Well, this is what I was working on. I'm releasing the first three chapters, then I'll wait for a day or so and post the next. Trust me, I have a lot of these in my Drive. OK, sorry for the holdup, and NOW, you must read.
One day in Kokiri Forest, Navi asked the boy Link a question that would change his view on the Deku Tree: "LISTEN UP FUNKYHEAD! Why you no wear pants?" "Cuz I'm a man!" Link said smugly. Navi flew under Link. "But nothing underneath? Why?" Link yelped and jumped away from Navi. "Hey!" Link yelled. "Stop trying to look at my butt, you pervert!" Navi's blue darkened a little. "I wasn't!" Navis protested. "I was checking to see if you had anything underneath!" Link glared at Navi. "OK, this is getting too uncomfortable." Navi went on anyways. "Now that I think of it, Saria doesn't have pants: she has shorts! She's more man than you!" Link gasped. "No she isn't! I am a man!" Navi said smugly, "Then prove it." Link thought for a few seconds. "I can't get shorts!" Then Link realized the truth about him and his dressing style. "I am a man! Real men aren't too chicken to wear kilts!" ". . . Or you're a transvestite," Navi added. Link stared daggers at her. Then an AHA lightbulb popped up over his head. Or Navi flew over his head, but same difference. He said excitedly, "Let's ask S-" "ATTENNNNTION!" Someone roared. Link fell over as he yelled in surprise and they laughed at him. Link seethed in annoyance and screeched, "It isn't funny!" as he got up. It was . . . Fado. Ugh. Not her. She sneered, "What kind of masks do you have now? Heh heh heh. Stupid masks. Masks. It's a funny word. It was originally derived from Medieval Latin as the word -" Link interrupted her (because really, who gives a fork what the origin of mask is? No one even gives a spoon either). "Do you think I'm manly, Fado?" Fado laughed cruelly. "Is that a real question? You wear a dress! Hey, have you ever wondered stuff about my name? I have. 'Fa' and 'do' are music notes. And manly is such a interesting word, isn't it? I wanna make my own words when I - oh yeah. Never mind. Eternal youth sucks. You lucky son of a -" Link muttered,"Yeah, I wish you guys could grow up . . . or something. But I am a man!" "Men don't wear dresses!" Fado said smugly. Link face reddened and he screeched, "IT'S NOT A DRESS! IT'S A TUNIC!" Fado shrugged. "Same difference. I'm telling Mido you're back." Link grumbled something about trying to be cool. Fado didn't say anything, so Link glanced over. "What are you -" "Hey! Get off my turf, loser!" Someone snarled. Oh no. Mido the not-so Great was back. How was Fado that fast? But Link was the one with a sword, so . . . yeah. Mido sneered, "Why are you here again? I thought you killed the Deku Tree and left!" Link pulled out his sword. Mido yelped and cowered in fear. He whimpered, "Takey money and go!" Link said smugly, "I don't want your money. I just want to know something: do you think I am a real man?" Mido said uncomfortably, "Not really . . . you have a dress." Link's face turned red and he shrieked, "IT'S A TUNIC!" Mido asked, "Can I go now!" Link mumbled, "Whatever . . ."