Yesterdays and Tomorrows
Muffled steps above him caused Jethro Gibbs to abruptly stop sanding the board in front of him.
Moving backwards until he met resistance, he rested against the work table's battered ledge and felt behind him until he located the mason jar glass of bourbon he had poured earlier.
He swallowed thoughtfully and fixed his gaze upon the stairs connecting the basement to the rest of the house.
Even though Gibbs had muted the light in the basement, he spotted Tony the instant he appeared on the landing and stooped down to peer through the railing.
"Home, Boss," his protégé announced, before straightening and turning to exit.
"Wait," Gibbs called. He paused as Tony stopped and turned back to regard him.
"I made it in time, Boss," the younger man spoke defensively, pointing at his left wrist and watch. "In fact, according to this, I have four and a half minutes to spare."
"Did I say you had passed the curfew?" Jethro questioned calmly.
Puzzled, Tony stooped back down to peer between the railing again, his face reflecting his confusion. "What did I do?"
Gibbs shook his head. "I have not even hinted that you have done something wrong, Tony. Can you just quit jumping to conclusions?"
His blue eyes locked onto Tony's green ones.
Sighing, Tony straightened once again before moving down several steps. He sat down tiredly on one of the rough wooden stairs and propped his elbows on his legs.
Jethro studied his body language and facial expression before inquiring quietly, "Did you work things out with your dad?"
Tony shook his head before rubbing both of his temples. "How do you know that is what I have been doing tonight?"
"Because I know you," Jethro responded promptly. "Now answer my question."
The younger man sighed, then pursed his lips. "He wants me to spend more time with him, more face to face."
"I see." Gibbs helped himself to another swallow of the bourbon and watched the play of emotions cross Tony's face.
"Even though he had no time for me when I was a kid, he suddenly requires of a devoted grown son that we commune hours on end when he unexpectedly appears in town." Tony used his forefinger to rub a spot on the handrail beside him.
His Boss absorbed that, understanding that physical activity- no matter how small- always helped calm an upset Tony.
"Well," Gibbs asked reasonably, "Did he earn that time?"
Brow furrowed, Tony asked for clarification, "What do you mean about earning, Boss?"
"Does he deserve this second chance with you?" Gibbs shifted away from the ledge and walked closer to the basement stairs.
Tony scowled, "Of course he does not- or let me explain that with, he did not earn one second of my time once I morphed into an adult."
Noting the hurt that laced his senior field agent's voice, Jethro mounted the steps slowly, stopped at the stair under Tony, and sat down gently, his back to the wall.
"I always craved time and attention from him. No matter how he disappointed me, as a kid, I would have given anything to think that I mattered at all to the man." Tony faced his mentor. "Now it makes no difference to me at all. It just does not matter."
Gibbs prodded, "So if you feel that way, why did you agree to see him when he came to town yesterday?"
Tony thought that over before responding with annoyance. "I can not say for sure. Who knows? Maybe I just feel obligated to him, since he did partially create me."
After that observation, they sat in silence on the cold steps for several seconds.
Finally, Tony tapped Jethro on the arm. "What do you think, Boss? What does your gut say to you about my dad, or about my dad with me?"
Grabbing the handrail, Jethro pulled himself up slowly. He felt his bones creak and grimaced at his body's response. "Tony, in this arena, I think that yesterdays stay yesterdays and tomorrows encourage tomorrows."
Moving stiffly, Gibbs stepped over Tony and kept climbing the stairs, leaving the basement behind him.
Seeing his boss retreat, Tony scrambled to follow. "Translate what you just said to me. Explain, please."
Gibbs stopped, waited for him to catch up, and regarded him thoughtfully. "Do you want your father to change the past, Tony?"
"Absolutely, he controlled my past, but of course I realize that he is incapable of doing that," he replied adamantly.
"So, despite his strength of character, or his money, or his secret desire, he can not hand you a different past than the one which existed for you," Jethro clarified.
"I guess that sums it up."
"You do not need to guess anything. It is a stark, cold fact. No matter how much you wish the past had played out another way, yesterdays stay yesterdays."
Entering the kitchen, Gibbs looked hopefully at the coffee pot before he glanced at the clock.
Shaking his head, he pointed towards the upper floor.
"We need to get to bed. Be quiet when you make it upstairs because Abby's already asleep."
"Ok, but Boss, what did you mean about the tomorrows, about tomorrows encouraging tomorrows?"
Tony walked softly into the hall, following his mentor.
"You tell me what you think it means," Gibbs directed.
Tony stammered, "I want you to…"
"No," Jethro insisted, "Tell me what that means to you in regards to your father."
He motioned Tony through the hall, and they slowly began to climb the stairs towards the upper floor.
The younger man did not speak again until they physically reached the top floor.
"If I allow this relationship with my father, the one now, or extend forgiveness, that bond will improve and strengthen with all of the tomorrows that follow."
"Exactly, and you need to weigh whether you want those tomorrows with him, as stand alone events that have nothing to do with the way things once were, or if you think he should be shunned and resented for the not so great yesterdays he can not fix. Either way, you make that call."
Gibbs opened Tony's door and tousled the younger man's hair. "Now get to bed. I have no intention of having you tired and cranky tomorrow."
"Cranky? I'm never that in the slightest. You are confusing my wake up self with Abby. You know she does not wake up cute and chipper."
"Sleep tight, and have good dreams," Gibbs concluded, turning towards his own room.
"Good dreams- got it, Boss, yesterdays and tomorrows," Tony whispered, softly closing the door.