It was a beautiful day in Vale. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the day was warm but not unpleasantly so. In short, it was a day that did not match Ruby Rose's mood at all.
Ruby found herself wandering aimlessly through Beacon's near-deserted grounds. It was the weekend, so most of the student body had gone to the City of Vale to let off some steam. When her teammates had suggested that they all go together Ruby had told them to go without her on the pretext of an upset stomach.
She was beginning to think that she had made the wrong decision. At first, she had wanted nothing more than to be alone, but now she felt an almost crippling desire to be close to someone. At the same time, she was certain that nobody would want to have anything to do with her.
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, she made a beeline for a path that led away from the main building and hoped that nobody could see her face.
After about five minutes of walking she found herself in front of a stone monument that towered over her. It had to be over ten feet tall and stretched so far that she couldn't see the end of it. As she gazed up at it in wonder, a familiar voice called out to her.
"Miss Rose, I'm surprised to see you here." Ruby gasped and turned around suddenly. Professor Ozpin was standing behind her leaning heavily on his cane. "I would have thought you'd gone to Vale to take your mind off the last few days."
Ruby struggled to catch her breath. "Well, um, I wasn't feeling well" she said hurriedly, not meeting Ozpin's eyes and hoping that he didn't hear the note of panic in her voice. "Yang and the others went but I felt like staying here instead" she continued, her voice rising and sounding frail.
Ozpin smiled. "Why don't you walk with me for a while Miss Rose?" he asked. "I think we can both do with some fresh air and reflection."
His choice of words puzzled her for a moment. Then she noticed something she hadn't seen on the stone monument before. It had what appeared to be a wall of text taller than she was and continuing all along the length of it. At the top was a header that read LEST WE FORGET.
"Professor Ozpin, what is this place? What is that stone thing?" she asked despite the creeping dawn of comprehension.
"This is a cenotaph." Ozpin replied, his voice sounding tired and forlorn. "On this monument are the names of all Beacon students and graduates who have given their lives in the line of duty."
"Oh, really?" She paused. "Do the other academies have one too?" she asked, hoping against hope that her voice sounded neutral.
"Yes they do." replied Ozpin.
"And do they also have the name of everyone who's ever been killed from their school" she asked, her voice noticeably shaking.
"Yes they do." replied Ozpin.
Ruby was silent now; save for her breathing that was rapidly getting shorter. Her thoughts went back to the scene from a few days ago. Penny lying broken on the floor of the arena while Pyrrha knelt in a state of shock, horrified at the loss of control over her Semblance. How long she stayed walking wordlessly with that scene in her mind she did not know. Ozpin broke the silence.
"A penny for your thoughts, Miss Rose." Ozpin said gently.
That was the breaking point. Ruby burst into tears, all concern for who might overhear vanishing in an instant. "Penny…Penny." was all she could manage between sobs. She buried her face in her hands as though trying to make the rest of the world disappear.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. When she looked up, Ozpin was looking at her with concern. He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sorry Miss Rose, that was thoughtless of me." he said. "That was your friend's name, was it not?"
Ruby was so surprised that Ozpin had called Penny a friend, like a real human being, that she stopped crying out of shock. "Yes, her name was Penny, I didn't know her for long but she just wanted to be friends with everyone and protect everyone and…" Ruby's voice built to a crescendo and suddenly stopped.
"She was my friend, but… everyone else says she was just a robot." Ruby's voice was wavering again. "But she had an aura, didn't she? So that means she had a soul, right?"
"I would be lying if I said I had an answer for you." Ozpin replied with a touch of sadness in his voice. "We've come a long way in understanding aura, but how exactly it connects to the soul is a mystery that still eludes us."
"But she was a robot, at least kind of, right? So won't that mean that her dad has a memory backup of her? She'll still be the same if they rebuild her, won't she?" Ruby asked tremulously.
"Again, I cannot say." said Ozpin. "It is possible that she will be the same Penny you knew, but it is equally possible that any slight modification to her aura will cause an unpredictable change to her nature.
"And…and, if she's not the same Penny, then that means that the Penny I knew will be…" she drew a gasping breath "dead?" Ruby was crying again.
"You're asking some tough questions, Miss Rose." Ozpin smiled weakly. "Many, many, many people before you—scholars, philosophers, clerics, and even scientists—have all attempted to define how exactly the soul relates to the self, and how both might be tied to aura. None have managed to find an answer that satisfies everyone."
Ruby glanced at the cenotaph, struck by a thought that she had been trying to suppress, but that the sight of all the names of Beacon graduates lost in action had forcibly placed in the forefront of her mind.
"And they won't put Penny's name on it, will they? The thingy at Atlas Academy I mean." After a long, drawn out breath she continued. "They all think she's just a robot, so they won't put her name with the other Atlas students who were killed. She'll be… my friend will be dead and nobody will know that she ever existed!"
This last realization was too much. Ruby turned to run away like a frightened child. Before she could take a step however, Professor Ozpin had placed his hand on her shoulder once again.
"Miss Rose, I will certainly understand if you want to be alone right now. You've been through a lot in the last few days and it's obvious that it's been weighing on your thoughts as well. However, before you go, I would ask that you hear some thoughts I have on the matter." Ozpin's voice had become sterner with this last sentence. It was obvious that the headmaster would not listen to any arguments.
Ozpin took a breath to steady himself and leaned heavily on his cane. "As to the question of your friend's inclusion on the wall, I cannot say. I have told James —sorry, that's General Ironwood to you—that I would like to see something done to honor her memory, whether that includes a place on the Atlas cenotaph is something I can't answer."
He paused before continuing. "The world at large may not know Penny's story. But you do, Miss Rose. You know what transpired here. You know what a kind and caring soul Penny had even if she did have the body of a robot. And therefore, it falls on your shoulders to tell the world Penny's story. Indeed, if it were not for the stories of those who served with our fallen comrades, many of those lost would be forgotten."
"Um, what do you mean, should I write a book or something?" Ruby asked, trying to make sense of this new directive.
Ozpin smiled. "A noble endeavor for the future perhaps, but may I suggest something a bit more short term? Tell your friends and teammates about her, write to the Vale News Network and tell them this story that, if you'll pardon the expression, puts a human face on this robot from Atlas. Do either of those sound like something you could start with?"
Ruby nodded. She started to stammer out a weak thank you to Ozpin, but before she had gotten a word out, the headmaster was speaking again, this time in a more melancholy voice.
"It never gets easier. Conversations like this I mean. I wish more than anything that we could live in a world where children didn't need to hear this advice." Ozpin sighed heavily and leaned on his cane.
Ruby looked up at the headmaster. Professor Ozpin had always seemed almost otherworldly, as though a mystical being dispensing wisdom from some higher plane. Now, however, he seemed worn down and appeared older than Ruby remembered him.
"Miss Rose, I have a confession to make. It wasn't a coincidence that I met you here. I've been looking for an opportunity to discuss something with you that your father asked of me."
"Something my dad asked of you?" Ruby asked, hoping the conversation wasn't going where she feared it was.
"Yes." For the first time since their meeting, Ozpin broke eye contact with Ruby. "You've been through a lot in these last few days but I must ask you to be brave once again and allow me to inquire about the other deaths you've encountered in your life. You've already been extensively questioned about the circumstances around the death of Pyrrha Nikos, so I won't make you relive that in detail, but your father has brought to my attention that you seem to be having trouble coping with the death of your mother."
Ruby's throat felt like it was being pulled shut from within, as if her body was trying to prevent any sound escaping which might give away her innermost thoughts. "Wha-what do you mean?" she asked in a very choked and raspy voice.
"Taiyang told me that you seem to be speaking in front of your mother's grave as though you expect a response" Ozpin said gently.
"Doesn't everyone? Everyone who has a dead parent, I mean, don't they?" Ruby's voice was getting faster and higher again.
"Please understand that I'm not trying to be cruel Miss Rose, but I think you need to see this." Ozpin pointed at the stone cenotaph to Ruby's back. There, almost dead center in one of the many columns of names was the one belonging to her mother.
Summer Rose
Ruby unconsciously took a step back. She wanted to run, but she knew she couldn't escape the wave of despair that was threatening to take over. She tried to steady her breath, tried to focus her mind on something else, anything else.
It was all for naught, however. Ruby sank to her knees and wept. She cried until no sound could escape any longer, although her tears still flowed so freely that she wondered where they were all being held. Seeing her mother's name as just another name among hundreds who had died had triggered something deep in her subconscious. The grave back on Patch was one thing, but this had made it seem more real somehow. It was as though her mind had finally accepted that she would never see her mother again, that Summer Rose was gone for good.
She knew that this was supposed to be a good thing for the grieving process— that it was supposed to help with the healing— but she didn't feel healed at all. In fact, she thought that her heart would explode. When she had desperately tried to carry on a conversation with that tombstone on Patch, she knew deep down that she had been clinging to the illusion that her family was still whole. That illusion had now been shattered for good. She felt very small in the face of reality. She felt so helpless and weak that she thought the darkness would swallow her whole.
"Miss Rose? Is there anything you'd like to say? Is there anything about your mother's death that you feel you haven't faced?"
In the forefront of her mind, Ruby wanted to say no. She wanted to scream and tell Ozpin to butt out of her life. Despite this, some deeper part of her psyche must have wanted to tell someone, for she was soon telling Professor Ozpin things she had never told her own father or even her sister Yang.
She recounted the last time she saw her mother alive, how Summer had carried her to bed and kissed her goodnight. Her mother had promised that she was going away for a few days but she would return soon. Ruby told Professor Ozpin how happy she had felt knowing that her mother's presence was a given. How she had waited with childlike excitement near the door to the family's small cottage on Patch only to have it turn to despair when a Huntsman whose face and name she could not recall had appeared instead to deliver the news of Summer Rose's death. Her trembling voice gave way to another round of crying as she told of how her father had tried his best to tell Ruby and Yang the news despite barely being able to get out a sentence through his own tears.
When she had finished, Ruby felt emptier than she had ever felt before. She was terrified of what Professor Ozpin must think of her now, how weak she must seem in the eyes of an experienced Huntsman.
She risked looking up. Professor Ozpin's face did not look judging. On the contrary, he was smiling gently and his eyes (or at least what Ruby could see of them behind his glasses) appeared to be misted over with tears.
A long moment of silence passed between them. Ozpin spoke first.
"Thank you for sharing those memories Miss Rose. I know that must have been very painful for you to tell me"
Ruby nodded wordlessly.
"However, it is only by confronting our pain that the process of healing can begin."
"Healing?" Ruby asked "But how can I forget about all these people I've lost? My mom was my whole world and I feel like I knew Pyrrha and Penny for much longer than I did. I don't want them to just disappear." The thought of losing her loved ones all over again threatened to bring her to tears once again.
"Forget about them? On the contrary, a big part of healing the loss of our loved ones and comrades involves remembering their sacrifices."
Ruby blinked. She had always believed that carrying the grief she felt for her mother and now two of her friends was something she would have to live with as long as she lived. What did Professor Ozpin mean by saying that she could be healed of it while still remembering those she'd lost? Before she could ask, Ozpin continued.
"Miss Rose, I've been headmaster at Beacon since before your parents were in their first year. Before that, I was a Huntsman working in the field for many years." He sighed and bowed his head. "I have lost many friends and trusted comrades during that time. This monument has the names of deceased comrades, colleagues, some of my best friends, and even some of my former students."
Ruby didn't know what to say to that. She waited for Ozpin to continue, but he seemed to be waiting for her to speak. She averted her eyes as she clumsily tried to form a response.
"H-how do you stand it? The pain, I mean? When I lost mom I thought that it would kill me, but you've lost so many people how can you keep going?
Ozpin turned away from the cenotaph to look his student in the eye. "I keep going by remembering what it is that those we've lost were fighting for. I know that sounds like a cliché answer, but it really is true. On that note, I do my very best to make sure that I am continuing their legacy."
"What do you mean?" Ruby asked, awestruck by the obvious sincerity in Ozpin's voice.
"I mean that I continue to ask how we can do better in our role as protectors of the people and keepers of the peace. Both to minimize loss of life and to work towards the future that I think we all envisioned when we became Huntsmen or Huntresses in the first place." Ozpin smiled. "We may not ever fully get there, but we must always keep trying and above all; keep moving forward."
"One other thing that we must never lose sight of is that we are not alone in our grief and we must never be afraid to seek solace in our comrades who remain. Indeed, some of those I've lost took their own lives after seeing the horrors of war and feeling isolated from the rest of the world as a result. After coming to terms with their deaths, I swore in front of my comrades' graves that I would never shy away from a fellow Huntsman or Huntress who needed to know that they weren't alone in their suffering. And so I sought you out today, Miss Rose. You've been through a lot for one so young, and I thought that I should offer you what little wisdom I've acquired in my life.
Ruby barely heard his last few words. Her mind was racing with the realization that she hadn't stopped to consider how her family and friends were dealing with the same losses she was. Her father had hardly spoken about her mother since that terrible day so many years ago, and Yang always brushed off any show of concern with a stupid joke and a headlock/noogie combo. How was the rest of team JNPR coping with the loss of their teammate and friend? And what about Penny's father in Atlas? What did he feel as he watched his "daughter" being torn to shreds during the Vytal Festival broadcast? These new thoughts did not diminish Ruby's own grief, but they gave her a new sense of purpose.
Looking Professor Ozpin squarely in the eye with newfound determination, Ruby thanked him for his counsel, promised that she would speak to him again if she needed to talk, and quickly excused herself to track down her teammates and friends.
The rest of the day seemed to pass in a surreal haze. Ruby had found Jaune aimlessly wandering the halls of Beacon and had squeezed him in a one sided embrace while half asking half demanding that he come talk to her if he should ever need to talk about Pyrrha's death or anything else. After getting over his initial shock, Jaune had stammered out a promise to do exactly that. She ran into Ren and Nora about an hour later and had done the same thing. Ren simply nodded stoically while Nora had hugged her so tightly that Ruby thought her bones would break.
Next, while she waited for her teammates to return, she began writing a letter to her father (she couldn't send a video message with the CCT down). She wrote how much she loved him and appreciated everything he did for her and her sister. She wrote of her conversation with Ozpin, and stressed that she was doing everything she could to honor the memory of her mother through actions and not just words. She expressed her regret for not asking her father how he was coping with the loss of his significant other and made it clear that she would do everything she could to support him through any tough times the way he always had for his daughters.
When her teammates returned to their dormitory, Ruby told them to that they could always talk to her about anything that had happened on or off the battlefield. Yang tried to brush off Ruby's show of concern as she usually did, but Ruby went against the usual pattern by interrupting Yang's pithy comment and insisting that she didn't want to just hear that things were okay when they clearly weren't. Yang had been shocked by Ruby's uncharacteristic assertiveness, but had said that she would talk about the trauma of losing her arm when she'd had more time to collect her thoughts. Weiss and Blake seemed receptive to the idea but had echoed Yang's statement about needing more time to process the events of the battle several days ago. After that, Ruby had left the room to avoid the long awkward silence after expressing such personal fears to others.
Ruby did not return to the dormitory until after her three teammates had already gone to bed. She couldn't sleep because she still felt that she needed to do something in honor of her friend Penny. Despite Ozpin's suggestions from earlier, the prospect of reaching out to Vale News Network seemed daunting and Ruby didn't know if she could bring herself to speak in public about something so personal. After what felt like an eternity of lying awake in bed, Ruby remembered something her uncle Qrow had said during his last visit.
Keep moving forward.
Keep moving forward. That was right; it didn't matter if she didn't have a perfect solution now as long as she just did something. With those three simple words in her mind, Ruby got up from bed and grabbed a pen and some scrap paper. Quietly exiting the dorm, she sat down in the hallway and began writing anything that came to mind about Penny. She smiled as she remembered the way Penny would always say "Salutations" instead of "Hello" and how she would always greet Ruby with an excitement that suggested they hadn't seen each other in years. A single tear leaked out of her eye as she remembered Penny dancing at the school dance with the Atlas soldiers in attendance trying and failing to maintain their serious façade.
When she had finished writing down everything she could remember about her departed friend, Ruby snuck back into the dorm room and collapsed back into bed. Her last thought before sleep took over was of those she had lost in her life. This time however, instead of weeping over their loss, she smiled at all the happy memories they had left her with.