Unable to Leave.
''It's not up to you to save me, Jack.''
Jack stroked his thumb over her skin. It was soft to touch. He was in too deep with her and telling her such things he knew he was at risk. Rose raised her white gloved hand to touch his. It lingered as she searched his face. He was offering her a way out. One she had never had before. He was serious; she could see so in his face.
''You're right. Only you can do that.''
His voice was etched with hopefulness. She grasped his hand tighter. His closeness left her paralysed to the spot. He had such an effect on her it was frightening.
She couldn't breathe; his face was an inch or so from hers. If she stayed any longer, the tension would grow stronger. She had to stick to her word. Her eyes met his, glancing to his lips and then back. Her stomach sank.
''I think you should leave.''
He swallowed harshly; he loosened his grip on her delicate hand. He sighed, running his right hand through his hair. He bit his lip as he watched her lower her lashes. She couldn't even look at him. Why did it feel as though she was forcing herself to do this?
''Rose?''
''No!'' She sharply lifted her face to his. ''Jack, you no longer have a right to be here. You hold a third-class ticket, you must leave!''
She removed her hand from his and moved her body away. She was still leaning against the window. She glanced away, concentrating on the leather strap of the electric camel. She heard his breathing slow and he stepped back. Her body quivered beneath the dress and gloves. She was thankful for the full frills to hide such things.
He saw her chest rise and fall. He knew she felt something, her eyes had glazed over. He took another step back and as he went for the door, he felt as though he couldn't leave. The comments which she had made, he knew, were forced out of her mouth in an attempt to make him want to go away from her. She was trying so hard to not meet his gaze.
''Jack, leave!'' She cried, her voice echoing around the gymnasium. He squeezed his eyes closed as he pulled the door open and left. The breeze out on the deck hit his face but it didn't awaken him. His stolen coat moved as a trail behind him. He headed in the direction Rose had been walking in. He could feel with each step which he took that he was been dragged back. He felt as though he was carrying the weight of the ship around his ankles. There was something about Rose, she was pretentious and almost ignorant to him, even more so than the night they had first met. She had become a different person. A woman he knew he was trapped in a very secure space, she had to be released, to be free. He had tasted her world and she his. In his, she had blossomed and had shown her true self, he wondered if she even knew who that was. He had seen the spark there and all he wanted to do was ignite it. She was being difficult and too stubborn, an act he would have possibly bought if he hadn't grown to know her well.
He glanced out at the sea and the blue skies and he remembered how the dusk before she had told him her dreams. To run away from her life and live poor but free. He stopped in his tracks as he spied Hockley; he was around fifteen feet in front of him, Rose's mother Ruth was dangling from his arm. Cal wore a grey suit, a smart top hat as he led his soon to be mother-in-law down the deck. They had continued their tour with Thomas Andrews. Rose wasn't even a second thought, or would they keep up pretence until Rose re-joined them. He tried to picture Rose in that world but he couldn't.
They had a hold over her life and when she was left alone, Jack had seen her soar. Her eyes had become alive; her imagination had taken them to the pier in Santa Monica. Playing along had been easy, the truth was, he wanted her to experience these things. He realised he'd give his last ten bucks to see her so luminously alive again. Then, she had danced in his arms, hesitantly at first and then with growing confidence she had relaxed. Her body had become fluid and he had led her around the floor until after midnight. As he escorted her back to first class she had become giddy, joining his in song but as the first-class entrance had loomed her mood had disappeared.
He hadn't wanted her to leave. This woman he had known merely 24 hours and yet he knew her so well. Spotting a shooting star had ensured their bodies had skin to skin contact.
'What would you wish for?''
''Something I can't have.''
Jack realised his feet were glued to the deck; his body wouldn't allow him to move any further forward.
He had spent the whole night combing over fine details of the evening whilst he lay in his bunk. Sleep refused to come to him while his mind was so heavy with thoughts of her. She was intoxicating, simply been so close to her made him feel a rush of things he never had before and partly that was why he didn't want to just allow her to walk away. The sheer thought of kissing her had nagged at him until it was too late. He had woken that morning with a plan and he was adamant that Tommy would not talk him out of it. The adrenaline which had rushed through him in that moment had been the most powerful he had ever felt. He would tell Rose how he felt about her. Even if he could only help her to escape the confines of first class, then that would be fine with him. He knew in his heart that they would never have a future, but then, he knew that she too wrestled with the same spark which he felt.
Tommy had only tried to protect his friends' feelings but Jack would have none of it. He wore his heart on his sleeve and if that heart was going to ache afterward then so be it. He needed to be honest with her.
The trail of what he would say was strong in his mind. Even been thrown from the church service had not deterred him. In fact, he had made him even more determined. The obstacles which were been thrown at him would only make him more desperate to see her. She was so out of reach but he would reach out to her, he knew it.
Her behaviour the night before had not been that of an upper class lady, or of a woman engaged to be married. The ring on her finger had meant nothing even he had seen through the initial pretence. Although at first he had trodden carefully, he knew he had no reason to. She had opened herself up to him and shared her thoughts and feelings. The feelings she had never told a soul.
She had glimpsed into his world and he into hers. He wanted to take her away from that. The stuffiness of the dinner was enough to make him never want to set foot in that world again. Even now as he stood, his mind ablaze with a million thoughts.
He could feel the adrenaline which had once kept him driven to the point of madness now turn to nerves. He didn't fear doing the wrong thing for he knew he had to tell her how he felt. He simply feared rejection. She wouldn't run away with him that was a stupid idiotic dream. He wanted to see her safe that was the main thing. He wanted her to accept him help to escape the chains of upper class. The previous night had been spent laying the foundation of a great friendship but he couldn't help but think there could be more. The last moment before she had gone back into her world was that she wanted 'something which she couldn't have.' He needed to know what that was. That was the main thing which had niggled at him through the night and into the early morning.
He turned on his heel, his fast paced walk back to the gym was determined. He knew something was wrong and that pushing him away had been the easy way out for her. He couldn't allow her to slip through his fingers, not without a damn fight.
Cal suppressed her; all Jack wanted was for her to be happy. He pushed passed passengers and not even acknowledging their presence. He could feel his heart quickening. He licked his lips as he came face to face with the gym door; he yanked it open and found it empty except for Rose who was stood, calming her breathing in the same spot where he had left her. A tear track visible on her cheek. Her un-gloved hand was pressed to her stomach. Their eyes locked for a brief second.
''Jack? What are you-''
There was so much between them. It was like an electric buzz growing louder and louder and getting stronger and stronger until it was deafening to them. They didn't know if it would go away or if it would continue. The only way it grew weaker was when they stepped closer to each other. She came towards him just once, a small and hesitant step. She no longer cared why he had come back, all that mattered was that he had.
He slammed the door closed and came to her. She was so lost in his face, those eyes that she trusted so much. His heartbeat grew stronger and quicker. He threw caution to the wind and placed his left hand on the flat of her face, she closed her eyes for just a second to take in the moment. He stroked it against her soft skin, she felt the flutters, the beautiful feeling which she knew she would only ever have with Jack.
He leaned forward ever so slightly, so that their lips came into contact for just the briefest few moments. Rose felt her heart flutter and all of her nerves seemed to disappear. She was experiencing emotions she had never felt before. Gently, Jack took her right hand in his left and moved forward once again. He kissed her again with more passion than the first time. She could feel his warmth next to her, but yet she still shivered. The outside world seemed to disappear. It was just them now. No more words were needed to express what each felt towards the other. Rose felt as though there was no air. She was dizzy. She struggled and time stood still. This was the moment which she played over and over in her head and yet she hadn't managed to prepare herself enough for what would happen.
''I am incapable of just walking out of here and leaving you alone.'' He whispered breathlessly, as he leant forward to kiss her. This time it wasn't soft it was hungrier but still so welcome. They had both held back for so long. Their hands entwined and touched each other. He clutched her to him tightly, needing to feel his body press so firmly against hers. She leant against him, feeling her body ache for him so much. She was so intoxicated that she couldn't stop and they didn't care who saw. They both needed to relive the tension which had built up between them. His tongue massaged hers so strongly that she felt the strength. They pulled each other so closely as though their lives depended on it. The passion which had exploded was immense and she felt the need to feel his naked torso pressed so tightly against her own. She could hear his breathe, the raggedness and the struggle which he had kept up for so long. She had her own struggle but now she felt the unhappiness drain away from her body and it was replaced by a strong need to be with Jack, an almost animal longing which only grew stronger.
She pushed him away for a moment with her right hand on his chest. She needed to just get her bearings...he was so overwhelming and intoxicating.
''I am weak, Jack. I thought I could leave you alone. Mother told me to do so...''
He touched her face with his palm and then he spoke to her with such sincerity her legs almost buckled. ''I fought and I lost. I can accept that.'' He kissed her forehead. ''I have felt guilty, Rose. But I have no right to feel guilty.''
''I belong to another man.'' She whispered. ''I am promised to Cal who I don't love nor will I ever.'' She became lost in Jack once more. ''He saw us dancing last night Jack…he warned me to stay away from you.''
Jack's stomach sank.
She ached for him again and this time it was her who crushed her body to his and her lips against his. He could feel himself losing control even more and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. She fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before. Cal wasn't half as passionate and she knew in that moment that she could never go back to him. Jack was the person who she felt addicted to.
Jack pressed his forehead against hers. ''I cannot leave you alone.''
She squeezed her eyes closed for the briefest moment. ''Please don't. I am sorry, I tried to fight it, but I just can't.''
He stroked his fingers through her hair and her head fell into his chest as he embraced her. In that moment, he knew he was falling, if he
''We'll figure something out. It'll be all right.''