seen." She shakes her head. "Something is clearly bothering you and I'm betting I know exactly what."
"Marissa, I'm fine." I faked a smile but she wasn't buying it.
"You're thinking about Selena. You're always thinking about Selena." She says with no hesitation in her voice.
A silence falls between the two of us and I can't, for the life of me, find any words to say. "Yes." I finally mutter out.
"My God, Demi, it's been years! When will you get over her? She moved on so easily to that idiot, why can't you?" She emits a long sigh and avoids making eye contact with me. "I wish you could get it in your head that you and Selena were never meant to be."
Marissa's words were like a dagger to the heart. This was all everyone ever told me, even Selena herself but somehow I still held faith that maybe one day things could be fixed. "You've got a great guy dying to be with you and all you do is lay around and mope over a relationship that ended years ago." She added.
"Because of me," I admit. "It ended because of me."
"And you've tried to get her back countless times but how does that work out?" She asks.
"It doesn't." I could feel my body start to shake as the tears hung from my eyes.
"Exactly, because she's moved on and it's about time that you do too." She sighs again before returning to her laying position. "Wilmer really likes you, you know. Maybe if you weren't so hung up on Selena you'd see that."
"Guess what I got!" Our friend, Matt, chimes in as he makes his way over to us. I'm actually thankful for his interruption. "Champagne!" He brings out a large bottle and sets it down on the small glass table that separates me from Marissa.
"Happy new year!" Marissa adds in excitement.
"What'd I miss?" Matt takes a seat beside Marissa and drapes his arm around her neck. "Any juicy gossip?" He chuckles.
"We've just been tanning." Marissa tells him. I feel them both look over at me and I avoid eye contact.
"I think I'm going to head to the room for a bit." I admit. I grab my phone and the room key from the glass table and stand up.
"Why?" They both ask.
"You know I don't drink." This was the only excuse I could give them.
"What? Demi, come on." Marissa grabs my wrist and pulls me toward her before I could even take a step.
"Yeah, come on! I'll get you some red bull or something." Matt stands up to walk back to the hotel bar but I shake my head.
"It's fine, Matt." I tell him.
"Demi, don't. Just try to forget about her for like a day or two." Marissa pleads.
"Wait, did I miss something?" Matt looks between Marissa and I, completely lost. "Forget who?"
"She's having one of her Selena moments again." Marissa fills him in.
"Another one? Demi, move on!" Matt says with a laugh.
I pull my hand away from her grip and start to make my way back to my room. I could hear the both of them calling my name but I disappear into the hotel fairly quickly. This wasn't the way I wanted to spend my vacation, but I couldn't bear to hear anything more about Selena. It was hard enough already that I couldn't get over her; I didn't need them mocking me about it. This was exactly the reason why I didn't want to admit what was bothering me.
The second I got to the room I threw myself onto the bed and let the tears fall. Missing Selena hurt so much, but knowing she wasn't missing me was killing me. Everything Marissa had said had been true, but yet I kept refusing to believe it. For months now I've been refusing to believe any of it. Deep down inside I still believe there's a chance for us. I have this illusion that one day she'll come back to me, that we'll put this past us and things will be just like they were before.
My phone begins to vibrate against the nightstand and I don't bother to grab it. I know it's either Marissa or Matt looking for me to come back. I count a total of four calls before the phone finally grows silent. I decide to just lay in bed for a while, avoid anything but the thoughts in my head. My mind goes back to a time when I was completely and undeniably content; that summer in Puerto Rico with Selena.
Everything seemed perfect in those three months. I loved her, she loved me and we thought we were going to be together forever. Months passed after our time in Puerto Rico and we were still as strong as ever but then I changed, and we changed. In late 2009, things with Selena just fell apart. There's a lot of shit in my life that I regret, but my time with her is not one. Sure we fought more than we should, and sure I'm to blame for everything, but I could never regret what we had. We were special, we were really fucking special. No one has ever made me feel the way she did, no, the way she does.
After we broke up, Selena made it clear to me that everything we had was a mistake and that falling in love with each other was the downfall to our friendship. For months I tried to move on, I tried everything but nothing ever worked. Even in the arms of someone else all I could think of was how much I wished it'd be her who was holding me. I was losing control of my life in those days and it was worse that I lost the one person who managed to hold me together.
The loud knock on the door brings me back to reality again, causing me to curse under my breath. I debate whether or not I should open it or just pretend I've gone to sleep. The knock grows louder and I'm forced to make my way to the door. I hesitate a little before swinging the door open.
"Selena?" I question the brunette standing in front of me. There's a sad look on her face but she gives me a small smile.
I expected Marissa or Matt to be on the other side of that door, I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. What was the girl who was once mine doing at my hotel room doorstep and why did she look so miserable?
"Hey." She replied.
"Hi." I managed to respond back.
We stood there silently as I tried to piece everything together. "So," She looked down at her hands as she spoke. "Are you going to let me in or?"
"Oh, uh, yeah." I opened up the door to allow her the entrance. I was so confused and shocked by her presence I didn't even know how to conduct myself.
"Thanks." She mumbled. I closed the door behind her and rested my head against the frame. I could feel my head spinning and my thoughts growing more and more puzzling. What the hell was she doing here?
"What are you doing here?" I ask as I finally turn to face her. I had been dreaming about this opportunity for months now and here she was, finally in front of me again, but yet I couldn't find any real words to say.
"Could you maybe put some clothes on?" She asks awkwardly.
I looked down at myself and realized I was still in my two-piece bathing suit. I chuckled at her question, it was clear some things still hadn't changed with her. It wasn't like she had never seen me like this before but given the circumstances I could understand why she felt so uncomfortable.
"Why are you here, Selena?" I ask again as I throw on the only oversized shirt that I could find from my suitcase.
Selena was turned away, looking anywhere but at me. "I'm on vacation with…" She began to say but I quickly cut her off.
"No, I mean what are you doing here." She turned back to me and then looked down at her hands. That was always something I loved about her, the way she'd look down when she felt shy or embarrassed.
"Oh." She simply states.
"You never answered my calls."
"I…"
"Or my texts."
"It's…"
"You didn't bother to call me on my birthday…" My voice cracked as I spoke and I closed my eyes before I could let myself start crying. I took a seat on the bed, afraid of how weak I may become if I remain standing. "You didn't even come to visit me on set."
"I'm sorry." She whispers.
"For what, Sel? For never responding or for completely pushing me away so easily?"
"It wasn't easy! You know everything is complicated, Demi."
"It's not complicated at all," I tell her. "You chose him."
Selena takes a seat beside me on the bed and begins to fidget with her fingers. The room grows silent and for a few seconds we just sit there. "I know." She finally admits.
"I came back for you and you had moved on," I remind her. "I fought for you… Was it not enough?"
"Dem, you didn't honestly expect me to sit around waiting for you to change, did you? We were fighting too much, it became overwhelming. We needed to end things before one of us got hurt." She sighed.
"One of us did get hurt." I admit.
"Hurting you was never my intention," She shook her head. "I couldn't handle what you were becoming."
"Did you just come here to remind me that I fucked up or is there a purpose to the visit? Seriously, what are you doing here?" I ask her. "How did you find me?"
"Fate." She mumbles. "I think it's some sign."
"What the hell are you talking about, Selena?" I was officially lost again.
"I came here on vacation with Justin, we're trying to fix some things because…" She begins to explain but suddenly stops as she realizes I've stopped listening. "You don't really care about that, I assume. Anyway, I was in my hotel room, looking out through the window and I thought I saw you. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me again but then I realized that it was, in fact, you."
"When?" I ask.
"About twenty minutes ago." She responds. "Give or take."
"By the pool?"
"Yeah, my room overlooks the pool." She says. "But anyway, I saw you and you looked so…"
"Depressed." I help her out.
"Yeah, I don't know what happened but I saw the confrontation with Marissa and that other guy and I got worried."
"There was no confrontation," I admit. "I just wasn't feeling it."
"So I begged the front desk to tell me your room number and given that we're both famous, the girl didn't hesitate to share it."
"Remind me to call the manager." I say jokingly.
"I got worried and I tried calling you but you didn't answer." She looked so sad as she spoke and I could hear the truth in her words. I wanted so badly to lean over and hug her but I know that'd be a huge mistake.
"I'm fine." I tell her.
"You don't look fine."
"Shouldn't you be off enjoying your vacation?" I question in an attempt to avoid her concern.
"I could say the same for you."
"And shouldn't you be with Mr. tall, dark and lanky? Where is prince charming anyway?"
Selena rolled her eyes before speaking. "He's with Twist."
"Who?"
"His best friend."
"He brought you on vacation so he could leave to hang out with his best friend?" I asked.
"No." She said but it was clear that was a lie.
"I told you he was trouble."
"He's a good guy, Demi." She shrugs.
"He must be if you were so willing to forget me for him."
"I didn't forget you."
"Oh, really? Sure seems like you did." I was starting to feel all the anger and sadness that had built up inside me since the day everything between us came crashing down. I know having Selena here was a good thing, but I couldn't just let her in that easily, things had to be resolved.
"You honestly think I could forget you?" She asks with hurt in her voice.
"Well, it's pretty clear that you did."
"How can you say that?" She cries. "You were my first love, Demi. How could I forget the first person who ever really cared for me? Not just that, but you were once my best friend. Gosh Demi, you were everything to me."
"The day you ended things between us, you made it very clear that everything we had was a mistake." I remind her.
"I never meant a word I said that night! I was young and scared; I had no idea how to handle what you were going through. Losing you was the biggest mistake of my life and I can never take that back." She admits. I could see tears building up in her eyes and she was trying so hard to keep them from falling. "By the time I tried to fix things you had moved on."
"I never moved on, what are you talking about?" My voice was starting to show my anger. "It's been almost three years since that night and I'm still hung up on you, Selena. I've told you this many times already, I never moved on… you did. You gave up on what we had, Selena, you didn't even have the will to fight for me."
"You were spiraling out of control! What was I supposed to do? I was young; I didn't know how to handle the situation. I was so scared and I thought breaking up would be a smart decision. I was wrong, I know that now, but you were out of my life when Justin came around." She stood up from the bed and began to pace the room. "You and I didn't even talk anymore when he and I started dating. He tried to fix me when you weren't there."
"All I could think about in rehab was you," My tears were making it difficult to speak but the words started flowing. "I wanted to get better and come home to you, Selena. You were the only one who I spent my nights thinking about. When I got out and you were with him, I nearly fell apart again. Seeing you with someone else broke my heart, but seeing you so happy with him..."
I couldn't even finish my sentence as the tears became unbearable. Selena stopped pacing and took a seat beside me again. She hesitated at first but soon her arms were around me, comforting me. Feeling her touch again felt like déjà vu, like my dream was coming true. But I know this is nothing, she's not mine and she'll never be mine again.
"You keep blaming yourself over this but the truth is the fault is all mine." She whispers as she keeps her tight grip around me. "You were dealing with things that were far from anything I had ever seen, and I was a coward for giving up on us. I've spent so many nights thinking about it all and regretting everything. To this day I still kick myself for what I did. But you have to understand that I couldn't just sit around and wait for you. I tried, for a while I honestly tried, but I felt you letting go and I figured it was time for me to as well."
Selena ran her fingers through my hair, much like she used to when we were together. "You know when I met Justin I was so hesitant about everything. He tried so hard to break through my walls but I didn't want to accept the fact that I had to move on. I knew once I let him in, then I'd have to let you go for good. He helped me move on but he could never make me forget you or what we had. No one could."
She stopped stroking my hair and I slowly pulled away. We looked at each other for what seemed like forever and then suddenly the most incredible thing occurred. Selena leaned in first and I soon followed but in mere seconds my lips had found hers. It was a tender, short-lived kiss but it felt like our very first. We both pulled away immediately and all I wanted was to hear the thoughts running through her mind.
"We can't do this." I admit. My hand shot up to touch my lips, as wrong as it all was I wanted to savor the moment.
"I know." She admits as she looks down at her hands for the millionth time.
I moved my hand from my lips to her chin and gently lifted so our eyes could meet. This was the closest we had been in years but inside it felt like nothing had changed. "You've never been a cheater, Selena, and we both deserve better than this." I admit.
"It was a mistake, I'm sorry." She pulls away from me and brings her hands to her face.
"It's as much your fault as it is mine." I tell her. "But I can't pretend I didn't enjoy it."
"I haven't felt this way in so long." She removes her hands from her face and looks at me. I feel her take one of my hands and place it gently on her chest, where her heart is. "My heart is beating so fast right now."
I let my hand feel the swift beat of her heart. She wasn't exaggerating; it really was beating incredibly fast. It felt good knowing that I was the cause of this but I couldn't let myself get caught up in the moment, this wasn't going to change anything. "Wow." I said, it was all I could say.
"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you and for the way things between us have gone. If I could take back the last three years, I honestly would." She admits.
"You love Justin too much to do that." I remind her. "There's a reason for everything, Sel, and there's a reason why our lives have gone the way they have."
"I loved Justin and you're right I can't take back something so special like what he and I have but it's nothing like what I had with you."
"You loved him? I thought you guys are still together." I am once again completely lost.
"Well, it's complicated. We came here to try and fix our relationship but it's hard. I tried to meet him halfway but he's just slipping away from me. He doesn't make time for me anymore, even when we're both in town." She sighs. "I'm falling out of love with him."
"I figured something was bothering you the second I opened the door and saw your face. You still have that same look on your face when there's something that's irritating you." I tell her.
Selena's phone began to ring, interrupting our belated heart to heart. "Hey babe." She says into the phone, her voice lacking emotion. I could hear Justin speaking on the other line, but couldn't make out any of what he was saying.
"Nothing, I went for a walk." She lies. I watch her stand up and walk away for privacy. "Seriously, Jay? I thought you said you were going to try harder."
I gave Selena her privacy and focused my attention on the last ten minutes. I stared blankly at the wall and thought about everything that had been said. Maybe this was a sign, maybe fate really did bring her back into my life. There has to be a reason why she's here with me again, after all these years. Maybe we can finally get our closure, or maybe this is the sign that I've long been waiting for.
"I have to go." Selena says quietly as she puts her phone away. I saw the tears forming in her eyes and I knew something was wrong.
"Stay if you need, Sel." I offered.
"I have to fix this mess." She shook her head.
"Selena?" I asked as she made her way over to the door.
"Yeah?"
"Is this the end?" I ask.
"No." She smiled. "Call me when you're back in LA."
"I promise to call."
"I promise to answer." She smiled again.
I stood up and walked over to her. She me hugged quickly before pulling back and looking into my eyes. "I've really missed you, Dem." She tells me before kissing my cheek.
I stare blankly as she walks out, leaving me in a complete state of confusion. I didn't know what to feel nor how to act but the smile on my face will not fade. Selena had finally returned into my life and although I could no longer call her mine again, she was there and that's all that really mattered. Maybe I gave in too easily, and maybe this is all just another failed attempt at a reunion, but I could care less, Selena was finally back in my life.