This is a script that I wrote for a series of plays my sister and I were going to put on with either her friends or our cousins. The basic idea was to take movies/musicals/books and condense them into a shorter, spoofy summary we could put on as plays. So that's the basic idea. Oh, and we didn't have a massive amount of people to play the parts, so that's the reason for most of the cast shortage thingies. Just so you know.
Signboard goes across the stage reading Paris Opera House: 1881
(Rehearsals are underway for Hannibal. Chaos ensues.)
Old manager: People, people, shut up, please!
People: shut up
O.M.: Good. Now, I have an important announcement to make. I'm finally retiring and escape- uh, reluctantly leaving you all. Here's your new manager, Monsieur Richard Andre Monchar-Firmin. I had planned to hire another manager as well, but he has been assassinated due to cast shortages. Also, here is your new snob, uh, I mean patron. His name is Raoul de Changy. Everyone, have fun, enjoy, and I am outta here!
(O.M. exits hurriedly.)
Raoul: Hi, people! I am totally not here just for the girls, money, and my responsibility as an aristocrat to make periodic public appearances. I actually enjoy the music, really. Now, have a great rehearsal, I have better things to do. Bye!
(Raoul exits.)
Manager: Uh, I have no idea what to do. Rehearse, or something. I'll be watching from that corner.
(Manager retreats to corner, chaos re-ensues, Christine and Meg discuss Raoul.)
Meg: OMG, he's so totally hot!
Christine: (dreamily) Yeah, I know. I think I knew him once, when we were little kids. He gave me a really weird nickname and we played at this beach house when my daddy was still alive. (Suddenly sad. Sniffles.) I miss my daddy! (Bursts into tears.)
Meg: Pats her back. Yes, yes, I know. But he's still so hot!
(Carlotta is throwing a hissy fit. Loudly. Manager walks over.)
Manager: Please, Carlotta, sing! Everyone loves you! I love you!
Carlotta: I know, I know. I am just so irresistible. But no, I will not sing! My costume, it sucks!
Manager: Well, I can fix that! Or better yet, I'll get someone else to fix it! But now, sing! There is a wonderful song for you to mangle in act three!
Carlotta: Fine, fine, I will do as you say, but only to please my loyal fans.
Meg: snickers What fans?
Christine: Smacks her. Meg shuts up.
Carlotta: Sings loudly, in an inhumanly high key, and off-key to boot. Everyone plugs their ears.
Mysterious backdrop: Falls on Carlotta. Everyone resists the urge to throw a party and settles for cheering quietly.
Carlotta: Screeches. That is it! I'm done! I am leaving and I will not come back!
(Carlotta storms off.)
Manager: Oh, snap.
Meg: Christine can sing it! She's awesome and has a mysterious voice teacher!
Madame Giry: Oh, also, the Opera Ghost wants his paycheck.
Manager: His what?
Madame Giry: I'll explain later.
(Christine starts singing. She is amazing. The scene somehow changes to the gala night, where Christine is rocking the stage with her amazingly high voice. Raoul is watching.)
Raoul: Dude, I think I know her! She was that little girl who was stupid enough to lose her scarf in the sea. She's awesome now! Sweet! I think I'll meet her after the performance.
(We are now in some room where Christine and Meg are having a heartfelt chat.)
Meg: Girl, you rocked! Who's your teacher?
Christine: He's the angel my dead father promised to send me! He hides behind my mirror and sings to me!
Meg: Christine, I fear for your sanity.
(Christine smiles crazily.)
(We are now in Christine's dressing room. She is smiling at herself in the mirror when Raoul comes in.)
Raoul: Little Lotte! Remember me?
Christine: Raoul! That seaside holiday was amazing.
Raoul: Yeah, I know. Hey, you were great. Wanna go out for dinner?
Christine: I can't, my angel won't let me. He's very controlling.
Raoul: Oh, who cares about some stupid imaginary angel, let's eat!
Christine: No, he's real! I mean it!
Raoul: Sure, honey. I'll be back in a few minutes while you change into something pretty and possibly revealing.
(Raoul leaves. Christine contemplates her wardrobe.)
Christine: Hmm, what to wear? How about that new translucent dressing gown? Yes, it's perfect!
Angel: WAAA!
Christine: Oh, snap.
Angel: That little wuss better leave you alone if he wishes to remain among the realm of the living!
Christine: (Hysterical and in tears.) No, please don't kill him! I'll never see him again, I promise! And please don't leave me!
Angel: Humph.
Raoul: Bangs on the door. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO'S IN THERE? LET ME IN!
Christine: Angel, come to me!
Raoul: WHAT? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU TALKED TO ANGELS!
Angel: Come to me, Christine. Come to me!
(Christine walks into the mirror toward a masked man in a suit. Her angel. Raoul bursts into the room, but it is too late.)
Phantom and Christine: Begin to head down some dark passageways
Christine: So, where are we going?
Phantom: You'll see...
Awkward silence ensues until they reach a gondola.
Christine: Uh, what's this?
Phantom: A gondola, my angel. I will use it to take you across the lake to my house.
Christine: Cool!
They begin their journey across the lake and the Phantom decides on something to keep him occupied.
Phantom: Sing for me, my angel of music!
Christine: What? Oh, do I really have to go that high? My voice is kind of sore from earlier tonight. Crowd-astounding gala performance and all.
Phantom: Oh. Uh, well, you can just smile and look at me adoringly, then. That will work just fine!
Christine: Okay! Obliges.
(They reach the Phantom's lair. Christine looks around in confusion and slight disturbance.)
Christine: This is where you live?
Phantom: Yes, it is. Do you like it?
Christine: It's kinda damp and dark and musty and a little depressing. Why don't you have a normal house?
Phantom: Oh, that was taken by some other guy who lives around here somewhere. So I have this wonderful lair instead!
Christine: Well, I suppose if you're happy...
Phantom: Splendid! Mind if I seduce you now?
Christine: Sure!
Phantom: Great! He begins to show her around and caress her in random places. Here is the dock where I keep my gondola, here is my pipe organ, here is my model of you in a wedding dress...
Model: Smiles eerily. Suddenly a breeze sweeps past and it moves.
Christine: EEE! Passes out.
Phantom: Ooh, that's not good. Luckily, he catches her in time. He carries her to the gondola and lays her down gently.
(Christine, lying in the gondola, begins to stir, possibly because of the Phantom's obnoxious organ playing.)
Christine: Whoa, where am I? What did I do last night? Oh, wait, now I'm starting to remember. Let's see, there were candles, and a lake, and a boat, and some guy. She wanders out to where the Phantom is visible. Hey, there he is now! Hi, some guy!
Phantom: Too busy composing to notice her.
Christine: Humph. Fine, be like that. Hey, I wonder what's under that mask. It's so...shiny and it's practically begging me to pull it off. Hmm...
(She sneaks up behind the Phantom and reaches for his mask. He still doesn't notice her and pulls away to dip his pen in ink just as she is about to pull off his mask.)
Christine: Grr...
(She tries again, the same thing happens, but the third time is a charm and the mask comes off. The Phantom is rather unattractive, but nothing like THE LIVING CORPSE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE. )
Phantom: AAAAGGGHHHH! NOOOOOO! HOW DARE YOU?!
Christine: (huddled in a corner crying) I'M SORRYYYY! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE UGLY!!
Phantom: (ignoring her apology) YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE NOW THAT YOU HAVE DONE THIS! YOU MUST REMAIN HERE FOREVER WITH ME, MY UGLY FACE, AND MY ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!
Christine: whimpers
Phantom: decides to stop capslocking and goes over to huddle in his own corner and rock back and forth
Christine: Calms down and decides Erik would probably like his mask back sometime soon. She picks it up, goes over to the other corner and drops it in his lap.
Phantom: picks up the mask and puts it on, not doing the stage crawl thing that just looks rather ridiculous. Wipes his nose. Thanks. Great. Oh, I guess it's time to take you back now. Come on.
Part two is the rest of act 1 and will be put up sometime in the next couple of days. I already have the whole thing written, so updates will mostly depend on how much time I have. Review, please!