LISTENING TO YOU…*
He'd watched him for years, slowly the indifference to him as a servant changing to friendship.
They were together from morning to night. The first person he saw after daybreak; the last person to bid him good-night.
Whether dressing him or serving his meals, he was there at his beck and call. In the council chambers with Uther or with the knights in training, he was always at his heels, unpretentious and willing to accept the humblest of positions.
They had no secrets and yet Arthur waited...
He noticed his interactions with everyone; he recognised his close feelings for Gaius, his genuine friendship with Gwaine and his respect for Leon. He'd laughed at his love of horses and children. He was proud of his willingness to accept the lowliest of servants as equals. All who knew him respected him; his smile brightened many a day.
He honoured and almost understood with longing, his friend's undisputed love for his mother.
He was jealous of his servant's ease in dealing with people from the haughtiest knights to the lowliest scullery maids. He happily accepted, even envied his ability to respect all people and always be fair.
When they were alone, the way he treated him as an equal had at first shocked him but now he secretly pleaded for it. He admired his persistence and enjoyed his open-mindedness
However, his mind silently suffered.
Lowering his eyes, sadness and need flooding his mind, he turned to walk away, Merlin lifting his head to check that Arthur did not need his assistance. The servant's heart skipped a beat as he looked at him. Then he sighed and shook his head before going back to the work at hand.
Stopping...he glanced over his shoulder at his servant's bent head. His feelings unmasked as he silently cried, 'Merlin…!'
'See me!
Feel me!
Touch me!
Heal me!'
His heart felt torn apart and he was conscious of Gaius standing beside him.
He looked up as the old man put his arm across his shoulders, saying quietly, "Tell him! Arthur, tell him..."
* Pete Townshend, The Who.