A Gintama x Harry Potter Fanfic by AncientArchive
Hello there dear readers. I am a huge fan of Gintama and have a manic infatuation of Harry Potter crossovers. Since there is a serious lack of Gintama fanfics of any sort out there on the internet, I decided to contribute one of my own. English is not really my thing and this story is most definitely unbetaed (mostly because I don't actually know how to find one), I beg all of you out there to help me. Just contact me at blueesj to give my story a try!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or Harry Potter. They belong to Hideaki Sorachi and JK Rowling respectively. It doesn't stop me from dreaming myself as a cliche Mary Sue who suddenly found herself in an alternate universe though.
Chapter 1: On One Side, There Lived A 'Useless' Yet Eccentric Man
It was a world of blood red. Rocks, which he knew in his mind, that were supposed to be an earthy brown was merely a darker shade of red- like that of dried blood crusted over the rough and uneven surfaces. Trees were a lighter, warmer shade of red, like that of an evening sun, not that there were many. It was a barren land, the place that he stood in, with open emptiness, vacant space and a never ending view of the sandy maroon ground.
He ignored his surroundings for a moment and solemnly tilted his head up to the sky which used to be a happier shade of blue. A wince immediately formed when he realized, with an awful sinking feeling in his stomach that not only was it the familiar spectre of red, the red that he spilled in gallons during the Joui War, it was also drizzling blood. Instantaneously, the smell of iron blasted the senses in his nose, the acidic odour burning deep within the cavity of his lungs.
His hand reached up to cover his nose but the smell managed to sneak in between the minute spaces between his fingers. The smell was intense, much more than he remembered it to be. Or maybe it had been such a long time since he had been in a true battlefield that he became mellow and had forgotten the intensity of the repulsive stench. He could taste the coppery tang in the air, only to be amalgamated with the acidic burning of his throat when his stomach convulsed heavily. The constant shades of red swirled around him, different hues of the colour mixing in whirlpools and tornadoes and the edges of his vision tinted with the comforting black.
It did not come to his attention when the universe was not only red but much tilted to a fault. However, when he felt his right shoulder painfully collide with gravel and sharp rocks of the red soil, the relief was tremendously overwhelming. It was not a quick switch from red to black but a slow fade out of consciousness to a murky black, and the last thing he saw, dark red and beaded with black, was a skull leering back at him with haunted holes and a disturbing smile. He fell into the ocean of unawareness, his heart freezing with pure, unadulterated fear.
It was not often that the nightmares came back to trouble his sleep. He prided himself for being seemingly uncaring about the past, no matter how painful it was. Everything present was important and the past, as valuable as they were in teaching him countless lessons, were hindrances that set him back emotionally and mentally. He did not need to remember the blood nor the bodies nor the numerous faces of agony and desperation of both his important allies and enemies, and neither did he want to. The last time he was struck by those horrible memories was when Kagura and Shinpachi were kidnapped by the Harusame Green bastard, whose name he could not remember, but he did know there was a pig inserted somewhere within the arc. That was a truly stressful time that opened his eyes to some things (like how necessary the two teenagers were in his lifetime or how annoying they really are) and it worried him a great deal that this could be the worst omen.
Was lightning going to strike him if he went out wearing his usual outfit? Was Ketsuno Ana going to start working in America because the Yakiniku here was not of her standard? Was Shonen Jump going to stop? The thought of someone dying played in his head but he quickly tossed that to the back of his mind, buried deep within trashier thoughts, with a speed of an ace baseball.
"Calm down, Gintoki. You're a bit too old to wet your bed just from one stupid dream," he murmured to himself. The sun was up and Kagura was probably up and about on her morning exercises with that boyfriend of hers, but he kept it low just in case Shinpachi had already arrived. When he could feel the thumping of blood in his ears slowing down to a comfortable rate, he swept his slightly trembling fingers through his sweaty hair and let out an exasperated sigh. "Stupid dream."
He glanced at the clock and it was a second later that the Justaway figurine started vibrating as it rang shrilly throughout the quiet house. An impulse to throw away the bloody efficient alarm clock coursed through him but he deemed it no attention. Alarm clocks nowadays were getting a bit expensive. Either way, they had a job today. He has a total of thirty minutes to cook breakfast and bathe before Kagura come back all sweaty from her morning workout, demanding food loudly like the bratty annoying child she was.
Groaning from the strain of his tense muscles, he slowly stood up and staggered drunkenly, swaying from side to side as if dancing in the moonlight, in the bathroom to get a quick shower. Then, he whipped up a quick, simple breakfast just in time for the Yato girl to enter the house, the wooden door slamming shut behind her with excessive strength.
"Gin-chan, I'm hungry!" Kagura's sweaty face popped up beside the door of the kitchen, her white cheeks red and panting slightly from the exercise. "It's not wise to keep a child starving! Or else we wouldn't be able to grow and I'll blame it on you-aru!"
He rolled his eyes visibly at her, blatantly showing of his satire. "Stupid child. No way am I going to allow you to eat all sweaty and disgusting. I can smell your stench from here. It's like going to the gym after forty bulky men did a three hour workout without ventilation. Go and bathe first before I eat everything all by myself." He pinched a morsel of fish with his fingers and made a show of swallowing it loudly before sneering at her. "Well, what are you waiting for?"
She gasped as if unbelieving that he could ever do such a cruel thing to her, before it struck her like a lightning bolt that yes, that was exactly what sadists usually do. In a blink of his eyes, the China girl zoomed from the kitchen doorway, out of his sight and into the bathroom for one of the fastest showers in the history of mankind.
"Good morning!" came the cheerful voice which he easily identified it as Shinpachi. He did not bother to reply but the muffled voice of Kagura shouting "Morning, four-eyes" was quite audible. He tried to take as many plates in one hand because making two trips would be a pain but the bowls of rice were wobbling dangerously. It seemed as if he did have to make the second trip. On second thought...
"Oi, Shinpachi, help me take the remaining plates from the kitchen!" He commanded as he walked into the living room with three plates of fried fish and rice balanced hazardously within his grasp. As he walked cautiously through the room like a circus person walking across a tightrope, he looked in his peripheral view of Shinpachi sighing but willingly going to the kitchen.
As he put down the big breakfast meal, the slam of the bathroom door colliding harshly with the wall resounded again. "Woo ho! A heavy breakfast-aru!" A red flash raced past him, sat down and started to gulp down spoonfuls of rice seemingly without chewing anything.
"Kagura-chan, at least wait for us to put down all the plates first before eating," Shinpachi nagged as he stepped into the living room with a bowl of soup and boiled eggs. "And how in the world do you eat without chewing? How are you not choking right now? Where's your gag reflex?"
The girl peered up over the side of her bowl and deadpanned, "Shut up. A real woman has none of that- aru."
"That's not actually a good thing, is it!"
"Ah, leave the beast alone, Shinpachi," Gintoki coolly said as he began digging into the food as well. "As long as she eats like a starved man, I'm pretty sure we have nothing to worry about. No men would go after her."
Kagura scowled but casually replied, "And I'm sure your swordsman skills are useless because you don't have any women to show off your sword down there."
"Huh?! What are you thinking talking like that to your betters, you bratty China girl?"
"Betters? As if you consider as one, you useless old man!"
"Just because I have silver hair does not mean I'm old! I'm 26. Old is what you call your father, or the old hag downstairs, or the insane mechanic, or the stupid captain of the Shinsengumi!" By then, the bowls have laid forgotten on the table as the verbal fight got more intense. Gintoki was pointing his chopsticks at Kagura opposite him while she had one foot on the table, fully prepared to launch at him once he toed the line.
"God, you two," Shinpachi grumbled, "It's only 10 in the morning. Can you leave the fighting until the afternoon? The neighbours have been complaining lately. And why is Kondo-san considered old? He's only 30 this year."
The other two rarely listened to him but he was utterly grateful when they did. Scrunching their face in disgust at each other, they slowly settled down. "No, he's old because he had already passed his mid-life crisis a long time ago. He's past that stage by now. He's on a whole new adventure to discover his senior citizen life. The one where senior citizens always do as they please because no one has authority over them, you know? He's like that now, isn't he, completely neglecting his duties just to stalk that gorilla sister of yours."
"Then Sa-Chan-san is old too, isn't she?" Kagura asked thoughtfully, their previous spite totally reconciled in the matter of seconds.
"That crazy ninja? No, she's young but insane. Somebody get me the mental hospital number so they can bring her in. She'd probably love it anyway; the straitjacket would make her truly happy there. It'd be like a five-star resort in the Maldives to her."
Before Shinpachi could reluctantly agree to that, the doorbell rang, instantly gaining everyone's attention. They snapped their head so quickly in the direction of the door that they neck cracked and to their immense glee, a tall shadow of a man could be seen through the rice-papered door. Evidently, they brought their own sweet time to answer the door because the man outside made a move to push the doorbell once more, the melodious sound that rang 'money' and 'food' inside their head chimed throughout the house.
"Answer it, Shinpachi!" Gintoki ordered, quickly gulping mouthfuls of food before grabbing his empty bowl and plates to the sink in the kitchen. "Quick, Kagura, finish Shinpachi's share for him!"
"Woo ho!" Kagura cheered and engulfed everything down before Shinpachi had any time to disagree. "Thanks for the food, Shinpachi!"
After that, she grabbed everything else left on the table and swept them to the sink. At the same time, Gintoki came running back with a wet towel and scrubbed the dirty mug stains away. It seemed as if their customer had arrived earlier than he had anticipated. Looking at the clock, he chastised himself. No, the customer was right on time, even down to the last minute.
"Shinpachi!" Gintoki hissed as he settled on the chair behind the table to look representable. Nervously, he attempted to smooth out the curls on his head. This customer was extremely important. Considering that they have done nothing but free jobs for the past month, money was running extremely low for them. It was only a matter of time for Tama to come booming down the door, demanding the rent. "Door! Now! Kagura, Sadaharu, prepare tea!"
"How does a dog prepare tea-aru?"
"Who cares? Just do it!"
The door opening was as clear as a fart in a silent library. From where he sat, he could hear Shinpachi apologizing profusely for answering the door late and asking the client to enter, the client slowly slipping his shoes off and the soft tapping of feet until a man appeared in the front room. The client was about fifty, his hair a shocking mix of grey and white. The corners of his eyes were crinkled with crow's feet yet his brown eyes looked youthful and filled with kindness and hidden behind thick rimmed glasses. He was tall, towering even over Gintoki, easily reaching around 180cm or so. Despite his old age and his vulnerable physical appearance, it was obvious that he stayed fit. The dark blue suit that he wore was fit cutting and showed the lines of muscular calves and thick biceps. To Gintoki, he looked more of a ninja librarian than an archaeologist, which he said over the phone, was supposedly his work.
"Ah, Koiishiro-san, I deeply apologise for the delay," he stood up and nodded his head politely.
Koiishiro Takeshi smiled warmly back at him, his eyes suddenly disappearing to thin curved slits. "No matter, Sakata-san. I understand from the lovely bar woman downstairs that you are not much of an early-riser."
He felt his cheeks flush red and hot from embarrassment and hastily stood up to change the subject. "Please sit, Koiishiro-san," he said civilly, gesturing to the sofa. He, too, manoeuvred around the table and sat down on the sofa beside Shinpachi and opposite Koiishiro.
"Tea, Client-san?" Kagura asked, she and her dog walking out of the kitchen, the tray with a four steaming cups of green tea balanced precariously on Sadaharu's nose, as if a circus show. Gintoki felt his heart freeze, anxious that the dog would tumble the tray but thankfully enough, the dog managed to steadily place the tray on the table. Even better was that the client seemed overjoyed at the 'wonderful skills' the gigantic dog had.
"Thank you, young lady," the man said and took a gentle sip from the steaming cup. Kagura smiled, pleased that she was referred to a young lady than the usual 'beast' or 'China girl' and plopped down beside Gintoki so that the man was sandwiched by the other two. Sadaharu obediently lay down near her feet.
"Well, to introduce ourselves, I am Sakata Gintoki, and this are my associates, Shimura Shinpachi," the boy bowed his head courteously, "and Kagura," she smiled wildly at him. "You said yesterday, over the phone, that you need some help with a certain artefact?"
"Ah yes," the professor nodded his head enthusiastically and began digging furiously in the haversack that he brought along. It did not take long for him to produce a thick book, clearly a few centuries old. The top was covered with moldy leather, the spine patterned with parallel lines and the pages brown and dry. "This is a book that I found during one of my digs. I found it in an abandoned village. It is almost a hundred years old, dating back to the 1700s. Nowadays, it's hardly uncommon to find an English book in a Japanese village, taking the trade routes, but I am to believe that there is more to this book than face-value.
"Regrettably, it seemed as if it is not only me who thinks so. I made a grave mistake of not checking my expedition team thoroughly enough before deploying them to the site. More and more robbers are beginning to disguise themselves as archaeologists as a chance to steal these valuable artefacts away. A simple pot on the black market could easily fetch about a 10 million yen.
"One of my trusted assistants turned out to be one of those cruel robbers. He was with me when I found it and obviously knew the true value of it as well as I do. In the middle of the night, he tried to snatch it away from me, along with many other valuable relics. We could not stop him. The only thing I could rip from his clutches was this book. Everything else was taken away."
"Neh, neh, Gin-chan, if we get the book, can we sell it away? It looks as if it would pay more than his measly sum," Kagura whispered to Gintoki, her usually loud voice softened just enough for Shinpachi to hear.
Being the straight man he always was, Shinpachi whipped his head around and whispered furiously back," Stop it, Kagura! That's basically stealing it already! Right, Gin-san?"
"That sounds like a good idea, Kagura!" Gintoki gave her a thumbs-up. "Sometimes, your brain does have some use after all!"
"While yours apparently don't!" Shinpachi snapped. "What's wrong with you and your morality?"
Gintoki turned to look at him and with the straightest face, he said nonchalantly, "Morality? Don't joke with me, Pachie. I have none."
"Clearly!"
"Sorry? Excuse me for interrupting but can I finish my story first before the three of you continue on with your discussions?" Koiishiro-san sheepishly asked.
Feeling ashamed for blatantly ignoring the client, Shinpachi apologised and urged him to go on.
"As I was saying, my assistant actually belongs to one of the Yakuza groups. I do not recognize the name of that group but I can vividly remember the tattoo on his right cheek. It's a tattoo of a sun with a two-fold tomoe within it."
"Your assistant must have returned right?" Shinpachi guessed, "Or else you would have gone over to the police instead of us."
Koiishiro nodded his head wearily. "You are right. Whichever gang he came from, this book must be very important to him. After running away with easily over 10 billion yen worth of relics, coming back merely for this book would be outrageous. That was exactly what I thought until one night, when we were packing up to return to the university, all the guards on duty were killed by a group of assailants. There was little ruckus and many of us were still asleep. If it was not for one brave guard who fought to ring the alarm bell, I would not be here and neither would this book. Once everyone was awake, the attackers speedily escaped. There was absolutely no artefact for us to bring back from that expedition except for this book. This was their target."
They nodded their head in unison, the younger two totally engaged in with the story.
"I kept it with me at all times but I am afraid that the book is still in much danger. I have a friend in Kabukicho who highly recommended you to help me guard this book , at least until I am assured it is safe for me to look through it. He said there was no one stronger than you here, and if there was someone who is capable of going against a Yakuza gang, it would most definitely be you. All I need is two weeks to run the necessary security detail. I'm willing to pay 600000 yen for it, 100000 yen as deposit and the remainder at the end of two weeks. Is that all right with you?"
Truthfully speaking, Gintoki's mind was already off track from the current conversation and was focused mostly on the chocolate parfait that was in the fridge. He caught little bits here and there which he quickly considered it as unimportant, absolutely sure that his handy Shinpachi would be more than enough as a notepad for information. Still, at the mention of the, quite frankly, a massive sum that Koiishiro was willing to pay, his mind had snapped back to the right lane. The three's eyes widened comically and their jaws hung loose like a door swinging open on its hinges.
Seeing their rather astounded expression, the old man chuckled wearily but with good humour. "I realize it's a very significant amount of money, even more than what CEOs would normally pay per job request. Nonetheless, this is just to show how important this book is to me. My assistant wants it, his gang wants it and I need to know why. Something as mysterious and baffling as this puzzle... It would kill me to know I lived to pass this opportunity up."
He could not be bothered about how the man was obsessed about puzzles or not. Right now, the only thing he cared was the money and the cartons of strawberry milk he could buy without feeling the slightest tinge of guilt. "Of course we'd do it, Koiishiro-san! We, the Yorozuya, have never failed a job in the two years we'd been running! Just leave everything to us!" He gave a thumbs-up for good measure, and an overly stretched smile that probably looked exaggerated.
"That's right-aru! I am a Yato and I would beat anyone who comes between me and my Sukonbu!" Kagura piped up, looking pumped about the idea of injuring someone. Sadaharu barked enthusiastically, his tail wagging more furiously than before. If the plastic smile on Gintoki's face could not convince the client to believe in them, the fact that Kagura had destroyed the corner of the table in her giddiness was more than enough to prove their capabilities.
Koiishiro-san looked startled as the wood splintered to many tiny pieces before his eyes. Some even managed to pierce the poor girl's foot but she barely acknowledged the pain. It was obvious that she was a Yato. Although it was rare for someone as volatile as the Yato clan to tolerate staying with humans for long, much less two years. The other two were Samurais and while he had been traipsing across Siam at that time, even he had heard about the Samurais' relentless spirit. "Good. This," he handed the book to Gintoki, feeling a reluctance tugging at every corner of his old heart, "is the book and this is the 100000 yen I promise you. I would be back in two weeks. If I am not..." He shook his head tiredly. "I will call you."
The book within his grasp was heavier than it looked and very old. There was no name on the book, but the leather skin to bind and protect the book from water or mildew. It was dusty and smelled odd and it was still unbelievable that this book was worth over a million yen. He roughly opened the book, ignoring the flinch from the client with an experienced mind, and was only more unimpressed when he realised that absolutely everything was in English. The envelope containing the thick stack of money was, undoubtedly, of more interest. "Sure. The office number would always be in use."
"One more question, the assistant of yours, how does he look like? Other than the tattoo you described." See, this was why Shinpachi had always been handy to have around. He had the aptitude to ask all the correct questions. Gintoki couldn't even remember an assistant somewhere in Koiishiro's story.
"Oh, I have forgotten about him! Thank you, Shimura-san, for reminding me. I have a picture of him..." He shuffled around his bag for a minute and finally successfully pulled the photo out. Shinpachi reached out with both hands to get it. "My assistant is Sumakiri Ryuunosuke. I have his application form somewhere... He's tall, much taller than me and very muscular. That was the reason why I accepted him into the expedition crew. Muscles like his are very useful for lifting and within that limited time span, his help was crucial. The fact that he is an extremely intelligent man contributed to my decision too, though I would certainly call it shrewdness than cleverness after all that had happened."
Gintoki merely nodded his head, humming in agreement to god knows what as his eyes practically worshipped the envelope in his right hand. Shinpachi nodded in full awareness of the situation, being the only one of the three that really knew the entire story.
"What happened?" Kagura questioned and Shinpachi fought a battle against the urge to slam his head repeatedly on the damaged table. The client looked at her, his eyes wide with concern and uncertainty about their capabilities. She, on the other hand, was indifferently digging her nose with a picky finger.
Knowing full well that the only person who had listened was the glasses wearing boy, Koiishiro tilted to Kagura and said with the slightest bit of desperation tinted in his voice, "Do I honestly have to repeat the last few hundred words in many paragraphs again? My throat is getting very dry."
Panic driving furiously through his blood, and exasperation forming at the back of his mind, Shinpachi waved his arms around frantically. He was caught completely off guard. Why, he did not understand. Something like this was a constant in nearly every chapter of the Manga and every episode in the anime. Since he was the straight guy, handling this kind of situations should be his best ability but for now, his mind drew up with a blank. "Uh... Ah..."
"No need to worry, Koiishiro-san," a jolly voice sounded. It was unnatural to the point of a narration in a fairy tale. Shinpachi sent Gintoki a furious glare that read 'What-the-hell-are-you-doing?" which the man casually brushed off. "Just ignore this girl and trust us! The book would be safe within our hands and you'll be able to give us our money by the end of this week!"
"Firstly, can you be more subtle on your greed for the rest of the cheque! Secondly, it's in two weeks time! At least get your facts right before acting like a fake know-it-all!"
"Calm down, Patsuan. I was just testing you, that's all."
"The hell you were!"
Looking at the two males fighting before him and the girl, completely engrossed in finding the golden treasure in her nostrils, Koiishiro figured it was a perfect time to leave. Doubt wriggled into his mind but it was too late for him to withdraw his request. The money and book were already handed over. He stood up to take a leave and when no one gave him the slightest glance to catch him out, he silently went away, the interest within him multiplying like bacteria.
God, help him.
No. God, help them.
So that's the end of the first chapter. Give me a review and tell me on what areas to improve. Or, just for the heck of it, tell me how you would like this story to progress so that you can convince me to change the story plot laying out in my mind. I promise to give it a good thought! (Y)
Thanks for reading!