Ten reasons why you never take Hatter to Wall Mart:
The tea isle
As you may already know, Hatter is deeply passionate about tea. Thus, when he comes across the tea isle at Wall Mart, he's been known to rip open box after box of tea and investigate the flavors and smells of each and every flavor of tea Wall Mart carries. Should he so happen to come across a tea isle, never fear; you won't be there all day, because eventually an employee will spot all the ripped and decimated tea bags and throw you both out of the store.
He's fascinated with televisions
As you may already know, Wall Mart has an entire section of Panoramic flat screen televisions set up in their electronics section, and as you should know, Hatter is extremely fascinated with "boxes that have moving pictures." He'll be there all day staring at the damn things, and eventually, it'll take you having to suggest going to the tea isle to snap him from his stupor (Note: Do this only in extreme cases).
Alarm Clocks
Hatter, as you know by now, can be a very mischievous prat sometimes; thus, introducing him to an alarm clock would be a very bad idea, as he might set all the alarm clocks to go off at the same time, and you will both be escorted out of the store via security guards
The bakery section
Your Hatter, as you found out the morning you discovered the cookie jar in your kitchen completely empty, has one hell of a sweet tooth. Wall Mart has one hell of a display of cookies and cakes right at the entrance to the store. Should he see any particular cookie or cake that he cannot surpass, he'll look at you with those sad puppy dog eyes, and the next thing you know you've just bough two dozen sugar cookies and one German chocolate cake.
The carts
A basket on four wheels + a man with a curious (and somewhat childish) mentality = forty five minutes for you trying to chase aforementioned man down. Square root the situation and you get being escorted out of the store handcuffed and being told your Miranda rights, which you'll have to explain to Hatter all over again.
The lingerie section
This really doesn't need any further explanation, does it?
The check out station
First off, if the moving belt doesn't land him in stupor, the plastic bags certainly will. Next thing you know, you have a million of the things floating in the air and he's grinning like an idiot (an adorable one at that) telling you to join in. Eventually, you're both having a "plastic bag snow ball fight," and getting weird stares from the other customers and cashiers. The result is expected: you both get kicked out.
The hunting section
See number six for further detail
The parking
Your Hatter is not a patient man; finding somewhere to park is a job for a very patient person, especially during the holiday season. Hatter will eventually succumb to boredom as you roam down isle after isle searching for a spot, and for you, this is not a good sign. He'll flip through station after station on the radio, muttering that he doesn't like this song or that music is too bumpy and eventually you'll snap at him to just pick a station already and when he does, you'll find your parking spot.
The produce
Hatter comes from a world where there was a "free market"; that is, you were allowed to sample an apple or a handful of grapes before you bought them to ensure customer satisfaction. Unfortunately, the same concepts don't apply to your world, and the next thing you know, he's bitten into at least six gala's and offers you the granny smith he just took a rather large bite out of, saying "You gotta try this love. It's so tart!" You smile, take a bite, and put the apples in a plastic before an employee sees you. Thankfully, so long as you buy the fruit he's tasted, you won't get kicked out for one of these little episodes.