Hello, all. Newcomer (interloper) here. You all know the drill- awesome show, not mine, etc.
This is just a short story to add to sporadically; fun to write and hopefully to read-- nothin' serious or large scale. At least, that's the plan. Also, as it says on my profile: I DO NOT COMMIT. No week by week stuff, no deadlines, nada. My brain implodes. (Why do you think my pen name is what it is?)
Note: some elements silly and not feasible in real life. -cough-Neither are superpowers-cough-
It all started with Beast Boy, as most things usually do. For some reason one fine summer day, (no doubt, best left to the imagination) he had decided to shapeshift into a mammoth.
Inside the bathroom.
Robin didn't seem to be grasping this 'you really, really don't want to know' concept that perpetually surrounded Beast Boy. This could be seen because he was currently standing outside of the ruined bathroom in a growing puddle of indescribable muck- his very, very calm face suffused with a very, very bright red color.
"I just," said Robin, enunciating each word clearly, "want to know why you decided to practice shapeshifting in the bathroom."
"Uh," said Beast Boy uneasily, tugging at a green lock. "Seemed like a good idea at the time?"
The red on Robin's face deepened to an interesting shade of purple, and Raven decided to step in: if the waves of utter terror assaulting her empathy were any indication, it would be much better for her peace of mind if Gar didn't explain. She tried to distract her leader. "Cyborg will just call the plumber," she said, shrugging slightly. "It's not that big of a deal."
Robin's head swiveled to hers, very slowly. "Raven," he said softly. "Do you have any idea what has happened this week?"
Halfway regretting interfering (since when did she try to save Beast Boy?), she shook her head.
Robin grabbed Gar's shoulder with an iron hand (he'd been trying to surreptitiously sneak away, and eeped when Robin clamped down on his shoulder) without once turning his face from Raven's.
"All the plumbers in the US have gone on strike," he said, voice silky. "They want Plumber's Week to be a nationally recognized holiday. Which means that there are no plumbers to call. And there won't be for at least a month. Maybe more."
She frowned. "But this one is just his bathroom. We all have…"
She trailed off. Robin was smiling. With awful, terrible humor.
"He backed up all the bathrooms on this floor, and ruined them," he said grimly, green gauntleted hand tightening on Gar's shoulder, who tugged uncomfortably at his collar. "Because he tried to fix it."
Raven's eyes widened as she absorbed the ramifications. "Then the only bathroom…?"
"Is on the top floor," he confirmed.
"All right," she said, slamming her book shut with a snap. "Let's kill him."
Gar's wail of terror echoed through the Tower.
(And thus ended the teenage superhero, Beast Boy.)
Well… no. But Gar had surely never been closer to his demise. It was twenty minutes later, with both birds still steaming and Beast Boy strung up in the rafters somewhere (straightjacketed in titanium alloy, reinforced with glittering black energy), when the others were informed of the situation.
Starfire (being Starfire) was completely unperturbed by the news, and went to rescue Beastboy. Cyborg, on the other hand, laughed until he almost popped a gasket- being largely unconcerned with normal bathrooms and their base functions, he was at liberty to be amused by their plight.
Robin, having to resume being the Responsible Leader at some point, sighed in resignation, and proclaimed that there would be a Chart.
This Chart would be a foolproof way to make sure that each Titan had their necessary time in the sole functioning bathroom. Each session was carefully slotted, well thought out, and every possible contingency or emergency was taken into account.
(You have, no doubt, heard that saying- you know, that one about the best-laid plans.)
That being said, sometime after midnight Raven opened her eyes from a successful meditation session; finally feeling the first touches of drowsiness. 'Nevermore' had never been more.. cheerful. After addressing a few lingering desires to throttle Beast Boy, and banishing a touch of envy for the carte blanche Star had received from her favorite boutique (reminding herself that any bookstore would know better than allow her free reign) she was ready to wind down.
Yawning, she unclipped her cloak and tossed it with a wave ofblack energy to the hook on the opposite end of her room. Glancing at the ornate clock on the far wall, she saw it was nearly one.
Plenty of privacy, she rationalized. No one would be up at this time of night to discover her.
Nobody knew it, but every once and a while, after an intense meditation session such as she had just enjoyed, Raven indulged herself in a bath.
It was something to do with purging, she thought, as she stripped the leotard away from her slightly sticky skin. After her mind had been cleansed, the body should follow. It was one of the few pleasures she allowed herself, reaching that blissful state of total purification.
Raven exhaled lightly, and retrieved a dark plum towel from her useless bathroom, wrapping it snugly around her bare body. Nights like this, she didn't like changing back into anything (not even the silk nightgown that she'd die before admitting to owning).
Of course, Raven would never walk around the tower in just her towel- even if no one was there (after all, they had security cameras, and even pushing them aside, she just wouldn't)- but there were benefits to her particular set of powers.
Closing her eyes, Raven transformed fully into her energy form, extending silver-edged wings as she phased upwards.
She rematerialized in the bathroom, wisps of energy-smoke dissipating in the bright, steamy air. Raven smiled a little at the theatrical effect- she always liked to show off a little, when she was alone.
Then, the significance of a few already noted facts penetrated her mind. One, the air was bright: the overhead light was on. Two, the air was steamy, meaning that…
Whirling, with horror freezing in her veins, Raven came face to face with the other scantily clad occupant of the bathroom.
Who was staring at her, his jaw hanging practically to the floor- and almost losing his grip on the towel at his waist.
Her first logical thought was of some relief, because this guy was a stranger. Although the situation was horrible- the only cloth covering him was slung far too loosely (and low) around his hips, and his extremely well defined chest was glistening with the moisture in the air, not to mention her state of undress- Raven didn't recognize him.
(Meaning, of course, that she could make his disappearance from planet Earth look like an accident.)
Then- right on cue- the cosmic joke reared its ugly head.
"Raven?" demanded the Male, incredulous.
Upon which she realized that the blue-eyed, long-haired guy in front of her...
...was none other than traffic light and leader extroardinaire, Robin.
(Meaning, of course, that she couldn't kill him after all.)
The expressions that contorted her face defy description, but once she had grasped all the grisly facts, Raven reacted the only way she could. Namely complete, utter ignoring of their mutual state of undress; and very, very violent anger.
"What are you doing here?" she hissed.
The startlingly blue eyed-guy that was Robin seemed to be still flabbergasted. "You're not supposed to be here," he said, blank.
"Neither," she growled venomously, "are you!"
She was not looking at his chest, not looking at the water dripping from his black hair onto his shoulder, definitely not watching when he raised an entirely too well-defined arm to run his hand through his raven locks…
Since when was Robin… appealing? (Not attractive, not-)
"Guess not," he said ruefully, and she had to focus to remember what they'd been talking about. "I figured none of you would be up…you shouldn't phase into the bathroom, Rae."
She flushed with anger again, welcoming the emotion for the first time in her life. "I shouldn't-!" she expostuated, and closed the distance between them to jab him viciously in the chest. "You're the one with the sacred chart, o mighty Leader! You're supposed to be the one following your rules!"
Raven glared up at him, chest rising and falling, and faltered a little at the expression in his sapphire eyes. Her panic multiplied exponentially when she realized how close they were standing. Her empathy, while understandably on the fritz, couldn't help but pick up on the very obvious shift in his state of mind.
Her blush reached all the way down to her collar bones, and she shoved him bodily out of the bathroom. "Get out!" she raged.
Entirely bemused, he allowed his expulsion, and turned around to face her in the doorway. Apparently he had recovered, because he looked down at her with a mischievous grin, laughter dancing in his blue blue eyes, and said cheekily, "That's a nice look for you, Rae."
She slammed the door in his face and collapsed against the cool metal, the sound of his chuckle reaching through the barrier between them. Her peaceful mood completely shattered, Raven drew a hand over her face, and reached Enlightenment.
She was going to kill Beast Boy.
:) Hope you all liked it. I'd appreciate feedback either way.
Also, I'm pretty sure the whole Beast Boy-broke-the-bathroom thing is an already used idea. I've scanned through just about every Robin Raven story in the fandom, and after doing that much reading, plot elements and my own ieas tend to blend together. I may or may not have stolen the aformentioned bathroom thing; if you know for sure, tell me the user, and I'll be happy to give credit where it's due. I'd be very grateful.