Title: Fallen
Author: Oswald-Girl
Characters: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson
Time: Beginning in Never Been Kissed
Genre: Angst
Rating: T, for language
Warning: This is rather anti-Blaine. Don't hate me for it; he is actually one of my favorite characters.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Fallen
You found me at my weakest moment. I had never felt so helpless, and then you waltzed right on into my life and gave me hope. You gave me a second chance and the courage I needed to make the most of it.
I had never really needed anyone. I grew up quickly after I lost my mother, learning to take care of myself on my own. I started to hide things from my dad. I did not tell him about the bullies. I never wanted him to see me like you did, so pathetic and low. I made sure I could survive without anyone's help. I shut people out if they came too close. I would become distant in hopes that they would take a hint. But somehow, I could not do that with you.
You were the image of everything I wished I could be. Calm and confident. Safe. Something about you screamed at me to trust you, to open up and let you know what was really going on in my messed up little world. So I did. I bet you thought it was all just so goddamn funny, didn't you?
You played along. I started to depend on you. And that sure as hell scared me. I had not needed anyone in so long I had forgotten what it felt like. All I knew was that, suddenly, you were there, and you wanted to help me. I did not know why you did, but to be perfectly honest, I needed you so desperately I stopped caring.
You became the center of my universe. You were all I could think about during the day and you occupied my dreams at night. It was as if I were seeing the sun for the first time. Where there had been only darkness before, suddenly there was you.
I called you late at night, often in tears. I would tell you about whatever was bothering me, be it bullies or otherwise. You would listen and offer me soothing words that meant everything to me. You gave me a distraction when I most needed it. You comforted me in my darkest moments. You even drove all the way to Lima just to talk to a bully for me. Everything you did for me seemed so genuine, so loving. Every time you aided me in my struggles, I sunk deeper into your trap.
What a fool I was. I played right into your twisted little game. You know, I thought for the first time, there was someone out there who actually cared enough about me to spare me a second thought. No one ever had before. You have no idea what that feels like, do you? To be so worthless in the eyes of others that you eventually start to believe you actually are worthless.
And then I made my next mistake: I fell in love with you. How could I not? There you were, the very picture of perfection and goodness. You cared. You befriended me. You picked me up off the ground and showed me what happiness was like. You were all I had ever wished for. And you know what? I may have been stupid enough to think you may have felt the same way about me.
But you didn't. I know that now. All I ever was to you was a game. When you were done with me you walked right over me and left. You tossed me aside like yesterday's newspaper. You fed me some stupid lie about how much you cared for me and I believed it. I would like to say you were just that damn convincing, but you really weren't. If I'm being honest with myself, I know you could never have succeeded if I had not been so willing to follow you blindly into the darkness.
And here I am again, crawling back to you with my problems. Even when you are the cause of them, I still come running to you for help. Am I really that dependent upon you that I no longer know how to deal with my troubles without your help? Don't answer that. I already know I am.
And yet, I just cannot seem to let go. You showed me something I had never seen before. And that is not something I can just forget, no matter how much I want to. Every time I see you now, I am reminded of all those sweet lies you told me, and it makes me furious. I want nothing more than to scream at you until you understand exactly what you did to me. I know it would be futile; you already know what you have done. It just makes you stronger, you feed off my weakness, you survive off the pain of others, but you never have to suffer the consequences. I will pay the price, and you will get off free.
Seeing you crushes me. You are so unaffected and I am so frail in comparison. But no matter how much I want to hate you after all of this, I cannot. Because you hold this power over me and all you have to do is smile at me in a way that I know is just another one of your stupid illusions, and yet I melt every damn time.
God, it sounds so stupid in hindsight. You never cared. It was all just a fucking game to you, wasn't it? I was just so damn lonely that I played right into it. I had been on my own for so long I was ready to jump at the first sight of something that seemed like a friend.
So have a nice life with Rachel, or Jeremiah, or whoever the hell you want. I'm done with you.